Here are the results for the final round of May The Best Scene Win.

JABrownOfficial JOINT THIRD 🥉
Judges Score 8
Public Vote 2
Overall score 10

The writer tries to incorporate all senses through the descriptions and it's a success, making the scene very vivid.

The first paragraphs build a sense of anticipation and unease as the protagonist approaches her 16th birthday. The walk at the beginning gives an eerie feeling and it foreshadows the changes that are about to happen to the protagonist indirectly.
This scene along with the scene with her father is a nice way to show her fear of the unknown. Also, the scene with the father and the old house was a nice touch to show her past and what she used to be.
The shift in and out of the dream could have been smoother. The italics clearly indicated the beginning and end and while the initiation of the dream was good, I felt the shift towards reality was abrupt. However, I liked her intense, powerful reaction but the shift towards a determined choice was very fast. It seemed as if she didn't even think about what happened.

As for the twist about her being a "breather" (even though I have no idea what that means) came as a shock. It felt obvious that she was meant to become an ordinary vampire and the change was certain. And then, everything changed.

Back to the end of the scene, her decision to leave the school shows her resolve. What was a bit unexpected for me is the mention of "friends". She doesn't give a specific description of the girls in her dorm and the mention of bullies and cowards gave me the impression that she is perhaps lonely and isolated there. Then, the mention of the friends applauding her seemed out of context.

Her decision to leave suggests upcoming adventures and left me anticipating the rest of her journey. Nice job here.

-KaylaWinchester JOINT SECOND 🥈
Judges Score: 7
Public Vote 4
Overall Score 11

I liked the contrast between the woman's grief and the beauty of the garden. The serene and vibrant garden highlights the intensity of her sorrow, making her grief feel even more poignant.

However, I would prefer it if the woman went to the garden directly to see the black roses, as if it was a way to bring him closer to her. The way the scene is written gives a lack of purpose in Brielle's walking. While this could fit with her sadness, it doesn't connect well with the flashback.

The transition from the present moment in the garden to the memory of meeting her partner for the first time isn't completely seamless. The visual cue (black roses) is given but the use of "flashes" directly brings me back to reality and out of the scene with Brielle.

The flashback scene doesn't have the required power; it is too fast, not emotionally deep enough to showcase her bond with her partner. I would either change the scene a bit to showcase her initial emotions, or choose a different flashback in order to make the loss in the present more tragic.

All in all, I liked the scene but I didn't find myself immersed into Brielle's world and despair.

SkullantacySmith  [WINNER] 🥇
Judges Score: 9
Public Vote: 6
Overall Score: 15

Firstly, wow! The writer knows which words to use exactly. The descriptions bring the scene to life without using cliché phrases. I could feel part of the scene myself.

The flashback fit nicely and the transition was very smooth. The connection of the female lead with Jonathan wasn't as deep as I'd expected it to be.
The pace was good, though the flashback was a bit slower. I'm not sure if it was intentional or not, but it fit the emotions of the female lead.

The decision to accept Flynn into her life was a bit abrupt. While I suppose the flashback was the tip of the iceberg, the scene felt a bit forced. However, the writer showed her feelings and reaction when she first saw Flynn (in the scene) so the decision itself was logical.

Finally, the ending provides a satisfying resolution to the protagonist's dilemma and it gives a hopeful tone. If this scene were part of a completed (or even ongoing) story, I would definitely read it!

uschibear
Judges Score 4
Public Vote 4
Overall Score: 8

First of all: I like the concept of being able to... for lack of a better term "deliberately dream". Like: using magic to enter the dream world and keep your control in there. It seems pretty normal for this main character to do so, and in fact the scene says that she has trained it.

But: In the first part the reader gets bombarded with background information, names, ingredients, exposition... most of it, if not all, is not needed for a standalone scene, and if this is the buildup to a bigger story, it is so rushed and out of place that nobody would be able to follow. I rather would cut all of it that takes place before the actual dream, and leave the explanation to the mind of the main character. A few cliff notes what she is doing there should be more than enough.

The second big stumbling point for me is the dialogue. Too wordy and too confusing, especially in the middle part where it's not even clear who is speaking. At the first glance I couldn't even make out that Alanna is speaking to two men instead of just the one she was looking for. And why does Roarke ask the question that Alanna needs the answer for? Also, despite calling each other "my love" and things, all characters seem to be very detached from any emotions, at least that's what the dialogue feels like.

And the ending: If time flows slowly in the dream world, why did this short moment of dialogue take four hours instead of the ten minutes they agreed upon?

SuspenseScream JOINT THIRD 🥉
Judges Score: 8
Public Vote: 2
Overall Score: 10

That was some nightmare fused dream. Loved how the beginning 'cold touch' is connected to the omen dream. There's a few problems though with the writing.

If someone was squealing then the dialogue should have ended with an exclamation point.

I'm unsure if adding the double description of the dim room's brightness (referring to this: ''It's not bright enough to hurt our eyes, even though we've been in the dark for over two hours. It's barely even bright enough to see through properly.') was necessary. Maybe combining into one sentence would have worked instead.

The ending part had me slightly confused. One is, (fake) Ken is smiling the whole time but there's one part where you wrote 'He frowns.' which kind of makes no sense to me, unless he pretended to be slightly concerned but never had the description on it.

That said, your plot had me spooked (in a good way), but I had to give a small deduction for writing wise.

anitaleroux1975 
Judges Score 5
Public Vote 3
Overall Score 8

The dream itself was well written. I liked the fact that she dreams about seeing a friend that recently died. However this round was all about the transitions between the story and the dream or flashback, this is something I thought it lacked. Missing this vital element can throw the reader and cause confusion. If I didn't know it was a dream at the beginning, I wouldn't have know what it was I was reading. I don't think it became clean until the end that what I had just read was a dream. Transitions are too important to miss

MikeMacColin JOINT SECOND 🥈
Judges Score 9
Public Vote: 2
Overall Score 11

I really enjoyed reading this. The transition before and after the dream were crystal clear. The descriptions used pained a very good picture of exactly what was going on. Personally I would like to have seen more about your characters feelings, but that's just me. A very well written scene.