jem

4:11 AM

i had a thought in my dream and i had to wake up to write it

jem

5:23 AM

for the record, you ruined my average turnaround time

jem

6:14 AM

and for the record, jem vargas

you were the hardest and the best thing i've ever tried to put into words

🔒 @yvannugh

fuck.

🔒 @yvannugh

im done.

The Loop PH

Direct Messages

Lillian Duenas

6:36 AM

Yvanna Adriano

boss, my vargas piece is revised and done.

for your review and approval.

jem

8:44 AM

Whoa.

Good morning to you too.

And for the record, Reporter Barbie, even though I haven't read it yet—you're the only one I'd ever let write about me the way that you did.

thank you

:) How do you feel now that it's over? Now that your checkbox for this assignment has been ticked?

um, weird

weird good

this was only supposed to be about me. my internship, my words, my ambition. and it still is. but somewhere in writing you i realized this is also about knowing you better than how the world was seeing you.

than how I was seeing you. seeing past what everyone else already decided you were.

i didn't know that was what i wanted to do with my words until i was doing it for you.

and with you.

so thank you

and im exhausted, but the good kind

Damn, Reporter Barbie.

I didn't realize you wrote so badly about me in the beginning.

i wrote accurately about you in the beginning. you were very uncooperative and your defensive rotation was genuinely questionable.

but

and im woman enough to admit this—there may have been a biting tone in there. a grudge, maybe. tiny one.

For?

Being a good kisser?

that was a personal violation of my ethics code, btw

i don't kiss my subjects

Yvanna, I have a pretty good memory if I do say so myself—you kissed me back.

i was in shock

Halatang gusto pa umisa, e.

ulol, sinuntok nga kita

baka ikaw yun

Do you still think about it?

The kiss?

haha

Natawa na lang siya. 😂

So yes?

Because I do. A lot.

All the time.

i mean

yeah

sue a girl why dont you

Yvanna, ano ulit reason mo bakit ayaw mo pa?

Remind me, please.

a main one is i need consistent time and attention

and i remember everything i notice. so if you say something offhand about someone i will think about it at 3am, and by morning i will have constructed three possible explanations and i'm operating on the worst one. not because i want to, i just can't turn that off

hindi siya insecurity exactly, i can't let things go easily, i guess?

open loops stay open until they're closed. and in a relationship that means i need things said clearly. i don't do well with vague

So you need clarity.

and a lot of assurance

sounds like a lot noh?

mamatay na lang na magandang dalaga

ay matanda pala

It doesn't sound like a lot. It just sounds like you know what you need.

mark called it exhausting

Ejercito can go fuck himself.

and i'll think of every reason not to let myself feel this, not to love you, i'll turn it over in my head a thousand times—so when i do, trust that i have, most assuredly, thought of every reason not to.

because i will feel that love in my hands and my chest and my stomach. i will think about it constantly, feel it constantly, want it constantly, feel it in my whole body, i can't sit still with it

and maybe that's a lot, but i don't know how to give any less. and i know how i love and i wouldn't change it.

all they had to do was keep me

i think im a hard person to keep, jem

Keeping you doesn't sound hard to me.

In fact, it sounds like the easiest thing in the world.

More than breathing.

'Cause I have to think about breathing sometimes. And this doesn't feel like that at all.

turns out the anxiety doesn't cancel out the romance

Who said clinically diagnosed anxious people can't be romantic? 😂

i stand corrected. i should put that in your article

anyway that's me

what about you

Me what?

what are you like in a relationship

Wanna know?

Date me.

read

🔒 @yvannugh