The update is here and I had to go through my notes to find the feelings and here we are🤎.

I hope you enjoy the chapter💜.

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Jungkook rested his gasping body against the thickest pole of the park. The run he had after coming out of the lawyer's apartment was the most difficult run of his life. He wasn't running away from anyone else or a demon or an evil… he was running away from himself. His own self who just wants nothing else than to be choked to death.

It was hard to breathe at this point. But he let his eyes move around to look at the beautiful sceneries of the park. He watched how mothers were gobbling up the tiny bodies of their children with thicker clothes, making him shiver when the cool air fell on his sweaty body. The winter was already fading but the chillness is still present in the air.

Jungkook wiped his sweat away from his forehead and dragged his feet till he found a corner to hide. He found a perfect spot, a big circular dome inside a sliding slide. Children were climbing up and sliding down from the dome so Jungkook waited and when the children's attention got distracted by the new shining swing where two pretty girls were swinging together… They abandoned the slide altogether and ran toward the swing.

Jungkook took the opportunity and squeezed himself inside the hollow dome and sighed loudly. He closed his eyes and tried to calm his breath and after three long days, he finally could hear his heartbeats rather than those recording tapes. 

But the silence of his surroundings soon brought glimpses of his husband in his mind. If he hadn't heard the man’s words on those tapes, he would have never believed that Yeonsu could ever do such a thing to him. How could he? When all he received from the man was kindness and dotings every now and then.

If he was pretending… Then how could he pretend so well for four years? If he felt disgusted with his body due to his sexuality then how could he touch him intimately? The feelings they shared when he opened up to him after their marriage, the care he received, those words, surprise gifts, promises… were all a part of his schemes?

And for what?

His property? Something that he has no interest in. His eyes watered when Jungkook thought about his father. The man always appeared like a pillar in his life, who gathered him on his feet when his mother left him writhing in his crib. He understood his father when the man decided to send him to boarding school for his studies because he could see the daily struggles of his father in maintaining his job and his own school duties.

So one day when Jungkook prepared a coffee for the first time that could somehow help his father's headaches, he found his father sleeping on all of his scattered documents and at the centre of them, laid a prospect of a new school. At the mere age of 10, he couldn't understand what that document said, but seeing the colourful uniforms of children like him, he knew it was time to change schools.

However, the surprise came when the school wasn't in any neighborhood area but a country away from his father. He cried. Cried because he had always tried to not throw tantrums when he ate fried noodles for a week, instead silently smiled towards his father who came home after a whole tiring day. He always tried to be the light happiness for his father that he would find lovely and happy. But in the end, he was proved to be a burden when his father couldn't keep him with him.

He had never been a loud child, being in the room while colouring and making huts with icecream straws were his happiest times. So he cried because he didn't understand which of his habits made his father mad at him.

In order to get in his father's good books again, he finally agreed and packed his little life in his favourite bunny bag before grabbing his uncle’s hand who was responsible for delivering him safely to school.

It took a lot of time when he started to talk with other students in his class. He made friends, made mistakes, got beaten up and then hit back with full force, parents were called, his father came too but instead of getting angry at Jungkook, his father hugged him and apologised to his teachers.

Jungkook understood that it was his father's love for him but when the actions kept repeating and he never received any scoldings in return, he realised it was his father's guilt which was making him this soft towards him, not love. Even when he disclosed his sexual identity, his father remained speechless and hugged him tightly.

He changed schools but remained in the States, made good friends and learned about professionalism. He turned towards his career and felt his passion was the actual happiness that he was searching for in other's emotions. He threw the first party of his life when he got his first paycheck after freelancing for a company.

His father contacted him again, exclaiming that he has built his own home for him. Jungkook had to return when his scholarship easily deployed him into a prestigious university in Korea for a year's worth of diploma.

There, his father introduced him to Yeonsu and the cycle once again started to repeat itself. However, this time even before he could word out his needs, Yeonsu filled them with a big smile on his face. He never made him feel detached or like a responsibility that his husband needs to fill in order to survive or appear better in society.

It was all for him.

Jungkook understood that it was his husband's love for him but now everything turned blurry, a dead sight just like their wedding picture in his wallet. Keeping the physical frustration aside, there wasn't an inch where he doubted the loyalty of his husband.

Burying his head in between his knees, Jungkook cried till his face turned blue. The back of his head thumped on the curved dome when he breathed deeply only to get choked on the next exhale. He just wishes none could see or hear his embarrassing cries or if they do he wishes them to leave him alone.

And that's exactly what happened because even being on the verge of his death after running behind Jungkook to trace his whereabouts, Taehyung didn't let his harsh gasps and huffs hear in open when he landed on his butt a few feet away from that dome.

The lawyer decided to drag his feet out of that park when the cries became unbearable but he remained seated in front of its gate like a good guard dog. Eyes focused hard on ground, jaw clenched and ears concentrated on the large gasps the younger took in between his suppressed cries.

Does love always hurt like this? Even for a moment, if he switches places with Jungkook, his hands would have been smeared by blood right now, with the blood of his own husband. But the latter is still crying for the loss of the same or maybe the tears are for the betrayal that came along with their separation.

What he truly doesn't understand is why his own cheeks support wet trails of the same tears? He knows that he had always been empathetic towards the emotions of people but to the extent where his throat lurches forward and creates suffocation in his lungs?

It's the first.

Channelising these emotions into anger was easier, much easier when he imagined Yeonsu at the receiving end of these same tears. Oh he will be damned to make sure that man pays for Jungkook's cries. He had plans that would doomed Yeonsu’s entire empire of textiles along with his father's business of goods.

He will spare no one. And if Jungkook allows him, he will pull off a restraining order on his husband and press such charges that will make him regret his life decisions altogether. It will pursue him like a challenge and his previous colleagues know what happens when he takes a case as a challenge.

He doesn't know where this concern comes from, such an urge to provide Jungkook the utmost care and support. Feeling these things could be possible because he knows the person by his nature and now finding such cruelty happening against the same person, wants him to comfort him, protect him from evils.

They are friends now. Aren't they?

He can totally define this relationship as friends if he excludes their sexual intimacies from it. But now that they have experienced the end of it, Taehyung can consider Jungkook as his potential friend that he would tend to in sickness and happiness.

And right now that same person needs him more than anything so of course he followed him through his entire run of six kilometres. But he can't announce his presence and invade the latter’s privacy where he was liberating his suppressed emotions. So he decided to wait and he waited till the harsh cries converted into small sniffles that were hardly audible in the quivering surroundings.

Jungkook doesn't remember falling asleep but the darkness when he stirred awake made him sighed in tiredness. He moved out of that dome and closed up his clothes to escape the wild chills of the night. Ignoring his swollen face and the chilled air that was creating sharp splits on his face, he walked out of the park.

Just when he was about to cross the road, he heard the loud tethering of teeth and the sound of jumping legs. Nonetheless his feet took him to the sound and there he is, the absolute fool, doesn't know in what hurry he was that the lawyer decided to come out in his tshirt and pajamas with no jacket above. And now he was jumping along with three dogs to warm up his shivering body.

Jungkook unzipped his jacket, as he already had his black hoodie underneath, and walked towards the male when he finally found his voice to speak, “What are you doing here?”

Taehyung felt his shoulders covered in sudden warmth and that scratchy voice made him turn around immediately, “Jungkook? You here? I thought you went towards the Han pedestal. Oh and you look well rested with your red and blue face.”

Jungkook didn't mean to but he had to roll his eyes when he wiped his face and found blotches of tears still present on his cheeks, “Thanks. You didn't answer my question.”

“I came out for a run, y'know. Dad always nags me that I should go for runs during winters so I thought why not?”

“Why does it have to be today suddenly?”

“Oh come on,” Taehyung threw his arm around Jungkook's shoulder and dragged him forward to walk together, “I can't put up lies without being caught so stop interrogating me, it's so embarrassing.”

Jungkook chuckled thickly, his throat hurt around his vocal cords when he said, “Why do you even try then?”

“I was just worried and before I could think properly, my legs were already running behind you. And not to mention I matched the speed with saliva running down my jaw and you need to treat me with a good meal for that.” Taehyung grumbled as he shook Jungkook's shoulder while walking together.

Jungkook pushed both his hands inside his front hoodie pockets while sighing, “I don't feel like cooking today.”

“No worries. Let me show you my survival locations that are responsible for my good health and body.” Both of them chuckled at the choice of his words as they walked with a close huddle-cuddle.

Taehyung took Jungkook to his favourite eating spot, however his favourite spot might have changed in the span of two months but the restaurant remains the same, “Here, let me show you the place where I go when nothing works out.”

“Really?”

“What do you think? I only survive on takeouts? Nah!! I have many hidden gems like this one to take my fill.” Taehyung hurriedly booked a cabin and pulled out a chair for Jungkook before ordering hot honey water for him and normal for himself.

Jungkook was grateful and didn't abrupt the older much when he recited the order to the waiter who seemed amused with all the big platters Taehyung ordered. He drank his hot water which was providing immediate rest to his swollen throat.

The appetizers came first with short smoked skewers and both of them gulped down with appreciative nods towards each other, “Isn't it good?”

“Hmm. I can actually picture you crying while eating this.”

Taehyung laughed at that and welcomed the waiter who came up with their main course and refilled Jungkook’s hot water. The dishes were made and presented with delicacies and it was funny that Jungkook loved all of them because he barely liked foods from such big restaurants.

His mind was exhausted at this point, still filled with chaos but Jungkook needs to fill his stomach if he doesn't want to get defeated by his own body. So he slurped the thick soup and closed his eyes dramatically to rest his head at the headrest of the chair, "Thank you for taking me here.”

Taehyung looked at him and smiled naturally, feeling happy that maybe that's the one percent he could do to make the younger feel better, “Of course, you can always count on me for the good food recommendations.”

He stirred the bread to swoop the remnants of soup in it when his smile diminished due to his thoughts. They need to talk to prepare themselves for tomorrow. The delay is not good, he knows but he doesn't have the heart to ask Jungkook about things when he is finally enjoying a bit of food.

So he waited till Jungkook finished his food and both of them ordered a dripping hot caramel pudding to complete their dinner when Taehyung decided to sour their moods, “Have you thought about raiding Yeonsu’s home tomorrow? I mean we can't drop at the door unprepared so I think we should talk it out.”

Jungkook felt the delicious knocking back at his throat suddenly, he looked at Taehyung in misery and his eyes conveyed the nausea he felt but Taehyung just slid the warm water towards and looked at him intently. So Jungkook took a sip and gulped down the bile, “Do you think it's easy? Do you think he will let me walk out of this marriage just because I want it?”

Taehyung braced his shoulders and talked on a broad level, “Okay then what do you want to do? Forgive him and then live with him forever? No, let's forget this talk. Let's lay every aspect in front of us and weigh them together.” He called a waiter and requested for a pen and paper while the waiter cleared out their table and informed them about the delay of their dessert.

Jungkook eyed the lawyer varyingly, it's a relief that he didn't look mad and genuinely trying to look for a better solution so he sipped his water silently and waited for Taehyung who received his pen and paper to start drawing a parting line in between. He makes two sections and writes worse and worst on both sides.

Taehyung never stopped talking as he jotted down all the points while explaining all the benefits and drawbacks. He wrote the first point under worse and start talking, “Let's see what happens if you leave Yeonsu for good;

Emotionally, You'll of course mourn him like a widow because he (was no is no) was the love of your life and then you'll try to move on, will fail and then try to move on again, you will definitely pass this time.”

Financially, You'll lose your inheritance( coz apparently you don't want it) and that house also which is originally under your name but you don't want it so we won't consider it. Now all you have is your savings from freelancing that could help you in your rebel period which is ____?”

Taehyung looked at Jungkook questionably while raising one of his eyebrows, Jungkook blinked away his eyes from the paper and said, “Um.. around 50 million won, I think?”

“Do not think, Jungkook. Give me the exact sum.”

Jungkook rolled his eyes because Taehyung in his lawyer mode is definitely demanding. He opened his phone and logged into his credentials to voice out the balance, “It's 68M.”

Taehyung whistles and notes down, “Not bad. Then you can easily afford a studio apartment for yourself. Even a servant that can help you around the house chores and a car?”

Jungkook shook his head immediately, “I don't need help. And the car is a bit too much I think.”

“A motorbike then, yeah, a bike will be perfect as we need some balance as well to survive till you make up your mind to start working again.

Physically, I think you would cry till you develop serious eyebags and there are symptoms of needing therapy later, but nothing that your skincare and bank balance can't afford. If you keep skipping your meal time then you have to enroll for a nutritionist as well though.”

Mentally, this is gonna be the most disturbed part and the department where I lack too but my suggestion lies to keep yourself busy enough to not think about things and this is the part where the importance of time comes as well.”

“Should we discuss and move on to the worst one?” Taehyung asked as both of them stared at each other, Jungkook slid his chair closer to Taehyung and nodded briefly.

“Okay, so these could be the possibilities if you forgive him and decide to live with him forever;

Emotionally, a totally fuçked up situation. He doesn't love you and won't ever love you for sure because he just doesn't swing this way. The worst he would do is start pretending like before that he loves you to the moon and back.”

Financially, It's the best option to be with Yeonsu. No payments, no expenditure because Yeonsu in his guilt tripped mind will throw bills at you before you could even lift your finger towards your wallet. Your bank balance will keep increasing as it should be. But is the bank balance enough to be happy? Of course it is!

Physically, You'll be going on dates so in order to remain attractive in his blind eyes, you'll build more muscles, more skincare appointments, more manicure, pedicure and blast, you'll start glowing. But does this glow come from happiness? Of course Yes!

Mentally, Again a tough topic but you'll have your family beside you this time and you'll be able to share and shout everything that your mind hides. It could work out this way or you'll be pressured to have a baby soon in the name of strengthening your bond or to feel more settled down with him.”

The mention of baby scared Jungkook upto bottomless pits, the fear broke out of his barely dry eyes in misery, “I would never want that.”

Taehyung rested his pen on the paper and reached for the block of tissue before wiping the stray tears from Jungkook's eyes, “Well, there we have a decision then.” He aggressively crossed the baby part on paper with an angry frown on his lips.

Jungkook chewed his bottom lip in worry and worded out, “I want to move out as soon as possible. I don't want to live there any longer. My mind is already at the top best level of the imagination of whatever could happen there. And we should, we should save Mehrin as well.”

Taehyung nodded slowly as if he just remembered that there was one more person trapped inside this betrayal, “I think it will be better if we go there tomorrow. What do you say?”

His fists were curled on his knees when Jungkook agreed to Taehyung's suggestion, “Yes, tomorrow. I will pack my things and leave that house for good.”

Taehyung captured those trembling hands in his, “Yes, Don't panic, No matter however we plan it, everything will go down the drain at once. We have to be prepared for it. And I'll be the insect that revolves around you through all the dirt. I won't back away until you pull a restraining order against me. I promise.”

“Why?” Jungkook squeezed his hands in his hold, gaze turning doubtful, “Why would you do it? Tae, please if you feel-”

“Because you are my friend. That's my answer. I swear there is nothing else. You are a good person, Jungkookie. That's the only reason I can find when I look into myself and ask as to why I want to protect you so fiercely. All of it because I don't want anything bad happen to you. You are too pretty, successful and smart to suffer like this, okay?”

A deep sigh left Jungkook's lips, it's the fault of his jumbled mind that he shaped Taehyung's efforts into such vile thoughts, thoughts of him falling into something they do not consent to. No, he doesn't want, doesn't wish for anyone anymore. Tae would never take advantage of him or his situation, he knows. He just wants peace, freedom to inhale freely in the open air. And top of everything he doesn't want to be a homewrecker in the list of his personas.

Taehyung didn't let go of their hands when he paid the bill and walked out of the restaurant when their cab arrived to receive them. The darkness had fallen in the sky and the chilly night roared when the sudden thunder hinted at the arrival of the downpour soon. He opened the car door and loosened his hold on Jungkook's hand as the younger took a seat in the car.

Their hands separated when Taehyung closed the door with a thud before confirming the address from the driver. Jungkook rested his head on the window, eyes focused outside, mind deep into thoughts that they discussed during the dinner. The warm food inside his stomach helped the sad thoughts and gave enough energy to think about his future.

A new future.

He didn't even go up to three weeks in his imagination when the thunder erupted with bright lightning. Jungkook flinched away from the window and buried his head into the thick shoulder of lawyer sitting beside him. His eyes were squeezed closed, hands enclosed around Taehyung's arm.

Taehyung who had his elbow placed on the window, forefinger bent over his upper lip in thinking posture, felt his heart racing when a weight rolled onto his arm. His eyes bore down to see the black mop of hair buried into his shoulder. He waited, with a thudding heart inside his chest, so unusually, he waited for the boy to give relief to his eyes and looked at him so that he could say that it was just lightning but the said lightning fell on his head when those black eyes stared back at him.

He couldn't say a word, instead counted the beats his heart skipped when Jungkook squeezed his arm and rested his head again on his shoulder. Taehyung looked away instantly and clenched his free hands on the leather seat, his fingers dug into the leather and left the evident dents before molding softly.

None of them spoke again and Taehyung was thankful for the driver who turned on the heater. The ride was peaceful with the background sound of traffic turning into the soft pitter-patter of rain. The beads of water slid down the window, blocking the vision of Taehyung who was doing his best to look outside.

In slight defeat and slight worry for his neck, he turned his head towards the dashboard and then the seat partitions in front of him and then their collided knees, then the soft cheek pressed to his arm and finally, he saw Jungkook sleeping on his shoulder.

He doesn't know when his hand caressed that full cheek and wiped the lone moisture that was crossing the bridge of his nose. Nothing will happen to you, I promise. His eyes hardened when he looked outside this time, brain fogging with angry thoughts again.

They stumbled out of the car after paying the driver while escaping the playful droplets, Taehyung punched the password and supported a sleepy Jungkook inside his apartment, “I think you should crash at my room for tonight. I don't want us to get hurt while skipping the stairs.”

“No. I want to go to my room.” Jungkook muttered while toying off his shoes, “Don't worry, I will be careful.” He removed his socks as well and wished an audible goodnight before turning towards the stairs.

It was the fourth stair when Jungkook’s sleepy body forgot to catch the railing and was about to bust his head but a strong arm around his collarbone saved him from thwack, “Keep walking, stubborn head.”

Jungkook grumbled as they climbed stairs together, maybe it was the heavy crying that made him lose his vigor but he will remember to thank Taehyung in the morning. He remembered the hard floor under his feet converting into soft carpet, waiting for the soft carpet to convert into the pile of his duvet but when it didn't come, he opened his barely open eyes.

A pair of pajamas were dangling over his face, “Go change.”

Jungkook blinked his eyes twice and looked down, yeah, he can't sleep in dirty clothes. Muttering a silent curse, he took the clothes and went inside the bathroom. He swore he must have only taken five…eight, okay ten minutes to change and brush his teeth but when he came out Taehyung was sitting on the edge of his bed, already changed in his nightwear, arms brace over his chest and an angry frown supporting his handsome face.

What?

He shook his head and closed the bathroom door behind him, “What?”

“It's been an hour, Jungkook. I was this close to barge inside and spank your butt awake.”

Taehyung didn't expect the sudden slump of the younger's shoulders as he asked softly, “Really? I don't remember.”

The lawyer sighed thickly and patted the bed, “Come here and lay down. I will leave when you start your world-class snoring.”

Jungkook didn't argue or grumble this time, he laid on the bed and folded his legs up to his chest to squeeze himself under the heavy blanket. His eyes fell closed when he felt a hand caressing his messy locks, he sighed softly and said, “Thank you, Tae. For…caring for me.”

The stiffness of his body leaves in shimmers when a body slides behind him, engulfing his tiny body with a big spoon. The arm came next that caged his chest and pressed his back into the other body entirely, “This is what a good boy deserves. And you are one who topped your class, supported your dad in his decisions, passed the bully days and still become the good man you are.”

Jungkook gasped inaudibly, eyes opening to widen when he turned around in the arms of the man holding him, “You heard me in that dome?” Maybe he didn't just cry silently but wailed his thoughts out in the open. His eyes swam in unshed tears once again when the memories of night tired him out.

“If you dare to shed a tear, I will kiss you.”

His body became rigid in that soft hold, hands resting on the chest as his enlarged eyes analysed the distance between their lips. He didn't move his gaze even when those lips started talking, “Your feelings are safe with me, sweetkins. You haven't hurt anyone to feel bad, so don't spend these tears.”

His vision was getting blurry with each passing second, “Why are being… so gentle with me?” He whispered or maybe it's just his thoughts.

“Isn't that what you actually crave? You said you like roughness but you were lying to yourself, to me. Your pretty little being isn't made for rough hands. You are like a snuggly bunny who wipes his face with his own wet paws, too defenceless, too pure and too soft.”

The praises thrived under Jungkook's skin as he inhaled through his parted lips, he made the mistake of closing his eyes and the collected moisture trailed out at once. The alarm strikes in his brain, loud enough to blare open his eyes but the man was still watching him, waiting and waiting or maybe fighting his own alarms.

Everything was buzzing in his surroundings, loud thoughts, too loud to engulf his peace and leave him disturbed, he blinked again and when the tears escaped his eyes, his lips welcomed the peace when another pair pressed on his own.

Jungkook inhaled jarringly through the kiss, his hands spreading over the tight chest just to clench over the collars so that he could bring the man closer. The numbing effect of the kiss, relaxed his limbs in an instant, loosened the tightness of his lungs and shut off the buzzing surroundings.

After the infinite brutal days, his mind was mushy enough to not beep or weave any thoughts. Everything turned naturally calm, his ears could only hear the short huffs from the man in his arms, eyes could only see the sheen of tenderness, and mouth was occupied with the latching tongues.

He didn't protest at all, his body submitting to the kiss as the only support for surviving the night. No noises were made, it was the silence and the caressing fingers over his nape that took him towards the slumber but he knows, he believes and hopes that the lips keep moving against him for the entire night so he wouldn't wake up from this dream.

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜.

I hope you enjoyed the chapter🤎.

Good night, lovely readers.

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜.