❝We are all Romeos looking for our Juliet, but never finding her.❞

– Rae Hacton

"Chug! Chug! Chug!" The crowd yelled out, and I obeyed them. I chugged the beer down. I didn't know what else to do.

I've always just listened to other people. I tried to fit in as best as I could, but I shouldn't have. Maybe I wouldn't have lost her, if I didn't. She was my savior, and now there's no one beside me to prevent me from drowning.

But I haven't seen her in years. Every year I come to my brother's parties to get a chance to her again, but she never comes. Her friend, Valerie, is always here though. I try to ask her questions like, Is she happy? Is she okay? Does she miss me? But she never answers a single question. I'm not so sure whether she even knows who I am.

I just really miss her.

"Hey Ella. You just wanna take a walk?" I asked.

"Yea sure." Ella said with a smile.

"What do you wanna talk about?" I asked.

"Anything is fine." Ella while laughing a bit.

"Why do you think we're living?" I asked.

We would always ask each other questions and randomly debate about them. It was actually fun.

"Well I'm not sure. Because technically we're all dying. Everyday our cells are dying, some rejuvenate, but not all of them. The amount of cells that we have in our body keep decreasing until we die. So technically we're not even living." Ella said rapidly.

"Yea but we're still living. If we're not living then we wouldn't even be able to do what we're doing -" I went on and on.

We kept debating and debating.

Those were the days. I loved those days, just like I loved her.

But it was the wrong time.

We were both broken inside. I never showed her how broken I was, but she showed me how broken she was.

That's why I never told her how I felt because she wasn't ready.

Later on, I went to go see whether Valerie would give me answers this year.

It took me a good 20 minutes to even find her because there were a lot of people still here.

"Hey Valerie." I said, tapping on her shoulder.

"I honestly don't even know why you insist on asking me questions every year, when I don't even know who you are." Valerie said with a hint of annoyance.

"You don't need to know who I am. I just know that you are one of Ella's friends. I just want to know whether she's okay. I won't ask whether she misses me or anything because I can tell she hasn't told you anything. She probably has a reason for that. But anyways, sorry for wasting your time." I said while turning to walk away.

"I'll answer your question, if you answer one of mine." Valerie said suddenly.

"Really?" I asked. I'm pretty sure my eyes lit up at that moment.

"Yea I don't like seeing other people sad, and I think I've let you down too many times, even though it was just twice. But eh. I just want to know your name." Valerie asked.

"Aiden." I answered.

"No, your full name." Valerie replied.

"Aiden Parker." I said a bit confused.

"Oh my god. I um have to go. But Ella is okay. She seems to be doing much better than when I first met her." Valerie said rushed.

"I wonder why she left the party so quickly." I thought to myself.

"Hey Aiden!" My brother, James, called out.

"Hello brother." I replied nonchalantly.

"I'm surprised you're still here. I would have expected you to leave by now." James said.

"I was just talking to Valerie. I just wanted to know how Ella was doing, since you never tell me a thing about her." I said annoyed.

"I'm telling you she doesn't talk to me at all. She has been avoiding me ever since you guys stopped talking. She never comes to my parties either. I rarely ever see her. I don't even understand why you guys stopped talking." Even though James didn't know the full story, he was still extremely annoyed at Aiden and Ella for acting so childish.

"I've got to go. I'll see you later, James." I said, leaving James with his unanswered questions.

Honestly, I wasn't even sure why Ella and I stopped talking. We were so close. There was never a day when we didn't talk to each other in high school. But when we started college we talked less and less. Our conversations usually ended with Ella crying.

She was too attached to me, to be so far away from me. I noticed that. And I understand that because she's always had a hard time letting go of things.

Change was something she was never ready for. I guess that's another reason why I never told her I loved her. 

I would have told her when we started college. However, I made some bad choices. 

I made new friends that had a bad influence on me. They made me stop talking to Ella. Ella would call everyday. She would text everyday, but I never responded. I never secretly tried to talk to her. I should have, but I didn't. Making those friends was probably the worst mistake of my life.

I wish I go back in time and make sure to never let go of my best friend.

Once I got home, I went straight to my bedroom. I was looking for my charger, but I couldn't find it. I went through all my drawers, but I stopped when I saw the letters. The letters I had started writing to Ella, but I never finished. I didn't write too many, but they expressed how hurt I was and how sorry I was.

I couldn't stop myself from writing. I didn't even like reading or writing, but when it came to Ella, I always made an exception.

Instead of continuing to look for my charger, I decided to read a letter.