~Los Angeles,

-ONE DAY EARLIER-

•10/08  {Thursday, 11:38 A.M} 

~*~ Docia ~*~ 

"Well, I hope that you talked about everything you wanted to." 

"Yes, thanks for listening Dr.Khimona. See you next week ? "

I nodded smiling politely at Mr.Brown as we were walking towards the door, "Right. Next Thursday, same hour. And don't forget what I said, open up more with your family, communication is the key to successful relationships."

"Yes, I will. Bye, have a nice day." 

"Bye." 

I was so glad to be done for the day, like a student would be with a school day. Since the morning all I was thinking about was me leaving this building to go and do something else, something funnier for me. More the days were passing by and more I was disinterested into this job, to be honest. I already felt that feeling before, but it seemed like it was getting stronger and stronger these past few days. I'd been doing this for years and now it was maybe time for me to do something else.

But what ? 

I was in my early thirties, so what was out there for me ? Wasn't it too late for me to start something new ? I couldn't live off my savings for the rest of my life, so I had to keep working for a couple more years. Plus, since I still wanted to adopt a child, even if I wasn't ready just yet, I'll need money to take care of the kid. 

I didn't know what I was going to do, but I'll eventually find something to do. 

It wasn't just a caprice, I'd been thinking about it for a few months and now it was becoming so insupportable to come to work. It was becoming a burden more than anything else. I didn't like to step a feet in my office anymore. It was annoying like hell to see my assistant's face now. Not seeing her meant happiness to me, because I was used to see her only at my job. She was kind of a remind that I was really in this building, about to listen to people and all that. Being in my office felt like being locked up in prison. I wasn't paying that much attention to my clients' stories as before. 

I was done being a therapist. 

I needed something else.

I still had this hole in my heart, something was still missing in my life. When Dorian walked in though, he represented a challenge to me. He wasn't like any other of my patients. With my other patients I just had to ask them how they were feeling and they would talk immediately. It wasn't hard for them to open up, because first and for all they knew they needed to and wanted to talk to someone. But with Dorian, it was a whole and different story. He was a complicated individual and I had to find another way to be good at my job. The question ''How are you feeling ? '' wasn't good enough. I needed and had to approach him in a different manner. 

I tried and it only led me to have that unprofessional relation with him. Were we friends now ? I'd been wondering this for a few days. 

But anyways, him being a challenge wasn't enough to bring my passion back at all. I thought for a moment that maybe it worked, but it didn't. I was bored now and felt like my life was so incomplete. I really needed to find another passion. 

But was therapy really my passion though ? 

I did it because I knew I was good as a listener and to give advice. I felt like it was my destiny. But now, a couple of years later, I was questioning a lot myself. I felt like maybe I took the wrong decision and maybe ruined my whole life with it. 

"No, no, no." I said out loud shaking my head. I sighed and sat on my desk chair as my phone began to vibrate in my Chanel bag. I pulled it out and answered smiling, "Hey Ye ! " I greeted my best friend happily. I knew that she was going to entertain me. 

"Hey, D ! How are you doing ? " She asked with a London accent. 

I chuckled, "Why are you talking like that ? Please, stop. I'm good, what are you doing my best friend ? "

"Nothing special. I'm on my lunch break, hurray." 

I frowned slightly, "You don't sound that exciting. What's wrong ? "

"Nothing." She sighed in annoyance, "I'm just so tired of working everyday. I want to lay down somewhere and do absolutely nothing. I can't be this lawyer's assistant any longer or else I'm going to strangle him. And I'm for real this time."

I playfully rolled my eyes, "Of course..Like last time, huh ? What he's done this time ? "

"He's cheating on  his wife." She started as I shook my head.

"Again ! " We said in unison. 

"Yes, girl ! He's doing it again. This time it's with two different girls though, they're both in their twenties. One is living in Houston and the other in Canada. He said, if one of those two or his wife finds out, I'll be fired ! Can you believe this ? "

"Is he serious ? That bastard ! I hope he'll get caught by the three of them and they'll jump him all at once. Anyways, karma will take care of his ass sooner or later." 

"Hopefully very soon. I don't wish bad things on people usually, but this one right here..."

"He'll get what he deserves soon." 

"Yeah, talking about men..." She trailed and I groaned knowing she was about to say something that I won't like, "Dorian."

"What about him ? "

"C'mon now ! You saw him today, right ? I wanted to talk about this with you since our fun day at the paintball. What's going on between you two ? "

"See...We're way too grown to be doing this now. And anyways, nothing is going on between him and I. He's my patient and he's younger."

"Well, he doesn't seem that young to me."

"Then go have fun with him, I don't care ! " I was getting irritated with the conversation now. Why were we even talking about this ? About him like that ?

"Why are you raising your voice at me, though ? Ouuuuuuuh ! Let me find out, let me find out ! That my best frien-"

"Please, stop ! Stop." 

I heard her squeal, "You like him ! Am I right or am I not wrong ? "

I narrowed my eyes, "Same difference, right ? And you're wrong. I can't like a man younger than me. I mean, wha-eh-wha-what I would do ? I mean, we can't ! No, we're not allowed to do this. I do NOT like him ! "

"Well...Don't seem like it with the way y'all were flirting with each other at the restaurant. Remember ? " 

"Bitch where ? What are you talking about ? "

"Remember when Ryver and I went to wash our hands and we left you two some alone time at the table ? Y'all were so cute."

***

Ryver left the table as he went to the restroom and soon after his mom was standing up and went away after excusing herself. Now, there were only Dorian and I left around the table. We still hadn't our food, so we really had nothing to do. We stayed in silence looking everywhere around us, except at each other, until Dorian decided to break the quietness. 

"Thanks again for inviting me. I really appreciate it." 

"Stop thanking us, it's nothing really. It was fun."

He nodded grinning, "I will never forget that fall, it was majestic. I'd never seen this before." He said and we laughed together. 

"She could break her neck or something though."

"Yes, but she didn't. But uh...Today was a special therapy session too or ? "

"No. Today, I'm not trying to get in your mind or anything like that, I invited you to simply hang out with my family and myself."

"You only have them ? I mean...since your parents...uh, maybe I should just shut up." 

"Are you trying to read my mind, Mr.Willkingston ? Or should I say Dr.Willkingston now ? " I raised an eyebrow folding my arms across my chest. 

"Why are you talking with your sexy voice though ? " 

"My what ? " I chuckled and finger combed my hair.

"Now, you're playing with your hair. Mmh, you're sending a lot of signs right here. Should I attack now ? I'm ready."

"Attack ? You're going to attack me ? What ? " I looked at him like he'd done lost his mind while he got closer to me causing my breath to slow down a bit. I then felt his hand touching mine, what sent electricity through my body. 

"Don't tempt me too much, it could be dangerous for you." He warned me with a low, husky and seductive tone of voice. He licked his lips making an intense eye contact with me, what began to make me feel extremely nervous. It'd been years since something like this happened to me for the last time and it was scaring me. 

"Hey y'all ! " We heard Ryver's voice and got back how they left us. So not touching, flirting, absolutely nothing. 

I couldn't let what happened get to me though.

***

I cleared my throat, "I don't know what you're talking about. Whatever, I have to go. Bye. Have a nice day and stop spreading lies, please and thank you. Love you."

"Spreading lies ? Whatever, I love you too." And we hung up as I began to think about Dorian. Why ? Only God knows. 

I didn't like him. I didn't even miss him today. It was our usual therapy session and anger management class today, but since he had things going on with his family, he couldn't show up. I was hoping it wasn't something too drastic at least. Mr.Collins, his P.O only told me that he had family issues and when I asked more questions he said that it was the only thing he knew. 

I prayed real quick for him and decided to leave to pomper myself at the nails saloon. I got back home and changed into casual clothes, then headed out again. I ended up spending three hours in the nails saloon since I met an old school friend --well more like an acquaintance--  there. We began to have a random conversation and couldn't stop to bring new topics into it until she had to go to pick up her kids. 

After that, it was time for me to go home. Once I arrived and got myself more comfortable by changing my pants with sweatpants, I went in the kitchen, turn the music on and began to cook myself a good meal. 

When I was done, I settled down in the living room, put a movie on Netflix and ate. I then chilled by myself for the rest of the night. 

At one point though, I started crying my eyes out. I couldn't help but think about my past, mainly my son. Once upon a time, I had a husband and a child and they were my everything. But one day, everything turned for the worst. 

Now, I was all alone.

I even felt too alone some nights. I was sleeping alone in my bed and I had nobody to share my house with. Though if my son was still alive, I wouldn't care that much about feeling alone in bed, because he was all I needed to fill my happiness. But now I had no kid and no man. 

I missed my little man so much. 

Still today, I couldn't understand why he was taken away from me and sometimes it would even get me mad. Not at someone in particular, I was just mad at life in general. Why me and why were my main questions and I knew that I will never have an answer or answers to them, but I'll keep wondering why me and why forever. 

It was so unfair. 

I was a good person and never harmed somebody, so why this man who was supposed to love me did this to me ? Why did he even dare to do that to his own child ? Why did he want to punish me like that ? And why was I being punished for exactly ? I couldn't understand. 

I shook my head while wiping my tears away. I had to stop thinking like that or I was going to completely lose my mind. 

I turned the TV off, cleaned my mess and went to sleep. 

•10/09 {Friday, 9:47 A.M}

"So, you came for a check up ? " 

I nodded my head, "Yes and..." I looked down biting on my bottom lip nervously. Was I crazy for doing this ? Mainly at my age. Maybe it was already too late.

"And ? "

"I want to know uh, I'm interested into assisted reproduction. Well, I'm not too sure about this, but I think that it won't kill me to try. I read some things on internet, but of course I need to talk with a doctor also." 

She nodded, "I think it's better if you go to a clinic for all the information."

"Oh yeah, of course. But since you're my doctor, I wanted to talk about this with you first. To have an opinion on it."

"I understand. Well, know that the preparation for infertility treatment and pregnancy requires extra time and effort. Plus, it does cost a lot of money. Are you sure to be ready for all of this ? And you have to expect fail also, it doesn't work for everybody. Are you really sure that you want to do this ? "

I let escape a heavy sigh and shrugged, "It came to me this morning, to be honest with you." 

"You need to think a bit more about this then. I still encourage you to go to a clinic to know more though."

I wiped the single tear that fell on my cheek. It was so spontaneous and since I'd been feeling a little down and desperate due to me being so alone most of the time, it seemed like the best idea. For a reason, it sounded like to be the best solution to all my problems. 

I really wanted a baby this time.

∫

∫

∫

After my doctor appointment, I went back home and moped around all day. Now, it was late in the night and I was finally hungry. I had leftovers, so I made myself a plate and warmed it up, then I ate it quickly. I was done with the day and so ready for bed. I wanted to start a new day, be positive and do something productive. Well, it was already a new day, but since I didn't go to sleep and then wake up, it was still the same day for me. 

Once I was done with my food, I washed the dishes and then made my way upstairs to take my shower. 

Right when I was about to get in my queen size bed, I suddenly heard the doorbell. My heartbeat took a speed as I got anxious. I didn't know who it could be and it was scaring me. I didn't want to die like that.

It was too soon and unfair. 

I put my jacket on and went downstairs. Before to answer though, I went in the kitchen real quick and grabbed a knife to protect myself. I looked through the peephole and frowned once I recognized Dorian. I put the knife down and opened my front door. 

"Dorian ? What are you doing here ? " 

"Hi."

I observed him a little. He looked so tired. The bag under his eyes were huge. Except that, nothing else seemed off. I moved on the side and motioned him to come in, "Is everything alright ? "

"I don't know."

"How you don't know ? You're coming here at three in the morning. It's not normal. So, what's going on ? " I asked closing the door behind me. He took a deep breath while wiping his face. I felt that strange energy coming from him letting me know that he was going to explode any time soon and it was honestly  frightening, "Are you okay ? "

He looked into space for a minute before to answer, "I want it to stop."

"What ? "

"My nightmares. I need them to stop. I can't sleep anymore. I'm going crazy." He closed his eyes and sighed in defeated. 

"What's the deeper issue ? I can't help you if you don't tell me everything in details. We can sit in the living room. Do you want something to drink or some food ? " He stayed quiet, with his eyes still closed. I walked towards him and snapped my fingers before his eyes and he didn't move, "Dorian ? Hey ! "

"Huh ?! " He jumped a little and opened his eyes, "Were you talking ? "

"When was the last time you slept properly ? " I led him to the living room and helped him to sit down on my couch, "I'm going to bring you some water. Don't hesitate to make yourself comfortable."

"Thanks." He took his shoes off and sat down. 

"No problem." I got him a glass of water and brought it to him. I let him drink as I looked at him, "So...? "

He placed the glass on my coffee table, "I can't believe that I'm going to do this, but I think I don't have a choice anymore." 

"Well, talk. You can tell me everything and I'll try to help you the best way I can." I grabbed his hand, "I truly care and want to help you." I said looking into his eyes, so he could read the honesty in mine, "Trust me." 

He sighed heavily, "I have those suicidal thoughts and they won't go away, mainly if I keep having those nightmares. And I'm this close to listen to them." He showed me with his thumb and index fingers that were almost touching, "There is this voice screaming die in my head and I feel like..." He paused and all of sudden he broke down on my lap. With the lack of sleep and the crazy things that were happening in his mind, it was meant to happen. He couldn't continue like that. 

"Dorian, how frequent have been these thoughts ? "

He sat up, "I don't know, but they are more and more invading my head. I just lost my mother and I feel so guilty for the way I treated her before she died. I'd been in depression before back in jail and I think I'm going into this again and it's deeper this time. Or maybe the depression had never stopped because I can't even remember when was the last time I was really happy since it started."

I could feel the tears coming to my own eyes. It was the first time I ever saw him this way and it was so heartbreaking, "Have you ever attempted suicide before ? " He wiped his face and looked away from me ashamedly, "I won't judge you, but please I need to know."

"Two times."

"When exactly ? "

"Three years ago, I tried to hang myself, but my cellmate interrupted me and three months ago, I shoved a piece of glass in my forearm." That was making sense now. That's why he always had long sleeves on. I was always wondering why he was never wearing short sleeves since we were in Los Angeles and it was hot out there, mainly during the month of july. 

"Were you about to start again before to come here ? " I kept going. 

"Uh...yeah, maybe...I don't know." 

"Listen...Don't get mad, but I think you need to go to an mental institution for a moment. Someone needs to keep close eyes on you and they had people there that will just do that."

"I'll get better in this hospital, right ? " He looked at me with little eyes. They were slightly red and puffy. He was so tired, sad and must get some serious help. 

"Yes." 

_______________________

Feel free to comment and/or to vote =)

A/N: What are your thoughts ? Did you enjoy the chapter ? 

THANKS FOR READING ! 💗

CissyItsMe 💋✌🏾❤️