WARNING*- Mature content, including vulgar language, talks/ attempts of suicide, and trigger themes.

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Finn awoke with a sudden jolt, jumping to a sitting position before continuing to take long, panicky, and deep breaths. Sweat trailed down his forehead as he breathed in and out.  The cool air slowly circulating passed his swollen lips as he gradually took in his surroundings.

He looked around to notice the place he had woken up in wasn't his bedroom.  It was darkness. Pure and cold darkness. Silence surrounded him with the faint smell of alcohol floating through the air.

Finn's eyes widened, post traumatic stress consumed his mind slowly and fear piled at the back of his throat in tons. Finn frantically scanned his surroundings looking for the man that haunted his world.

But he saw nothing.  Darkness mixed with cruel silence caused Finn to feel uneasy and slightly on edge.

He knew he was dreaming, because this was how they all started. 

But for some reason it felt real.  And every morning Finn expected to wake up with bruises on his arms and scars littering his face.

Finn reminded himself to calm down, but it only made his breathing heavier and his heart pound faster. Finn's breath came out fast and choppy, the world was slowly closing in on him and it felt as if the darkness was consuming him bit by bit.

"Finn," a voice whispered through the darkness.  He jerked his head upwards trying so desperately to find the source of the low and scraggy voice that echoed through the air, but nothing came, nothing at all.

Although Finn could not see the face that matched the haunting voice, he knew it all too well and worst of all, he knew what came next.

"Finn!" The voice suddenly yelled through the darkness cutting the silence like a butcher knife.

It was low, rough, and the words that echoed were slurred and loud.

Finn forcefully grabbed his ears, screwing his eyes shut.  He pushed his hands flat against his head forcefully attempting to preventing any noise to seep through his ears.

"Finn!" The voice bellowed as it rang through Finn's head.

"Finn!" It felt as if his head was on fire as he clenched his jaw and shut his eyes tighter than before.

"You're worthless," tears trailed down Finn's cheeks, his eyes turned red shot with blood.

"You're a worthless piece of shit!" The words slurred, ringing through the air.

"You killed your own mother." Finn choked on a sob refusing to believe he was the cause of his mother's death.

Finn wanted it to be over, he wanted so badly to wake up from this nightmare.  But how could it possibly be a nightmare when it felt so fucking real.

So, Finn suddenly seized his actions.  He stared into the darkness ahead, the voice booming through the air.  His hands dropped to his side as the voice floated through ears and dominating his mind. 

"You're worthless

Worthless piece of shit

Listen to me!

You killed your mother

And your sister

You ruined my life

I would be better off without you

No one will ever love you

Not even her."

"Son of a bitch, listen to me!" The voice yelled. 

All at once, Finn heard a smacking noise. The noise blared through the darkness making him flinch in pain.  He knew it was all over.  And if it wasn't, it would be soon.  Because Finn didn't have anymore fight left him.  He wanted to live, but how could he when there was nothing to live for.

So, he sat as his vision blurred and small white dots formed.

And that's when everything turned white. 

And suddenly the pain was gone.

~•~•~•~

"Finn, wake up!" Lydia screamed as she yanked Finn's shoulders back and forth trying everything she could to wake him up.

Finn's eyes opened in panic still trapped in the dream that haunted his sleep.

"Are you okay?" Lydia asked, calming down slightly. Finn sat up, sweat still trickling down his forehead.  Lydia's eyes were wide and worried as she scanned his expression, trying to figure out if he was hurt.

"Yeah," Finn took a deep breath before continuing.  "Yeah, I'm fine."

"Are you sure, you looked-you looked terrified," Lydia stuttered, remembering the emotion and horror that once filled Finn's face as a single tear slip down her cheek. 

Finn could tell Lydia was worried; she was really worried.  Because when he looked into her eyes he didn't just see panic, he saw an emotion he couldn't quite put his finger on. 

Lydia's eyes darkened as if imagining something terrible before she shook her head, ridding her head of those thoughts.  Her eyes became lighter and less frantic minute by minute as she calmed.

"Was it the same dream?" Lydia asked already knowing the answer.  Finn nodded making her sigh before flattening her lips into a thin line.

And after a long beat of silence Finn didn't think anything would happen next.  But when Lydia leaned in and wrapped her arms around his shoulders it was like the whole world stopped. 

Lydia's arms were warm, wrapped tightly around him and suddenly he felt safe: safe from his nightmares and pain, safe from his demons.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Lydia whispered, her head still leaning on Finn's shoulder and snuggled into the crook of his neck.

Finn shook his head not wanting to relive his never ending terror.  So, Lydia nodded respecting his wishes before gripping his shirt tighter and clinging to him like it was her only life line.

The hug was warm and Finn felt alive for some reason.  Because that's what Lydia did to him.  She made him feel alive. 

And even in the darkest of times, she was the one to pull him out of the shadows and into the sun.  Because Finn loved Lydia and that's what love does.  It shows you the light when all you ever knew was darkness.

It holds you tight when your thoughts have drifted to sorrow. It laughs with you  when all you can do is smile.  Love makes the whole world seem a little bit better and it makes life taste a little bit sweeter. 

Because that's what we work for. 

We work for love.

Love is what keeps us going and that's why Finn hadn't attempted to end his life again.

Because without love Finn would've been gone.  He would've been gone like his sister. 

Because only mere hours before Lydia said the words Finn had waited his whole life to hear, he then gave her a promise that he could never break.

And if ending his life would mean breaking that promise, then Finn would never wish to end his life ever again.  Because Lydia meant more to him than life.

When Finn thought of Lydia all he could see was joy and her perfect smile plastered on her face.  He remembered sitting on the car with her and watching the sunset in the distance.  He remembered sitting by the lake and watching the stars.  And he remembered Lydia dropping him off at his house with a wave and a smile before he fell asleep.

But that's when it hit Finn.  He was sitting on his bed sweating and terrified. He had just had one of his many nightmares that never ended, and Lydia had dropped him off at his home only hours before.

"Lydia, what are you doing here?" Lydia's arm loosened around Finn as she pulled away.

"What do you mean Finn?" Lydia smiled as if nothing was wrong. As if nothing was out of place.  As if it were totally normal for her to be in his room on a Saturday night at 2:00 in the morning only in a over-sized t-shirt and shorts.

"I mean, what are you doing here?" Finn asked again not sure why he was the only one asking this question.

"Finn, you're funny.  Now can we go back to bed?" Lydia asked with a smile, quirking her eyebrow. Finn looked around his room trying to find anything different until it suddenly hit him.

It hit him like a rock as Finn jerked back to stare at Lydia.  Her smile was warm and soft and all he wanted to do was stay like this forever.  But he couldn't, because he knew what was happening and he knew it would end soon.

"This isn't real," Finn whispered knowing something was off.  Because reality was much more miserable than this; this was too good. 

Reality went on and on without a sliver of light to be seen and Finn knew that these dreams that filled his thoughts would never come true, even if he wanted them too. 

Because for Finn, reality took his dreams and crushed them a long time ago.  And the sad truth was that Finn had accepted it.  He'd accepted the fact that his dreams would never come true.  And at the end of the day, that fact didn't bother Finn at all.

Finn knew that at the end of his life, whatever age he may be that he had accomplished nothing.  And he was absolutely fine with that.

Finn's eyes still scanned the room looking for the thing that would ultimately end his dreams and make them into nightmares.  He knew he'd eventually find it, because when a flash of grey swept by his window he knew what would happen next.

"Where are you going?" Lydia asked slightly worried as Finn stood from the bed. Finn turned towards Lydia with a small smile, knowing she was just a figment of his imagination.

"I'll be right back," Finn said before turning towards the window, Lydia's hand reached out to grab his, holding him back from moving any further.

"Finn just come back to bed there's nothing in the window." Lydia said pulling him towards her, but Finn wanted this dream to be over and he wanted it over now.

"Lydia, it's fine, I'll be right back," Finn said before walking towards the window.  The window was dark with a small light shining through giving it an eery vibe that made Finn's pulse race.

But what really scared Finn wasn't the light shining through the window.  It wasn't the fact that Lydia seemed so adamant on making him stay in bed. 

No, it was the fact that when Finn was close enough to the window that his breath made it fog up in a circle.  Finn could feel the terror coming, because as Finn lifted his hand and wiped the small bit of fog away what stood behind the window was way worse than he could ever imagine.

As Finn ignored his reflection that appeared on the window he focuses on what was the through the window more precisely.  Standing there in front of Finn was a venomous smirk.  A smirk that screamed pain, pure evil, and haunted Finn's nightmares.  The face smirked at Finn as if telling him that this was the part he'd been waiting for. 

Because that wasn't just anyone smirking.  No, that smirk belonged to Finn's father and that's what scared him the most.

"What did I tell you Finn?" Finn's father chuckled from behind the window.  Finn's breath became heavier as his heart rate sped.  Finn was terrified; he had always been terrified of his father.

"What did I tell you about her?" Finn's father spoke before pointing behind Finn towards Lydia.  Finn turned towards Lydia to see her lying under the covers of the bed sleeping soundly as if she had never woken up in the first place.

"You said she'd never love me," Finn spoke with his jaw clenched and his hands balled into fists.

"So why do you think she's here right now?" Finn's father asked, his smirk still plastered on his face.

"Because this is a dream," Finn answered making his father cackle.  Finn could already smell the alcohol coming from his breath even through the window and it left a bitter taste on Finn's tongue. 

He knew what he would say next, because he said this every time.  Finn's father was malevolent and cruel and all he wanted to do was tear Finn's happiness to shreds and what better way to do that than to take away the one silver of hope he had: the hope of being loved.

"That's right.  This is a dream.  And that's all it'll ever be: a dream." He laughed again, but this time louder and all Finn wanted to do was curl into a ball and cry.  He just wanted this dream to be over.  He wanted to sleep peacefully and never be interrupted by the monsters that already haunted his life.

"She'll never love you." Finn's father's voice settled.

"Just leave me alone," Finn turned away as his blood started to boil in anger.

"I'm just trying to tell you as a father figure," Finn whipped around his blood still boiling and his hands still balled into fists.

"When have you ever been a father to me!" Finn snapped, tears starting to well in his eyes.

"I've always been your father Finn.  Maybe not the one you want, but I am a father."

"No. You're a worthless piece of shit, that's what you are." Finn snapped, throwing his father's words back at him, his jaw still tightly clenched.

"Finn, don't use that type of language towards your father," the man smirked trying so hard to make this situation into a joke, but Finn wasn't having it.

"Go the fuck away!" Finn whipped around before slamming his fist into the window shattering it to pieces.

The window went dark as the glass fell towards Finn's feet, and as he looked up to where his father once stood he realized that he was gone and all Finn could see was the night sky shining above.

"You can't get rid of me that easily," Finn's father's voice floated through the air and Finn knew he wasn't gone, and he never would be.

~•~•~•~

In a way I kind of liked this chapter xD WOW there's only about 8 more chapters left! I can't believe I've actually made 13 chapters already to be honest!

Anyways, I started Terminal Chaos which is awesome and I hopefully will update today or tomorrow...or never because that seems like something I'd do xD

I'm really excited though because even though I only have one chapter of it I decided to enter it into the Wattys too! So both this book and TC are entered into the Wattys and if they don't win (probably won't) I'll just enter them in next year when they're all completed (hopefully)!

Hope you liked the chapter! If you did comment and vote I love reading your comments!

~ moe