Matt's POV

"I'm sorry." Lovino sighed out once we were a decent distance from the school. "I didn't know you had so much going on."

"It's not like I'm very open about my problems so don't feel bad." It's not that I think that no one will care about my issues. It's that I'm just numb to it all at this point. I hold this belief that happiness is numbness. And it seems to work out pretty well for me.

"That's an incredibly unhealthy habit."

"You're right but it doesn't really matter." I shrugged.

Lovino furrowed his brows, "You concern me sometimes."

"Don't worry about me, just about yourself." I smiled at him. "It's what you need most right now."

"Don't give me the clichéd bullshit." He sighed. "It's all I've fucking heard."

"I'm guessing Feli isn't very creative with the encouragement."

"Yeah, it's like he finds it on Facebook."

"He's practically a dad." I giggled.

"I wish he wasn't." Lovino groaned. "I just want to hear something new for once."

"New, huh?"

"Yes, I'm glad you're paying so much attention." He rolled his eyes at me with a frown.

"Why'd you do it?"

"What?" His faces softened, clearly caught off guard by the question.

"Why did you attempt to kill yourself?" Maybe it was how casually I said it. Maybe it was what was contained in it. Maybe he just didn't know what to say. But he stopped and stared at me. I stopped too. For once, he wasn't wearing that cold permanent scowl on his face. He looked like a child who had been caught drawing on the wall.

And we just stood there staring at each other for a moment. Until he looked away, and I heard a sniffle. He covered his mouth with his hand trying to muffle any noise that could potentially come out. That didn't stop me from seeing the tears building in his eyes. He moved his hand to rub his face free of anything to drip out.

"You know," He sniffled. "It's really stupid looking back at it."

"But it still hurt you."

"It being more than one thing, though."

"I know."

He took a breath trying to compose himself, "Why are you so calm about this?"

"You want me to freak out when you are?" I half-chuckled. "You're insane."

"I guess you always were the one to stay calm even if you're ungodly pissed like a week ago." Lovi sighed. "Do you ever hate that?"

"Of course I do, you should've seen the way I cried for like a whole day when I found out about you."

"I would've but-"

"Look," I interrupted him. "You don't have to answer to my question yet."

"B-bu-ut I want to!" He stuttered into half a yell. "It's annoying keeping it to myself."

"Then go ahead, I'm listening."

"I just...I—it was a whole mess of things." He looked at the ground and ran a hand through his hair. "Feli was being a total prick and then there was the whole thing with you and school was getting to be too much and then Toni got here." He let out an exasperated sigh. "Everything was just kind of too much-I don't know..." He trailed off. A look of pure fear on his face.

It was like he was waiting for something with the tucked in stance he had. I didn't say anything. Instead, I stepped closer and pulled him into a bone crushing hug.

"I don't think you realize it." I said as he started to cry into my chest. "But," My voice cracked. "I'm so fucking happy to know that you're alive and to be able to hug the shit out of you." He let out a muffled sob into my hood. I took a breath trying to keep composed for the rest of what I had to say. "You're my best friend, Lovi. No matter what. I would do anything for you." I couldn't really keep it in anymore. The tears started flowing out and I couldn't force more words with the clog in my throat. Despite the fact that I had millions of things to say.

Standing there crying in the embrace did the job well enough though. He cried like a newborn.

~

Santa Claus
I'm glad you guys finally worked it out

Me
Me too honestly
It was obnoxious

Santa Claus
Yeah
You want to hang out?
It's been awhile

Me
Yeah sure where?

Santa Clause
The park, of course

Me
You have this weird obsession with the park

Santa Claus
You know exactly why that is

Me
Well, yeah but it's an obsession at this point

Santa Claus
You just don't like the fact that I'm a very sentimental person.
It was the place I first met you guys after all
Of course I'm going to love being there

Me
I guess you're justified
That park really does showcase everything about our little group

Santa Claus
Yeah, good and bad, all of it. That park is a huge part of my life at this point so of course I love it

Me
You're extra sentimental...what happened?

Santa Claus
I'll tell you at the park

Me
It has something to do with Lukas, doesn't it?

Santa Claus
Good to know I'm so predictable lol

Me
I'll bring cookies for good measure

Santa Clause
You're too good of a friend :')