Lalisa's POV

It feels really good to have Jackson back, but even though Namjoon was a real dick, I miss him. We all stayed in the safe house we slept in the first night in Korea after several hours at the hospital until they had to take Namjoon's body to the basement of the hospital.

I'm in BamBam's arms as we sit on the couch. Gummy has been in her room ever since then. I stare off into space, it's dead silent.

The kind of silence where you can hear your own heartbeat, and you could even hear everyone else's heartbeat. CL hasn't left Jackson's side since he made it back to us safely, real beat up.. but safe. I kiss BamBam's cheek and try to stand up, only to have him pull me back into him. "I want to check on Gummy, she's all alone. She shouldn't be alone at this time, she needs someone." I tell him.

He quickly nods and CL stands up too. She grins at me and we head over to Gummy's room where we instantly hear her crying. I feel choked up, CL sets her hand on my shoulder. "Little sister, don't be so tense." I nod. CL gently knocks on the door, "Jiyeon, can we come in?" She asks. "Who's with you?" Gummy asks.

"Only Lalisa," CL says, there's a moment of silence before the door opens. I frown at the sight of her, she has deep bags under her eyes. Her face looks pale, her eyes look bloodshot. As an instinct, I pull her into my arms and she instantly holds me. "Let's go into the room," CL suggests, and Gummy nods before we all walk in.

There are tissues all over the bed, Gummy quickly cleans up the trash and we sit on the mattress. CL wraps her arm around Gummy's shoulder, causing her to break down again. Seems that Gummy has been crying for several hours now. I lean against her and rub her back, her body shakes. "I know it hurts." CL starts.

"It hurts so much." Gummy shivers. "At least you know he's not in pain anymore." CL whispers, my eyes begin to water. "I can't live without him..." I become surprised by Gummy's response. "Yes you can, you can. He'd want you to." Gummy quickly nods, "He'd want you to live on without him." I wrap my arms around her and bury my face in her side.

She wraps her arm around me, her embrace is tight. I shut my eyes tightly, "I love you Gummy, you mean so much to me." I tell her. My words seem to make her cry more, "Little sister.." she whimpers. "It's okay to cry, we will give you strength," I tell her.

It becomes a long night of crying, then finally it stops and we're all relaxed in the bed and she's telling us things. Of course, they're all about Namjoon.

"He was so gentle with me, he'd never hurt me." She looks up at the ceiling. "I'm going to miss his touch, strength, taste, voice, heartbeat, warmth and smell." She bites her lip, "I wish he was here with me, safe and holding me." She takes a shaky inhale. "I have to tell you guys something that Sehun knows about but you don't." CL and I sit up and look at her as she stays laying down.

"Namjoon and I were going to get married." She tells us, "That would have been so great Gummy." CL says, gaining a nod from her. "Though Namjoon was really mean to me, I think you were what he would have needed to be happier and nicer." She laughs at my words. "Yeah, I know. You have to understand that I told him many times to be nice to you." I nod.

"I know, but I understand that at times I was annoying and out of place." Gummy stares at the ceiling and she stays quiet for a while before sits up. "I should get some rest, you guys have spent enough time with me. You can go with your men now." She says, sadly. "I'd stay with you all night big sister," I tell her.

"No, you guys should just go." She whispers. I look at CL and she slowly nods, I lean into Gummy and give her a hug and a small kiss on her cheek. "Sleep well, big sister," I tell her. She just grins and nods. CL and I make our way out of the room. BamBam and Jackson walk up to us, "How is she? Is she okay?" BamBam asks I nod and he pulls me into his arms. "She just needs time to rest, that's all," CL tells them.

They nod, BamBam stares at my face. I look up at him and grin, he uses his hand to grab my face before he connects our lips. He presses his forehead against mine and lets out a breath, "We should go to bed." He insists. I grab his hand and look at Jackson and CL, "Night." I tell them. "Night." They respond before we all go our separate ways.

Tonight is different, I lay in bed with BamBam without an issue or someone forbidding it. I set my head on his shoulder as my arm stretches across his chest and I examine the bandaged arm from his gunshot wound. "Does it hurt?" I ask him in a whisper. "Only a little." He says quietly. I let out a slow breath and wrap my arm around him.

His warmth making my body shiver less, it's quite a cold night. "Do you think Namjoon is in Heaven?" I ask him. His hand holds my back and he seems to think for a few seconds. "I think he is.. he was a guardian angel to those who needed him. He made them feel safe, and whether you admit it or not... you felt safe too." He pauses.

"Yeah, he was a complete dick. But, he was still a good person. And the WPP lost an amazing person... but the name of the Boogeyman will always live on." I nod in agreement. "At least I know that I thanked him." He kisses my head then hums. "Yeah, that's good." He sounds tired, it's been an exhausting day for everyone.

"Get some rest, I know you must be tired... it's been a long day." He says, followed by a kiss on my head. I lower my body on his so that my arm wraps around his stomach and I wrap my leg around his waist. I never thought I'd say this to myself, but I miss Namjoon talking shit to me.

Tonight I dream about Namjoon, the memories we had back at the old safe house. It made me sad to think that life was taken away from him like that and that he's left behind people who care about him, including me. The most important thing I dreamt about, was our night at the bonfire. He reminded me a lot of a graceful deer, though he was far from one.

The person I feel worse for is Jiyeon, she loved him so much it hurts her. They were even supposed to get married and look at the outcome now. Namjoon is gone, and Jiyeon is broken.

**

When I wake up in the morning, I'm in bed by myself. I sit up and rub my eyes, I let out a breath and get out of bed. I clean up in the bathroom before heading out into the hallway and to the kitchen where BamBam and Jackson are. "Morning," I say, Jackson looks at me and grins as he sips his coffee. "Morning." He almost looks normal honestly, but he's far from that.

"Morning," BamBam says from the stove. "CL and Gummy?" I ask. "They went out to the liquor store for some essentials. Something about 'that time of the month' stuff that happens." Jackson answers. "Of course, neither of us understands, and I figured that they'd need time alone. I don't want Gummy to feel pressured into having all of us there." He adds before he sips his coffee. I nod and walk over to Jackson, I give him a hug, I haven't really been able to hug him or talk to him since the whole incident.

My eyes water and I bury my face in his shoulder. "I was scared I'd never see you again," I tell him, I feel his body stiffen up. "I wanted to go back for you, I really did. I wanted you to be okay, and I wouldn't stop pestering Namjoon about you." I whimper. He turns in his seat and looks at me, "Lalisa, the whole reason I wanted you all to leave the liquor store that day, is so you wouldn't have to come back for me. That defeats the whole purpose of me sacrificing myself for you. It's my job."

I leave my head lowered. "Little sister." He whispers, lifting my chin to look at him. His face is bruised and scarred, he barely even looked like himself. His eyes bloodshot and his eyelids black. "I was in denial, I didn't want to believe that what Namjoon was saying, was true." Tears still running down my cheeks. "I didn't want to leave you." He lets out a breath.

"That's why this world is harsh, and you can't look back." He explains. "Does your body still hurt?" I ask him. He uses his tongue to give his busted bottom lip moisture, "A little, the painkillers help a bit." I've stopped crying, but my eyes still water a bit. "Come here." He whispers. He pulls me into a hug and I hug him back, he hisses in pain, "Not too tight, little booger." I chuckle, "I'm sorry." I whisper.

He lightly pats my back and we part the hug. BamBam places plates in front of us. I smile at him and sit next to Jackson at the table. "Thank you." I tell him, he grins and walks over to me, "You're welcome." He responds before he kisses my lips. I'm indulged with the flavor of his lips, a cinnamon chapstick taste with an intense minty toothpaste tang.

I smile as he pulls away from me and I face the plate he prepared for me. As I begin to eat the delicious food that BamBam made, I hear the front door open. CL and Gummy walk into the kitchen with several bags in their hands. They set them on the counter and join us at the table as BamBam sets two more plates down. Gummy looks a little better today, she looks lively.

"Morning." CL and Gummy say at the same time as they sit down. BamBam then finally joins us at the table and we all eat, "Sehun called today, Namjoon's wake and the funeral will be at the end of the week." Jackson says, changing the whole atmosphere that was once a good feeling.

It's very silent, no one answers him. There's only the sound of utensils touching the table, and eating. I feel everyone's body go tense, I bite my lip. I then hear a loud pound I look up startled. It's Jackson, he has his bandaged fingers gripping his hair. "Why? Why... why?" He asks over and over again. He has all of our attention. "Fuck." He cusses.

"Jackson, it's okay to be sad about Namjoon passing away. We all know how you feel." I comfort him. He looks at me with tears in his eyes, "He was my partner, my brother." He tells me. I slowly nod. "I know, I'm sorry." His eyebrows knit and he looks down at his plate.

At a time like this, it's very clear to me that everyone is grieving at different times. Maybe I haven't grieved yet, but what is there to really grieve? I only knew him for a month or two, and all he ever said to me was constant shit. I'm the only one at this table who can't relate to the pain of losing him, I've only cried about him because I saw other people crying about him.

Am I such a horrible person?

I look around the table and everyone looks sad, Gummy stares off into space. She probably can't even cry anymore. CL looks at Jackson with a sad expression, "It's okay baby." She whispers. "Being tortured by that piece of shit really reminded me of something that I had forgotten about for a long time." We all wait for him to continue.

"That I'm human, I feel pain and I have feelings." He whimpers, making my eyes water. CL stands up and walks over to him, he holds onto her and it makes her break down. I slowly look away from them and I stare forward, not saying a word. Why can't I get myself to cry about my own sadness about Namjoon's death?

Everyone here was much closer to him than I could have ever been. I bite my lip and sit back in the chair, straightening my back. All I can do for him is to keep my silence.

**
• A few Days later •
- The Funeral

The last few days had been torture for CL, Gummy, Jackson and BamBam. Staying in this safe house made them feel like birds in a small cage. I've heard Jackson say several times that he wants 'to go on a mission as soon as possible'. But of course, Sehun forbids it. He knows that they're all grieving, and going on a mission isn't the best thing for them.

Especially in the shape that Jackson is in, he's lucky to even be out of the hospital.

A week, a long week is what we all had to endure to get to today.

I've personally have tried everything to ready myself for today. I haven't been to a funeral in a long time, and I don't know if that should be a good thing. My mother didn't get a funeral, my father doesn't deserve one. And even if he did get one, no one would show up. Nope, not even me.

I look in the mirror as I smoothen my black dress and fix my coat. Arms wrap around me from behind, I shut my eyes. "I feel sick," I confess. "Why?" He whispers in my ear, "I haven't been to a funeral in such a long time. It doesn't feel good." I respond. He lets out a breath. "It's okay to feel that way Lalisa, it's okay." He kisses my cheek.

And the safe house is then cursed with a long silence, I've grown sick of this too. It's like no one is breathing. "NOOOOO!!!!!!!" I shake in BamBam's arms in shock from the scream down the hall. He let's go of me and when we step out of our room, we see Jackson and CL heading to Gummy's room. They look at us concerned and we follow them.

CL knocks on the door and it swings open to reveal a sobbing Gummy. "What's wrong Gummy?" CL asks. "This!" Gummy cries as she hands a pregnancy test to CL and I could already guess as the men go stiff. CL looks up at her and then looks at me. Gummy slowly leans her back against the door frame and slides down to sit on the floor.

"It's okay Gummy, we'll be here to help you," CL says. "I wish he was here to know that we're having a child together." And barely, both Jackson and BamBam look shocked. They hadn't read all the signs correctly, they had failed to see all the obvious signs. "Are you not going to keep it?" Jackson asks the stupidest questions a man can ever ask a woman who's just found out she's pregnant.

"Of course I'm going to keep it, why would you even ask that?" Gummy answers defensively as she wraps her arms around herself. "You screamed 'No' so I just figured you didn't want it," Jackson adds. Gummy looks down at her knees and quietly sobs again. "It's because I hate that Namjoon isn't here, he'd be so happy." She whimpers.

"We have to tell Sehun," BamBam suggests, Gummy slowly nods in agreement. "I don't think you'd want to put your unborn baby in danger, or even get yourself killed. So I think what's best for you is to relieve your duties with WPP." Jackson says. Gummy looks up at us, "He's right, this baby is all you have left of Namjoon, and I think that you have to do everything to keep it safe." CL adds.

Gummy nods, "I have to." She whispers. There's then a knock at the front door and we all turn and face the direction of the knock. We all head over to the door and Jackson opens it, "Sehun.." Jackson greets before letting the door swing open completely. Sehun just nods, "We will now be heading to the wake, let's go." Is all he says. "S-Sehun... I have something to tell you."

Gummy steps up before all of us, he looks down at her and raises an eyebrow. "You're pregnant aren't you?" He asks, taking all of us by surprise. "Yes." She answers without a stutter. He lets out a breath, "We can discuss this after the funeral." He says. My eyebrows knit, "You could at least tell her something right now, she's going through enough." I tell him, making everyone look at me in shock.

"Lalisa, we are all feeling different types of emotions right now. I need time to think about this, we will discuss this after the funeral." He turns and we all slowly start to follow him to a limo. "He's right Lalisa, we should wait until after the funeral. We'll all be in a somewhat better state." Gummy tells me, I frown and nod.

The ride to the destination is quiet, it's not like we can have a happy conversation about how pretty the weather is or how good breakfast was this morning was. And I don't really feel like being a little shit today.

**

The whole company, literally, the whole company came to the funeral for Namjoon. It's like a funeral for a famous person. It's unbelievable. I know for sure not this many people would come to my funeral. So many people came to see him that not everyone was able to fit into the building.

He's a legend, the man that all the Mafia leaders feared. He made a huge impact on the company and even on me.

I sit real close to BamBam as the ceremony continues, we say several prayers for Namjoon and then we are able to go up and see his body in the casket.

Out of respect, everyone lets Gummy go first since that's his girl, she deserves to see him first. She instantly breaks down, worse than the day he was pronounced dead. Her cries cause a lot more people to cry, including me.

"No, no Namjoon." She whines as she holds onto the casket. "I'm sorry baby, I'm sorry." She tells him as she sets a kiss on his head. "I wish you didn't have to leave me." She sobs, it's dead silent. It's an intense silence like everyone is holding their tears and breaths. "I love you so much, I love you... I love you." She cries.

I bite my lip and look down as tears run down my cheeks, I grip BamBam's hand like my life depends on it. I then see a man walk up to her, and pull her away from the casket. Surprisingly, she walks away. Gummy doesn't really seem to be the type of person to make a scene, well... a bigger one.

She sits down and we are all then allowed to go and see Namjoon. Our row gets to go first and I become a bit scared. "It's okay if you don't want to go," BamBam tells me in my ear. "No, I want to," I say. He slowly nods and we all up together along with the other people who were in our row including Jackson and CL.

When we get up to him, I freeze to the sight of him in the casket. I'm choked up, I know you don't have to say anything to people when they're in the casket... but I feel the need to.

I stare down at his straight face, his hair slicked back and he's wearing similar clothes to the ones he did the day he saved me.

I then become an emotional mess, "Thank you so much for saving me, you didn't leave me behind. You didn't let me die." I set my hand on his black coat, "I'm sorry that I was such a pain in your butt.." I wipe my tears away, "You'll always be the Boogeyman." I say before giving him a warm grin and turning to BamBam before we leave to our seat.

As I get a good look at people in the building, I notice that it's basically all men. The company is only men employed. It takes a while for everyone to see Namjoon, then his casket is closed and several men carry his casket out of the building and towards the burial site.

CL holds Gummy as she cries, the casket lowers into the ground. "Thank you," I whisper again to him.

**
Authors POV
• Head Quarters •

"Yes, I understand that. And I'm fine with it, I wouldn't want to put you in danger and cause you to lose something that is all you have left of Namjoon. I refuse to be that type of person." Sehun says to Gummy. "Your employment with the company has been greatly appreciated." Gummy nods.

"You are released from your duties with WPP." He finally says and Gummy let's out a sigh. "It was a pleasure Oh Sehun." She tells him before bowing. "This is for you." He then hands her an envelope, her jaw clenches. "I-I know that handwriting." She whispers. He keeps his face neutral. "I'd suggest that you open it when you head back to the safe house. We'll discuss your family when you are ready."

Gummy's eyes water again as she stares at the white envelope that Sehun held in his hand. She didn't even have to hear Sehun say who it was from because she'd know that handwriting anywhere. But the fact that Sehun would still tell her, made it real.

"It's from Namjoon."

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[ R E V I S E D ]