CARMEN

Mabilis na lumipas ang mga araw habang nasa Canada ako.

After ko kausapin ang lawyer na in-charge sa estate ng magulang ni Helene, I signed the papers at nagpasalamat ako sa lahat ng tulong nila.

Dahil only child si Helene, sa kanya pinamana ng magulang niya ang lahat ng pag-aari nila.

At dahil ako ang primary beneficiary ni Helene, sa akin niya naman binigay ang inheritance niya.

"You don't have to work a day in your life, Carmen." Sabi ni Sasha pag-alis namin sa law office.

Hindi ako nakasagot.

Bukod sa two million dollars insurance money na binigay ng Maman ni Helene sa nag-iisang kapatid niya na babae na matanda na din at biyuda, sa akin lahat napunta ang pera nila.

Hindi ako makapaniwala na I walked away with twenty million dollars.

Daig ko pa ang nanalo sa lotto.

Binenta kasi ang bahay ng parents niya sa Montreal.

Bukod dun, may mga investments ang parents niya sa stocks at bonds.

Helene always said na very frugal ang parents niya dahil they both came from poor families and they have this attitude na ayaw na nilang maghirap ulit kaya naman sobrang tipid nila.

Kung anuman ang ginawa nila, it paid off dahil ang laki ng perang naipon nila.

Ang masakit nga lang, hindi ko alam if they were able to enjoy their money.

Naluha ako at nagulat si Sasha ng makita na umiiyak ako. "Hey. What's wrong?" Hindi niya pinaandar ang sasakyan.

"I just thought of Helene and how we have all these things planned that we won't get to do." Suminghot ako.

Binuksan ni Sasha ang glove compartment at inabutan ako ng maliit na packet ng Kleenex tissue.

"I know that wherever she is now, this is what she would have wanted for you."

Tiningnan ko siya and her expression was tender and filled with love.

"I remember when she was still alive, she always said that she never wanted you to worry about anything especially when it comes to money."
Alam ko kung ano ang sinasabi ni Sasha.

When Helene and I started dating, I told her I have a family to support.

Akala ko, it would be a deal breaker between us so when she said it's okay, I was relieved.

Once a month, sumasama siya sa akin sa money remittance centre para magpadala ng sustento.

She even learned how to fill out the form para alam niya daw gawin in case hindi ako makakapunta sa iRemit.

When we lived together, kasama sa budget namin ang padala para sa pamilya ko.

"I just wished we could enjoy all these money together." Huminga ako ng malalim.

"I know." Marahang tinapik ni Sasha ang hita ko.

Pagkatapos kong asikasuhin ang mga legal matters, Sasha and I drove by the house na dati naming tinitirhan ni Helene.

Sa northeast community din ito sa Calgary.

The single-family home was bought by an East Indian couple na bagong kasal.

Our old place has two bedrooms and a bathroom upstairs at furnished ang basement.

Detached ang two-car garage at sa gilid ay may mataas na puno ng pine tree.

Mukhang walang tao ng pinarada niya ang truck sa tapat ng bahay.

Nakadama ako ng lungkot ng makita ko ulit ang bahay dahil wala pa ding nabago sa itsura nito.

Cream and kulay ng sidings at dark brown ang trim.

May malaking bintana sa tapat ng kalsada kaya kita namin ang mga tao at sasakyan na dumadaan.

Kapag summer, maliwanag sa sala kasi pasok ang sikat ng araw sa loob ng bahay.

Sa bahay na iyon kami bumuo ng maraming pangarap.

Habang nakaupo kami sa loob ng sasakyan, unti-unting pumatak ang snow.

Helene loved winter and her favorite were those that floated softly like a feather tulad ng bumabagsak sa windshield ng sasakyan.

Napatitig ako sa bintana at tumingala ako sa langit.

Puting-puti ang mga ulap at maliwanag ang araw kahit nakatago sa likod ng mga ito.

I felt my heart beat faster habang nakatingin ako sa langit.

At that moment, I felt Helene's presence.

I thought I saw her smiling down on me from heaven.

A week before I was scheduled to fly back to Manila, Sasha received a letter from Nick.

It was the signed divorce papers.

Kahit galit siya sa ginawa ng dating asawa, napaiyak siya ng makita ang mga dokumento.

Para malibang siya, niyaya ko siya na pumunta kami sa Banff para makapagrelax.

I booked a two-night stay sa Fairmont Banff Springs.

Ayaw sana pumayag ni Sasha dahil bukod sa she has to work, mahal ang reservations.

"I think we don't have to worry about that."

"Oh, right." Natawa siya sa sinabi ko.

Sasha has always been there for Helene and me.

Taking her to a spa so she can relax and unwind was a small thing to do to thank her for everything she has done for us.

On the day of my departure, I asked Sasha to go to the parking lot.

"Why? Am I not just dropping you off?"

"No. You are coming with me to the terminal." Sagot ko.

"But why?"

"I have something important to tell you." Sagot ko.

"You can't tell me while we were at the house?"

Umiling ako.

"Okay." Sagot niya bago pumasok sa parking lot.

Habang naglalakad palapit sa elevator that would take us to the departure area, tinanong ako ulit ni Sasha kung ano ang importanteng sasabihin ko sa kanya.

Imbes na sumagot, kinuha ko ang wallet sa loob ng suot na down jacket.

"Here." Inabot ko sa kanya ang business card."

"What's this?" Tinitigan niya ang pangalan ng bank representative.

"Call her and give her my name. She'll know what to do."

"Carmen, why are you being cryptic?"

Tumigil ako sa paglalakad.

"You've done so much for me and Helene. I want to return the favor."

"I still don't understand what you're trying to tell me."

"I heard you on the phone one night while you were talking to a realtor."

"Ohh...kay."

"I hope you won't get offended but you don't have to leave your house. You can buy Nick's share if you want or do whatever."

"Carmen, you don't have to do this." Nangilid ang luha niya.

"I know you love that house. You built a garden at the back so you can work on it when the weather is nice. You've chosen the furniture and you designed what appliance goes with the color. That is your home, Sasha. You have so many memories there and I know that it's where you're truly happy."

"Oh, Carmen." Bigla niya akong niyakap.

Napatingin yung ibang tao na naglalakad papunta sa check-in area.

"You don't have to this you know." Sabi ni Sasha ng humiwalay sa akin.

"I know but I want to. If Helene was here, I'm sure she would do the same."

"God!" Pinaypayan niya ang mukha gamit ang mga kamay niya.

"Thank you. You don't know how much this means to me."

"You're welcome."

Hinila ko ang suitcase at lumakad na kami ulit papunta sa departure area.

Bago ako umalis, nagyakap kami ulit.

"Let me know if you can get time off in June, okay?" Paalala ko sa kanya.

"Sure. I cannot wait to go on vacation."

"Good. Give me a call and I'll pick you up at the airport."

"Okay."

We hugged one more time.

"Thank you for everything." I said softly.

"I should be the one to thank you."

"It's a small thing."

Before I entered the gate, I turned around to wave at Sasha.

She was dabbing the side of her cheek with a tissue.

I felt the sting of tears on my face and before I turned around, I took a deep breath.

While walking to the entrance, my legs weren't as heavy as the first time I left Canada.

My heart wasn't burdened by the anger I felt for the guy who took Helene's life.

Grief still claims a portion of my heart and I know it will always be there because that sadness represents the love I will always have for Helene.

But unlike before when I didn't want to join the living, when I want to drown myself in the darkness of her passing, this time I know she would want me to keep going.

Our dreams are still alive in me.

If she was here, she would tell me to keep chasing them.

"It doesn't matter if your dreams come true or not." She would say.

"What matters is you didn't just wish for them. You actually did something to know if they could be yours."