KILLING ME

Chapter 4

Min's POV

AND THAT's what I always thought. That I thought I could manage, and that I could be strong all the fucking time. 

Pilit kong tinatago kung ano talaga yung nararamdaman ko. Nagtatago ako sa likod ng maskara—para walang masabi ang mga tao, para kahit anong mangyari, mukha pa rin akong matatag. Para isipin nilang lilipas din ito, na okay lang ako.

Pero hindi ako okay.

Sawang-sawa na akong magpanggap.

Sawang-sawa na ako sa mga matang lumilihis ng tingin pag dumadaan ako. Sa mga bibig na bubulong-bulong na parang may alam. Sa mga pangalang tinatawag nila sa akin na ni minsan ay 'di ko pinili. Lately, may bago na namang kumakalat na tsismis. Na ako raw ang nagtutulak ng droga. Na ako raw ang dahilan kung bakit may raid na naganap sa isang party. Na ako raw ang dahilan kung bakit biglang nawala ang ilang officers sa org namin.

Lahat. Ipinapasa nila sa akin.

At kung hindi ko alam ang totoo, baka naniwala na rin ako sa mga sinasabi nila.

Pero alam ko ang totoo.

Lalo na nang bigla akong makatanggap ng text mula kay Damien.

May klase ako ng araw na iyon kaya kahit urgent ang nasa text niya ay hindi ako nag-text back sa kaniya. Ano siya boss ko para tumakbo ako papunta sa kaniya? 

Ayaw na ayaw ko ng makita muli ang pagmumukha niya dahil pakiramdam ko nasusuka ako at nanlalamig ang buo kong katawan. Kahit wala akong maalala ng gabing iyon ay alam kong  ginawa niya lamang akong laruan at ang taong may halang na kaluluwa gaya niya ay dapat itatapon sa impyerno. 

Napatigil ako sa paglalakad nang muntik na akong madapa at mahalikan ang sahig dahil sa binti ng kaklase kong nakaharang sa daan. Gusto ko siyang titigan ng masama o hindi kaya sambunutan dahil sa inis, dahil obvious naman na nais niya akong patirin at isa pa ako lamang ang naglalakad dito sa hallway. 

Napakapit ako sa gilid ng locker at napabuga ng hangin. Kung hindi lang mabilis ang reflexes ko ay sigurado may tastas na itong gilid ng labi ko o hindi kaya gasgas ang tuhod ko. Napaka-childish naman ng ginagawa niya, para bang nasa highschool pa kami o elementarya.

"Oh, ayan na naman si Min, sensitive. Bipolar daw 'yan. May topak. Di ba siya 'yung nag-drugs?"

Napakagat ako sa loob ng pisngi. T*ngina. Kahit hindi ko kasalanan, ako pa rin ang napag-uusapan. Lahat na lang ng kilos ko—may ibig sabihin sa kanila. Wala na bang puwang para lang maging normal?

Inayos ko ang bag ko sa balikat, tinapik ang alikabok sa uniform ko, at lumakad ulit. Pero sa loob-loob ko, kumukulo na. Dahil hindi lang binti ng kaklase ko ang humarang sa akin ngayon.

Buong mundo na nila.

Parang gusto ko ngang bumili ng punting van at kidnapin ang mga gagong ito at idala sa North Korea para roon magtitiis sila pang habambuhay. O hindi naman kaya ibebenta ko na lang sila sa mga nangunguha talaga ng lamang-loob at magkakapera pa ako. 

Napa-smirk ako sa naisip ko pero anak ng tipaklong. 

Napahinto na naman ako sa paglalakad nang hindi ko tumakas sa pandinig ko ang tunog na iyon. Galing iyon sa cellphone, at nang paglingon ko sa direksyon, nakita ko ang nakangiting lalaki. Si Damien. Hindi ko alam kung anong naisip ko nang makita ko siyang nandiyan, mukhang tuwang-tuwa pa siya.

My body froze. I was already used to hearing his voice, but this time, there was something different. The sound of the video he was playing, the way he mocked me—it felt like daggers being thrown at me all over again. My heart skipped a beat when I realized what it was.

The video—the scandal—played in front of me, the very one that had been haunting me for days. Damien had this smug grin, and I could feel his eyes boring into me, waiting for me to react. The laughter in the background made my chest tighten with anxiety. The tension in the air was thick, almost suffocating. I tried to keep my breathing steady, but I couldn't help but feel like I was suffocating.

Damien's voice broke the silence: "Why aren't you answering the phone, Min? Do you really want an apology or not? Or do you not want to erase this little piece of entertainment, huh?"

I blinked, unsure whether to feel anger or embarrassment. My hand instinctively reached for my phone in my pocket, but I stopped myself. What's the point? Even if he will erase it, the damage has already been done. This whole damn thing had spiraled out of control, and here I was, standing in front of him like a fool.

I took a deep breath, my eyes locked onto his, trying to steady myself. "Are you really willing to apologize to everyone for what you did to me?" I asked, my voice shaky, but I couldn't back down. I needed answers, but more than that, I needed to hear him admit what he had done.

I almost cried. The pleading in my eyes must've been so obvious. I hated myself for showing vulnerability. But Damien just stared at me with that same cold smirk on his face.

I could feel my chest tightening, the lump in my throat growing. His reaction was everything I feared—he wasn't taking me seriously. He didn't care.

I bit my lip, fighting back the tears that were threatening to spill. Why does it always have to be like this? I felt so small in front of him, like nothing but a joke. His presence made everything feel unreal, but the sting of reality hit me harder than ever.

Damien nodded casually, his movements deliberate, almost too smooth. It was as if he knew exactly what would break me.

"Yeah, Min. I'll apologize," he said, his tone so casual, almost indifferent. "But, not because I'm sorry." He gave a dismissive shrug, like he was doing me some kind of favor.

I felt my body tense up. What the hell was that supposed to mean?

I wanted to scream. I wanted to tell him that he couldn't just brush me off like this. But my voice got caught in my throat, and all I could do was stand there, fighting the overwhelming urge to break down in front of him.

The air felt thick, and the sounds of the bustling street around me seemed to fade into the background. I was lost in my own thoughts, my mind racing. How could I ever let myself fall for someone like him?

I looked at him, trying to muster some kind of strength, but everything inside me felt so fragile. "You think this is a game, don't you?" I said through clenched teeth. Why was I even trying to reason with him?

Damien's grin never faltered as he pulled out his phone, tapping the screen casually. "Come on, Min. Why don't we go watch a movie?" he said, his voice smooth, almost charming. He leaned against the wall, casually like he wasn't standing in front of the person who had every reason to hate him. "We deserve to have some fun. What do you say?"

I looked at him, trying to maintain the composure I was clinging to. "I'm not interested," I muttered, trying to keep my voice steady. I can't deal with him right now.

But Damien didn't back off. Instead, he just smirked. "Are you sure? You're not even curious about the latest gossip? You know, people are talking."

What the hell is he talking about?

He slid his phone towards me, the screen facing me. I took a glance, thinking it was just another stupid game of his. But then, I saw it.

It was a wanted poster. A police flyer with my face on it, clear as day. I stared at the words beneath my face—Wanted for drug abuse—and my breath hitched in my throat.

My hands began to shake, my chest tightening as my pulse quickened.

I stared at the screen, my mind struggling to process the words. Was this some sick joke? My head spun, the world around me blurring. This is not happening.

"W-What is this?" My voice came out small, broken, like a child's. I couldn't think straight, my thoughts racing, heart pounding.

Hindi ko alam kung paano na lang napunta ang lahat sa ganito. Naging mabuti naman akong anak, ah. Umiinom lang ako kapag may okasyon o hindi kaya dahil sa mga kaibigan ko at hindi naman ako naging suwail sa mga magulang ko, ah. Nakatungtong ako ng college dahil nagsusumikap akong magsunog ng kilay pero bakit, ngayon pa?

Anong nangyayari sa akin? Anong sasabihin ko kay mama?

Ano na namang excuse ko sa kaniya?

Damien just grinned, and there was something cold in his eyes. "You don't really think you can hide forever, do you, Min? The cops are already looking for you. The whole city's talking about it."

My body went cold, the panic rising in my chest. The image of my face on that poster burned itself into my mind. I couldn't breathe. This isn't real. This isn't happening.

Napaluhod ako sa takot, hindi ko kayang alisin ang tingin ko sa screen. Yung mukha ko, andun. Nakalagay sa poster, wanted. Wala akong magawa kundi tumingin, pati na ang mga mata ko nawalan ng lakas.

Damien tilted his head, as if he was waiting for me to process it. "I know you've been running, Min. But there's only so much you can do. People will start asking questions."

I felt sick. I wanted to scream, to push him away, but I couldn't move. He's the reason this is happening.

Hindi ko kayang labanan yung takot na bumabalot sa akin. Masyadong malakas yung kaba ko para mag-isip ng malinaw. Lahat ng galit ko, lahat ng sakit ko, si Damien ang dahilan ng lahat ng ito.

His words hit me like a slap. "You know, I could make this all go away for you." He raised an eyebrow, his smirk growing wider. "All you have to do is come with me. Let me help you, Min."

I didn't know what he meant, but my heart pounded in my chest. Help me?

Sobrang sakit ng mga salitang yun. Hindi ko alam kung bakit may ganoong takot sa puso ko, pero parang may humahawak sa akin, pinipigilan akong umalis.

I opened my mouth, but no words came out. The fear in my stomach twisted, and before I could even gather my thoughts, Damien took a step closer, lowering his voice. "I know what you're thinking. You want to fight this. You want to make things right. But you don't have the strength left. This is bigger than you, Min."

The helplessness in my chest grew, but my mind was racing. I didn't do this. I didn't do anything. But he had me in a chokehold, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't break free. He'd orchestrated everything.

Sumikip ang dibdib ko. Bakit ako nakatingin kay Damien? Bakit wala akong lakas para tumakas? Ang lahat ng iniwasan ko, lahat ng sakit na pinipigilan ko—lahat ay siya ang may gawa.

I stared at him, and I saw that glint in his eyes—the one that told me he knew exactly what he was doing. He was enjoying this. Every bit of fear, every ounce of desperation in my eyes was feeding his power over me.

"Come on," he coaxed again, more forcefully this time. "Let's go. I can help you. We'll make all of this go away. You don't have to deal with this alone."

Nasa harap ko na siya, nag-aalok ng tulong, pero sa bawat sagot niya, mas lalong lumalaki yung takot ko. Hindi ko kayang lumaban. Hindi ko kayang sumigaw.

I should've resisted. I should've screamed for help, run away. But the overwhelming fear of being caught, of losing everything—of being exposed—paralyzed me.

Damien's hand brushed against my arm as he turned to walk away. He didn't even look back, but I could feel his control tightening around me.

Para akong kinakalabit ng takot ko. Bawat galaw niya, parang ang lakas ng kontrol na itinatakda niya sa buhay ko.

I wanted to fight. I wanted to scream. But I couldn't.

I glanced back at the screen one last time, the wanted poster mocking me, reminding me of the life I was about to lose.

Without another word, I followed him. My feet moved on their own, dragging me toward the mall. I didn't even know if I was walking anymore. I just wanted to disappear.

Gusto ko nang maglaho. Gusto ko nang mawala. Gusto ko sana siyang pigilan, pero yung takot ko sa buhay na mawawala ko, mas malakas kaysa sa lahat.

I wanted it to end. I wanted him to fix it.

But deep down, I knew—he was the one who had created this mess.