"Ipapabasa mo ba sa 'kin 'yong nobela mo?"

That remarks came out of my mouth after we finished our meal. I'd like to question him about why that happened to us, why he did that to me... Pero wala akong lakas na malaman ang katotohanan, natatakot pa rin ako.

"Ah." He eventually realized what we came here for. "I almost forgot," bulong niya.

He tilted his body and took something from his side. Hard copy iyon ng nobelang ginawa niya. Inabot niya iyon sa akin at tinanggap ko naman agad. Pinagmasdan ko ito at kinuha iyong phone para mabasa ang nakasulat.

"May title na..." natutuwa kong sabi at ngumiti lang siya.

"Tell me when you get to the end," sabi naman niya.

Nagtataka man kung para saan iyon ay tumango na lang ako. He yawned and stretched his body before laying down on the grass. Pinatong niya ang kaniyang ulo sa mga kamay niya at saka siya pumikit. Noong inisa-isa kong binuklat ang mga pahina ay halos 100 plus pages yata 'to.

"Happiness is a Feeling of Love," mahina kong basa sa title. That title made me think deeply.

Sinimulan ko nang basahin ang Panimula. The novel had me intrigued from the first chapter and I couldn't wait to read the following chapters. Noong lumipas ang ilang oras ay hindi ko namalayang nasa gitna na ako ng kwento.

The two main characters are living in a world, where people don't know what their gender is. They don't even know where they came from. And all they feel is happiness and anger. Happiness, no sadness, no pain feeling, envy, or even love, they don't feel anything except those.

Lahat ng 'what ifs' ko na paano kung walang ganitong emosyon ang nag-e-exist at tanging hapiness at anger lang, ano kaya ang mangyayari? At ano kaya ang pakiramdam noon... lahat ng iyon ay nasagot dito sa nobela.

Draco, who is called a dragon of war because of his ferocity to fight, is one of the soldiers of a ruthless King. Si Prince Eze, ay ang nag-iisang anak ng hari, matalik na kaibigan niya si Draco. Magkaibigan na ang dalawa simula pa lang noong mga bata sila. They were so close like that, and up until they grew up... their relationship grew more and more especially when the King ordered Draco to be the Prince's royal guard.

In the King's rule having a sexual relationship with a man, bears a deathly punishment. People have a lot of questions about this because they're aware that they are genderless. Their genderless nature leads to one result, some of them mistakenly fall in love with men, which is forbidden by the king who is aware of everyone's gender.

I was moved when the two protagonists felt something strange, and it was a mutual feeling... but they couldn't identify what it was because they only knew and felt happiness and anger. Ngunit base sa nabasa ko at interpretasyon, maging ang point of view ng bida na si Prince Eze... it cannot be denied that he truly loves Draco.

He wanted to say that he loved Draco but he didn't know how or what to call it. When they were bound with flesh, those feelings began to develop, but unfortunately, Draco was executed when the King found out about his relationship with the Prince. He died without declaring he 'loved' Prince Eze as well.

Noong malapit na akong matapos ay hindi ko namalayang umiiyak na pala ako. Agad kong itinago ang mukha ko para hindi iyon makita ni Gino. Alam kong nagtutulog-tulugan lang siya dahil nakita ko kanina na nakatingin lang siya sa akin. Mabilis niyang ipinikit ang mga mata niya noong nilingon ko siya.

          I hit you in the face the first time you kissed me because I didn't know what to do... That was also the day we had the identical feeling. I can't express or define how I felt, but I know I liked how you kissed me.

          When I say I'm angry, it means I like what you're doing to me, and when I say don't show, it means I think about you all day and I wanted to see you...

          ...I wanted to see your green eyes, which appear to be the shade of the magnificent scenery that surrounds us while we lie down among the tall grass, and your charming smile, which you only show to me. I wanted to see you, or even more deeply.

          I said those because, in that way, it allows me to feel you and feel the truth that my heart desires to convey.

          I'm a Prince, but I couldn't even defend you the way you do to our Kingdom and for me. I could have done a lot to help you, but I was scared and just abandoned you. I'm sorry I allowed you to get to know me when I should have walked away in the first place.

          I let you get into trouble, let you put your life in peril, I let you come to the end, all that danger was me... All of that is my fault. I can't see you anymore as you say that when the day comes when you disappear I just look up at the sky and search for you, I did, but you are still not there.

          And now I can only whisper the words I want to say for you in the wind here where the two of us met, where the stars shine and rain, where we have been connected. I will whisper your name every day even though I know you can't hear me but I hope you still can... Yet knowing that, brings me livid 'unhappiness'.

          Someday, today or tomorrow, someplace, I'll find you and do everything I can to say, 'I love you'.

Napahagulgol ako at pilit ko pang pinipigilan na mapalakas ang pag-iyak ko. Agad ko ring pinupunas ang mga luha ko para hindi iyon makita ni Gino.

Maya-maya pa ay nakaramdam na siya at nakita ko siyang umahon sa pagkakahiga. Nakaupo na siya sa tabi ko at pinagmamasdan ako. Pakunwari pa akong tumawa para maitago ang iyak.

"Tapos ko na," I said. I smiled while not being able to look at him.

Nang nilingon ko siya ay nakatingin na siya sa hawak kong hard copy ng magandang nobela niya. Binigay ko iyon sa kaniya. Tinabi niya iyon bago kinuha ang phone ko.

"Look up at the sky," he said while not taking his eyes off me.

Nagtataka ang hitsura ko ngunit noong ngumiti siya ay ginawa ko na lang ang sinabi niya. Tumingala ako at maya-maya pa ay pinatay niya ang flashlight ng phone ko.

Agad na bumalot ang kadiliman sa paligid ngunit halos manlambot ang puso ko nang makita ko ang kalangitan, punong-puno iyon ng bituin... Hindi ko maipaliwanag ang nararamdaman ko sa sobrang ganda nito, para akong nasa ibang mundo.

"Ang ganda..." I said tearfully.

Noong pumunta kami sa Tagaytay at noong pinagmamasdan namin ang mga bituin ay maganda rin iyon katulad ng nakikita ko ngayon, it was equally beautiful, but when you compare the stars there and here, the stars here are more visible and filled. It's just surreal and magical.

"Can you see Draco?" Gino pointed to a star. But I don't know what he was referring to.

Sarkastiko naman akong natawa sa sinabi niya. "Siyempre hindi, fictional lang naman siya."

Ibinaba na niya ang kamay niya habang nakatingin pa rin siya doon sa bituin na tinutukoy niya. Sinundan ko iyon ng tingin ngunit hindi ko pa rin alam kung alin doon ang sinasabi niyang si Draco.

"Draco was just there but Prince Eze didn't see him until he died."

Napaawang ang bibig ko at gumuhit kaagad ang gitla sa noo ko. "So, pinatay mo rin si Prince Eze sa kuwento?"

"Hmm..." kaswal na sambit niya. "That's the reality, isn't it?"

Walang emosyon ang mukha niya nang sabihin iyon. Kumalma ang mukha ko na kanina'y salubong ang mga kilay. Tumingala ako at muling pinagmasdan ang mga bituin.

I find that it is impossible to contradict what he said, reality doesn't need to confront what has already been declared. For the moments we stole from begged and borrowed time, we happened to live and die.



He was right.

"Where's Draco then?" I asked.

"Can you see that kite-shaped, where it has a long, long tail?" I looked for what he was referring to and when I saw it, I nodded. He looked at me and his eyes were soft. "That's one of the constellations, and his name is Draco."

I took another look at that constellation. "Y-You mean... that's him?"

"Hmm," he muttered.

And for many, many years, Eze went back and forth to where he and Draco met just to see what Draco told him to look for... ay nasa gitna ng mga bituin lang pala niya makikita iyon? He died with no idea which stars Draco could be seen.

"Sa afterlife, does Eze find Draco? He found him? Did he say what he wanted to say to him?" I asked.

"Tulad ng?" he asked me back. "Marami siyang gustong sabihin... What's the one thing he wants to say the most out of everything?"

I gulped and gave him a fleeting glance in the eyes. I had to gather my courage for a while before I could voice those words...

"...I love you," I said.

We both gave each other long, intense stares. I didn't want to admit it but I answered his question with mixed meanings behind it. Whenever he's around, I get anxious, I become rushed and impulsive, therefore I can't help but express anything.

When we stared at each other for a long time and when I felt tension between us, I broke it myself, I looked away and pretended to laugh. The night passed and when we fell asleep on the grass, he did not answer my question until we got home. That night was also the last time I felt the tension with someone.

The story reflects my situation, I also wanted to say a lot but I didn't know and find how to tell it to him. Everything I wanted to say to him seemed to be in a dark graveyard, waiting to be dug up to be moved to a better place. As time and years pass in that grave, they seem to have become attuned to their fate...

The dark and unartful graveyard seemed to have become a sanctuary, brimming with promises not to hurt again. I don't want to get into it any further... don't want to speak those buried words because we're both in a good place now, a sanctuary. It's dark and complicated for me, but I know he is different... He's happy now, and that's all that matters.

[I'll wait for you there.] Prince reminded me before hanging up the call.

Pumunta kami sa mall sa isang branch ng clothing line nila para pumili nang masusuot ko. Sinabihan niya lang ako na may mahalaga kaming pupuntahan bukas, wala siyang sinabi kung saan at ano ang sasadyain namin doon. Sumunod na lang ako dahil wala rin naman akong mahalagang gagawin sa trabaho... sa ngayon.

I have finished all the reports and I have also given feedback on the next projects. Kahit wala na akong aalahanin ay tuliro pa rin ang isip ko sa mga gagawin... Pakiramdam ko pa na dapat may ginagawa ako bukas para sa mga reports ko. Kahit ilang taon na ako sa industriya ay hindi pa rin ako sanay sa binibigay nitong nakamamatay na pagod at stress.

"I think this one will suit you," suhestiyon ko at inilapit ang hawak kong rugby shirt sa tapat niya, tinitingnan kung babagay ba talaga sa kaniya. "Is it not?"

Kinuha niya iyon at tiningnan ang kabuuan. He was paying close attention to it, and I could see his side-lips drooping down to indicate that it was not his type. He eventually shook his head and put it back on the hanging rack.

"Maybe we should look for another one." He smiled weakly before turning his back on me, and I just followed him ahead.

"How about this?" I handed him the Pique Polo I had picked, I almost lost count since it was the fourth I suggested to him. Maybe it will suit him better now because of his body figure, he is tall and has a flexed physique, so it is unlikely that it will not. If he wears it, his posture will be superb.

"That's way too fit, and the color's lame. My nipples seem to pop if I wear it," Prince said carefully, trying to assure me that I would not be offended.

But I did! I was offended. Nakita ko namang patagong tumawa iyong saleslady na nasa likuran niya ngunit ako naman ay naibaba na lang ito at ibinalik sa kinalalagyan. I guess he just doesn't really like my suggestions... at alam ko naman na magkaiba kami ng tipo sa mga ganito, so I shouldn't feel like I've been rejected a hundred times.

"Uhm, ikaw na lang siguro bahalang maghanap ng iyo, Prince. I'm done with mine." I hid my embarrassment by smiling.

"Okay," he uttered and smiled. "I know you're tired, you can sit there and rest. Is it okay with you?" His eyes were worried.

"Oo naman." I let my fake laugh fall from my lips. I think it would be more helpful if I didn't talk. "Hintayin na lang kita sa counter."

Tapos na kaming mamili ng mga susuutin namin para bukas at ang huling sadya na lang namin ay ang offering. Pumasok kami sa IKEA at sabi niya kahit anong gift daw ay pwede kong bilhin. Ang binili ko lang ay isang set ng utensils at cutlery. Kulay ginto 'to na pwedeng gamitin o idekorasyon, may kamahalan ang presyo.

Matapos naming mamili ay kumain na kami sa isang restaurant. Pagkatapos ay hinatid na rin niya ako pauwi para makapagpahinga. Hindi na rin nagtagal si Prince sa bahay dahil may aasikasuhin pa siya. I still have plenty of spare time, so I'm just overseeing the plan for the company's future projects and activities.

While I was wandering through the documents and papers, I was astounded when I saw a plan that I had not yet finished. I still have plans to finalize the advertising campaign! Napahilamos na lang ako ng mukha. 

Putang ina, marami pa pala akong tatapusin!

After a moment, my phone, which was next to me, suddenly lit up as I was working. I broke my momentum to see who had sent me the message. When I checked my phone's header, I noticed that someone had sent me an email. I opened it and read the info.

Subject: Updating Mr. Godivo about my Submitting Manuscript for Publication

Myle Gino Park <[email protected]>

When I read who the sender was, I immediately sat down comfortably. I leaned my back on the backrest of the swivel chair and smiled unconsciously. He still hasn't changed his email address like mine, this was his account before... I remember we both created this account.

to me:

Dear Mr. Godivo, 

I'm writing to let you know that I've submitted my novel to many publishing houses. And I just want to say a big thank you.

Thank you very much for letting me know how beautiful my novel is; if it weren't for you, I wouldn't have realized it. I always question whether it would be or wouldn't be a success, but, if I had not witnessed your enthusiasm and crazy ride of emotions while you read the novel, I might have thrown it away again. 

I'm sorry I can't answer your question about whether Prince Eze found Draco and said what he wanted to say, 'I love you,' since I'm still whispering those words.

Thank you for your time, and consideration, and for saving me. 

Sincerely,

Tilapia.

3 Attachments •

My smile almost reached the ceiling as I read his email. I got to my feet and walked over to the bed. When I dropped my body, I read the message again... regarding my question about whether the protagonists found each other in the end and said those words, I was confused when he said he couldn't answer that because he was still whispering those.

Hindi niya masasagot iyon dahil... ano? Nagsalubong ang mga kilay ko at pumihit para dumapa. I took the pillow in front of me and rested my chin on it before checking his email again. Noong ini-scroll down ko ang mensahe ay nakita ko iyong tatlong attachments sa ibaba.

I opened it and the first image displayed is a shot of his laptop where he submitted his manuscript to publishing houses. The next one was at the publishing house's office na tumatanggap ng mga unsolicited manuscripts. At ang panghuling snap niya ay ang kumakain siya ng balut. Malawak ang ngiti niya habang hawak-hawak iyon, halos dumikit na sa pisngi.

"Nagtatago na naman 'yong mga mata," mahinang sabi ko habang nakatingin sa litrato.

Pinindot ko ang reply button at nagtipa ng i-re-reply sa kaniya.

Yshawn Won Godivo <[email protected]>
to Myle:

Dear Mr. Park, 

Thank you for submitting your manuscript to us. We have reviewed your submission and are pleased to inform you that it has been approved for publication. We look forward to working with you to make your work available to readers! 

I hope na makarecieve ka nang maraming maraming emails na katulad niyan hehe.

Hindi ko naintindihan 'yung sinabi mo sa dulo pero g lang. I have faith that your efforts will be paid off soon. I believe in you. Good luck on your journey!

If you have any questions or concerns, and if you need help, please don't hesitate to reach out. 

Sincerely,

Won.

Wala pa mang segundo ay agad kong nakita ang pag-pop up ng notification sa phone ko, nag-reply siya. I pulled down the screen with my thumb at noong mag-loading ito ay lumitaw ang reply niya sa 'kin.

Myle Gino Park <[email protected]>
to me:

Thank you :)

Iyon lang ang ni-reply niya sa akin? Nagtipa ako ng kasunod ngunit agad ko ring binura iyon. Napadukmo ako sa unan at naihagis pa ang phone sa tabi dahil sa iniisip. I almost asked him when we would meet again!

Kinabukasan ay naghanda na ako para sa pupuntahan namin ni Prince. Wala pa rin akong ideya kung saan kami pupunta, magpahanggang ngayon kasi ay hindi niya pa rin sinasabi sa akin. When I heard the horn of his car outside, I hurriedly came down and fixed my hair.

"You feel ready?" I was already seated in the shotgun seat when he asked me with a smile.

"Yup." I nodded. "I'm completely ready and haven't forgotten anything."

Ngumiti siya bago minaniobra ang sasakyan at pinaandar paalis. Iyong mga pinamili namin ay nailagay ko na rin naman sa likuran at dinouble check ko pa iyon para masigurado. Noong iniliko niya ang sasakyan ay bumungad sa amin ang gate nitong subdivision. Kung hindi ako nagkakamali ay isa 'to sa mamahaling subdivision sa Manila.

Noong matapat kami sa malaking bahay ay agad na pinagbuksan ng gate si Prince. Ipinasok niya ang kotse sa loob at ipinarada iyon. Pinauna muna niya akong lumabas.

Pagkalabas ko ay sinalubong ako ng isang matandang babae. This is how wealthy people look, it can be seen in their complexion and clothing... They are all dressed up and have expensive decorations with their bodies. May pagkakahawig ang mukha niya sa Dad ni Prince.

"Good evening po," nakangiting bati ko at yumuko pa ako ng kaunti para magbigay galang.

"Good evening..." she greeted me back with a wide smile on her lips. Napalingon siya kay Prince noong makita niya itong tumabi sa akin, nagtatanong ang mga mata ng lola. "Won't you introduce him to me?"

"Oh. Oh, yes. Yeah, uhm... 'La, this is Shawn, and Shawn this is my beautiful Grandma, Lola Susan. She's in her senior but still looks young, right?" When he spoke the last line, Prince's voice grew weaker.

"Wow..." I whispered to Prince and my mouth formed into an 'o' shape. "I thought I was just talking to your aunt. She's pretty."

"I know right..." Prince gave me a sneaky wink.

"What did he whisper?" nakangiting tanong ni Lola Susan sa kaniyang apo.

"Uhm, 'La, Shawn said that you still look like sixteen because of your beauty. And you know it's because Kuya Liam's advice to you right? So please just follow Kuya Liam's, don't be too stubborn, okay?" Si Kuya Liam ang nag-iisang Doctor sa pamilya nila. Bihira lang iyon mangyari dahil halos lahat sa pamilya nila ay nasa business ang na-inherit.

Si Kuya Liam lang din ang kilala ko sa kanilang magkakapatid. Nakilala ko ito noong magpakunsulta kami sa sakit ko noon. Prince took me to him. Madalas ang pagkahilo ko noon at si Kuya Liam ang nag-asikaso sa akin. Mabait ang Kuya niya at palangiti rin.

Noong tiningala ako ni Lola Susan ay agad kong nilagyan ng ngiti ang mga labi ko. Matamis niya akong ngitian at bahagya pang namilipit sa tuwa ang hitsura ni Lola. He caressed my arm, that's her way of thanking me.

"Gusto kita para sa apo ko."

I almost choked even though I didn't drink water or eat anything. Agad namang nag-react si Prince. Nilapitan niya ang Lola niya at hinawakan sa mga braso saka marahang hinala papasok sa loob ng bahay. Nilingon ako ni Prince at sinenyasang sumunod.

Nakasunod lang ako sa kanila papasok sa loob ng bahay at nakikita ko namang tahimik silang nag-uusap sa harapan ko. May sinasabi si Prince kay Lola Susan pero hindi ko iyon marinig. Nang makapasok kami sa dining hall ay nahiya kaagad ako sa dami ng bisita.

"Tito Prince..." Mabilis na nagsilapitan ang tatlong bata sa lalaki para bigyan ito ng yakap. 

Lumuhod ng kaunti si Prince para makapantay ang mga ito at doon na nga siya binigyan ng halik noong mga bata. Mga pamangkin niya ang mga iyon, isang panganay na babae at dalawang nakababatang kapatid na lalaki.

"Ang bango-bango naman!"

Lumapit sa akin ang ilan na kamag-anak ni Prince at kung hindi ako nagkakamali ay mga ate at kuya niya ang mga ito. Wala akong masabi sa ganda ng lahi nila at kahit kailan ay parang hindi yata sila nakaranas ng hirap sa ganda ng kutis nila. All I did was smile and shake their hands.

Matapos ang masasayang tagpong iyon ay agad silang umupo paharap sa mesa noong maglakad papasok ang kuya ni Prince na si Sir Choy, CEO ng kumpanya na tinatrabahuan ko. Sumunod na rin kami ni Prince at binati ko naman ang kuya niya.

Nagsimula kaming kumain na ako iyong pangunahing tauhan nila, marami silang tinanong sa akin na mga bagay-bagay na nasasagot ko naman. Kahit pa naiilang dahil nasa harapan ko lang ang boss namin ay nilakasan ko na lang ang loob ko na magsalita.

"Kayo na ba?" tanong bigla sa akin ng ate ni Prince, si Ate Aika. Marami silang naitanong sa akin na nasasagot ko naman ng maayos at walang pag-aalinlangan pero ngayon parang nawalan ako ng lakas ng loob na magsalita tungkol doon!

"Do you think that's appropriate to ask?" mahinang sabi naman ng katabi ni ate Aika. Hindi nila 'to kapatid, hindi ko matandaan ang pangalan niya pero malapit ang ate ni Prince rito. "He's just a new guest."

"Why?" Ate Aika's tone was defensive.

"Soon," Prince suddenly spoke. He answered for me. "We'll get there soon."

Napahinto pa ako sa pagkain para tingnan ang mga reaksyon nila. Ramdam ko pa ang pamamawis ng kamay ko sa kaba. Hindi ko naman akalain na ganito ang mangyayari ngayong gabi! When I looked at sir Choy, he was just eating his steak quietly as if he hadn't heard anything.

"Can't you guys hurry that up?" Mabilis akong napalingon kay Lola Susan. Litong-lito na ako! Why do they react like this? I don't see any anger or hatred on their faces. "Your Ate Aika and Tricia, they didn't wait for themselves any longer and married after only a few months. Kailan pa kayo?"

Napalingon ako sa Ate ni Prince at sa katabi nito na si Ate Tricia, halos umabot na sa mesa ang panga ko noong mapanganga ako sa gulat nang marinig iyon. Noong sabay silang ngumiti ay napangiti na lang din ako pabalik. Mag-asawa sila, and newly wed pa.

"Remember 'yong regalo ko sa 'yo na Rolex? They got married in Paris and that was the day I bought it," Prince said smiling at me.

"Hm-hmm..." I firmly shook my head as I thought about so. "But why are we talking about marriage?" I whispered to him, confused.

Ngumiti lang si Prince sa akin bago niya muling hinarap ang Lola niya. "I need to get Yshawn's answer first before we set off to that, 'La."

"Prince?" nag-aalangan kong pagtawag sa kaniya, bahagya ko pa siyang pinandilatan pero nagkibit-balikat lang siya habang mahinang tumatawa.

Hindi ako sanay na pinag-uusapan ang kasal. Mas lalo pa akong nahiya dahil kaharap pa namin ang pamilya niya, pati na rin si sir Choy. Pero kaswal lang para kay Prince na pag-usapan iyon, maging ang mga kapatid niya at Lola ay walang tutol roon.

I don't even know what I'm going to answer to Prince once his surprise happens. Nagdadalwang-isip pa rin ako, may time na handa ako dahil alam ko namang seryoso siya sa akin at pinatunayan niya iyon, lalo na't dinala niya ako rito para ipakilala sa pamilya niya pero... I still don't have anything to make a final decision.

"Okay, alright. I'll be patient..." Lola Susan smiled sweetly at us.

"Thanks, 'La."

"Liam, what took you so long?" Sir Choy spoke suddenly, staring at the sliding door while wiping the side of his mouth with a serviette.

Lahat kami ay sabay-sabay na napalingon sa sliding door. Agad namang nahanap ni Kuya Liam ang mga mata ko, mabilis na lumiwanag ang mukha niya nang makita ako. He smiled at me before apologizing to sir Choy. He sat down and sighed, umupo siya sa tabi mismo ni sir.

"I recently won a job." While he was speaking, Kuya Liam wound up taking some food.

"Still, you should not keep the guest waiting."

"We performed surgery, and if you only knew how many hours we spent caring for the patient with the brain tumor. God, it took almost a day and..." Kuya Liam was instantly taken aback when Sir Choy simply stared at him without saying anything. "I'm sorry."

"I'm not the person you should be telling that," Sir Choy said with a shrug before turning his attention back to the food.

Lumingon si Kuya Liam sa amin ni Prince. "I'm sorry guys."

Puno ng sinseridad ang mga mata ni Kuya Liam. Nagsalita naman agad si Prince na wala nang kaso iyon. Matapos ay kinumusta niya lang kami saglit bago kami nagpatuloy ulit sa pagkain. Ngiti at tango lang din naman ang naisagot ko kay Kuya Liam noong tinanong niya ako kung ayos lang ba ako at kung hindi na ba ulit ako inaatake ng pagkahilo.

Their cutlery are clinking and the plates are starting to clatter. Tahimik lang akong nakikinig sa mga pinag-uusapan nila. Ang main topic pa ay mga tungkol sa negosyo. Hindi naman ako masyadong interesado roon. Hinihikayat pa ni Prince ang ate niya na si Ate Aika na mag-invest para sa future nilang dalawa ng asawa niya, si Ate Tricia.

Dahil nga kumpleto na at dumating na si Kuya Liam, tumayo si Prince para ipakilala ako sa mga ate at kuya niya. We just started dating, pero sinabi niya na mas okay kung makilala ko na agad ang pamilya niya dahil taon na rin yata na magkasama kami at hindi ko pa nakikilala ang mga ito.

I didn't say anything when their conversation went off the subject, especially when it went about the two of us. I was just smiling, that's all I did. Noong makauwi ako ay naibagsak ko ang katawan ko sa sofa, nakatulala lang sa kisame. Parang halos ilang oras ko pa yatang pineke ang ngiti at tawa ko para makisabay sa pinag-uusapan nila.

Marami na akong nakasalamuhang tao dahil ganoon ang environment ng trabaho ko but these past few days I seem to be having a hard time in those kinds of situations, I easily get drained mentally and physically, and it takes a few days for my social energy to come back.

I stood to go up to the room, I took off my clothes before taking a towel from the drawer. Inilubog ko ang katawan ko sa malamig na tubig at pagkatapos ay walang lakas na humiga sa kama. Mabilis lang din akong nakatulog dahil sa pagod.

"If I could have your attention, please." When I spoke, everyone in the room turned their attention to me. "So, since everyone has a copy of the meeting agenda, we can start by discussing the concepts and the new market."

I was standing in front of a screen... standing in front of the participants including those from the accounting department. The company's vice president, who usually arranges meetings for former markets, will also never vanish. Marami pa akong gagawin, pagkatapos nito ay may a-attend-an pa akong general meeting... nakakapagod.

"You may start." The vice president gestured with his hand that I may begin providing information regarding the agenda's scope.

I simply discussed what transpired in the market over the last few years. I also explained the company's shortcomings and gave options on how to address them. I also relay to the company's output and input as well as the resources that will be needed for the product.

"As you can see, our sales continue to increase from January 2022 to November 2023. And our revenues climbed by approximately thirty-six percent. To some extent, we can expand our market and pinpoint regions or countries that could be the potential or target markets. What do you think about it? Suggestions are welcome for this meeting."

"Based on the information and prior increases, I can suggest that we really should expand our market plans overseas-"

"Thirty-six percent increase?" A participant's suggestion was cut off. They all grew silent and turned their attention to the vice president. "Mr. Godivo, are you sure about what you're quoting?"

"Yes, sir." I nodded confusedly.

"I just got an accounting report," he remarked in a firm voice, lifting the report he was holding. "And according to its records, our sales are nowhere near what you're directing to. Our sales are falling!"

Gumala ang tingin ko sa paligid at nakita ang mga reaksyon nila. They were all staring at me, and I could see the disappointment on their faces.

"H-How did it happen?" I'm at a loss for words. I was still baffled, staring at my laptop and attempting to double-check the report I had received, hoping I hadn't made a mistake.

"Exactly!" While checking my report, I was virtually trembling from his loud outburst. He roared, telling me to face him, and when I stood up properly, I just kept thinking about how my efforts had gone wrong. "How did that happen? Here, see it for yourself!"

He tossed the report he was holding at me. When the force of his toss was too much for it, it slid to the table and fell to the floor. Napakagat naman ako ng pang-ibabang labi. I took them up and examined them one by one. Nanginginig pa ang mga kamay ko habang chini-check ang mga 'to.

And that's when I bent my head in shame... The paper I worked on was completely inaccurate. Ngayon lang 'to nangyari, at alam ko sa sarili ko na iyon talaga ang binigay nila sa akin. Halos hindi pa ako makatulog noon para hindi ako magkamali. Pinaghandaan ko iyon.

"I apologize, sir. There was just... a little misunderstanding-"

"Little misunderstanding?" He grinned in disbelief. "How can there be any misunderstanding that the accounting report provided to you is accurate and up to date? Where's your mind, Mr. Godivo?! That's so stupid!"

"I-I'm so sorry, sir."

I bowed my head as he hurled harsh and hurtful words at me. I wanted to shut my ears since such remarks were not only offensive but those words he was spitting accompanied by the strength of his voice, threatened to shatter me.

Nang tingna ko ang pwesto ni Ate Carra ay nakayuko na rin siya, nilalaro ang mga daliri. Inilipat ko ang tingin kay Neo, nag-aalala ang mga mata niya habang nakatingin sa akin. Marahang yumuko na lang ako ulit at tinanggap ang mga sigaw na iyon.

"You don't deserve this company!" He yelled deafeningly.

Can you please keep your tongue shut? Nakakarindi! You're screaming as if the statement and records of the company's financial status cannot be fixed. Alam mo baligtad ka e, hindi ang kumpanyang 'to ang pag-asa namin, itong kumpanya... kami... kaming mga empleyado ang kailangan niyo! Tangang 'to.

Words I wanted to say to him but I opted to keep them to myself. I guess he should be thankful since I still have respect for him.

"If this company doesn't deserve me, then you don't deserve the people inside here either!" I spoke and weighed my choices. I clenched my hand and spat my finger... I gave him a middle finger before grabbing my messenger bag and leaving the conference room.

Nagmamadali akong pumunta ng parking space at mabilis na pumasok sa loob matapos mabuksan ang makina. Pinaandar ko iyon nang mabilis at noong nasa gitna na ako ng avenue ay doon na ako nakahinga nang maluwag. I think about what happened. Nagawa ko iyon? Tang ina!

I turned the car's steering wheel and took myself to the mall. Noong ma-i-park ko ang sasakyan ay tulala akong pumasok sa loob. Habang kumakain ay wala akong maiproseso sa utak ko. I also felt the confusion just now. Hindi ko alam kung tama ba iyong ginawa ko!

Pumunta ako ng terrace at nag-isip-isip. Habang lumilipad ang isip ko roon sa nangyari ay sunod-sunod akong nakatanggap ng messages at calls galing kay Ate Carra. Napuno rin ng notifications ang phone ko galing kay Neo, Thiago, at ang mas kinakaba ko pa ay nakatanggap ako ng menshae galing kay sir Choy!

"Tang ina. Tang ina, tang ina talaga..." Agad kong pinatay ang phone ko at dali-daling itinago iyon sa loob ng bag. Tumingala ako at wala sa sariling sumigaw. Napalingon naman ang mga tao sa akin.

Nakayuko akong bumaba ng terrace. Pagkalabas ko ng mall ay bagsak ang mga balikat ko. All the people here are busy with their own lives, but looking at them, somehow they look happy, but me... I think it's the end of my life! It's the end of my career, ambition, money... life!

Habang naglalakad ay hindi ko mapigilan ang sumigaw. Napapatingin na sa akin ang mga tao pero hindi ko na lang sila pinansin! Noong makakita ako ng lamppost ay nilapitan ko iyon at doon ko inuumpog-umpog ang noo ko. Matapos niyon ay umatras ako ng kaunti at hinarap ito.

"Prangkahin mo nga 'ko. Sabihin mo sa 'kin kung ang bobo ko ba banda do'n? Pinakyu ko siya, pinakyu ko 'yong boss namin... ganito, oh. Ganito!" Iminuwestra ko ang kamay ko habang nakalitaw ang hinlalato para ipakita sa kaniya kung ano ang ginawa ko sa boss namin. "Ang bobo ko, 'di ba?!"

Napatitig ako sa poste at natawa na lang nang mapagtantong kinakausap ko ito, nababaliw na yata ako! Ang dami ko pang bayarin, ni hindi ko pa nga nakukumpleto ang hulog ko roon sa bahay na tinutuluyan ko tapos ang lakas ng loob ko na gawin iyon? Gago?

"Pero, balak ko naman talaga mag-resign, eh." I spoke convincingly to the lamppost as if it would talk back to me. "Ayoko do'n, ayoko nang makita 'yong pangit, kalbo, panot, matandang malungkot na 'yon! Mag-nu-nurse ako, i-pu-pursue ko na 'yon. Kaya dali, sabihin mo sa 'kin kung tama ba 'yong naging desisyon ko o hindi?!"

"Tama." Narinig ko ang maliit na boses na iyon sa likuran ko at halos mapatalon pa ako sa kinatatayuan ko nang makita kung sino ang taong iyon. Inosenteng nakatingin lang siya sa akin habang ngumunguya ng pagkain, siopao iyon. "Perhaps the dog has a better response than the light post?"

My brows met as I stared at his entire body. "Oh, I think so?" I said teasingly. He then smiled when he understood what I said.

Ngumuso siya habang pinagmamasdan ang poste, kumagat siya noong siopao bago niya iyon nilapitan. Napagilid naman ako sa tabi dahil sa mismong pwesto ko siya dumaan. Tiningala niya iyon na parang tinitingnan kung may kakaiba ba roon.

"I don't look like a dog, right?" tanong niya rito. Ngumiwi naman ng bahagya ang mukha ko sa ginagawa niya. Maya-maya pa ay muli niya akong hinarap. "Silence means yes."

Mahaba ang pagkakabuntong-hininga ko at frustrate na frustrate na ginulo ang buhok bago napaupo sa sahig. I shouted once again while covering my face with my hands. Noong maialis ko ang mga kamay ko sa mukha ay nakita kong nakaupo na rin siya at pinapanood ako.

"Ano?!" malakas na sabi ko at napaigtad naman siya sa gulat.

"Chill..." Pagpapakalma niya sa akin at nag-aalangan pa siyang tumatawa. "You... alright?"

Napangisi naman ako sa tanong niya. Mukha ba akong maayos? Mukha bang maayos 'tong hitsura ko? Obvious naman na hindi, tapos itatanong niya pa sa akin iyon? Tanga! Inismiran ko siya at minuwestrahan ng kamao, pinakyu ko siya at kita ko pa ang pagtawa niya ng sarkastiko.

"This is what I did to my boss," I said, and he was stopped. "Do you think it'll be sort of okay?"

"Uh-uh... why do I feel like it's my fault?"

I tsked and shook my head in disbelief. "Malay ko sa 'yo? Kita mo na ngang may problema ako, pag-iisipin mo pa 'ko?" I hissed and hugged my thighs before I started shouting and wailing.

Kanina pa may napapatingin sa gawi ko pero wala na akong pake. Wala na akong kahihiyan, nakagawa nga ako ng pinaka worst sa tanang buhay ko at iisipin ko pa sila? Bahala na sila kung anong isipin nila sa akin basta itong buhay ko ang papakealaman ko!

Maya-maya pa ay napa-angat ako ng ulo noong may maramdaman akong malamig sa batok ko. Nakita ko siyang may hawak na iced coffee at inaabot niya iyon sa akin. Bumuntong-hininga ako bago iyon tinanggap. Umupo siya ulit paharap sa akin at pinagmamasdan lang akong uminom.

Noong naka-kalahati na ako sa pag-inom ay pinagtaasan ko siya ng kilay. Tahimik lang siyang nakaupo, at nakamasid sa paligid. May mga taong pinagtitingin kami dahil dito kami mismo sa gilid ng daan nakatambay pero wala lang din sa kaniya ang mga iyon.

"What are you doing?" I frowned.

"Huh?" he asked me back cluelessly.

"Why aren't you leaving yet? I didn't ask you to stay."

"Just..." He looked at the floor, thinking. He then gave me another look. "Making sure you don't hit your head on the pole again."

Napatitig ako sa kaniya nang matagal at noong makita ko na seryoso siya sa sinabi niya ay napanguso na lang ako at idinikit ang iced coffee sa sintido. It somehow gives me chill. Siguro mas okay nga na may kasama ako rito para bawas kahihiyan.

Noong maubos ko na ang iniinom ko ay napaayos ako ng upo. Tiningnan ko siya sa mga mata at agad naman siyang nagtaka dahil doon. He even tilted his face a little while looking at me questioningly, raising an eyebrow.



"What?" tanong niya.

"Can I go to your place?" He gave me a meaningful look when I asked him.

*****