"Embracing all my scars and imperfections
Turn the tide all my cons are my pros now."
...

I've never woken up so ready and determined to start the day.

Well, I don't know if I would say, woke up, because I didn't really go to sleep. I was up all night thinking a lot and in the end I decided that I was going to start taking risks and start setting some things right. I thought of this really crazy plan I was going to pull off the next day at school that was going to calm my conscience at least a little bit.

I needed a lot of courage for this and I really needed to not think about the consequences because if I did...I would definitely back out of it.

I was running a bit late that morning so I practically ran to Callum's. My hair wasn't brushed properly and was tousled haphazardly atop my head. For my clothes, let's just say I put on the first things I could lay my hands on. Fortunately I have generally nice clothes and I dress really casual, so I didn't bother much about looking off.

I spedwalked all the way to school, taking frequent sips of my-well I won't say sweet-cup of espresso. I walked so quickly that even when I arrived at school, the liquid was still hot.

The first thing I did once I got to school and got my books out of my locker was to look for Sam. Yeah, Star's best friend Sam.

I kmew that the chances of him agreeing to speak to me was about 5% but hey, it's better to try. And I needed to see him before the first period because I don't have any free period classes today and I don't know if would see him afterwards. There was also lunch but, I kinda need him to process this for a while...so yeah.

As soon as I close my locker door shut and turn around, I spot him heading out of the bathroom. Bingo.

I almost chicken out but I yell his name before I can.

He turns to face my direction, looking lost for a second but when he finally spots me giving him a short wave, his expression morphes instantly to utter disdain.

Well, this would be fun.

I call out his name again when he resumes walking to wherever he was going and I have to chase after him.

"Sam! Hold up! Please, could we talk?" I try again but he still doesn't turn around or acknowledge my existence behind him. He starts to increase his pace.

"We should have a play off!" I yell at him and his steps falter for a moment and when I think I've finally gotten him, he just shakes his head and walks on.

"For the spot, center forward and whoever wins...takes the spot and the loser has to drop out of the team."

This causes him to halt immediately. He turns around slowly with a stoic expression but I can see his eyes calculating.

"Why?" he asks, crossing his arms over his chest and staring down at me. He's a bit taller than I am, I notice. I don't back down though. I can be anxious and do stupid things but I could be really confident. I stare back at him, not breaking eye contact for one second. I don't stare maliciously though, I just give him a hard, sharp stare that shows I'm only here for business. He has every right to hate me but I just want to make things right and all he has to do it to accept this.

"Because I feel like we never got the chance to actually know who...deserves the spot." I run my hands through my hair, messing it up even more. "I'm sure Star has told you what happened with me and the team. I know how messed up it sounds. I'm sorry, it wasn't really my fault. I didn't know that it would affect you. My parents...they gave me no choice. I knew it was wrong from the beginning and I know I should've stopped it then. If I wanted to be in the team...in your position, I should have gotten it the right way."

I let out a sigh before I add. "I know you're an amazing player. Star tells me all the time. And...even the coach, your teammates, they tell me all the time. No one really likes that I'm here. And...I just want to see if I really deserve the spot. So...we settle it today after school. How does that sound?"

He mulls over it for a moment.
"Fine. It's a deal," he replies with a curt nod. "Oh and...what you said about no one liking that you're here...that's not true. Star does."

With that, he walks off, leaving me feeling...strangely good. I just really hope everything works according to plan. I can already feel the tight knot that has lived in my in my chest for my whole life loosening up a bit and it makes me hopeful.

***

Tweet.

The sound of the whistle draws me out of my racing thoughts.

I can't believe I'm actually doing it. I'm here, in the auditorium, surrounded by more people than I would have expected.

Now I think of it, who wouldn't want to come to see a play off between the school's two best players? I don't know how but word got around the school fast. This is probably going to be one of the most important moments in the school this year. I shouldn't mess it up.

My teammates and the coach are sitting at the side, watching. I can recognise a lot of people on the bleachers, staring down at us intently. The principal is even in the room today. I mean, I told him about it earlier today (lying that I've already informed my parents of course, but that's another bridge to cross) but I didn't expect him to come and watch the game.

Why didn't I?

Most importantly, I see Star sitting silently at the very first row. She's staring right at me, her eyes sending me a million questions at a time. They also hold a lot of emotion and although there are a lot of negative ones, I think I can spot something like admiration in there. She knows I'm trying to set things right.

I know I always brushed off the topic of basketball and photography anytime it was brought up but I could tell that she really wanted to talk about it, to knock some sense into me and help me realise that I was harming myself by following my parents blindly but she just didn't want to upset more than I already was. I hope she understands my decisions at the end of the day. Or this match, rather.

The referee throws the ball up into air and suddenly the game starts. Sam grabs the ball first and dribbles me, swiftly running past me and before I know it, the ball drops through my net.

The crowd cheers and applauds. Some people call out his name.

Oh he definitely has fans.

After he scores a few more points, I decide to up my game. I can't lose easily or people will suspect.

I get a bit fiercer on the court. For the next few minutes I level up with him and the court grows silent with each shot I make. I mess with him on the court for a bit. I dribble past him when he's a bit distracted, make him chase me to the net and then take a shot before he gets to me multiples time. I'm actually having some fun.

When I know that he's completely focused and won't let me get past him easily, I go for three pointers, I shoot from the middle of the court and I don't pass up the chance to fake a shot and then run to dunk in the net.

The crowd begins to cheer for me after my last shot. Little do they know...

I let him score a few points as we near the end of the match. And he knows. I catch the knowing looks he shoots at me from time to time. I think he realises what's going on.

The score is 52-54 at the last ten seconds of the game with me down two points. My heart thuds in my chest as I stare up at the score board. I wipe my damp forehead with the back of my hand as my chest heaves.

The referee blows the whistle and the court goes silent. I grab the ball as it descends and attempt to dribble Sam, but he tackles me. At least that's what I hoped it looked like.

The crowd roars as I tumble towards the ground, clutching my ankle with a grimace.

I'm awarded a penalty from that spot. If I score it, that's two points. I'll be level with him and we'd go on to take free throws to determine the winner.

I get up slowly, grab the ball and take my position on the court, raising the ball above me, my eyes trained on the net.

My heart drums in my chest like a bass drum as I look at the score board one again. My eyes move to the audience. I spot star and we make eye contact for a split second. I look back at the net and take a deep breath before taking the shot.

It doesn't go in. I expect the crowd to cheer for Sam but the room is freaking silent. Maybe they realised that it was intentional because the distance between the ball and net was a bit farther than normal, even from someone who was an amateur. I ignore Sam's intense stare that pierces into the side of head. I don't dare look at him.

Anyway, fuck it. I lost.

I grab my backpack, and storm out of the auditorium, ignoring my teammates calling after me. As I walk out of the room, the crowd finally unfreezes from their perplexed state and begins to cheer for Sam.

A faint smile plays on my lips as I walk away and I let out a huge sigh of relief. I don't have to play basketball anymore...

As I walk out of school, into the fresh afternoon air, I hear my name being yelled from behind me.

"Jordan!"

I freeze and turn around, instantly recognising the owner of the voice. My heart clenches in my chest.

"Can we talk?" she asks, running up to me. I only stare at her expressionless as she advances.