🔒 @jyv

Breathe, Jem.

hoops

12:01 PM

teo

pwede ba pumasok sa game na to

nagagalit na si the flash kinakabahan na ko

Russ

Yvanna Adriano was pretty spot-on with her predictions.

teo

nung tinulungan ko siya sa math dapat pinilit ko siya sa teo thee eagle nickname ko

uy nakikita ko na sina tito tita @Vargas

my stretch marks

12:10 PM

Mom

GOOD LUCK ANAKKKKKK SPREAD YOUR WINGS AND FLY!!!!!!! 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍💙💙💙💙💙💙💙 mahal na mahal ka namen obf mga punyeta kayo

Dad

Good luck, anak. Enjoy the game and be careful.

Chini

kuya hindi ako masayang magpaparty tonight pag natalo tayo

love you enjoy!!!!

Jem

Thanks, fam. Love you all. See you out there. :)

hoops

12:01 PM

teo

tangina badtrip na naman si demonica mamaya

Yvanna 😾

1:14 PM

you good, king eagle?

Finally. Tagal mo naman.

sorry naman!!!! ito na nakaupo na nga!

My therapist recommended I seek out things that calm me down so I can better manage my beta blocker. This is me doing that.

you said i make you nervous, which is it?

A different kind.

which is?

The kind I don't want to regulate away.

stop flirting with me

Unreasonable ask.

are you still going to take them? the propranolol?

Yeah. It's not something I can just stop taking overnight, but I'm working on it with my doctor. Today, my parents are here. So.

so it's not going away anytime soon

No, but it's supposed to be a tool, not a crutch. I'm working on knowing the difference, Dr. Alcantara has me asking myself three things before I take it: what are my physical symptoms right now? What's the actual stakes of this situation? And have I tried breathing through it for ten minutes first? If I skip all three and just reach for it, that's the pattern I'm trying to break.

because?

Skipping all three means I didn't decide to take it, I just reached for it. And she says that's the difference between using it and depending on it—one is a choice, the other is a reflex. And I've been running on reflex for a while.

okay, i'm glad you're working on it

And you're here, so I can't suck.

hah.

jem

Mm?

i may not fully understand why your parents being there changes things for you, but they're not there to grade you or criticize you. they're just there to watch you play. try your hardest to enjoy it

for yourself. not for them.

I know that

do you, though?

if you play like shit, will they love you less?

...No.

so what exactly are you still trying to prove to them?

I

It's not that, but more so that I've spent my whole life operating without room for error.

And Dr. A is helping me unlearn that—that my baseline for myself has never included the possibility of failing and being okay anyway.

So even when the situation is fine, even when my parents are just there to watch—something in me is still bracing for the moment I fall short. And I don't know how to turn that off yet.

I don't know how to just play in front of them.

okay, so another goal is to stop equating their presence with a performance review

Yes, and the only way through it is through it, like gradual exposure. I have to let myself play in front of them without the safety net and find out that it doesn't go the way I think it will. But that's easier to say than to do when your dad is Jess Vargas and his name is literally on your back.

then maybe today was a start. you took it, yes, but it was choice rather than reflex

baby steps :)

Baby steps.

I'll see you out there, Reporter Barbie.

be careful, king eagle.

If I don't look like I want it enough, I promise that's a basketball-specific issue.

That's never been a problem with you.

MAGLARO KA NA JEM SASAPAKIN KITA

Hahahahahahahahah

Laters, Yvanna. 😂😽