~Los Angeles,

•10/09 {Friday, 9:32 A.M}

~*~ Dorian ~*~

I puffed as I sat on my bed, feeling way too tired for my well-being. I was so exhausted I could barely stand on my feet. It'd been one long week for me with the decease of my mother and the quick preparations that we had to do for her funeral. Fortunately --I guess-- my mom had been saving some money on an account for her future funeral, to make sure that whoever was going to do this will do it goodly, so we didn't have problems to find the money we needed to get her the best funeral. We had everything ready as fast as we could and we buried her this Wednesday, so two days ago now. 

It was hard to have to say my goodbyes to my mother. I think what made it so hard was that during the entire service I was thinking about the fact and realized that it was the second parent I was losing. Well, at least this time I didn't cause the death. But to realize that I had no parent left here on Earth with me sadden and hurt me deeply in my heart. I felt like I had lost my whole family. I knew that as their child, I was supposed to bury them anyways, but all went way too fast for me. I wasn't even done yet with accepting the death of my father and now my mother died too. 

And knowing that I could absolutely do nothing about it was angering me too. There was no way possible for me to bring her back and to tell her that I was sorry. There was no way possible for us to make amends and tell how much we loved unconditionally each other. I couldn't believe that the last words I told her where so harsh. I couldn't remember exactly what I told her the last time we saw each other at this restaurant, but I knew for sure that it wasn't something too nice. I apologized at the hospital, but she was still in her coma. People say that someone in a coma can still hear what you're saying, but I wasn't believing this at 100 percent. I said sorry and she didn't react, not even a squeeze as I was holding her hand. The movies and TV shows I'd seen before gave me hopes. I was hoping that she was at least going to squeeze my hand or even open her eyes for five minutes --one minute was enough for me too-- to let me know that she really heard me and forgave me.

But it didn't happen. 

"How are you feeling ? " 

I looked up and shrugged nonchalantly not answering her question. Even after how I disrespected her at the hospital, Lani was there for me all the time. What made me feel worse for the way I behaved. She was wiling to be that shoulder I could cry on, the person I could talk to and that friend to hug me if I needed some comfort. She was being a great sister to me. 

She was amazing, as usual, and I didn't know what was wrong with my cousin for him to be waiting so long to officially make her his wife. I felt like they needed my help with it, plus I kind of owned them that. I really wanted to do something nice for them, mainly to thank them for everything they did for me until this day. 

Without them, maybe that I wouldn't even be still alive today. 

"Okay...And how was the meeting with the notary ? " 

"I have to talk about some details with Tinashe." I rubbed my eyes as I yawned. 

"Oh sorry. I don't really know what to say and maybe I should just leave you alone. Sorry, I ju- I just wanted to-"

"It's okay. Thanks for being so concerned about a brother. I appreciate it." I smiled weakly while I could feel my eyes closing by themselves. Re-opening them was too much effort for me, but I did it though. 

"Still having those nightmares ? "

Last time I had proper hours of sleep was about a week ago. The nightmares stopped as I was having more and more therapy sessions with Dr.Khimona and now with the death of my mother, it was like it triggered everything once again. Now those nightmares were creepier than before and mainly more frequent. I could have between five and seven per night. 

Sounds crazy right ?

"I can't deal with this anymore. Last night I slept almost..." I paused sighing, "Three hours."

"Yeah, the bags under your eyes are telling all. Maybe you should talk to your therapist about it. Last time, it worked a little, right ? "

"Yeah, but with everything that's been going on, I totally forgot to go. Shit ! And I've been ignoring Mr.Collins and Dr.Khimora's calls. He's surely gonna take me back to jail and I don't want to go back there." I put my head in my hands and groaned in frustration. I didn't need those problems with my P.O. Hopefully and if I had the chance to explain everything, he'll understand and won't make a big deal out of it. 

"How many sessions did you miss ? "

"Two. And already just for one, he was a pain in the ass. But for two, what he's gonna say and do ? I really can't go back there." 

"Do, don't worry. RJ and I did take one of his calls and explained what happened briefly. We won't let them take you back there. Don't worry, I'm sure he understood why you didn't go with what we told him. Anyways, you can't go back in jail because...you lost your mother. It's really making non-sense. It would be totally insane." 

"You're right, I guess." 

She kissed my temple, "Get some rest. We can go out later for dinner or we'll order something, maybe a pizza. If you need something we're there, just ask." 

"Tell RJ we're gon' be alright." I said chuckling. 

She beamed, "He said the same, I was about to tell you this. Hopefully, he didn't do too much damage in the bathroom." 

"He still has that diarrhea ? " 

"That's why he ran off when we got back here. But it's better than it's been two days ago. I think he'll be done with it by tomorrow, I so hope for it." She crossed her fingers as I laughed slightly, "See you later, bro."

"Later, sis." 

~*~*~*~*~

"Are you happy ? Are you proud of yourself ? HUH ? Are you proud of you, son ?! Look what you did again ! " The bodiless man slapped me with a glove, causing immediately a scorch on my face. The mirror across from me was showing me the huge red mark on my dark skin. 

I shook my head looking up at the darkness and the two angry eyes that were fixing me with so much hate, "Please ! Please, please, please ! I'm begging you." I began to cry like a baby, "I didn't do that. Please, let me go." 

"You're a disgusting human being, a piece of shit, DIE ! DIE, I said ! "

I wanted to cover my ears to not hear those atrocities, but once again I couldn't move any member of my body. I closed my eyes, "Why are you so mean to me ? " I frowned at the sound of my own voice. It wasn't the same anymore. The tone sounded more innocent, naive and infantile. I opened my eyes and now I was in a brighter room, where the walls were grey. I was alone and there wasn't a door, neither a single window. Only a brown wooden chair in the middle of the room was my company. 

"Sit on the chair, baby." 

I turned around and there was standing my mother. She looked younger and happier. Her skin was flawless, her long black hair was pulled into a bun and she was wearing a long white summer dress. She had a golden bracelet on her left wrist and she wasn't wearing shoes. I stared at her face for a couple of minutes, but I couldn't perceive her eyes, nose nor her mouth. She was faceless. It was too weird. I didn't pay it too much attention though as I tried to walk up to her, but someone pulled me back by my waist instantly. 

"Sit on the chair, bastard ! " 

"Mom, please, help me ! " I cried holding my hand out for her to grab me, but she didn't move. She just smiled at me and nodded her head.

"Sit on the chair, baby." She repeated with her soft voice. 

I calmed down and did as she said, because I trusted her contrary to the naughty bodiless man. I sat on the chair and suddenly I was falling in the emptiness, "NOOOOOOO ! " I yelled while these laughters echoed again. They were laughing and pointing accusing fingers at me for the hundredth time, "Stop ! STOP LAUGHING ! " It was getting annoying and frustrating at this point. Why everybody was acting this way with me ? I did nothing to deserve that. 

"YOU KILLED ME ! AND YOU KILLED HER ! YOU KILLED BOTH OF US ! "

"NO ! IT'S NOT TRUE ! " I was still falling and it seemed like it wasn't going to stop any time soon. It was starting to hurt now. I felt my eyes, hands and feet inflated as I screamed on the top of my lungs because of the pain. 

"DIE ! DIE BASTARD ! DIE ! "

"SHUT UP ! SHUT UP ! " I woke up jumping out of bed as my ass came in contact with the floor first, "Shit ! " I groaned laying on my back and catching back my breath while wiping the sweat off my forehead with the back of my hand. 

I bit on my bottom lip as I thought about all the nightmares I had until now and it hadn't even been four hours yet. I took a nap this morning and it went well, I then had a cool day and finally came the night. I went to bed quickly and it didn't take me too long before to close my eyes and fall asleep since I was still so exhausted. After forty minutes thought, I was already startling out of my sleep because of a nightmare. 

I couldn't take it anymore. 

I was irritated. I wanted it to stop as soon as possible, right now if possible. I needed to sleep, I couldn't keep going like this. I sat up scratching the back of my neck. I had to make them stop or else I was really going to lose my entire mind. Well, I was already going crazy, but I couldn't let it go further. I stood up and went in the bathroom to take a shower and try to relax by the same occasion. After thirty minutes, I got out, dried off, put lotion on and I dressed. I put on my black Nike sweatpants, my grey Nike t-shirt and my white and black Nike training shoes. I grabbed my black leather jacket, phone, wallet and walked out the bedroom. I thought for five minutes and decided to take RJ's car. I caught his key and left the crib. 

I drove for twenty minutes around the city, going absolutely nowhere, trying to get my mind off the crazy thoughts and scenarios I had running in my head. The voice screaming DIE was playing again and over again, making me feel more sad and desperate within the minutes. 

I took a deep breath and decided on my destination as I drove again since the light turned to green. Soon enough, I was pulling in front of her door. I didn't know if it was the best idea, but I needed help and since it worked out last time, maybe it will this time too. I couldn't spend another day without taking care of it. I needed to get rid of those nightmares and for good. 

I watched her house debating a little for a moment before to get out the car and locking the doors behind me. I made my way to the front door and knocked on it. I waited for a minute, but she didn't come, so I rang the bell this time. 

"Dorian ? What are you doing here ? " 

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A/N: R.I.P Suzana Willkingston :( 

THANKS FOR READING ! 💗

CissyItsMe 💋✌🏾❤️