From: @sixth_numero
To: @HoneybeedelSol
Sent: Sun, 01/05/2020, 09:01 AM
Subject: To the girl who hates me the most...

Hon,

I was ten. You were twelve. That was the first time you hated me.

The first time we met. Funny, you hated me before you met me. Akala mo no'n, nanakawin ko ang bike mo. I could still remember the way you looked back then. You were on your yellow flower printed dress, yellow shoes. You were all yellow. Parang araw lang. It blinded me.

"Sumbong kita sa police officer," your very first words. Napaka seryoso mo no'n hawak ang pink na cellphone. So tenacious. You still are. I only smirked at you. Didn't say anything else. Baka tawanan lang kita at masapak mo pa ako.

Then your mom came and told you I was your new neighbor. Nagkausap tayo. Hindi ko na maalala ang pinag-usapan natin. Except for one. When I was saying my good bye, you said "You talk funny." Pasensya na ha. Galing lang Australia.

Days passed by. Then weeks turned to months. I pulled a prank on you, in the backyard. Isang daga. Naalala mo ba? You were so red. Akala ko nga sasabog ka na. Haha. You called me names. And that was the 2nd time you hated me.

Your birthday came. You were fourteen. I was twelve.

Tinago ko 'yong kandila ng cake mo sa ilalim ng mesa. Umiyak ka. That was the first time you cried in all the pranks I've ever done to you. And that was the 3rd time you hated me.

We might have argued, but we always made up. You always understood me. Sabi nila sakit sa ulo raw ako. "Oo, Sais. Gago ka," sabi mo pero nakangiti ka naman.

First time na nag share ka tungkol sa crush mo. You were fifteen, I was thirteen.

I joked about him. "Parang patpat naman."

"Ikaw na ang gwapo! I swear hindi na ako magshi-share ng crushes ko sa'yo!" You were pissed off. You didn't talk to me for a week. And that was the 4th and the longest time that you hated me.

First time mo nagka-boyfriend habang nagpa-braces naman ako. Told me I was silly when my teeth were just fine as they were. Sixteen ka no'n. Fourteen naman ako.

Then after a week, naghiwalay kayo. "O, why'd you broke up with him?" I asked.

You bursted out laughing. You laughed really hard at sana nga marinig ko ulit ang tawa mo.

"Kasi, Sais, he's as skinny as a stick," sagot mo.

Our friendship grew. It blossomed. Nawala ang ibang tropa, may bagong dumating naman. People we already knew but didn't know we'd get closed to. Memories we weren't even aware of were being built. Ang immature natin no'n.

Sunday night. Your special night. Pink ball gown ang suot mo. Ang kulay brown na buhok mo naman ay naka-bun. You were wearing the necklace your Nona gave you. Naalala ko pa na wala sa isip mong hinilahila 'to.

You looked really nervous back then while we were in the corner.

"You know, I watched this movie yesterday," I whispered to you.

Nagtaas ka ng kilay."Ows? What about it?"

"It's a witch movie. Naalala ko lang. Because you look like a witch about to be executed right now."

Kinurot mo ako sa tagiliran. Nagusot pa ang suit na suot ko. My side bruised the next day. You were eighteen then. I was sixteen.

You were beautiful. And that was the 5th time you hated me.

You had your first heart break. Nag-hang out tayo ng tropa. Naalala ko pa suot mo. It was your favorite gray sweatshirt with a little pony at the center. Iyak ka lang nang iyak buong palabas. Hawak mo isang bowl ng popcorn na minopolya mo. We were watching Star Wars. You were nineteen. I was seventeen.

"Honey, you're a mess," sabi ko nang nag-roll na ang credits. It was because you were crying the entire time.

"Ay patay..." bulong ni Eghart.

Sinipat mo ako at tinapunan ng bowl ng popcorn. "Fuck you!" You ran upstairs. That was the 6th time you hated me.

Umuwi ka galing college dahil sa short break. Binigyan mo 'ko ng regalo. Nasa akin pa nga hanggang ngayon. Piyesta no'n. We were watching a carnival show. May ka-fling ako no'n. Binibiro mo pa nga ako lagi dahil sa mga babae ko.

Sa harap ng roller coaster, binibigyan ng lalaki 'yong batang babae ng lobo, we exchanged some hurtful words.

And for the life of me I couldn't remember the reason how it started.

"Dahil nga kaibigan mo ako! Don't be such an asshole!" You shouted.

"Don't be such a wimp!" I replied.
Galit na galit ka. You scared the hell out of me. You kept on pushing, and pushing. Hindi ako umatras. Ikaw rin. You walked out. I stayed put. You were twenty. I was eighteen. It was the 7th time you hated me.

And I realized now, it was the very first time I hated you.

8th, 9th, 10th, 20th times of hates. Memories ko pa rin ang mga 'yon sa'yo. Pati na rin 'yong magagandang mga alaala. When finally, all your hates turned to love.

When we were together, finally as a couple, the 30th, 31st, or how many times you've hated me were the best memories I had. Dahil alam kong lahat ng galit na 'yon ay pagmamahal mo na hindi ko naman deserve.

You probably still hate me now.

Perhaps for the 100th time? Would it really matter?

I know the pain I've caused you a year ago wouldn't even be as half as the 1St, 2nd, 3rd, and so on, on the times that you hated me as much as you've hated me right now.

Naalala mo ba no'ng unang nagalit ako sa'yo?

Ngayon ko lang ata na-realize habang nagta-type nito. Iyon 'yong unang beses na minahal kita.

I was your fourth boyfriend.

You were my first love.

That was a year ago.

-Sixth-