Trigger Warning: Self Harm

Ezra's POV

I feel like a toddler.

I can hardly stand up, let alone walk, and I'm being fussed over every moment of the day unless I'm asleep. What makes things worse is that I can't eat pretty much anything without throwing up.

Celeste said this was because I haven't eaten in so long, but it doesn't make sense to me. Why reject food when you haven't had it in ages?

I eventually figured out that this was some sort of training facility for The Listeners, like the one The Watchers had. It's an identical building, but instead of black and purple everywhere, the whole place is covered in white marble and gold.

There's something unsettling about being in a place so similar to the one I lost so much trying to escape, but I guess I'm just grateful to be here instead of the Void.

And from what I've seen out of the windows, the young children outside look happy to be here. Running around in white and gold robes, tiny wings on their backs as they excitedly practice their magic...

It's the exact opposite of what I had.

Once my legs finally decide to work after a week or so, I spend most of my time wandering along the halls. I never get lost, I know exactly where everything is and how to get there. It's almost scary, being in a place that's so different yet so familiar at the same time.

"You shouldn't be here."

"I'm aware."

I don't need to turn around to know Celeste is behind me. She's the only person who's spoken to me in a year and a half. It didn't take long to recognise her voice.

"I recommend you return to your room before someone sees you. The presence of a Watcher would not be taken lightly here."

"Ex-Watcher."

"Doesn't make a difference to them. Whether you side with the others or not, you were born with that magic and you're stuck with it now."

"Born with it?"

"Yes. From the very moment you came into this world it was decided you'd be a Watcher. The same with your brother, and all other Admins and Watchers. We have a similar way of getting our Listeners too, only most don't know about it."

She motions to 3 white stripes on her left arm, in the same place I have mine. I'm surprised for a moment, but then I turn to her with a question I'd asked myself over and over.

"What is it with you guys and the whole white and gold thing?" I ask

"Good question." She laughs "It represents light and hope, the same way the Watchers have their black and purple to show power and darkness."

This makes me look back at my black wings, a little self conscious. I haven't had the strength to try and hide them. And they're like a fluffy blanket too, so I low-key don't want to either.

"Now you need rest, come on." Celeste insists.

I don't protest as she guides me back to my room, feeling very tired. I'm asleep almost the moment I'm in the bed again, which I'm honestly happy about. Though I kind of regret those words when I have a dream about Grian.

He's sitting alone, in a massive empty castle of sorts, holding my helmet in his hands. He's silently crying, the tears falling onto the ground as he curls up into a small ball. His hand moves to wipe the tears from his eyes, his sleeve shifting slightly, and I see the red scars on his wrists.

It hurts me so much to see Grian like this. I want to run over to him, I want to tell him it's ok, but I can't move. I'm trying to tell myself it's a dream, but I know it's real. I know what I'm seeing is happening, that he's doing this to himself...

And I can't help him.

Xisuma's POV

I wander into Grian's Mansion, having not seen him in a while. Nobody's really seen him in a while come to think of it.

"Grian? You here?"

It's difficult finding someone in such a huge build like this. I hope that wasn't an intentional move. I eventually find him in the bedroom he usually sleeps in, holding Ezra's helmet in his hands. I think he's been here for a while.

"You need a hug?"

He seems reluctant to speak to me. He's been so quiet lately, it's really concerning. I understand that he's been through and lost so much in the last 2 years, but I'm starting to wonder if there's another problem.

I think Joe, Iskall, Scar, Mumbo and I are the only people he's been talking to. Hermits who came back recently are still strangers to him, even 6 months into the Season. Beef's only seen him one time, Hypno thinks he might've said hi to Grian once, and Etho hasn't even met him yet.

It's not just the Hermits themselves he's been avoiding, he didn't really partake in the Mayor Race that recently happened either. Iskall even started a Mumbo for Mayor campaign to try and get G interested in the shenanigans, I tried to cheer him up by bringing Tag back from last Season...

But he just doesn't care.

Not that I mind that he's not taking part in all this, some people like certain things, others don't, but it's just so unlike him.

"You're worried for me." Grian says bitterly

"I am. You've been so withdrawn all Season Grian, it's really starting to get concerning. Most Hermits haven't seen you for weeks, the whole server is worried at this stage."

"I don't get why. I'd just ruin things all over again if I went back out there."

"What do you mean? You never ruined things!"

"Yes I did! The Watchers came after me and almost destroyed the whole server!"

"But that wasn't your fau-"

"IT WAS MY FAULT!" Grian screams "YOU ALL NEARLY DIED BECAUSE OF ME! NORA DID DIE BECAUSE OF ME! THE EVOLUTIONISTS ARE DEAD BECAUSE OF ME! I RUIN EVERYTHING AND I DON'T WANT TO DO IT AGAIN!"

I'm left without words at that outburst. I sit next to Grian as he cries, not sure what to say or do. I'm scared he'll snap again. I don't want to make him any more angry or upset then he already is.

I feel like I've messed up, like I'm the one in the wrong even though Grian shouldn't have yelled at me like that. I just want to help him, but he's refusing any care and making it so difficult for me to offer it to him.

As I gently swing my legs back and forward, the heel of my boot kicks something beneath his bed. Something small, and judging by the scraping noise it made while sliding across the floor, something made of metal.

Grian doesn't notice, and so I don't bring it up. I have a very good idea of what's under that bed and why he has it there, but I'm not talking about it until I can confirm my suspicions.

"I'm gonna leave you alone for now, ok?" I tell Grian, placing a white paper bag full of cookies beside him where I was sitting. "Keralis told me to give you those. He said he can always make more if you like them."

"I'm sorry." G whispers, voice cracking slightly.

"It's ok, I understand that you've been through so much. Just remember that we all still love you, no matter what, alright?"

He gives me a small nod, so at least he heard me. Giving him a halfhearted smile, I leave the room, quietly closing the door behind me. Then I start crying too.

I want to be wrong about what was under his bed. I don't want to think that Grian is hurting himself on purpose. But denying what you know is true always comes back to bite you, especially in a situation where you should try to help as soon as possible.

Leaving the Mansion, I look down at my own wrists. They're hidden by my gloves, but I have scars there too. Six on each wrist, each more painful to look at as they were to give myself. Nobody but Scar and Joe know about them.

It was only very recently when I stopped. Only when someone actually found out. And if Grian hides away from everyone else, if there's nobody there to notice that he's hurting himself... I don't think he will stop.

And I know it's going to be hard to try and help him. Not just for me but for him too. I could just leave him alone, I could just make things easier for the both of us... but that's not going to work out in the long run and I know it.

Stopping briefly, I turn back toward the Mansion and make a promise to myself.

"I'm gonna help you Grian. Whether you like it or not."