From: @sixth_numero
To: @HoneybeedelSol
Sent: Sun, 01/19/2020, 09:01 AM
Subject: To the girl who made me cry the most...

Hon,

Third email ko na 'to ah. Pasensya na. Miss lang talaga kita.

A year ago, nagdate tayo sa favorite cafe natin.

"Ilang beses ka nang umiyak sa buong buhay mo?" you asked out of the blue.

I licked my lower lip and scratched my nose. "Don't know. Can't remember."

You bit your lip which you knew always turned me on. "Give me a number. Kiss kita!"

"You're bluffing."

You rolled your eyes at me. "Hindi ah. Sige na. Answer me."

I leaned on my chair. Stared at you for a minute. Asking God how the hell did I deserve a woman like you. With your brown hair with soft curls at the end. Small heart shaped face. Playful chinky eyes. Thick eyebrows. Small nose, and sexy pouty lips.

"Kiss mo muna ako. And then I'm gonna tell you..." hamon ko.

You just laughed at me with your bedroom voice. "Sais, I don't listen and tell. You tell and I'll kiss."

"Fine. Isang beses." I gave up.

You rolled your eyes. "Hindi ako naniniwala. Echos ka, babe."

"It's the truth. I swear on my puppy's grave." I winked.

Mas lalo kang natawa. "Echos ka talaga. Wala ka namang puppy. Takot ka sa puppy. Engot 'to."

"Hindi talaga dapat gini-girlfriend ang childhood friend," I muttered. Ang dami mo kasing alam tungkol sa'kin.

"Hoy, just to refresh your memory ha. Ikaw ang namilit na gawin kitang boyfriend. You begged. As I recall."

Hindi na lang ako kumibo dahil alam kong tama ka naman. Palagi naman. I just sipped on my coffee.

"So? Ilang beses nga," pangungulit mo.

"Twice."

You just nodded. And that was the end of discussion. But we did kiss in the car.

Sabi ko sa'yo dalawang beses lang akong umiyak. That was a lie.

Unang beses akong umiyak noong mamatay ang lizard ko. I was six years old. Mom said I cried buckets. Naalala ko pa tinawanan natin 'to nong ikuwento ko sa'yo.

Hell. I miss you.

So anyways. The second time was when my grandfather died. I was twelve. Umuwi kaming Sydney, Australia no'n. Hindi ako umiyak sa funeral. Umiyak ako matapos ang isang linggo.

I remember just sitting in front of a table, in the kitchen. One afternoon. Umiyak nang umiyak lang ako hanggang sa makatulog. Alam mo na rin 'to dahil nasabi ko na sa'yo. Pero ang hindi mo alam ay ang ikatlong beses.

I'm going to tell you now.

Hindi ako umiyak nang nagka-injury ako sa basketball noong high school.

I didn't cry when dad finally bought me my first car. Ikaw pa nga unang isinakay ko 'di ba?

I didn't even cry when finally after ten times of asking you to be mine, you finally said yes. Ang sabi mo pa nga, "Yes na nga. Ang kulit mo."

I'm sure hindi mo 'to alam. Ikatlong beses akong umiyak noong sinabi mong mahal mo ako. Sa kauna-unahang pagkakataon.

Nasa kuwarto mo tayo no'n. Nakahiga sa kama mo na si Wonder woman ang bed sheet. We were both listening to the music playlist you made me. Tig-isa tayo ng earphone. Nakatingala sa kisame mo na pinintahan mo ng dagat. Because you love the beach. It was funny.

You had this glow in your brown eyes. You were smiling the whole time. Andre Rieu- The Rose (Instrumental) was playing.

"I love you, Sixth Numero," you softly said when the song was at its end. I barely heard it. But I heard.

Narinig ko ang lakas ng pintig ng puso mo. O baka naman akin 'yon?

I kissed you then. Softly at first. At gaya na lang ng mga kisses natin, it became deep. I kissed you hard though your lips were soft. I was thirsty for your kiss like a drowning man.

"Sixth..." you moaned between kisses and fuck it turned me on.

I stopped and just stared at you. Your lips were red from the kiss.

"Bakit ka tumigil?" you asked. It was so obvious you were a bit disappointed. Ang cute mo.

"Pakakasalan pa kita. Sa oras na gamit mo na ang apelyido ko, then I won't stop."

You pouted. Hinalikan kita sa noo. You didn't know how hard I restrained myself from doing more than that kiss. I'm no saint pagdating sa mga babae. Alam mo 'yan. Pero pagdating sa'yo, nagiging santo ako sa respeto. Lalong-lalo na matapos mong sabihan na mahal mo ako.

In that moment, I didn't cry in front of you. Siyempre, may reputasyon akong inaalagaan. Lol. But, I definitely cried while I was driving home.

Umiyak ako dahil sobrang saya ko.

OA ko 'di ba? Lambot lang. Siguro pagtatawanan ako ng mga tropa natin. Sayo lang ako malambot, Honey. Sayong-sayo lang.

The days after you left me, a year ago, were days of crying. Tanginang iyak 'yon.

I cried. Got drunk. Went to sleep.

"Dude, stop it," saway ni Ricker sa'kin. Nasa bar kami.

"One more shot, and I'm done," sabi ko.

"Barilin kita d'yan e. Tama na nga."

"One more. Nag-aaya kayong mag bar tapos 'di niyo ako palalasingin. What kind of fucking logic is that?" I reasoned.

"Anthony, tawagan mo nga si Honey..." si Aki.

Tumayo si Anthony at umakmang aalis. Mabilis naman siyang nahawakan ni Ricker. "Where the fuck are you going?"

Kumunot ang noo ni Anthony. "Bruh, tatawagin ko si Honey."

Eghart laughed out loud. "Tanga. Sa cellphone! Bobo talaga ng gagong 'to e. Ako na nga!"

I would have laughed if I wasn't busy drinking and minding my own pain. But then I noticed Eghart, taking a picture of me with his phone.

"Ano 'yan?" I demanded sharply.

Ngumisi ang gago. "Say mais! Send ko 'to kay Honey."

Mas mabilis pa sa kidlat ang ginawang pagtayo ko. "Makaalis na nga."

They laughed. Alam nilang takot ako na malaman mong naglalasing ako. Ayaw ko no'n. Ayokong mag-alala ka kasi sinaktan na nga kita.

I went home. Buti hindi ko nabunggo 'yong sasakyan ko. Then I slept with a bleeding heart. I lost count of the number of times I cried. For a guy who've only cried thrice in life before, it was so foreign to me.

It was just like a song of Dean Lewis called "Be Alright." Pero ako 'yong nag-cheat sa'tin. Puta. Hindi ko in-expect na ang kantang 'to pala ang magde-describe sa buhay ko.

Alam ko, Hon na iniiwasan mo na ako ngayon. Wala akong karapatang magalit. Pero 'di ibig sabihin no'n na hindi masakit.

We're older now. Siguro mas mature na. We're not in our teens anymore.

You're already working in a job you always wanted to do. Malapit na rin akong matapos sa studies ko. I know it took a long time but I'm getting there.

Perhaps, one day. On a beautiful sunny day. When finally, all the hurts we feel are gone, our paths will cross again.

When that beautiful wishful one day comes, I will definitely cry with happiness.

-Sixth-

Attached File: Andre Rieu- The Rose(Instrm.)(audio)