"Let's confirm for sure if you are pregnant, Jessica." The doctor comes into the room with all of her equipment.

Jessica lays on the cold table. She was so tired from the lack of sleep she had been getting. Her body was stiff and she could barely move or think properly. Her mother, Dorthy, stood by her side holding her hand. Jessica squeezed her mothers hand with fright.

It had been a week since Jessica took the pregnancy test... she was in complete denial. Even after ten positive test later. Today she was at the doctor to confirm her pregnancy. She knew she was, but she hoped maybe the doctor would tell her otherwise. Jessica didn't want to be pregnant. Not now, Not ever. After Dorthy had talked to Jessica on the phone a week ago she knew she had to tend to her daughter so she flew out as soon as possible. Jessica was falling apart minute by minute.

The mood had been set in the room. It wasn't good, and the doctor could sense it. She dialed down her excitement and kept to herself as she sat Jessica up and began to prep her for blood to be drawn.

Jessica held out her skinny arm as she put the needle in.

After getting the blood the doctor cleaned Jessica up.

"All done. We will have the results shortly. Any questions or concerns?" The doctor asks politely

Jessica clears her throat and looks at her doctor. "If..." she stops for a moment and chokes up...

"If I am pregnant" she says sternly "... will you be able to tell me if my baby is okay?." She says while on the verge of tears.

"Of course. I will run some test and examine you. Then, if you please we can get an ultrasound." She says happily

Jessica nods and the doctor excuses herself.

When the doctor is gone Jessica breaks down into tears and hugs her mother. Dorthy hurt so badly for her daughter. She was excited to think about a baby entering the family, but she hated that these were the circumstances. But it was becoming hard for Dorthy to be excited, knowing Jessica doesn't want anything to do with a child. She hoped she'd have change in heart. They just had to wait.

"Jessica, listen to me... it will all be okay. I'm here for you." Dorthy says looking into her swollen eyes

Jessica shakes her head continuously "No, nothing will be okay... Nothing is okay." Jessica turns her body and stands up holding her chest.

"Jess, if you are, pregnant, you need to relax so you don't hurt your baby..." Dorthy says

Then, Jessica thought back to her miscarriage. It haunted her everyday. And she still blamed herself. As much as she didn't want a baby, she didn't want to go through the loss of another. She calmed herself down.

A while later the doctor came back in. It was hard to read the doctors face. Jessica couldn't tell if it was good or bad.

"We got both your urine and blood test back. It is in fact true, you are pregnant." The doctor says

Jessica sits there. She already knew, but she still felt shocked. She breaks down into tears and cries loudly. Dorthy holds her daughter and tries to sooth her. The doctor stood there, not exactly knowing how to react.

Jessica was so angry, for many reasons. She didn't want children. Even when Danny was alive. Now that he's gone she still doesn't want children. But, he left her with a child. Some would think it's a gift, but Jessica considers it a curse. Her life was going to change forever. No
matter what choice she makes from this moment forward. What hurt the most was that Danny wasn't here with her... it would be different if he was here. Maybe she'd be excited, possibly happy, or maybe, just maybe, she'd have a change of heart about children. Danny had wanted children so bad and Jessica never gave him any. She felt guilty because now that he was gone she was pregnant with his child that he had wanted since he was young.

"I can't be... I can't be!" She shouts

The doctor sits down next to Jessica and puts her arm around her. "Jessica, you have options."

Dorthy was angry with the doctor for bringing up Jessica's options. She didn't want Jessica to think she could get out of this pregnancy or possibly put the child up for adoption. Jessica needed this baby in Dorthy's eyes.

"No, id never do anything to hurt the baby..." Jessica shakes her head

"Of course... but, you need to breathe. Your baby needs you to breathe. This little peanut feels every emotion that you feel." She says soothingly

Jessica holds her stomach and cries in fear now. Years ago her doctors told her that her cervix could not hold a pregnancy. What if she couldn't hold this pregnancy either? Jessica could never go through loss again.

"I lost a baby years ago. They told me my cervix couldn't hold a pregnancy. I'm scared... I've never wanted a child because I'm scared! I'm scared that I'll take another innocent child's life." She cries

"In that case, we can monitor you and check to make sure everything is okay. We won't let you lose this baby Jessica. If you'd like, I'll go on this journey with you. If it makes you feel better you can see me weekly. How about this, you go into the bathroom, throw some cold water on your face to cool down, change into a gown, and we can examine you to make sure everything is just fine." The doctor nods and rubs Jessica's back. She was being so sweet to her. She helped Jessica calm down a bit. Dorthy walked Jessica to the bathroom and he doctor handed her a gown.

When Jessica was out of the room Dorthy sighs. "Her husband died three months ago, suddenly... it hasn't been easy. I wouldn't really say this is a happy moment for her right now." Dorthy says to the doctor

"I understand, ma'am... I completely do. Do you live in town?" She asks

Dorthy shakes her head. "No, but I think I may be here for a while. I don't want to leave her alone."

"That's a good idea... she doesn't seem well."

//-//

The doctor puts Jessica's legs down and walks over to the sink. She writes on her clip board then looks to Jessica who had a worried look on her face.

"Everything looks great, Jessica. If you'd like we can get an ultrasound and measure how far along you are. Only if you'd like..." the doctor says

Jessica sighs with relief and holds her chest. It was almost like a thousand pounds were lifted off her chest. The anxiety and nervousness were still present, but her mind was a bit at ease.

"Yes, please." Jessica says

The doctor pulls over her equipment and pulls up Jessica's gown. She puts a towel a little bit above her center for privacy.

Dorthy continues to hold Jessica's hand. The doctor puts the gel on her stomach and turns on the monitor.

She moves the Doppler around. It takes a while, but before Jessica knew it she heard a throbbing like sound. That was the heartbeat. And suddenly, she saw a little peanut on the screen.

"That's your baby, Jessica. If I'm correct, you're measuring at eleven weeks." The doctor points to the screen. At first Jessica didn't want to look, but she did.

Surprisingly she didn't feel anything. Maybe it was because she was in a daze or nervous. But she just stared at the screen, blankly.

When the appointment was over Jessica and her doctor talked about a lot of the vitamins she'd have to take. Of course Jessica wasn't going to terminate, she could never. But she had a lots of thoughts going through her head at the moment.

Before she left the doctor added one more thing to Jessica's list of things to do.

"Jessica, you are extremely underweight. Lots of your levels are down. You need to take care of yourself. Especially now that you are truly eating for two. Take your vitamins, supplements, and eat eat eat... remember, things will be okay." She says taking her hands

The doctor gives Jessica a hug and then they leave the office.

//-//

Dorthy was driving Jessica back to the apartment. She was staying with Jessica while she was in town. Dorthy did lots of thinking and began to realize that her daughter really needed her. If she wouldn't come home Dorthy was going to stay in New York as long as she needed to.

The ride was silent. Jessica cried to herself and looked out the window. Dorthy reached over and took Jessica's trembling hand.

"Jessica, I know you don't want children. I get that you are scared. I can promise you that nothing will happen..."

"You can't promise that." Jessica says sternly

Jessica was right, she couldn't. She sighs "I know... but, you need to try to be happy. Think about it, this baby is apart of Danny. Danny gave you a beautiful gift."

"How can I be happy? My child's father is dead. I'm going to be a single mother. I'll be doing this all alone. My child will grow up not having a father or knowing who their father is! That isn't fair! It isn't fair for Danny to leave me here alone and pregnant! I've never wanted children because my body can't hold pregnancies! I'm scared to death Mom.... I'm scared I'm going to lose this baby just like I've lost everyone else in my life." Jessica hunches over and cries again

"Jessica, you aren't alone! I'm here, I won't leave you. When the baby comes, I'll be here. I'll help you, Jessie. Don't ever think you're alone. You will not lose this baby. You just need to take care of yourself... do this for Danny, Jessica. This is his baby too. He'd want you to be happy. Be happy for him if you can't be for yourself."

//-//