Chini

1:25 AM

You okay, Munchkin?

Are you asleep na?

yes im fineee kuya

pagod lang

Sure?

kuya

even if there were something wrong, you wouldn't get it

i mean

you walk in somewhere and people just gravitate toward you. you and our friends

like you don't have to try and im just

idk invisible?

WHICH IS IRONIC BECAUSE I WAS BLUE

I WAS A WHOLE DAMN SMURF

...What are you even talking about, Chin?

I don't get it.

yeah like i said

di mo maiintindihan and i don't know how to explain it without sounding like i'm complaining about nothing

I'd still love to try.

Come on.

I'm your kuya, you can talk to me about anything.

well

it's just hard sometimes. being with all of you.

being with the group.

Our friends?

yeah

sometimes i feel like i'm just being dragged along, and usually it's not a big deal but tonight i just felt it more than usual

sometimes, i don't know how to exist next to you without disappearing a little

but that's not yours or anyone else's fault so i need to work on it myself

and i know im the youngest so maybe that's a part of it? and im unconventional, out of the box

You're not.

my costume said otherwise

sana pala nag-hot devil na lang ako

Your costume was you.

Why didn't you tell me you were feeling like this? I would've done something about it.

because kuya

exactly my point—you'd fix it.

you'd introduce me to people or rearrange the whole night or make it into a thing

or you would've stuck next to me all night instead of being with ate yvanna and i would've felt guilty

Siyempre uunahin kita, Chin

yeah see, that's not what i want

ugh

ok never mind, this is a me problem kuya i promise

Chin, come on.

I want to be a better brother to you.

I DONT NEED A BETTER BROTHER, KUYA

i have a good one. the best one.

but i just need him to listen to me and hear me without immediately going into "fixing" mode

you fix everything, or attempt to, and it's exhausting to watch.

you don't need to do that. i don't need you to do something or rearrange things or make it better.

i just want my kuya. for him to listen to me.

and i want him to be able to talk to me too when he's not fine

I AM fine.

And I'm the one who's supposed to look out for you.

well, you're clearly taking something and i'm worried about you. i've been worried about you for a while now

Stop.

I don't need you to, I'm fine.

just because i'm younger doesn't mean i can't be worried about you or i can't look out for you too.

kuya, gusto ko lang malaman mo na nandito rin ako para sayo

Chini, I don't want you to see me struggling. That's not who I'm supposed to be for you.

kuya i love you, but i don't like who you think you have to be for me

for everyone else

stop trying to overcompensate, stop trying so hard to be the best at everything, to solve every problem, to be perfect.

I'm not

I haven't

struggle. make mistakes. we're not going to love you less for it.

you don't have to tell me everything naman - if you can open up to ate yvanna or someone else, then im glad

i just want you to know i'm here, too

Thank you, Chin.

Ako rin, nandito para sayo.

i know, youre my kuya duh, you have to be eme hahahaha

anyway as my kuya, keep this a secret while i work on it. maybe im just having a bad night

and as my kuya, go to sleep.

goodnight mwa mwa

...Goodnight, Chin.

I love you too.

🔒 @jyv

She's right.

Yvanna 😾

1:46 AM

hiiiiiii

im home

kamusta talk nyo ni chini?

Okay naman. She's fine, just having a rough night. :)

May gagawin ka pa ba?

im beat

masakit na rin ulo ko

ill wake up early lang to finish my revised draft, i think its 90% done 😭

You've been working on this for so long, I'm happy it's nearly done.

Rest ka na.

Pasensya na ulit pala kanina, nakatulog ako sayo.

you can sing me to sleep to make it up to me

mas nakakatulog ako pag may music

Hahahahaha

Cute

ayaw mo? di wag

If you want my voice just say that.

i want your voice

your voice, specifically

you, specifically

read

Yvanna 😾

FaceTime Video

Calling...

Yvanna 😾

2:10 AM

Goodnight, Yvanna. :)

How lucky am I that you're the last thing I think about before I sleep and the first when I wake up.