August 26 - 23:06

Just like everyday, you break my incomplete hours of sleep by waking me up early in the morning

But I dont mind at all, knowing that i can still make you smile every morning with my small and stupid acts

And just like everyday, I wait for you go out of the room and go downstairs before I plop back down on the bed and think of a reason to isolate myself in bed as I remain as a useless canvas waiting to be pained on

As I find courage to stand up, I immediately walk to the mirror and comb my hair, check my phone of iPad for notifications from apps you dont know that I use or even have

But that doesn't matter, because I know that you wont kill me and kick me out of the house for having accounts that you forbid me to have

I'll then immediately walk down the stairs, scream your little pet name I use for you and give you and bright smile and hug, in which you always return with a sarcastic remark of 'good morning to you too child'

But I dont mind, because seeing you smile is more important than your sarcasm

And just like everyday, that's how I started my day today.

Today was a fairly special day.

The day where my school's dance troupe perform's at a restaurant for their 40th anniversary.

I was excited, to say at least, and Ive worked hard for this day to come.

Memorizing two choreographies in less then a month was haggard, to say at least.

And just this morning, I felt amazing as I started my day with a smile, a smile that rarely shows on my face

A smile that didn't come out out of force, but a smile of content and happiness

I greeted you a happy goodbye as I left the apartment we live in, listening to my favorite songs in the highest volume that if you figured out, you might scold me and get mad at me for doing so

But it wont matter, cause it just shows that you care and besides, you dont even know Im doing such thing.

I step inside of the dance room excitedly, kind of late by 26 minutes but allas, my dance instructor was no where to be found, yet.

I walked to my well known group members, who I call as my friends who were younger and taller than me and played around cracking jokes here and there and be as carefree as possible.

Even our practices turned out great, we even had time to do what we wanted and I decided to hang with one of my close friends, Allysa.

She was sitting down while I was beside her, talking about random stuff and books that she reads, until we heard DDU-DU-DDU-DU being played by one of our seniors, and of course us being kpop fans, we danced along and sang loudly.

I had a great conversation with our senior, talking about kpop dances and him nwing amazed of me memorizing each song that was being played

And while I sang my heart out while dancing through the songs, me and Allysa couldnt help but get flute about the mumbling of the rest of the seniors about us

Them talking about how amused hey were of how we memorize the whole choreo and that we know 'everything' when in fact we specifically dont

Soon our dance instructor asked who can do makeup, to help our alumni who was doing our makeup, and of course, my friends being themselves, screamed my name

I was hesitant but nontheless I did what I have to do, applying foundation and contour on other's faces aside from my seniors and let our alumni put on their eyeshadows

As lunch rolled around, I know that i cant eat nor finish fast food, and neither was I in the mood of eating, even if I didnt eat breakfast.

The senior who I was dancing with was nice, he was filled with amazement talking to me as I mumble about me not used to eating fast food and of how I dont eat much at all.

As i soon gave up, not finishing my food, my senior volunteered on finishing my food, which got me embarrassed and just allowed him to do so, heck he even said thank you.

As we finished, we practiced once more before leaving, it turning out great and eventually rushing to our quadrangle to go in our assigned vans to leave

Me being me, I took the loner seat beside the window because why the hell not.

We were noisy, and I mean very noisy. They were laughing around and joking around as I just chuckle and smile, listening to their jokes and sayings as I shout a few responses just to mingle in

I know my way to the restaurant, since it's location is where me and my mom often walks to and because its where my relatives celebrate when a marrige is occured.

As we arrived, everyone was very amused and surprised by the view, running out of the van immediately to run to where our seniors were to take a picture of the view

But I was nothing like them, instead, I chuckled by their reactions and just walked towards where they are, gripping on my backpack as they sceam in delight from the view and, rather, fresh air

Thats where I started texting you. I told you that the weather was nice and that I want to walk home so badly thet I can tell the others to fuck off and let me dith them to walk home

Not only that, but I even told you that I was getting annoyed by their actions and reactions towards the bay

When we were asked to enter, everyone was once again starstrucked, while there I was, once again used to the view

But this isnt what Im supposed to be talking about huh?

I made this chaper to rant

Well here it is.

When we were outside taking a group picture, you suddenly arrived, asking to join the group of moms to take pictures of us

As we finished, you told me that you were gunna wait outside, which I was about to protest and tell you to come in with us but you walked away immediately

I was dead excited rather than nervous, since this was my first performanve outside of the school

I would say, we did a good job. Fpr a short period of time, we were able to make a good performance even if there were a tad bit of mistkaes here and there.

As we started eating, I got to laugh with my friends and even get to know more about my friend's mom.

As desert time rolled on, you texted my again, asking if the program has finished and if I could leave

I told you, no, I still couldn't leave but the program was finished, and I even told you that you could come in

But with you response, I know you snapped, telling me why I didnt tell you earlier and that you should've never had come if I didnt appreciate your efforts

Firstly, I never said anything against your efforts. You were the one who wanted to pick me up after anyways, so how is this my fault?

Secondly, it isnt my fault you didnt bother to stop and listen to me, but you just dashed off

And with that, my mood had gotten sour, everyone of my friends in the table often getting my attention and making funny gestures as i just smile at them and nod

With what you replied, I broke. You snapped so quickly and I havent even done anything wrong, on my point of view.

Soon enough, Allysa had to go and thats where an empty space beside me started.

Not only did I feel so broken, I also felt empty not having her beside me.

I mean, yes, everyone around the table is my friends, but only Allysa gets me better than others

As my mood remained sour, my friend took Allysa's seat, craking out hilarious jokes that made me smile and giggle

Soon enough, I was once again back to chattering and joking around with my friends, but my mind remained occupied with what you replied

Soon, you asked again if we still aren't done and was follwed by you saying that uou wont go inside

I told you no, not yet and a smimple okay to your second response, not really knowing what else to say

As I returned to talking to my friends and craking up jokes with them, not before you asked again if we still weren't done

This time, I got pissed, I was in the middle of eating a good sponge cake till you ruined it.

I covered up my anger and stood up, finishing my remaining food from my desert platter and told my friends that I have to fet going and walk home because my dearest mother was now upset

We bid our goodbyes and I walked away, not before catching my instructors' attention, asking me where Im going and why I'm leaving

I told them that Im making my way home and that you were getting impatient for waiting fpr me outside

They told me to bring you in and I agreed, walking outside to find you in which I took quite a while

But when i found you, you were sniffling and your eyes were red and showed signs of crying

But shouldn't I be the one who's crying? I was the one who you insulted and got mad at for something i didnt do, so why are you crying?

I told you that Sir Marlon, Sir Marvin and Maam Vanjie wanted to talk to you and you seemed to snap once again

You kept mumbling of how stupis you looked waiting for me, how she wanted to watch my performance and why they didn't talk to her when she was outside

I remained silent, afraid of being screamed or scolded at once I speak agd just leaded the way inside

Once we did, my instructors and Maam Vanjie were looking for me, and just when I entered they were glad and gave me a red chinese envelope [something I cant spell in a radomized version] that held a quitw large amount of money

They thanked my you for allowing me to go and with that, we left the place, you still ranting and munbling about earlier

You were walking in a distance as I follow behind you, afraid of getting near you or even speaking.

You were talking nonstop, and each word just hit me to the core.

If you were there just for the performance, then why didnt you say so?

I could've asked my instructors to let you in

Are you sure you wanted to see your dauhter trip, make mistakes and make a small fool out of herself by making mistakes on stage?

I'm pretty sure that you'd be shaking your head in disbelief, thinking of ways to disown me as I make out a fool out of myself

As I walk behind you, emotionless and mute, I couldn't help but notice a small kitten on the empty road, walking slowly

It was on the ground crouching, making smal movements as it's ears were down and its eyes glistening with fear and sadness

Obviously, it got lost. Either from its family or owner, and it obviously alone,

And it struck me. Is that what i was feeling? Alone and scared as I walk in fear and sadness in the dark night as i listen to your mumbling

I dont know, but you have been avoiding me eversince.

It came to the point where we arrived back in the condo with you still ignoring me

I was, of course, hurt, but unlike you, I'm shy and I dont espress what i feel or express my emotions publicly

And even when we got back in our apartment, you still ignore me.

Is this how everyday will end up? Cause thats what youre showing me

Everyday in my fucking life, you get mad at me because of such a simple thing and scold me and ignore me after

Its always the same everyday that i can even say that im used to it

And now, youre just talking to me like nothing happened

What exactly are you doing?

I dont get you

And you dont me

But I guess thats what makes us equal

And maybe thats how everyday would always feel.

Finished at August 27 - 00:25