Secure, stone room, medical supplies locked away. Secure, stone room, medical supplies locked away. Secure, stone room, medical supplies locked away.

Brian repeated the scene in his mind multiple times as he paced back and forth along the seventh floor's corridor for the second time. After years of doing this monthly, the dark pit that sat at the bottom of his stomach never ceased to go away and continued to grow and twist his insides with worry. He hated this part most of all, having to sit there and wait for access to their room while not losing focus on what he wanted, meaning he had to shove all his fears and thoughts regarding his lover out of his mind so that he wouldn't mess this up in any possible way.

Finally, a wooden door formed along the wall, Brian checking once more that the sun had risen high enough so that he would be safe before rushing towards it and opening as slowly as he could without driving himself mad. Instantly, he was shrouded in darkness, the only light coming from the secondary door at the end of the hallway. While walking over, he pulled out his wand, tapping the first vertical board, then the third, and twice on the fourth before the door clicked open. Instinctively he closed his eyes, slowly tucking his wand away while he made his way in. Heavy breathing that was interspersed with long groans of pain echoed off the stone walls as he forced his eyes open, looking around himself at the scarred walls of the stone room, white claw marks etched across the grey surface. Tufts of black fur were scattered around the area with patches of dried blood staining the floor. Shreds of clothing were spread about the floor, making him regret that he hadn't gotten him here sooner so that he wouldn't have lost another outfit that he could spare to lose. His gaze made its way over to his boyfriend, who was huddled in a corner once again, curled up against the cold floor with his knees pressed against his chest and arms hugging them close, small clouds forming in the air every time he exhaled.

He stepped forward, Freddie's eyes flying open as he saw him shiver violently again, his naked frame covered in goosebumps as Brian fought back a sudden surge of nausea at the sight of Freddie's self-inflicted claw and bite marks that were located across his body. His gaze immediately softened, despite the obvious pain that covered his face, it only intensifying as he attempted to push himself up before he fell back down to the ground.

"It's alright love, I'm here." Brian soothed as he rushed over to the medicine supplies that he pictured beneath a patch in the floor that would only open to his touch. He quickly grabbed what he needed, stuffing an extra set for later on that night to put on before he went to bed, and sat down next to him, laying his hand upon his trembling frame as he nearly recoiled from the stone-cold touch of his freezing skin.

"What's the worse right now?" He asked softly, his eyes running along his body to try and notice anything that might look worse than normal.

"Everything feels the same..." Freddie replied numbly as he let his body fall out of its closed stance so that he could see the harsh scratch from his collarbone down to the center of his chest, Brian immediately acting and applying the remedy as fast as he could. Freddie winced at the touch, the corners of his eyes growing damp as his bottom lip trembled.

"Freddie, what happened last night?" He persisted, knowing that after dealing with this for three years a rather small amount of injuries like this was nothing compared to some nights that he had found him after.

Once again, he shook his head, leaving Brian helplessly wondering what was eating away at his thoughts once again. He brought his attention to a deep bite wound along his ankle, his gaze trailing along the one scar that came from the one who had infected him, the large mark standing out against his unusually pale skin. A pang of guilt stabbed at his stomach as he leant back after applying the last of what was needed to his injuries, the hurt on the older boy's face quickly diminishing as Brian laid a black blanket across his body, seeing his tense frame fall slack beneath it.

"Winters are always the worst." Freddie bemoaned as he stared blankly at the scrapped wall, his eyes momentarily looking back down at his hands before a small tear fell down across his face and fell silently on to the rock beneath him.

"Always too cold." Brian agreed, pulling a fake smile to try and cheer up his usually vivacious boyfriend. "November's, sadly, only the start. I'll try adding something in here so that you're not freezing when you...When I get in here in the morning."

Freddie's face fell as he buried the lower half of it underneath the comforter. He stuffed his hand in his pocket, grabbing a small bag he'd brought down, and opened it up. The few pastries fell out onto his hand as he placed the bag off to the side of the floor.

"I grabbed a few small things to eat from dessert last night if you want something to eat right now, just to help get your energy going again." He suggested, handing out a small, banana muffin from the night before, but Freddie shook his head, only pushing himself into a seated position and this time succeeding with staying upright. He wrapped the blanket tighter around his shivering frame as he scooched over to sit next to his lover, feeling Freddie immediately interlock his arm with his while he leaned closer to him, burying his face into the side of his cloak.

"You wanna talk about anything?" He asked, trying once again to try and get his lover to perk back up. He entangled his fingers into Freddie's hair, stroking the side of his bruised face with his thumb as he brought him over on to his lap, his breathing starting to drastically slow as he laid his head against the crook of his neck.

"Come on, I can get you back to the common room and you can sleep in your bed if you want instead of down here. It's warmer there and you're still shivering." Brian tried, knowing that it'd be far harder for him to get back up there in another hour when everyone started to wake up and roam the halls. "Think of it, you can sleep for two more hours up there and I'll grab you something from breakfast if you want before we go to class."

"Can't I just skip?" Freddie asked in a surprisingly powerful voice.

"Best not to. But at least tomorrow's Saturday. You can sleep in then if you want."

"Just...Help me, please. My ankle's killing me."

Brian nodded and helped Freddie up, his face scrunching up in pain as he put his left foot down onto the stone floor. He wrapped his arm around his neck, Freddie's hand loosely hanging down near the center of his chest as he led him over to the opposing stone wall. He helped him steady himself before he grabbed the cobalt sweater and loose sweatpants he'd brought from their dormitory. He slipped his partner's shivering frame into the oversized outfit, his body immediately latching itself back to his as soon as he fixed the black trousers back onto his lower body and stood back up. He looked over at his lover, his unblinking gaze transfixed on the row of windows on the wall to the right of them that gave the viewer an unobstructed view of the grounds below.

"It was so persistent last night..." He told him in a small voice. "I nearly snapped my wrist because it tried getting outside so much."

"It won't, those windows are indestructible. A giant couldn't break them; I think you'll be alright." He replied.

"I don't want to hurt someone Bri...Someone wandering the grounds at night or a teacher or-"

"Freddie, look at me, please." He told him as he pulled the sweater down a bit more and placed his hands on his shoulders. He looked up at him, those brandy eyes of his looking violently dim as the pool of tears at their corners began to grow once again. "You're safe in here. Once you're here, no one else is or ever will be. No one else knows how to get past the second door and I doubt anyone else in this whole school knows this room even exists. Trust me."

Silence. Menacing silence. Not even a shake of his head to let him know that he had heard what he had told him. It was always so painful for him to sit there for those few days when Freddie's personality would practically vanish. He'd shut down completely, both physically and mentally. Nearly passing out in class, hardly eating anything, and then he would slowly stop talking altogether until the full moon passed. They both knew they should expect it since it was just a symptom of the disease anyway. But he would've never thought that something could silence his lover for more than a few seconds, let alone make him look so worried and broken until it'd all pass again and the next full moon would rear its ugly face.

"Here, eat something before we go. I've got a bit of chocolate if you want that instead of a pastry." Brian said, reaching back into his pocket and breaking off a fairly large piece of chocolate and holding it next to Freddie's face, trying his best to break his stare from the window, but to no avail.

"I'm not hungry..." He told him weakly, pulling away from the candy as he looked down at the scraped stones.

"Please Fred, you've eaten a piece of toast and a few grapes over the past three days and missed dinner last night. The chocolate'll help, if anything you'll at least get something in you for now."

"I'll have it in the room, I don't feel like eating in here."

Brian followed his gaze towards the prominent blood stain on the floor near the medicine supplies. He was forever thankful that every time they came back in here, it'd look immaculate. He never would bring him to the same exact room every month. Even if it was just changing the stone color by a shade, making the room bigger or smaller, or even tossing in a few pieces of furniture so that it could have something else to attack instead of his body. He would've liked to perform the latter last night, but they had barely seconds to spare due to being held up by Roger and John in the halls. That room was quickly thrown together in his mind and he was internally beating himself up for making it look more like a prison cell then a much more comforting room for it to be locked up in for the night.

"Let's go, I don't want to get caught..." Freddie whispered, pushing himself up from the wall and limping towards the door. Brian tried to catch the back of his sweater to hold him there for a moment, but pulled back at the last second, not wanting to put his boyfriend into a fouler mood than he was already in. He shuffled over, forcing himself to not look back at the tarnished room behind him and wrapped his arm around Freddie's small waist. He pushed the door open, letting Freddie walk out first, and quietly shut the door behind them.

...

"They shouldn't be in there; you know they usually go out not too long after I do for a walk around the grounds." Brian told him as they made their way into the common room.

"Lovely, I don't want anyone in there right now."

He helped him up the flights of stairs leading to their dormitory, trying to be as quiet as possible to not disturb the younger Ravenclaws while they slept for the next two hours before they had to be up for breakfast. He pushed their door open, relieved to see that their two roommates were missing from their beds. Freddie rushed ahead of him, crumbling down onto his bed, his eyes looking to the usual spot where his old cat, Charlotte, had used to inhabit until she had passed away the year prior.

"Alright, you promised." Brian said, attempting to lighten the mood and grabbing the large piece of chocolate he'd broken off prior into two and handing the smaller piece to the older boy, who shot a pleading glare his way, silently begging him to not force him to consume even the smallest of things.

"Fred, please. You need something to eat. Even just half this piece."

His lover sat up on his bed, grimacing and lurching forwards as his hand latched to the long scratch along the side of his neck, soon trailing across the one that was hidden beneath his sweater across his stomach. Brian leaned forward to try to comfort him, but Freddie backed off, grimly shaking his head as he took the small block away from his hand, biting off the occasional small chunk. The corners of his mouth twitched upwards for a second as he turned to look at him.

"You sly fuck, I didn't know your mother made this." Freddie told him in a playful voice.

"I wanted it to be a surprise, she sent it last month and there's another square left in the tin she sent it in. I bet she'll send another next month though."

His face dramatically paled. "S-she doesn't know, does she?"

"No! No, no of course not. Freddie you've met her loads of times and I would've told you if she knew anything regarding that. She just likes sending me sweets!"

Freddie managed a weak smile, softly giggling to himself while taking a more generous bite out of the sweet. Brian ran his hand along the side of Freddie's arm before getting up from his seat, rummaging through Freddie's clothes that he had neatly put away last night after tearing up his dresser to find a suitable outfit that they wouldn't mind if they were ruined. The bed creaked behind him, his heart skipping a beat at the sudden noise. He tried calming his nerves back down, repeating the same things to himself over and over again to keep him from losing it. You're back in the dorm, no one saw you, and he's gonna be fine. He thought, the pit in his stomach only halting its growth as he reached for a pair of black jeans and folded them on top of the pile he'd already made.

He laid the stack next to the corner of his bed, Freddie finishing up the piece of chocolate just as he sat back down. A sudden wave of exhaustion passed over his boyfriend's face, his body falling slack just before it gave out and fell down against the mattress. Brian reached out to try and catch him before his body landed with a hard thud against the bed, yet pulled his hand back when he saw the sudden relaxation that formed across his face. The corners of his mouth curved up, letting the tips of his two front teeth come out from behind his top lip.

"I'd assume a bed's more comfortable." Brian told him.

"Hmm, almost everything better than that stone floor." He told him, the smirk slowly falling away as his eyes fell half shut.

"You're just tired, get some sleep. Please, you don't want Berg on your case again 'cause you fell asleep."

"Tell him! Why don't we just tell them all?!" He shouted, dark loathing crossing over his face. "Hopefully some terrified prat will come my way and bludgeon me so I'm knocked out for three weeks so I don't need to remember what I have to face in another fucking month. Maybe they'll kick me out of the school because everyone's petrified of me every second of every bloody day so that I can go live in the forest. Least out there I won't risk anything anymore." He spat in a low voice, pushing himself up into a seated position and hunching forward, wrapping his arms around his middle as he shuddered violently.

"Freddie, don't think that. No one's going to treat you differently if people find out you're...What happens every month." Brian whispered.

"Really?! You honestly think that?! Dammit Brian you've seen how people react once they find out someone's got this accursed infliction. They won't even bother to talk to me let alone touch me. They think they're gonna get it if I just exist around them, like that thing's gonna straight up bite them out in broad daylight. People'll just ostracize anyone like me once they find out..."

Freddie's lip began shaking again as he shook his head slowly. Brian pulled him close, jumping a bit as he felt him latch his arms around his chest, slightly digging his nails into his back and burying his face into the side of his neck.

"Even you can't say what I am..." Freddie sighed, the wet spots upon his shirt growing as he lifted his head, Brian looking behind him as he saw his partner running his index finger along his nail of his thumb. God he wished he could do more than this. Telling him that he was going to be alright had gotten old years ago. He knew he couldn't guarantee safety for him all the time. Even at home there was such a giant risk for those three moons they'd have to endure together and almost every single time it was a crapshoot of whether or not they'd get him into the forest by his house or back into their unused shed. He couldn't keep telling him that it'd be alright or that no one would ever find out what happened to him. Yet he couldn't tell him that, not yet. Especially not now.

"Freddie, please don't think that everyone will do that. Madam Jones hasn't said anything since her retirement now has she? Nor have I." He soothed, running his hand along his back.

He felt Freddie open his mouth, but he quickly clamped it shut before violently tightening his hold around his chest, tugging himself as close as possible. His fast beating heart was pressed against his slow one, the feeling only making his protectiveness get the better of him as he helped lay him back against the mattress, pulling him closer to his body and wrapping his leg around Freddie's left.

"I promise; I won't tell anyone. And don't expect me to leave either. I'm with you until the end."

...

After a few more moments that morning of peaceful silence, Freddie had managed to get a few more hours of sleep, blissfully doing so in his arms and not moving an inch until they both woke up at the sound of their roommates romping into the dormitory like it was the middle of the day. They of course were subjected to a few playful teases about 'how cute they were' and how they 'resembled a married couple', to which he was happy to see his partner retort with how they at least were with someone while they couldn't get a cat to be affectionate with them.

School had forcefully split them up, each rushing off to their classes until it was nearing the middle of the afternoon and they could enjoy lunch together. It was all so nice, the warm sun lighting up the field, the cool, wintry breeze rustling the barring branches while the remaining leaves held on to the twigs they were attached to as hard as they could before the frost of December would force them off. Sadly, Freddie was refusing to eat anything more than a quick bite of his bread roll before he nuzzled himself against his body and laid against his chest, quietly watching the other students chat and play around outside during this quick break.

"You sure you don't want anything? I can sneak back in there and grab something before it's whisked away." Brian tried, not wanting his boyfriend to go another few hours with barely anything to eat.

The expected shake of Freddie's head followed as he clung to his robes. "I'll eat eventually, don't worry." He replied, the lack of certainty in his voice making the knot in his stomach tighten.

"You gonna be alright until transfiguration?" He asked. "Least then we'll be in the same class."

"Yeah...Yeah I'll be fine. It's only potions next and I'm not that bad at it. I've been fine so far anyway."

"Isn't there Dark Arts today?"

Freddie paused for a moment, nodding softly. "Least it's not third year. That hell passed already." He muttered. "They're just blabbing about dementors now. God like I need to encounter one of those things."

He suddenly went still, his attempt to hide his front teeth fading as they fell out from behind his upper lip.

"Freddie?" Brian asked, his lover's silence sending him into a panic. "Freddie, Freddie it's not going to happen again." He managed as fast as he could, pushing himself up and letting his lover lean back against the tree they'd been underneath. "It's not coming back for you. You're not going to run into it again." He whispered.

"They'd make it so real. So easy to see it again in front of you..." Freddie said dazedly. "I couldn't even face a boggart, let alone a dementor."

"You're fine, don't think about it. Think about potions. You're doing shrinking potions, something nice and simple." He told him, desperately trying to shake off one of his attacks before he'd have to leave him alone to cope with it again for another class.

He didn't even need to explain what was going through his mind again, Brian was already having vivid recollections to the event himself. He forced his own fear about it happening again back and focused on keeping Freddie's thoughts off of it as a whole. To think he had more to remember, more to feel, more to think about when it came to this than he did. He'd only seen the after effect, not what led up to it or what had happened before he got there, not when the beast had actually made contact with its fangs into his flesh.

When Freddie didn't respond for another few seconds, Brian tugged him back over to him, slowly massaging his stomach as he felt his body lightly shiver in his arms as he tried to steady his irregular breathing.

"Look, the two lovebirds can't keep their arms off of each other for more than two minutes."

Brian whipped his head around, forcing a smile as he watched the young fifth year kick his shoe up against the tree behind him. The sound of another person following him soon came to a halt as the smaller fourth year stood behind him, adding a quick wave as he looked over at Freddie.

"He alright?" John asked, motioning towards his lover.

"Yeah, what's got you Fred?" Roger asked, slouching down onto the right side of the tree and bringing one of his knees up to his chest.

"He's...He's uh, just feeling a bit sick. Stomach bug or something." He made up, Freddie nodding as he held his own stomach to try and make it more believable. "And what about us not being able to keep our arms off each other? You've got a bloody puppy treading behind you every chance he gets."

John's face went bright red as he brought his books up to cover the bottom half of his face, the obvious crinkles around his eyes telling all three of them that he was trying to hide his smile behind his books.

"Ahw, don't be so shy baby, they already know we're together." Roger reminded, John's giggling now becoming audible as he pulled down the books away from his face, Roger's gaze softening as he pulled him over to his body.

"Yes we're the lovebirds." Freddie managed, Brian moving his hand slightly across his lover's small chest, letting out a long sigh of relief as he felt his heart rate slow with each beat.

Brian smirked in their direction as Roger began to complain about his history class again and how he couldn't wait until his O.W.Ls were done with so that he could 'drop the most useless class in the entire curriculum'. He had to agree with him that the class was rather boring and that him dropping it as soon as he had read his E upon his grades was the best decision he had ever made. John joined in eventually, commenting that the class was about as interesting as watching bread rot, to which Freddie reminded him that one of his best subjects was herbology in which he spent weeks watching plants grow.

"Just because it's one of my best subjects doesn't mean it's my favorite!" John argued, immediately shrinking back as Freddie gave a rather hearty laugh.

"Oh don't be so shy Deaky," Freddie started, trying his best to push himself up into a seated position without having to lean onto him for support. "It's just cute that out of all of us, you're the one with the green thumb."

"Well...yes. Besides." John began. "I much prefer Defense Against the Dark Arts. Much more interesting stuff in there! Though I do quite like astronomy as well..."

"Well of course you're going to like that class!" Roger exclaimed. "It's the only bloody one where you can actually do something besides stare at a book for ages or risk getting poisoned because you added too much doxy eggs to a fucking potion."

"It was a good reason for you guys to learn the poison antidote then." John teased, Roger playfully shoving him off before he immediately returned to his spot next to him, his grey eyes never once leaving his partner.

"So why's he all clingy today?" Freddie asked.

"Because I snogged him in the hallway for a few minutes before we came out here." Roger explained calmly, John's face turning a dark crimson as he nervously shifted his yellow and black tie across his chest, toying around with the ending.

"And no one said anything?" Brian probed.

"Oh of course people said something! That's why he's all embarrassed right now!" He continued with that typical arrogance. "Then again he gets all flustered if I so much as hug him before he dashes off to his classes."

"Because everyone's staring Rog!" John piped up, unable to fight back the current smile on his face.

"Oh like it matters, they're not threatening a prefect." He replied, motioning towards the small, crimson pin upon his cloak, the golden lion glittering in the afternoon sun.

"I still don't know how in the hell you got that status." Brian sighed, now starting to fix his own little blue pin while his bronze eagle sat in the shade, unaffected by the sun's rays. Freddie's own prefect badge was hidden for the time being, his own shock that he had managed to get one as well still sitting at the back of his mind since he was aware of how much stress he already was under. Having those responsibilities weigh him down even more was just hard to deal with for both of them.

"Because Bri my dear." Roger said in a teasingly sophisticated voice. "I am a student of proper responsibility and intellect and can balance the duties that are required of a prefect while also managing my daily school work."

"God you sound like a Slytherin." Brian huffed.

"And yet I'm in Gryffindor while you're stuffy enough to be in Ravenclaw."

Brian replicated Roger's earlier shove, hearing him snicker as he got himself back onto his feet, John immediately following as Roger motioned towards the shrinking crowd of people in the courtyard.

"Class starts soon, unless you two perfect little Ravenclaws wanna be late, I suggest you get going."

"I'll see you guys later, come on Rog we're both heading the same way." John pressed, tugging at his sleeve and the older boy following him soon after, Brian grinning as he saw John's hand interlock with Roger's as soon as they left their sight.

"They're so cute together." Freddie commented as he rolled himself onto his back.

"Yeah, young love is something ain't it."

"Oh shut it, you're saying this like we've been together for thirty years!" Freddie shouted, immediately falling into a fit of laughter soon afterwards.

"True, but it has been almost five years since we first met and over three since we actually got together."

Brian got up and stretched out his hand, Freddie grasping it as firmly as he could as he shakily got up, folding his cloak over his thin frame as he sighed softly.

"You sure you'll be alright? It's just one class...A-and the moon's gone for now! That's a good thing, right? And-"

"Brian dear," Freddie said to him in an oddly soft voice as he cupped the side of his face with his pale hand. "Don't stress yourself out over me. I'm not worth it."

"Don't say that." Brian retorted, gently resting his hand on top of Freddie's shoulder. "You're everything to me and you're worth more than anything this world can offer."

The sudden rushing of students through the courtyard broke the calmness around them. He tilted Freddie's small face up to meet his hazel gaze. That still present lost look in his eyes always lurked beneath the surface, even with it being three years later. He was always so strong, so independent when it came to so many things and he hated knowing that it was this one, sole thing that would cripple him for so long.

"Go on, I'll see you in transfiguration. It's only potions, nothing bad will come from that. Here," He said, reaching into his pocket once again and pulling out a small, thin piece of peppermint bark that he had wrapped in a piece of plastic that Freddie slowly took. "It's from the sweet basket my mum sent. I don't think Slughorn's gonna kill you for having a piece of it in class."

Freddie lunged forward once more, shoving his arms in between his and wrapping them around his middle, softly nodding and whispering something inaudible against his chest. Just as Brian started to reciprocate his lover's embrace, he pulled him down to his height and left a chaste kiss on his cheek before ducking down to grab his bag and dashing off, turning back to wave in his direction before he disappeared into the small bunch of people that were still making their way to their classes.

He sighed futilely, reaching down and slipping his books back into his bag and swinging it over his shoulder, glancing once more in the direction that Freddie had rushed off into in hope of seeing him once more. The mere thought of him getting lightheaded on the way to class or accidentally tripping because he hadn't slept right began mixing with his already present fears of what could go wrong while he wasn't there to help. Once the next three or four days were over, he knew he could relax and so would Freddie. But for now, he was locked into that overprotective, worrisome mode that would plague his thoughts until he saw color return to Freddie's lovely face.

He's going to be fine Brian, no one knows and the moon has passed. He told himself once more as he turned off in the opposite direction that Freddie had, trying his best to let his boyfriend drift out of his mind so that he could focus on what he would have to do during his next class.

...

The dark shadows of the dungeons of the school were only making the brooding thoughts at the back of his mind stir excitedly, almost as though they were happy to be let loose while he would get thrown back into a living hell once again. It was always so hard whenever he had to part from Brian during these few days that his body felt like it was made of cold stone. He was always there to simply help keep him standing so that he was able to ignore the sickly feeling that made his stomach shrink, turned his body to lead, and made his mind susceptible to all of its terrors that never ceased to go away.

He took his seat at the middle of the class, wanting to be just far back so he could run out as fast as possible, yet close enough so that during these few days when he could barely function, he'd be able to read the board without having to look over anyone or have to squint to such a degree that his eyes were almost shut.

By the time he'd gotten his table set and ready for whatever it was Slughorn wanted to throw at them today, Freddie quickly laid his head down onto his folded arms, resisting the urge to cradle his stomach in them while a soft wave of exhaustion and slight nausea passed over him. His stomach began to ache, both inside and out, as the self-inflicted cuts began to pulse painfully, the others strewn across his body soon following.

Thick black claws digging themselves into his chest as it angrily snapped at its opposing arm that had just raked its nails across his stomach, blood staining its black fur as it tried once more to lunge out of the windows to finally get the chance to attack a living, breathing human being and spread its disease onto another person. Freddie shuddered at the sudden, intruding memory, wishing it'd just go away as soon as possible so that he could act normally until the following full moon would rise into the sky once again.

Why didn't you think about having him put something else on these damned things? He berated, wincing in pain as he moved himself ever so slightly to change his position. God he just wanted to go back upstairs to his dormitory and bury himself underneath his blankets so that he wouldn't have to hear or see anyone for the rest of the day. He didn't even want Brian to see him like this. It was completely pathetic. Hardly able to walk without someone keeping him standing, unable to eat because his insides felt like they're either being stabbed by millions of knives, being doused in a shrinking potion so that they were smaller than a mouse's eye, or a painful mixture of both.

"Mr. Bulsara? Mr. Bulsara!"

"I'm up! I'm up!" Freddie said in his loudest voice, fighting back a small whimper of pain as he pulled his stomach slightly too much and felt the swollen slashes across it stretch, his mind pleading that they wouldn't start bleeding again. "I'm sorry professor, I couldn't sleep too well last night."

"It's because he was snogging his mate all night." One of the nearby Gryffindors taunted.

"So? Least I know what it's like to kiss someone." Freddie hissed in response.

"Bulsara! McKinley! Both of you remain quiet before I take five points from both of your houses!" Slughorn bellowed, the two of them shutting up immediately as to not provoke another reaction from their professor.

"Today I'd say we do a quick review on the calming draught, seeing as so many of you abysmally failed at the love potion we tried to do last time." He began.

Oh God come on, I know this already. You praised my fucking potion. He thought bitterly, clearly remembering his pearly mixture that had that lovely scent of fresh autumn air, the strong scent of pine needles, and the wonderful, soft scent that clung to Brian's clothes and skin. Just the mere thought of it allowed him to relax in his chair as he began thinking back to when they'd first met all those years ago. How awkwardly shy he had been around their peers yet so intelligent when it came to school work. It had instantly grabbed his attention ever since they had their first class together. To think he didn't even know he existed until he helped him up after he had tripped that day.

The piercing howl of a hungry wolf split through his mind, the scene of a younger Brian vanishing as he was thrown back into the dark night that he had gone against what his lover had told him not to do and went outside anyway. That devilish, orange gaze that showed not a single ounce of morality, it's large fangs that were stabbed into his left leg, and his own pitiful cries for help that were drowned out by the beast's loud snarling.

His heart trembled as it raced in his chest. Go away, go away, I don't want to think about this now. I don't want to be here now. I wanna be in bed, sleeping without a single nightmare to throw me back into that hell again. Oh God stop! He thought, the image of it chasing after him and tackling him to the ground making him break out in a cold sweat in his seat.

"Mr. Bulsara! Wake up this instant!"

Freddie's eyes flew open, everyone's eyes stuck on him as he tried to calm his shivering as he wiped off the thin layer of icy sweat that had covered his face during his dreaded flashback.

"I-I'm sorry sir...I'm just not feeling right..." He admitted, hoping that Slughorn would give him some sort of sympathy since he was among his unofficial favorite students list.

As expected, Slughorn's face did soften at his admission. "Head on down to the infirmary then. I won't keep you if you're falling ill."

"No, no I don't think it's that bad...I'll try to keep up." He replied, feeling a wave of relief come over him once he saw Slughorn nod and turn back to the board about the calming draught. He cursed himself once again, despising the fact that he could barely stay awake at this point and how he was already pleading for something to happen so that he could get out of class and bury himself beneath the covers of his bed. He wanted to get away. Away from everything. But even in sleep he wasn't guaranteed a safe zone. Despite it happening only a handful of times, the event would come back to him in a dream of some sort. Whether it be just the beast lurking in the woods or it playing back to him like it was one of his flashbacks that would pop up at random.

After having their teacher drone on about the potion's properties and ingredients, the group of students pulled out the required items. Since he had already made this at least three times, only one of which being something short of perfect, he began considering if he had time to pull out a second flask to try and sneak some away from the class and down it in between classes before he'd be stuck in his next one. He wanted to see it as some kind of relief that he only had two left, both of the classes having his partner in there to either distract him or calm him down, but he just couldn't see any sort of light to the situation. It was already hell for him to sit there and focus on something he'd done perfectly twice and replicating it should be no issue, but all he got was his eyes feeling heavy, starting to close, and immediately flying open as soon as some memory would plaster itself to his vision and try to throw him into a nightmare of some sort.

Only a few others around the room had passed him in having their draught start to brew while majority were still struggling to get everything in correctly. He glanced over at the kid next to him, whispering that he was meant to be stirring clockwise instead of counterclockwise once he saw that it was turning a hideous shade of green instead of the calming, aqua color, to which he replied with a quick thanks. He tossed in the last ingredient, stirring it the last few times as it switched to that gentle color and removed the ladle from the cauldron, softly laying it down against the tabletop. Slughorn had already begun to walk around the room, sighing loudly at one of the Gryffindors whose fumes were somehow the color of orange.

"Excellent Freddie." He told him as he came by, Freddie giving a soft smile while managing to hide his teeth behind his upper lip. "I'm glad to see you've woken up too."

"Just needed to get going again sir."

The Slytherin teacher nodded, walking over to his partner and saw a dark grey mixture, something that was far closer than before. While Slughorn reminded him what he had done wrong, Freddie dug through his bag, trying to find two flasks so that he could steal some of his own concoction while also giving enough to their teacher for a formal grading.

Come on, come on! Freddie thought impatiently, searching as fast as he could for one of the glass containers so that he could calm down already. He knew the result already if he was successful and he hated the thought of it, but he couldn't go another few hours with nothing in his system to help him stay away from one of his attacks or flashbacks. At least if it happened when he was back in the dormitory, then he could handle it without the pressure from any other students watching him or a teacher growing concerned and having him sent to the infirmary. Any kind of evaluation at that point by the nurse would lead to her seeing what was covering his body. Adding the ghostly white color of his skin would only make things worse. Anyone with eyes would be suspicious, let alone a trained professional.

Slughorn had left just as he found the two containers, quickly pouring enough into the main one that he would hand in and using the remaining bit to store away for himself, quickly putting two stoppers in the opening of each and stuffing the lesser filled one away, despite himself pining for the fuller one. The students began getting in line just as the class got down to its final minutes, McKinley still hounding over his potion while he tried his best to get it to change to any shade of blue instead of that light green. Majority had gotten a shade of light blue that matched what their professor had on his desk, Freddie feeling quite confident in his as he sat it on top of the table among the others.

"For those of you who didn't do as well," Slughorn began, holding up a flask that was pure orange and shaking his head. "I suggest you do some research on the calming draught as we're doing it again next class." He finished, earning a heavy groan from a large group of students. "Until your classmates learn how to properly do a less advanced potion, we won't move on. Honestly, it's on your O.W. Ls, I don't know how you got into this class if you didn't pass that!" He argued, silencing the remaining students immediately.

With the bell ringing and the students already rushing out of the room, Freddie managed to squeeze through two taller Ravenclaws and headed down the hall, hurrying towards the staircase as fast as he could to get out of the dark, murky dungeons. He rested at the head of the staircase, leaning up against the walls and pulling out his flask from class, uncorking the top and quickly downing it as fast as possible so that no one would see it and Brian wouldn't have a chance to take it from him this time around. The relief began immediately, his eyes feeling heavy as some strange feeling spread through his stomach, almost as though the potion was forming a pair of hands to help untie his knotted stomach. He lazily brought up the back of his hand to wipe away the small drop that was falling down from the corner of his mouth as he stuffed the now empty container away into his bag.

Everything was slightly blurring around him, the concoction almost acting more like a drowsiness potion instead of a calming one. He already knew Brian was going to give him hell for taking so much once more. But he couldn't help himself. The chance to just relax for more than a few minutes the day after having to endure everything from the near sickness to the actual excruciating night was heaven for him.

Sudden loud footsteps narrowed his attention as he looked down the hallway, seeing his boyfriend hold his bag close to his body while rushing down towards him. By the time he'd finally got in front of him, he was holding his hand up to keep him quiet for a second while he desperately tried to catch his breath as fast as he could.

"S-so...how was...was class?" He asked, spacing his sentences out as he inhaled sharply with each pause.

Freddie giggled softly, lazily leaning back against the wall behind him as the potion gave another crash of relaxation over his body. "Hmmm, fine love, just peachy." He replied in a tired manner.

"You...You sure?"

"Just fine," He told him, picking himself up from the back wall and staggering in place. "Just a...A bit of practice on calming draughts, that's all."

Brian's face immediately fell as he looked up at him, straightening himself out as he began to really recover from his sprint. "Oh God Freddie, again?" He asked, to which he nodded drunkenly in his direction.

"Just a bit...Not a lot. Would've preferred more if you asked me."

"How much was it?"

"A flask, that's all."

"Freddie you should've just mentioned it to me, I would've given you more of the chocolate to eat to help calm you down or something that won't meddle with you like that. Or at least let me see how much you were taking so that it wouldn't make it seem like you downed a bottle of firewhisky."

"Shhhh, don't be so loud Bri baby." Freddie replied, leaning forward and kissing the side of his cheek. "I'll be alright. I didn't add anything to make it too strong. I'll be good after transfiguration."

Brian sighed, bringing his hand up to run his fingers through his hair as he met that lovely hazel gaze of his once again, the worry still present above the obvious happiness that hid beneath the shadows. Despite the calming effects of the potion, he still felt a sharp wave of guilt follow as he purposely thought back to that night. How persistent his boyfriend had been with him staying indoors, how much he had wanted him to just listen to him about doing something the next day together. He cursed himself, looking down so that Brian wouldn't see his face fall any more than it already had. He didn't want him to worry so much about him, even if this motherly like behavior only lasted for roughly a week. It wasn't fair to him at all to have as much anxiety about him as he did himself. He deserves better than you. Freddie told himself, wrapping his arms around Brian's thin frame and letting his face fall against his chest.

"Come on, we've class in a few minutes." Brian told him, pulling his slack body up. "And since you're calmer now, here." He continued, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a small roll of bread from lunch and handed it to him.

"Brian-"

"Eat. It. Now." He said in a firm voice. "It's not a lot so you won't get sick and, if anything, you being under that calming draught should be enough to help get some food in you."

He begrudgingly took the small roll, breaking it in half and biting into it, Brian pulling him close and leading him down the hall as he shoved the rest in his pocket, the current guilt keeping his stomach miniscule and making him wish that he had left the school back when he had the chance.

...

"That class is starting to become more and more like a test to see how far it could try my nerves." Freddie groaned. Everyone in their defense class had gone deathly quiet and sullen once their teacher began going off on dementors once again, diving into even more detail about what would happen to an unprepared wizard if they came across them.

"At least once this chapter's over, we can move on to more interesting things." Brian tried, ruffling his hair as they entered their thankfully empty dormitory. The sounds of the rest of their house interacting downstairs was starting to irritate him to no end, the desire for complete and utter silence making him want to shove his head into a pillow and drown out everything.

"Great, but you know Jenk's going to try to simulate it with us at some point. Probably with a boggart that's programmed to be a dementor the entire time so that we each get a chance to block it with some patronus."

"And you'll be okay. You can get some kind of wisps of a patronus already and that's before he even covered it in class!" Brian said in an oddly cheery voice that only made him sink lower as he made his way to the windowsill, sitting on top of the stone and pulling his knees up to his chest. The calming draught's effects had gone away near the beginning of the defense class and left him prone to an anxiety fit the entire time with their teacher telling them of how these creatures would make you relive your worst memories as though they were happening before your very eyes.

"It doesn't matter, one glimpse of anything like that and it'll paralyze me." He growled.

"And so will dozens of other kids. Freddie, they're not boggarts. Even if they were, it's not like those things are no one else's worst fears or that it's uncommon. As for dementors, they're not going to see your memories. So they won't know what happened to you unless one of us says something which we both know won't happen." Brian explained, reaching into his nightstand and untying a small bag as he took out a bundle of green leaves and silver shavings, placing them into a small bowl as he began crushing the two things together.

He brought his hand up to his stomach, the fresh cuts along his stomach burning as he gently laid his hand across them. Before Brian could remind him, he shed his cloak and let it fall on top of the windowsill, pulling off his shirt right after and let it fall on top of his comforter. While Brian continued making the small paste for his wounds, Freddie ventured a glance towards the mirror that sat next to his bed, folding his arms across his chest to try and hide the white scars that were etched into his skin and sadly visible above the thick layer of hair that covered his chest. The bright red lines that were slashed across his middle stood out to him once more as he looked towards the one that came down from his neck down to the center of his chest, the stretching of his neck only pulling the wound and making him wince and cover it with his hand.

"Come here Fred, before someone comes up and we gotta rush downstairs or wait until the morning." He whispered, looking up at him and placing the pestle back down on top of his nightstand.

"It's sickening..." Freddie whispered, trailing his index finger ever so softly along the middle cut on the trio across his stomach.

"Don't focus on that right now, it's alright." Brian soothed, luring him over to his bed and helping him lay down on it as to not irritate them any more than they needed to be.

"Just get the ones on my stomach, at least those. I pulled them earlier in potions and they've been killing me since." He requested, shakily removing his hand from his stomach as it twitched at the cold touch of the dittany mixture Brian had prepared, his body soon relaxing as the cooling sensation spread through the searing scratches.

"I'll get all of them, even if they're not hurting that much. It should be enough, two is usually plenty since it does a hell of a good job the first go."

"I know Bri, I know..." He said softly, groaning as he moved his focus to the one along his throat and upper chest, soon moving to the bite across his arm.

Soon it was all over. Freddie began slipping his pajamas on and discarded his used clothes into the small pile near the corner of his room for him to toss into the laundry room basket when it came around. He quickly buttoned up his shirt, not wanting to see any more of his scarred upper body while he flashed a forced glance down towards his leg, his spirit being dragged down even more so at the violent bite scar that stained his leg before he tugged up his trousers, blocking it from sight until the next morning.

He headed back over to the windowsill, sitting on top of it while Brian hastily put away the herb and silver in his nightstand again and tossed on his own pajamas. He sat himself inside of it, leaning back against the stone wall and looking down towards the grounds, the outline of the Forbidden Forest creating a bumpy horizon that separated the ground from the navy sky.

"Freddie..." Brian's gentle voice came out to him, dragging his attention away from the grounds and towards him. He looked up at him, pulling a weak smile as he looked into those soft, hazel eyes of his. Brian knelt down onto his knees, making sure that he was at his height the best he could as he brought his hand up to stroke his upper back, the warm touch of his palm against his sore back making him relax beneath his hand.

"Please, is something wrong? Was something different last night?" He asked, to which he gave a shake of his head.

"No, no nothing was...was different. We've been held up before. Roger and John doing it last night wasn't something new." Freddie answered.

"What is it then?"

He bit back a hard sob, instead moving his attention off of his partner and down to his clasped hands, shuddering as he remembered the sight of them being covered in his own blood. "I'm just tired, I want to sleep..." He admitted. "But even if I get fucking thirty hours of sleep, it's not enough, it's never going to be enough."

The sudden touch of Brian's hand on his bare back made him jump as he ran it along his slightly protruding spine.

"You'll be okay. If you can't sleep tonight, just come over to my bed. Wake me up, I won't mind." He repeated, the familiar sentence bringing that out of place joy into his system as his eyes began to water. "And look at the good thing, you got to eating something tonight, that's faster than usual."

He gave a weak laugh. "That's cause the steak here is one of my favorites you dolt." He replied playfully before shaking his head. "Even that I couldn't stomach past a bite or two."

"It's something. You didn't skip another meal and it's more than you've eaten in the past few days. Everything'll come back in another few days and you'll be okay again."

"Nothing's going to be okay Bri...It just won't-"

"Hush, you know it will be. Don't let it get to you now." He lowered his voice to barely above a whisper. "The moon's gone for another month, no one saw you, and you're safe up here."

Once again, he shook his head. He wanted to believe Brian's soothing words, he truly did. His boyfriend tried so hard to keep him stable and yet he couldn't ever believe his words at all, especially the night after.

"I just wanna sleep Brian. I'm sorry, I just don't want to talk about this right now."

He sighed as Brian's hand left his bare skin, his nimble fingertips running along the start of his waist as he pulled away. "Get some sleep then, you look tired and some good sleep should do you some good."

God can't you see he just wants to help you? He thought bitterly as Brian headed for his own bunk, the creaking of his bed filling the room as he watched his silhouette disappear beneath his comforter. He's done so much for you here and at home. What on earth do you think you're gonna do once school's over? He continued to himself, turning his gaze away from his partner and out towards the grounds. He half expected Charlotte to come over and jump onto his lap, her gentle purring being a sort of comfort for him whenever Brian had gone to sleep after he pushed him away. Now he couldn't even have that to himself anymore and he didn't trust himself with adopting another. He'd only kept her with him because he'd had her since he was two and couldn't bear to not bring her. But up until he had her pass in his arms the year before the thought of him harming her in any way or not being near her when the moon came up terrified him.

Now she's just one less thing you have to worry about hurting. He thought grimly as he tugged his knees closer to his chest. You can't keep letting him risk his safety for you. It's gonna slip up one day. His subconscious began. He doesn't deserve this. You know you deserve it. You didn't want to listen to him that night.

Freddie shuddered at the thought, cutting off his train of thought before it would get any worse than it already had. It was right. It was always right. He just didn't want to deal with it right now.

He glanced upwards, seeing the thousands of glittering stars strewn across the blackening sky as the shrinking moon hung just above the outline of the forest. His body stiffened, his eyes falling shut as though he could feel that beast that lurked inside his body waiting to come out. He dug his nails into the side of his legs, waiting for it to take hold of him and for that blinding pain to shoot through his body once more. But nothing came. It stayed locked up, unable to do anything until the moon reached its full size again and his eyes came in contact with the silvery orb.

Listen to him for once dammit! He demanded. You're fine, no one saw you this morning. No one cares if you're tired in class. No one's going to ask any damn questions. Just listen to what he's telling you. At least then he won't have to put so much stress on himself.

Eventually he pushed himself out of the small crevice in the wall, swinging his legs over and looking towards his desolate bed. The sounds of the other Ravenclaws from downstairs made their way up through the door to their room as he longed to go down there and chat with them with Brian at his side. Yet sleep barked at the back of his mind, making his eyes go heavy and body fall slack. He turned towards the bed, lifting the blankets up and slipping underneath the heavy comforter while nestling himself next to his partner's lean frame, Brian's thin arms slipping around his waist as he pulled him close to him, feeling him bury his face into the crook of his neck. He glanced towards the end of his bed as his eyes stayed just barley open, focusing on the pale light of the moon that covered the comforter and footboard. Before another thought could make its way to the front of his mind, Freddie shut his eyes, gladly falling into his dreamless slumber.