Depression.

It's such a sick word. Every loose bone in my body folds in on itself in defeat. They sigh in unison, a lifetime of failures having crippled their abilities, having felt useless. Today, I don't feel as strong as I did once- when you always put me to sleep, cradled me in your soft arms, kissed my temples and cooed in my ears.

You are perfect.

What happened to you, when I had to take the toughest decision of my life? Where did you go when I was stranded in the sea, hardly able to float with my head above water, barely breathing suffering like I have never suffered?

How could you just... flee me?

Was I that unimportant? Too easy for you to throw me at the feet of nightmares and never look back?

I don't think I can never not forgive you, for my heart yields too easily. But no, I can never forget how I felt so alone, so desperate, so disheartened when I needed you to tie me to the post of rationality.

Just because I can forgive can never mean I can forget.

_____

©VioletEden