❝I have lost and loved and won and cried myself to the person I am today.❞

– Charlotte Eriksson

I can't believe that Aiden was in love with me. More importantly, he's been in love with me ever since he met me. What is wrong with him? Does he know how many times he's hurt me because of the actions he took despite the fact that he loved me? He's hurt me so many times, but I used to think that it was my fault; I used to think that I was hurting myself because of my unrequited love for him, but he took those actions even though he was in love with me. What does that say about him? I'm dumber than I thought I was. I just thought that Aiden didn't see me the way I saw him, but he did, and didn't do anything about it. I know I didn't do anything about it, but I had a reason for it. I didn't want to lose my friendship with him. He was my best friend, my rock, my savior, and I needed him to be in my life, one way or another, so I didn't do anything about my feelings because I didn't want to risk our friendship. What was his reasoning?

Ding.

Great a message from the devil himself.

I did not want to deal with him right now. I just wanted to get a good night's sleep, and forget about this situation for a while.

Knock knock

Who was knocking on my door right now? I went and opened the door.

"Ella, you know I'm still here right?" Valerie asked.

"Oh my god. I actually forgot that you were here," I answered, truthfully.

"Do you want to talk about what happened just now?" Valerie always just went straight to the point.

"No, not really. I'm just going to talk to Aiden about it tomorrow. Look to make this short, I want to be with him. I've always wanted to be with them, and maybe after we clear all the issues we have right now, we can finally be together," I replied.

"I just don't want you to get hurt. He's hurt you before, he can hurt you again. Please be careful," Valerie left me with questions I had pushed aside. I know I need to think about this carefully. I've been hurt one too many times, and I don't want to get hurt again. But realistically speaking, it's possible that if I date someone else, that person will end up hurting. 

I didn't know what to do, so I plopped down on my bed and fell into a deep slumber.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

"VAL SHUT THAT RINGING OFF!" I screamed while trying to close my ears with my pillow.

Valerie reluctantly came upstairs and saw who was calling me, "Ella, it's Aiden."

"Tell him to go away," I'm not a morning person at all. If you try to wake me up, I definitely will yell at you or throw something at you.

Valerie picked up the phone, "Ella told me to tell you to go away."

"What!? You're outside. Oh god, Ella's going to kill you today," Valerie almost shouted.

She went downstairs to, I assume, open the door for Aiden. I don't really care if he's here. I just want to go back to sleep.

"Ella?" Aiden whispered.

"Go away. Let me sleep," I whined.

"Can I sleep with you then?" He asked.

"Do whatever you want to do. Let me go back to sleep though," I responded.

I felt Aiden crawl into bed with me, and then I fell back asleep.

A couple hours later, I woke up and looked at the time. It was 11 am. Finally, a proper time to wake up. I got up and noticed that Aiden wasn't there anymore. I quickly got ready and I went downstairs. I saw Valerie cooking breakfast or lunch, I wasn't sure whether she had went back to sleep after picking up Aiden's call.

"Good morning Ella," Valerie smiled, noticing that I finally woke up.

I heard papers rustling, so I walked over to the living room and I saw Aiden writing something.

"Aiden, what are you writing?" I asked.

"I'm just trying to figure out how to express my feelings for you. I'm also trying to figure out how to say sorry to you for all the mistakes I've made," He whispered.

"Oh Aiden, it's okay. I just needed to sleep on it. I had a reason for not telling you that I loved you in high school. You probably have a reason to," I stated.

"I did have a reason for it. I just feel so stupid about it now. The reason why I never told was that you were broken in high school. You would always come to me to rant or simply talk about something that happened at home. I wanted to help you grow and feel mentally, physically, and emotionally better, and I didn't think a relationship would help you do that. I just wanted to help you one step at a time. Once we got to college, I wanted to tell you then too, but we were still working on our long distance friendship, so I thought maybe a long distance relationship would be even harder to work with. And then we both went though a rough patch, and now we're here. I'm really sorry for never telling you, but I just thought I was protecting you and helping you by not telling you. But I have never stopped loving you," Aiden spilled out.

"But then why did you date other people throughout high school?" I asked.

"I was just being stupid. The actions that I took then were terrible. I'm really really sorry. I'm trying be a better person, but I can't be that without you, El. Please forgive me," Aiden begged.

All I wanted to do was kiss him, so that what I did. I cupped his cheek and pulled him closer to me.

"Can I kiss you?" I asked him.

He answered by taking my lips with his. He kissed me gently, while cupping my cheeks as well. It short, but tender kiss.

"Brunch is ready!" Valerie shouted.

"Let's go eat some food, shall we?" Aiden suggested.

We all ate brunch and then Valerie told me she had to leave to go meet someone, leaving Aiden and I alone.

I went upstairs to go get ready, and I thought about what I was going to talk to Aiden about. I decided, since Aiden showed me his letters, I'll show him mine, so I texted him.

I undressed and got into the shower. I couldn't stop thinking about how my friendship with Aiden is already making its way into a relationship. I love Aiden with all my heart, and I'm better person now. I've changed. I'm much stronger now. Maybe I am ready to be in a relationship with Aiden without losing myself in the process.