"Only met on the weekend
Said I'm not catching feelings
Oh I guess I lied."
....

I wake up every morning feeling cute and depressed and the first thing I do is to thank the lord for coffee.

Coffee is the love of my life, it's the first thing I think of when I wake up and the last thing I think of before I go to sleep. Coffee has always been there for me through thick and thin. It has never left me and because of that I would always be a loyal boyfriend.

Tzz Tzz Tzz
“Oh shut up,” I murmur as I stroll over and tap the top of the electric alarm clock by my bed side. I keep asking myself why I chose the alarm sound to be that of an electrocuting laser yet I never bother to change it. Well…that might be because I absolutely disdain change.

It's a Saturday morning so there's a faint smile on my face as I get ready to leave the house. Rare. I dance to some upbeat songs as I shower and sing along to Conan Gray's Found Heaven album. Amazing creation. Criminally underrated.

“On and onnn…” I sing along to Never Ending song as I slip on my tropical bracelets, hang my headphones around my neck and pull on my dark blue beanie over my blonde curls. “Like a never ending song!” Then I do the little dance at the end, chuckle to myself before I proceed to drench myself in my woody scent cologne.

I pick up my phone and go to the text app, the faint smile dropping as I see that Albert hasn't replied yet. My message is still left on delivered.

Well…at least he's the one who invited me to come over.

I sigh as I recognise that heavy feeling in my heart. That hopeless, ironically empty feeling that always makes me question if I really still want to go on any longer.

Don't think about that. You're going to hang out with Albert and you're gonna get coffee.

I put on my faux smile, the charming, dazzling smile I always have on whenever I'm out and being perceived by the public. The heart stopping smile that causes all the girls within a five meter radius to swoon, freeze or practically melt on the spot. Or for the confident ones, walk up to me, visibly weak in the knees, barely able to form coherent sentences.

For me, my good looks are a curse. Because what's the point of them if you can't get anyone to like you and actually be with them?

I leave the house through the back door. My parents are probably not home anyway, probably out jogging or something. I don't really care. The less we're around one other, the better for all of us.

I enjoy morning walks alone, just being by yourself, enjoying the beautiful morning sun on your skin, the soft breeze dancing and swaying through the air as you listen to your comfort songs. Peace.

A lot of steps and about twenty songs later and I finally arrive at my second home, my everyday stop.

Callum's café. I love me a good cup of iced coffee in the morning. Helps to effectively freeze my brain and the dark, jumbled thoughts running around in there.

The line to the counter is unusually long today but I'm a patient boy, learnt it overtime. It's alright though. I have plenty of time and Albert would be probably busy for some hours. Silly me, I'm saying it like he'd want to see me even if he was free. I think he just feels sorry for me.

"Yo Jordan what's popping?" The guy at the counter calls out when he sees me. I smile and wave at him with a two finger salute.

"Nothing much. You?" I'm never wrong. There's never much.

"Just grateful to be alive is all. And what you mean ‘nothing much’? A gorgeous superstar basketball player always has something up," he says with a laugh.

I wave it off and give him a strained smile. I like Alan but we're not really tight.

As if I'm tight with anyone.

Thankfully, a cute blonde chic steals his attention so I don't have to suffer making small talk with him.

My phone buzzes in my pocket. It could be anything. Instagram notification, a text from my parents, or something. I don't know. My phone gives me anxiety. I take it out though because I'm bored I don't want to look idle.

Albert: still available today? Wanna show you something cool.

My heart soars in hope. He's free today. The only person who I can try to be myself around. The only friend who stuck around when things got crazy for me. He's not always chummy and sweet but at least he's there. That's more than enough for me.

Me: Meet you at the usual. Just gotta grab my coffee

Albert: Coffee's gonna end you

Me: That'll be a good way to go tbh

He sends a laughing emoji before I slip my phone into my pocket and the line moves so I take a step forward.

I think I've zoned out for a while when I start to hear a song I know pretty well being sung melodiously from behind me.

"...helpless, selfish one of a kind millennium kids that all wanna die–"

I don't realise when I join in and complete the song.

"...walking in the street with no light inside our eyes."

I realise it too late.

My eyes widen as I hear a soft gasp from behind. I turn around slowly with a raised brow and a pounding heart.

That pounding halts for a moment when I set my eyes on the girl who started the song. She looks and is dressed so simply yet looks so damn cute. What is it about her damn face that makes me not want to blink?

The smirk tugging at her mesmerising lips brings me out of my trance. Now I can focus on something else like…like…her luscious, brown, medium length hair that moves cinematically as she flicks it out of her face.

Oh lord, help me.

“Hi?” she says to me, tilting her head in a manner that makes things worse.

I try to take deep breaths that aren't noticeable. You're also hot. She probably finds you attractive too. Compose yourself.

“Hey,” I say with my sexiest voice and take a step forward as the line moves.

“You know that song?” she asks, reminding me of what started this conversation the first place.

“Yeah, Generation why by Conan Gray. Love the song. Hey, who am I kidding, I love all his songs.”

She chuckles. A soft, yet cool sound that causes my heart to flip.

“No way, I'm such a huge Conan fan too. It's so rare to find one.”

“It is, I agree. Any time something like this happens I'm convinced it must be fate. Destiny…”

She laughs now.

Damn am I really that funny?

“What coffee are you gonna get?”

“Iced coffee. I need it.”

“Oh yeah?” She uses a tone that makes me uneasy, like I'm being read. No I'm being too subtle. Like I'm being stripped naked and being stared at. Okay, too far.

“Yeah…” I say. Why am I so nervous? I'm not usually this nervous around girls because my emotions usually work in sync with my brain and it knows we are not supposed to fall in love or there will be consequences!

“And you?”

I'm such a master at conversation. Sarcasm by the way.

“Actually…I hate coffee,” she says hesitantly. My heart shatters in my chest. Someone just told me they hated my girlfriend. She notices the obvious shock she has caused and gives me an apologetic smile.

“Yeah, I just never liked it. But my best friends love it so I'm going to suck it down with them.”

I nod, feeling a bit hurt for some reason. Emotions please get yourselves together.

“That's sweet. You're bold to say that though…inside a literal café.”

She laughs, if possible louder than before.
“I'm sorry…” she whispers to everyone. She's adorable.

“I'm Jordan,” I say, immediately smacking myself mentally. Why'd I tell her my name? I'm not supposed to want to see her again.

“Star,” she tells me.

“That's a beautiful name,” I blurt out involuntary and her cheeks redden slightly.

“Thank you.”

There are now zero people in front of me so I have to order and then I have to leave soon. Damn, five minutes I spent with her and I'm already missing her.

Chill, it's just the effects of loneliness, I think.

Alan already knows my usual morning order so he's preparing it while I stand and wait for him.

“Are you going somewhere?” she asks hopefully. I smile internally, my heart soaring.

“Um…I was going to meet a friend but…not for some time. I'm free if you wanna hang?”

What the fuck? Why are you agreeing to this?

“That's cool. Me too. I'm meeting my best friends in a few hours so I have some time too.”

“Awesome,” I say as I grab my coffee, ignoring the wink from Alan and stand aside to wait for her to order.

When she's done, we walk to the exit together.

“For some reason, I really wanna get to know you.”

“Oh yeah? You sure you just don't want to get to know these cute lips.”

She laughs as we walk out of the cafe into the bright morning sun. I squint as I look up at it and then I shift my focus to the clouds all around. I smile with a small sigh.

“You're hilarious and no, I'm not that type of person. You're just interesting and I would like to get to know you.”

“Aw, so you're saying you don't want to get to know them?”

She blushes slightly and shakes her head amidst her laughter.

With the beautiful sound of her laughter in the background I think to myself…this is the first time in a while I'm having this…heart racing, stomach fluttering, mind whirling feeling. And I don't like it because I can't get close to anyone. But for some reason I throw all caution away. I think I like this girl.

A/N
His conscience has finally begunn!!!

I'M SO EXCITED to begin this journey that I know I would absolutely adore! I hope you stick around till the end with Jordan;)

~Ash