"Gil!" I heard Toni call from downstairs.

"What?" I called back, lifting myself out of my bed and setting the book down.

"Come here!"

"I'm coming, I'm coming." I rolled my eyes. My weight on the stairs was like a hollow drum sound every step down. I took a final leap from the third to last step and landed quite gracefully. Toni was there in the living room. I noticed the record player was on. Elvis quietly played as Toni set dinner down onto the coffee table. It wasn't anything special, just some chicken and rice, but it was the fact that he was here that made him want it to seem special. At least I think that's the case.  

"Wipe that stupid look off your face." He playfully teased. 

"Jokes on you, that's just my face." I grinned. I plopped myself on the couch. "So, what's up with the fancy music and the eating in the living room?"

"Since I'm off today, I thought we'd have a fun dinner." So, I was right.  

"There's only one thing flawed with that." 

"What?"

"Francis isn't here." 

"I would've asked if he didn't have so much to deal with right now." Toni sat down with his plate. 

"Man," I leaned forward to grab my own plate. "I keep forgetting what happened." 

"I don't know why but I find it really weird."

"How so?" 

Toni shrugged, "He's kind of a dad now which I didn't expect from him at all."

"I did."

"Wha-How?"

"He's just the type to act like he wouldn't want kids but secretly watches baby videos on Facebook while crying."

"That seems really specific."

"I'm just being honest." I shrugged. I looked down and picked at the food on my plate. It was as a slower Elvis song I couldn't remember the name of came on that this strange feeling sunk in. It wasn't quite sadness or even nostalgia. It was something like sentiment.

"That's a rarity." Toni joked, leaning further into the couch and towards the blank TV.

"Not really."

"You clearly haven't heard yourself talk for more than a few seconds."

"Not true." And it wasn't. I'm just careful with what I say because I've heard myself tell the truth once before. Rod recorded our conversation once. It's what started that whole trainwreck. Of course, Toni doesn't know that. He know the surface level stuff like that we had a big fight. And it's worked best that way.

"I won't believe that until you give me some evidence to back your claim."

"This isn't court, Toni."

"I was joking."

"You might want to find some better jokes." He grew quiet after my comment. Everything about this felt distance. The music was quiet enough to feel far away. Toni felt distant despite sitting right next to me. The room felt empty. It was claustrophobic.

"Gil," He suddenly started. "I know it hasn't felt like it recently but you're still my best friend." I stayed silent. He continued knowing that I had nothing to say. "And—I don't know—I thought this would feel like old times."

"You can't be living in the past." I set the plate on the table and looked at him. "The past is over and done with. Staying there will drive you insane."

"That wasn't your attitude when you left."

"That was months ago." I stood up. "Even when you got here, I changed my mind. I've been sick and tired of you mentioning the past. Newsflash, Toni, the past was and still is shitty."

~

Diary entry #2

It's strange how in minutes, I can go from perfectly functional to a sobbing wreck. I think I've finally got my breaking point. It only took a few months. And it's bad this time. I feel like simultaneously destroying everything in my room, crying, and sleeping.

I feel like I'm going to pass out but I'm wide awake and it's only three in the morning and my face has that gross puffiness that you get after crying a lot. All this is pathetic. Extremely pathetic.

What's worse is that I've relapsed. Which is worthy of throwing myself out a window. It's stressful as hell. I'm hoping no one notices, especially Toni. He would whip my arms if he found out. Which would probably do more damage and potentially achieve the goal I subconsciously want but I really don't want that. There's a reason I've avoided it for as long as possible.

Fuck me.

~

yoyoyo sorry i took so long to shit out this chapter, my motivation to just exist plummeted so low it probably ended up on the opposite side of the earth from where I am

but heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy the plot can finally start 

ain't that a kick in the pants  

expect another update sooner than later, I'm pretty sure pretty soon ;)