Jungkook found himself in an unfamiliar office when he should have been home at this late hour. He should have been getting ready to find the guys as Jimin had let him know that they would gather at their usual place, yet he didn't manage to gather his courage and show up there since he had wronged his friends too and had yet to patch up with them

He was pretty sure that his words had ended Taehyung's relationship with Ari and he felt slightly guilty about that but he couldn't take it back and couldn't admit that he had crossed the line either. One day he was going to fix this it was just that he didn't consider this night to be that moment.

Not because he was more arrogant than on other days this night, but actually this night he had made a realisation that had shaken him enough to run to the office of the only professional he knew that would accept to see him at this late hour. 

"Here is your coffee. Are you sure you wouldn't prefer something else, it might leave you sleepless?" Dae spoke to him as she left at the table before him the cup of coffee she prepared for him since her secretary had clocked out of her office and she had no one else to order around for that.

Heck, she herself wouldn't have been at her office at such an hour if it wasn't for some paperwork that had occupied her. She was waiting for no one since her appointments for the day were over, yet this night brought a surprise to her. That being none other than Jeon Jungkook showing up at her office, as a patient and not a friend.

To say that Dae was left speechless would be an understatement for not only she wasn't expecting him but when he dared tell her that he needed her professional viewpoint on something and asked her to accept to do a section with him right then and there, Dae felt like someone was pulling a prank on her. Nonetheless, she had said put him in and reassured him that as a professional whatever he was to state within that room would stay in there.

"It's okay, I am not planning on sleeping anyway. I can't." Jungkook responded as he took the cup and took a sip from it, observing as Dae took her seat on her comfortable Sofa and put on her glasses before swiping a notebook from a shelf nearby and opening a new page for him.

"Whenever you are ready, you can go ahead. What is it that brought you here?" Dae gave him a smile as she clicked her pen and let him know that she was ready to give her whole attention to him as a psychologist 

"Okay,- so...I think I am confused over my own feelings." He admitted as his eyes were looking everywhere but her while in his mind returned the words he had spoken to you some hours ago when he had come looking for you while you were struggling to find that green envelope.

But what had shaken him more, was the thoughts that had followed him after and the undeniable fact that he wanted you. He wanted to have you for himself. No matter what and no matter how messed up and unreasonable it was, there was no escaping that fact for him and that made Jungkook so shocked with his own self, that he rushed out of there without even waiting to hear a response from you.

What could you have told him anyways but question him in confusion and he certainly had no answer to give to anything that you may have asked and that was the reason why he had reached Dae's doorstep at this late hour and had asked of her help as a professional, putting his trust on her that she won't involve their personal relationship in whatever he was to utter.

"Confused over what topic?" Dae questioned him as she noted down on her notebook, her eyes briefly only glancing at him as she realised that he felt more comfortable if her gaze was not on him.

"I really thought I loved Seon. Like seriously I thought I would die without her. I wanted to keep her forever no matter the cost. I erased everything in me that could possibly push her away. There was not a single moment that I let myself be freely me when with her, but it felt worth it cause she was staying. She loved me. "Jungkook left his eyes to rest on a small lamp that caught his eyes on the shelf near Dae and uttered a portion of his thoughts, allowing Dae to understand that Jungkook was gonna speak his heart out about her friend.

"All these years, no other woman ever crossed my mind. No matter what I never thought of holding anyone else, nor I felt like I was longing for someone else's love- but now-I feel so angry that I can't have that someone else." He admitted right before he left his hand to travel through his hair, in utter frustration over his own self.

"May I know who is that someone else?" Dae couldn't hold herself back from asking even though the individual could matter less in comparison to the fact that Jungkook's world was collapsing because there was a radical change happening inside him that he had never imagined.

"Y/N" He blurted out almost instantly as all he had in his mind was your face and Dae's eyes grew wide instantly, for she definitely was not expecting that.

"I don't know why myself. It's not like I got to know her now to say that I am swept by the new. I have known her for so long and I really never saw her in that light. But lately...Aish, if only that amnesia period never happened." Jungkook blamed it on that, as he every time memories of those times come to his mind, he either feels tempted or he feels like he is losing his mind, in need of going back to those days.

"How were those days like for you? Please elaborate on that. "Dae gathered herself and hardened her gaze on him, determined to see this situation through as the more she heard the more she was capable to understand that this issue most likely was not only for him an issue.

"Those days were a mess. I was on contact edge mentally. I couldn't even trust my shadow. Everyone felt like they were planning something against me and my head was always full of chaotic thoughts. But on the other hand, I felt so full within every time my wife would appear before me...I couldn't remember her but I knew that I loved her. I felt like a kid that was brought back to life every time I looked into her eyes. The feelings were seriously overwhelming. But after I regained my memories all those feelings became wrong because those feelings were directed towards Y/N." He spoke the truth and nothing but that as he rested his head back on the couch, feeling as if he was going crazy.

He had no reason to love you, so why had he without his memories, felt so head over heels for you at first glance? Why had he accepted so easily - only by looking at your face- that you were his? It made no sense to him but he couldn't deny the fact regardless.

"There is most likely a reason for that. Everything has a root. How about we go back to the beginning? Can you please recall what your impression or thoughts were when you first met Y/N?" Dae led him further in the past, she felt eager herself to find the reason for this conversation was more in her interest than ever.

"Well, nothing much. I already had a crush on Seon before meeting her. My eyes and mind were set only on Seon. We had a project together and the more we hang out, the more I found her cute. Honestly, the only reason I accepted to meet her group of friends was to get closer to her and I didn't really find you all fun or anything at the start." Jungkook admitted then he lifted his gaze to see Dae, and felt the need to add "No offence" Since she too was one of Seon's friends.

"Whatever, it's not like you and your friends were fun for us either. We too only hang out with you all just because Seon was a common friend." Dae retorted, slightly feeling bitter but she spoke the truth, for back then, especially Y/N, was in no mood to be getting acquainted with guys.

"Really? I thought you liked us 'cause we were all good-looking." He raised an eyebrow, and Dae snickered at his words before she changed the subject because she didn't want to comment on that.

"Back to our point. What about Seon? When you first met Seon. What was it that made you like her?" Her question left Jungkook staring at her in confusion as apparently he had no answer to that but he leaned back again and tried his best to give it a thought.

"I don't think I can give you an answer...it wasn't something like love at first sight or anything nor she had anything that other girls don't...but I think the moment I decided I wanted her, was one afternoon at the library, where somehow we ended up talking about love and crashes." Jungkook brought back that day in his memory as if it was a movie scene playing before his eyes. 

The breeze that was hitting his hair as they had occupied a table near an open window and the way Seon was looking outside at the blue sky, daydreaming of someone, he then didn't know who. He could even smell the freshness of that day as he closed his eyes and their conversation of the past got brought to life.

"She ended up rumbling about how she would love someone once she falls in love. How she would try her best to be there for that someone, accept their all and love them for all they are. How she would nurture and care for that someone, how she would never let them feel alone again because whoever gets to make her fall in love with her, would deserve it all.-...I don't know why but the more she was speaking about it back then, the more I felt eager, to have someone like that. To be loved like that." 

"Interesting," Dae uttered as she noted down in her notebook, making Jungkook hum in curiosity as he snapped his eyes open and looked at her.

"What is?"

"Nothing, let's go back to Y/N. Like all these years that you know her. How do you use to feel around her?" Dae directed the topic where she wanted or she had started placing some pieces together and she needed to know a bit more before concluding anything.

"Well...she used to get on my nerves, and she still does. Like always so annoying, teasing, calling me little one."A smile reached his lips as he started talking about you that he had not realised but Dae took instant notice of it.

"We just never agreed on anything. She was always feisty and you know how she likes using words with implications to insult you lowkey. Always sarcastic, like so hard to have a serious conversation with that woman. Ah, I used to ask every day myself about what the heck does Jimin finds in this crazy woman." He giggled at the recalling,  as his body jolted in place and his eyes looked at Dae full of enthusiasm.

"We just casually used to insult each other with small remarks playfully and even when I would get mad for real, she always took it as a joke, like she really doesn't let you space to be serious about anything. And, and she always had the impression that she can boss me around, always so direct with her commands, you have no idea how much I used to dislike her for that. Literally, the more I think about it the more my relationship with Y/N so far is just like a cat and a mouse but like I still considered her a friend. She was my brother's girlfriend and Seon's best friend and there was still an unspoken rule of respect between us always, I think." Jungkook concluded, unaware of how much he had been moving his hands while speaking and how he had literally stood up, his body failing to contain the happiness that those memories he called annoying, had brought to him.

"You know what I hear from everything you said so far, Jungkook?" Dae left her notebook at the side and stood up in order to hold eye contact with him as she was ready to break to him something that his mind might initially feel the need to deny.

"What?"

"You said it yourself. With Seon, you had erased everything of yourself that could possibly be hard to love. You didn't change yourself for her, you just hid all those parts of you that you considered as difficult to be accepted and loved by her. While with Y/N, you never hid anything. She was annoying you and you let her know that you were feeling annoyed, you would be grampy and she would make that state of yours seem unimportant or simply invalidate it. You felt irritated by that because it was changing you. Y/N was being that trigger that you needed to grow as a human and exactly because she was a trigger, you disliked her. She was getting you out of your comfort zone and bringing the aspects you hide on the surface in a light way. She was a challenge and a contradiction to your thoughts, and personality."

"Trigger huh...oh well she sure can be that." He took her words slightly lightly, making Dae place her hand on his shoulder and demand his attention with her serious gaze.

"You don't get it Jungkook. Your love for Seon was not even directed towards her. It wasn't love, it was an obsession but it wasn't even an obsession directed towards her. From what you told me, I think you were more obsessed over being loved than actually loving her. You listened to her saying how she would love and you got mesmerized by the possibility of how good and wholeheartedly she could love and that is why you wanted her. You wanted that love she talked about, you wanted to be loved that way and because she spoke of that, you thought subconsciously that only she could provide you with that kind of love."Dae seemed as if she had hit her epiphany moment, the enthusiasm of having solved it getting the best of her as a smile reached her lips and she clapped her hands together once in amusement over her own mind.

 Jungkook fell silent for a bit after she spoke, taking his time to process her words that had brought his mind to a pause for even though he had concluded himself that his love for Seon was an unhealthy one, he had never realized that the target of his feelings was not Seon herself but his despair to be loved and accepted.

The more he stayed silent the more Dae's explanation started blowing his mind for it made sense to him. He had always been an individual that was scared to show himself for he had a temper few would accept. He had an ego that was roaring within and a stubborn attitude most people in his life had commented on in a bad light. He was full of flaws and he was way too aware of that and the more he had gone on in life, the more he had understood that the chances of anyone loving him with those, were slim. Almost impossible. His own father had withheld love from him because of his hot-headed attitude, he was cast aside every time he was to show the ambitious flame he had within. Everyone and everything in his life had taught him to be things that he wasn't in order to be even considered to be loved yet his soul had always craved acceptance.

Maybe indeed her had reached that point of desperation than when he had heard Seon speak and claim to be able to love someone like that, the greed within him and the desire to have that kind of love for himself, had gotten the best of him and had veiled his everything, catching him in the claws of a lie he most likely needed back then.

"This could explain why I am still lingering like this. I don't feel like I want Seon back, but if she would come back and tell me she would love me like before...I am certain I will waver...that's why I can't even approach Y/N. It feels unfair towards her. She doesn't deserve a split heart. What do I do?" He took hold of Dae's arms and clenched into her with desperation in his eyes, as time was ticking on his head. Or so he thought because Jungkook was pressured over the fact that you may give a second chance to your relationship with Jimin.

"Oh, Jungkook, don't you see. If you have ever loved someone in your life, that's Y/N. Because no matter how annoying you used to find her, no matter how triggering she was for you, you have already been changing because of her. That amnesia period, the you that had no memories of anyone, accepted and loved her easily and strongly because you have already been doing that. You were desperate for love and thus chasing and fighting to maintain love with Seon. You were fighting to get it. But what about giving love? To whom were you giving love? No one, it was no one until the day you lost your memories, came. You loved no one till that day and then you loved her." Dae spoke with a fascinating expression all over her face as the more words she uttered the more shocked she felt herself over the full image of the puzzle that was clicking in her head.

"You no longer want to get love only...you want to give. And your heart has chosen her."

---To be continued...