Timmy Liu McKenzie

"I mean, getting a cook isn't such a bad idea," I say looking at Curt as I spoke. He is driving and we are on our way back from the library, it's already late and we spent his scheduled time there with him teaching me maths and physics. I couldn't say no to a free tutor period, Curt wouldn't even let me. "At least now you'd get to eat healthy."

He glances at me, "I eat good food already thanks to your mom."

I roll my eyes, "just lunch and sometimes dinner. Breakfast is the most important meal or the day."

"Blah blah," he says as he drives into his driveway, smiling at me when I glare at him. "I don't want to hear about the cook or my dad anymore. I'm so tired already."

I nod understandingly, "yeah, I get." I grab my bag, hand on my camera. "I should go home and start sleeping without my mom noticing my presence." Curt doesn't say anything to that and his head stays relaxed on the seat, eyes on me. I nod to myself and make to leave the car but then Curtis hand clamps on mine, stopping me. I turn to him, raising a brow in askance.

"Stay," he whispers.

I smirk, at least what I hope is a smirk. "What? Want to teach me another round of physics?"

"If you want?" He smirks now, the actual thing that suits perfectly. "Physics is fun."

"No fucking way," I pull my hand away, ready to bolt if physics is involved in anything again.

Curtis laughs, "you're such a lazy student." Then he yawns. "But no, I don't know what we'd do but I could do with a sleepover. I- I don't want to be alone today."

I don't even think about it before nodding. "Okay. We could watch Netflix and eat peanut butter."

He grins, looking awake already. "Sounds like a plan. I'd race you inside."

I gape after his empty seat that he runs out of. "Was the tiredness a ruse? Curtis?!"

And that is how I spend the rest of the evening first waiting for Curtis to take his bath, then I take my own bath. His cook already had his dinner kept for him but he didn't want it and after doing both our laundry. We start watching Netflix and gossiping about students expression on 'our kiss', then we got bored and spent the remaining hours awake on my collage book. Curt inspects his picture, giving me his opinion about them whether I wanted it or not. Then he watched me arrange them in, praising his face now and then. Eventually we fall asleep and all bad thoughts in from the morning is gone. He has forgotten about his dad and schedule and I have forgotten about my mom and coming out to her. All that is left is the happy moments gotten from spending time together— Curt and I.

*

"Hey, do you think we need matching clothes?" Curt asks, coming out his wardrobe and buttoning up his shirt.

I look up from where I'm wearing my socks on. "What?"

"This couple thing," he gestures between us. "Do you think we need matching clothes? I mean, just one kiss isn't enough to keep the idea selling, is it?"

"Well," I put my legs down, getting up from the bed and going to help him fix his tie. I had slept over like was the plan and when I woke up, the first thing I saw was Curtis face. No, we weren't magically cuddled or anything but I woke up to us facing each other; his slightly tanned skin that looked paler in the morning, his fifteen dots of freckles dusting his nose (yes, we counted it because Curtis wanted to get rid of it and I wanted to prove that they weren't doing any harm to his image, especially with how little they are) also could be seen more now, his perfect nose, prefect angled jawline, perfect lips that were slightly parted as he slept and perfect long lashes. It is always a dream come true waking up next to Curt and last night was no exception. Needless to say, I am in an excellent mood. "One kiss isn't enough and I don't think there's any need for matching clothes. Especially since we have to wear uniforms to school."

"Yeah," Curtis drags. "Anyway, I think couple shirts are tacky."

I lean backwards, making my eyes look up at him so he'll see me giving him a look of 'you say what now'. "Couple shirts are not tacky." Curtis fires the same look at me and I scoff, launching to defend myself. "They are not. It's cute and— have you seen the he is mine, I am his shirts? Adorable."

Curt looks like he's holding himself back from laughing but then ends up failing and chuckling, "what? Are you kidding me?"

"No, I'm not. It's adorable and it's a way to announce to the world that you both are together." I pout at him. How can't he see the romance in it.

"I think grabbing whoever and planting a deep kiss on their lips announces just right, even better too. Like we did," he winks at me and I roll my eyes. "And if people actually get the shirt, that are they supposed to do with theirs when a break up happens?"

My lips turn down to a sad frown. "You don't get the shirt while thinking of a breakup and not every relationship ends in a break up dummy."

Curtis scoffs loudly and I draw his tie so it's really tight on his neck and he's coughing before I let go, walking away from him. "Murderer," he mutters, fixing it back to the right fit. "And Timmy, you're saying that to me who has had countless breakups."

Sixteen.

He continues, "imagine if for all my ex-girlfriends I'd gotten a couple shirt. I'd have had so many-" sixteen. "-and nothing to do with them now. They'd just be a trigger for bad memories."

"Well that's because you don't go into a relationship with your heart," I point out. "You go in with your dick and whatever it is that pushes you to do whatever you do. When it's real, it doesn't necessarily means bad memories even after a break up."

"Tch," he scoffs again, shaking his head negatively. "There's no point when it's going to just end."

"So, are you saying we'd have a break up too?" I ask and I swear I don't know why. My heart is even starting to feel heavy and it's just a harmless debate. Curtis head snaps to me so fast. I raise a brow, "huh?"

"From what? Our pretend relationship?"

I shrug, "no, I mean, I know we would eventually end it. I mean- o-our friendship." I shrug again, unable to meet his eyes now. "I mean- that's a relationship too, right?"

Curtis closes the distance between us so quickly, I startle a bit, looking at him with wide eyes. He holds my arms, trapping me in place. "The fuck?" I open my mouth to say something but it just closes back because I don't know what to say. "Timmy, girlfriends, boyfriends come and go but friendship is for life. Remember?"

I did.

"So, I'd be going on a date with Edith on Saturday," Curtis said, throwing the hockey puck to me. We were both on the ice, skating and I was supposed to help him practice by being a pretend goalie but then, he didn't feel like playing. Good for me because I sucked at being a goalie and playing. "I'm yet to decide if it's going to be the movies or a game shop or just cafe coffee."

"Hm," I answered, skating in a circle around him. I learned how to skate at a young age because of Curt. We did everything together.

"Hm? No ideas? Give me advice."

"I don't have any," I answered him, my voice smaller than usual. I was feeling like I was going to have a stomach pain of I kept hearing about Edith Zachary.

Curt chased me, grabbing me hand to make me stop. "What's wrong with you?"

"I'm sick and tired of hearing about Edith Zachary," I confessed, unable to help myself.

Curtis frowned, "what? You don't like her."

I pulled my hand away from his. "Not that, it's just... Girlfriends always come first. Watch it, she'd steal you away from me. You'd start hanging out with her more and before we know it, we aren't friends anymore."

"Timmy."

"It's true," I pressed. "Girls brainwash guys all the time."

He laughs and starts skating again. "Timmy, you're being ridiculous."

"How?"

"Because girlfriends come and go but friendship is for life."

"Who said that?"

"A wise man," he winked before jumping and doing an air spin.

"You?"

He never said. I don't know if he heard that from somewhere or if he made it up at the spot. But here he is, saying it again.

"And love?" I don't know when my mouth opens up and asks that like I'm in a trance. It's not surprising, I am looking into Curtis's hazel eyes and I swear, there's hypnosis in them.

"Hm?"

I look away, biting on my lip and whisper. "Love is forever."

Curtis grins, pulling me into a hug. "Yeah and I love you Timmy."

I inhale sharply at that and tears sting my eyes when I hug Curtis back. It hurts so much.

"So we're forever," Curtis pulls away. "Me and you. Get that into your thick skull."

"Fuck off," I playfully pushed him off and he staggers away laughing. I might have said it playfully but I also really meant it. Fuck off, Curtis Salazar and Fuck You for playing with my heart even though you didn't know it.

It might be strange that I am always doubting the duration/lifespan of my friendship with Curt and everything he has to remind. Honestly, I need to be reminded because at times it feels like a dream; it feels like a dream that I've managed to last this long staying by his side. It feels like a dream that he's here, despite oblivious, he's here, anchoring my life more than be knows it. Honestly sometimes it's like it's too good to be true and I'm waiting for the bad. If there's actually a bad then I'm more of a rip-off-the-bandage guy, it'll hurt way less the easier and faster it happens.

"Well," he walked out of his wardrobe again. "Today we're having our first non-scrimmage match with some boring school and I need you to wear this." He raised up the hockey jersey shirt he had in his hands, showcasing the name SALAZAR behind it and all thoughts of bad happenings disappear. "That's how the whole thought of couple shirts popped into my mind; we'd be wearing the same thing." He chuckles then looks at me face, confusing the look on it for apprehension and hesitation. "Oh, this is my former shirt. Wore it through freshman and sophomore year, then I got bigger and it and the pads couldn't fit. It's not old, I barely wore it so much and it's completely washed."

I move closer to him, unable to tear my eyes away from the shirt. Do I squeal? Summersault or just scream because the excitement bubbling in me is too much to just keep my reaction trapped as 'mentally'. Oh my gosh, unlike Curtis's thoughts I am not hesitating or feeling apprehended. I am trying so hard to contain my excitement; I Have Always Wanted This. I'd like to believe that during Curtis's game, I am his biggest supporter and yes, I always had his name on a cardboard and his number drawn on my face but it is never enough for me; never was, never will be. His girlfriend's however got to wear his varsity jacket or at least have his name written on a clothing they had on. I could do something like the latter too but I didn't want to seem extra, I was just his best friend.

Now I am not just his best friend, at least not to everyone at school. I am his boyfriend too and I totally get to comfortably do this. Although what I've always wanted was the varsity jacket but Curtis has never given anyone his personal jersey shirt and boy oh boy, this is so much better!

I snatch the shirt out his hands, my eyes fixed on it. "I get to wear this?"

"If you don't min—"

"I don't mind," I quickly say, grinning up at him. "I really don't." Then I squeal (had to). "I'm so not giving this back!"

Curtis burst out laughing, then ruffles my hair. "Cute."

I frown at him, then smile a second after. "I'm letting you go just this one time."

"Of course."

*

I have the team's colours painted on my face— one cheek, and I have Curtis's shirt on and jogger pants on. I quickly changed in the locker room after school. The shirt is way bigger than me and if I am a girl, it'll make a short big gown, but I'm not so I make some adjustments. I clip the sides from inside and tuck in a part of it into my pants. Still big but I could at least move around comfortably in it. And then, of course, I had my Curtis Salazar decorated cardboard. It probably sounds weird or maybe even seems weird to people around but the decorated cardboard and the overexcited and total support for Curtis is something I have never felt shy of. Other guys had their parents and siblings on the bleachers and the sidelines cheering them on but Curtis, for all his dad's talks and love for ice hockey, he is never here.

Okay, sometimes I see him at really important games like the final game of the season if we—the team— make it to that stage but then he never has an cardboard and doesn't say anything. He just stares on, hand's folded with a frown and following Curt around like some satellite dish and whether Curt loses or wins, there's no reaction. So no parents or siblings for Curtis and now, no girlfriend either. I'm all he's got and he needs the encouragement and cheer more than anyone on that ice. So it if means me seeming extra or being shirtless with a mic, I don't care. I'm going to be there for him because he needs me, something about playing this game has to be worth it. Added bonus: I actually usually end up enjoying the game so my reactions are completely real and out there. I can't help it.

"Getting in gear already, are we?" Billy asks, eying me over with a teasing smile.

"Yup," I pull my hands up, making a heart shape over my head and grinning at her. "I'm full on fanboy bitch."

She giggles and I join her too. "Oh my, I need me a boyfriend like you."

I wink, "because I'm extra or because of your Korean boy fetish?"

"Can it be both?" She pretends to think hard. "Because I really can't pick. I'd be lying."

"Whatever, I'm just quarter Korean, I don't care." I hand her my beloved camera- second after my heart, "Take good pictures and take care of it with your life. Like when it comes to your life or my baby, I expect you to pick my baby."

"I wouldn't dream of any other choice," she takes the camera, straps it on and walks off after wishing me luck.

I turn, prepared to go take my designated seat on the bleachers when I almost bump into a group of girls with Nadia in front. "Sorry," I quickly apologize but Nadia says nothing and just scoffs, looking me over like I am the reason she's not Miss America.

"Finally succeeded, huh?" She says, walking close to me.

"Huh?"

"In taking him," she crosses her arms and juts a hip out. "Let's face it, you've always wanted him and tried so much to sabotage our relationship. I bet you're the reason why he's had so much breakups and now you think you've succeeded."

I bite the insides of my cheek, "hurray to me then."

Nadia glares and I immediately start feeling chill. "I still call bullshit. That kiss doesn't really fool me, Curtis is straight. I know— I've sucked his d*ick," she smirks. "Something I'm very sure you've never gotten close to."

I keep shut. I badly want to say something but I don't want to slut shame, I won't stoop that low. And mentioning that Curtis is straight, kinda drenched my courage because she is right in that, he is straight. "Hurray to you then."

She glares, "you're such a fool, I hate you Timothy."

I shrug. "I don't care, Nadia."

"I'm so going to get to the root of whatever game you and that dimwit Curtis is playing. Like, I don't want him back but you both disgust me."

"Goodluck."

She huffs, turning to walk away. "You look like a clown by the way." I watch her walk away before looking at myself.

"Now that's not true." Then I place a hand over my beating heart, giving it a tap of 'good work' for not giving me a heart attack or causing my voice to shake or bursting out my mouth and running off. Curt and I need to up this dating game, but how? "One step at a time, Timothy," I shudder and laugh at the sound of my full name. Nadia is the weird one for choosing to say that over Timmy. "Now let's go cheer the hell out of this game. Whoop whoop!"

And cheer, I did.

For the first game of the season, the game is pretty intense. I guess the away team is tired of always losing to our school and brings in their A game. Unfortunately for them it still isn't enough but I have to say they try a lot. Curtis's skating is the best as always and his super fastness, quick reflexes and slippery moves gets him two goals and oh my God, I scream like a bitch in heat, jumping and yelling his name without a care in the world. At a point, he turns around, sees me and grins like a fucking angel and I know it's all worth it. Whatever I do, for that grin, it is all worth it. The game ends 5 : 2, our school winning as always and I rush down to meet Curt. I am so excited and pumped with adrenaline, it's comical. I can't stop smiling.

I have to wait and bounce on my feet because the coach takes his time talking to the team, when he finally releases me, Curt walks to me looking so exhausted, no grin anymore. I pout, "what? What's wrong?"

He shrugs, "scored two goals that wasn't enough apparently. Lacked precision and whatever else, he said. Happened because of luck." He drags a hand through his wet hair with a sigh— he got rid of the helmet and emptied a bottle of water on his head before the talk with coach.

"Fuck your coach, you did great."

He gives me a half, barely there smile, "not enough."

I don't know what compels or controls me but looking up at Curt, something pushes me and before I know it, I'm standing on my tiptoes and pressing my lips against his. Lasts two seconds, I think and I'm back to standing well, still looking at his now a bit surprised hazel eyes. "Great regardless," my voice is small like a whisper and my heart it done helping me.

Curtis's cloudy hazel eyes dart between mine and—Why Can't I Look Away?!— I can't tell what he's thinking but I swear I hear the words 'fuck it' from his eyes, right before he leans down, long fingers and strong arms grabbing my waist and pulling my body to his before his lips meet mine in a kiss I am not prepared for but totally accepting to. My eyes shut immediately, my hand finding his broad shoulders and the other his hair as I kiss him back without hesitation and without a plan.

"If you could pick someone to be stuck with in an empty building for ten hours, no food, no light, nothing," twelve year old Curtis had asked. We were playing Jenga in his room, on the floor. "Who would it be?"

You.

"Um, Charlie Puth?" I said, then he burst out laughing and I did too.

"Okay, okay, good choice."

I shrugged, "who would you pick?"

"Who else?" He had his eyes on the pile as he slowly drew out a tile. "You."

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tell how it feels, sitting up there. feeling so high but too far away to hold me ~ Halsey.