CHAPTER THIRTY SIX

The man was tugging at his hair in frustration, eyes blank as he sat at his desk in the office area of the spare bedroom in his home. He appeared to be completely passive but inside, his mind was whirring with a tornado of mixed emotions. He didn't know what to think, he didn't know how to feel. What he did know, however, was that he needed to make a phone call.

It had been almost two decades since they last spoke but somehow, he knew her private number wouldn't have changed. She always had been a creature of habit.

"Hello?"

It rang three times until she picked up, her voice thornier than he remembered. Perhaps that was his own fault for calling at six o'clock on a Saturday morning. Or perhaps it was due to the number of years that had passed between them, unspoken arguments and the momentous secret she had been holding close. No wonder she had become so bitter, so twisted around her own despair.

"It's me," Christopher Davis said clearly, unable to prevent the grin from growing on his face as she gasped with recognition at his voice. He might have been furious at her in that moment for what he had just discovered but Jasmine Adem would always be able to illicit that spark of warmth within his heart.

They say you never truly forget your first love and, boy, ain't that the truth.

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Cameron didn't say it but he was absolutely ecstatic when he picked Hannah up from the airport the following morning, her cheeks glowing and lips pulled right up in a genuine smile. She was chattering along to Charmaine and Becky, dragging her suitcase along as her hands flailed in the air, accompanying her words. He'd missed her around the house, even though it had only been a few days, but it was evident Rome had been good to her.

Or perhaps, he thought after looking a little closer, it wasn't the place she was but the people she was with.

She was standing close to Rayne, her body unconsciously curling towards his as he smiled just as brightly as she was doing. They were so cheesy that he felt slightly nauseous just looking at the sneaky glances they grew at each other.

"Hey, you!" Cameron exclaimed, throwing an arm around her and mussing her hair. "I missed your ugly face, how was your trip?" Hannah tried to frown in response but she was so full of joy that she didn't manage it and instead, wrapped her arms around her cousin and stuck her tongue against his ear.

"Missed you too!"

Cameron groaned, pushing her away with a shove and furiously wiping his ear as they all laughed. "Eww, Han! You're the most disgusting person on the planet, ugh, how am I even related to you?"

The cousins continued throwing insults at each other amongst peals of laughter, stories of Rome fluttering throughout the group. Hannah went around and gave every one a hug, promising to send them the photos she had on her phone before school rolled back around on Monday. She hugged Rayne a little tighter than he expected, absorbing the smell of his laundry detergent into her memory and whispering a thank you into his ear. She didn't need to expand on it, he had always managed to see through her and understand.

"I'll see you on Monday," he replied, jade eyes boring into hers with all the warmth in the world.

Judging by the knowing look Cameron was giving her, Hannah was sure her cousin knew what had occurred between them last night. And what a night it had been! She smiled to herself, content-ness washing over her as she leaned back in the car, feeling the breeze from the open window pour over her.

"Just so you know," Cameron began seriously, turning the music quieter until it was barely a hum. "I'm far too young to be an uncle, alright, so you best tell Rayne that. Stay safe, stay smart, stay child-free – that's my motto."

Hannah groaned in embarrassment as red crept over her skin whilst he continued wiggling his eyebrows like the idiot that he was. "Shut up!" she mumbled from behind the hands she covered her face with. "I don't need the bird and bees talk."

Cameron laughed, twisting the steering wheel as they got off the motorway. "But you didn't deny it! Oh my gosh, my lil Hannahkins is all grown up, happy and in love!" He teased her, saying the words in such a mocking way that she punched him on the arm.

Hannah turned the music back up, much to his annoyance, and shrugged her shoulders. Before she could come up with an answer that wouldn't embarrass her further, however, her cousin's phone rang loudly. "That's Auntie Sara," she said, picking it up without a thought.

"Cameron! Where are you? Have you picked Hannah from the airport yet?" her aunt fired questions with an urgency in her voice that unsettled Hannah.

With a shrug at Cameron's 'what's-going-on' expression, she answered. "Auntie Sara? It's me, what's up?"

Her aunt breathed a sigh of relief down the phone, almost sounding as though she was in tears. The wind had gotten stronger, brushing the car with a coldness that couldn't be shaken even with the windows up and the heater on. "Oh thank God, Hannah, my darling! I've been trying to get through to you all day but your phones dead, I really need you to get home as soon as you can, please Hannah. Your mother's on her way to see you, just hang on, Jay and I are on our way too, wait for us."

Hannah barely understood the jumble of words but it was only when her aunt breathed the final piece of the puzzle that she realised what had occurred.

"Chris phoned her this morning, about you. All this time, we thought he had known about your birth but it turned out that he didn't. And he's furious at Jasmine for not telling him, understandably so, but that means she's furious at you in return. How on earth did this even happen?"

Hannah felt her heart sink, stomach twisting into knots as she remembered the woman with honey eyes and blonde curls. "Oh shit! I– I– I didn't mean to," she whispered, ignoring the worried glances her cousin was shooting her. "I just– I was just curious, I just wanted to see where he lived and his wife saw me but I didn't say or do anything, I swear, I ran away before she said anything. Oh God, I'm sorry Auntie Sara, I didn't mean to!"

Hannah barely took in the rest of the phone call, wordlessly handing Cameron his mobile as her insecurities spun around her mind. The journey home was quick and she barely noticed the way she dropped her suitcase on her toes whilst pulling it out, a fear creeping up inside her at the thought of her mother visiting.

Jasmine had never visited their house before, never even knowing where her daughter lived or what she did with her time. And whilst Hannah had always claimed she didn't care that her mother was made of ice, she couldn't deny the lost little girl inside of her that ached for a mothers love and acknowledgement. But this wasn't how she wanted it all to play out.

Her Uncle Jay's car soon skidded into their driveway, followed by a sleek black one which she vaguely recognised as her mothers. Hannah barely noticed Cameron squeezing her hand tight or the way Auntie Sara engulfed her into a hug in the hallway of the house the two cousins shared. All she could see was the fury lining the contours of her Jasmine's face.

For the first time in Hannah's life, she didn't look like Jasmine Adem, world famous fashion designer and inspiration to many. For the first time, Hannah truly saw her mother.

Jasmine's hair was knotted at the top from where she had slept on it, ponytail askew as she spat profanities whilst running in. She marched with all the strength in the world, fire in her eyes and ice in her glare as she slapped her daughter across the face. There was so much force behind it, so much momentum that Hannah tripped over her feet, head spinning as she stumbled down.

Her mother had pushed her around a lot as a child, had even hit her a few times but never had it ever been that harsh. Never before had she felt the true level of anger her mother held towards her.

Jasmine was fuming, body shaking with anger as tears welled in her eyes. "How dare you!" she snarled, as her body heaved. "How fucking dare you! What have you done? What have you done? What have you done?"

It took a while for Hannah to realise her mother was crying, body heaving with sobs as she kicked and screamed from the restrains of where her brother was holding her down. "Calm down!" Jay demanded, eyes full of anger but also an understanding painted across his face.

Hannah didn't know what to say, paralysed with fear as her jaw stung. She was certain a bruise was already forming, the slight taste of blood lingering against her tongue. She could feel Auntie Sara's horror at the scene in front of her, could feel Cameron vibrating with protectiveness but for once, she ignored it.

"I didn't mean to," she whispered as she pushed herself up – disregarding Cameron's outstretched hand. The last time she had answered her mother back, Hannah had been a child and had been severely yelled at for daring to. In fact, she learnt very early on not to talk to Jasmine, not to look at her, not to allow her to be reminded that she had a child. "But I'm real fuckin' glad I did. You lied! You lied to everyone, you lied to him!"

Without waiting for someone to stop her, Hannah skipped over the pile of shoes in the hallway and ran out of the front door, ignoring the yells behind her. She ran down her street without pausing to wait for the cramp in her side to pass as tears streamed down her cheeks, painting the pavement beneath her. Her hair whipped against the air, wild and unruly just like she felt in that moment as she ran all the way towards the man she had always been pushed away from.

Blood was pounding in her ears, beating down in the rhythm of her mother's words but Hannah pushed it out of her mind as she pressed down on the doorbell of the rose-lined house. Her father's wife – her step mother she supposed – answered it, not at all surprised to see her there. But Lydia's mouth dropped open at the reddish blue coating Hannah's left cheek and jaw. "Oh my God, your face!"

Hannah winced, raising a finger to it and unable to stop the small groan of pain she made at the contact. Now that she was here, she didn't know what to say or do but Lydia didn't seem to mind.

"C'mon in, love," she said, a warm hand on Hannah's shoulder as she guided her inside the large house towards the living room. "I'll get you an ice-pack or something, you take a seat, okay?"

Hannah didn't trust herself to speak, still shaking slightly from the confrontation at her own house as she analysed the room. The space was large and classy but it was evident it was well lived in, photographs lining the mantle and a few toys propped up against various surfaces. There was a girl lying on the sofa watching TV but she looked up with wide eyes as Hannah walked in. She was probably around thirteen, dressed in mismatching pyjamas with jam on the corner of her lip and toast in hand.

Her sister.

The thought almost overwhelmed Hannah as her eyes ran over the pale-skinned, chocolate-haired girl who looked nothing like her, yet shared her blood.

"Go get your dad, Lucy," the woman said, gesturing at Hannah to sit down as she switched the TV off. "Now, I said."

Lucy got up without a word, although it was obvious she wanted to say something and wandered out of the room, climbing stairs. Hannah suddenly felt guilty for interrupting her day – after all, she was the anomaly in this unknown house.

Lydia returned with a packet of frozen peas, pressing it against Hannah's cheek and apologising as she winced. "I'm sorry, love, but it'll reduce the swelling, just hold it still. My God, you poor dear, what on earth did Jasmine do to you?"

Hannah didn't respond to that, knowing she probably looked like she'd gotten hit across the face with a sledgehammer, judging by how it felt. Instead, she allowed her eyes to take in the kindly features of her dad's wife. "Do I really look that much like her? I didn't say anything that day but you recognised me," she whispered.

Hannah had always known she looked like a replica of her mother, just with slightly lighter skin and duller hair. But for this woman to take a seconds glance at her that day and realise who she was in order to tell her husband, she must have more similarities than she thought.

The thought made her feel sick.

Lydia shook her head, blonde curls bouncing against where they'd been pinned up. "Not so much of who she has become now from TV and stuff, but you do look exactly like Jasmine when we were in university. But now that I'm looking at you properly, I can see Chris in you too."

Hannah didn't get a chance to respond to that, however, as the man in question pushed the living room door open. For some reason, she expected some sort of realisation to hit her as she stared up at her father with nerves brewing in her stomach, as though she would recognise him. But nothing of the sort happened; he was just a regular looking middle-aged stranger.

His skin was paler than his wife's, hair a dark chocolate brown that was beginning to grey at the sides and eyes a dark cobalt blue. Although Hannah didn't recognise herself in him, she could see the strong resemblance he had to the two children in the photograph she had saved from Facebook – the same two children who trailed after him.

As well as another face she knew well.

Hannah gasped with pure unaltered shock, puzzle pieces flitting together in her mind. "Alex?"

Alex was dumbfounded, shock painted over his face as he looked between his uncle and the girl on the sofa. Hannah had mascara trails dripping down her cheeks, a bag of frozen vegetables held to her face and panic shining in her eyes. And suddenly he remembered the first time he had caught sight of her, at Tyler's birthday party. His first thought as he scanned the two cousins was how much lighter Hannah's skin was to Cameron's. A drop of milk in a cup of coffee, was what he had initially thought. And now he knew why.

"Holy shit, Hannah?!" he mumbled, stumbling forward as though he was in a trance. "You're the mystery daughter Uncle Chris was telling me about? The one he never knew about until today? Oh my God, what the hell?"

Chris raised his eyebrows in surprise as Alex kneeled down on the ground in front of the daughter he had never met. She looked so much like Jasmine at first glance although he could see her uncertainty shining in her eyes – the one thing that Jasmine had never been. He still couldn't believe he had another daughter, one whose name he hadn't even known until his nephew said it.

"Uncle?" Hannah spluttered, looking between her friend and her father with wide eyes. "What? I can't believe this is happening."

"You and me both," Chris responded, sitting down on the sofa opposite Hannah, as he leant forward with eyes boring into her.

Hannah felt a little dizzy, overwhelmed by the events of the day. There was something in her urging her to run away, to leave them all behind – that they would hurt her. But she forced the thought back, instead thinking of how much time she had spent talking about her mysterious father with Rayne, how much she wanted to meet him despite knowing he hadn't wanted a child. But here she was, finding out that he hadn't even known of Jasmine's pregnancy.

"How–," Hannah managed to stutter, through a jaw that was trembling slightly with anxiety. "How did you– I mean, I– I was always told that you left my mother so how–,"

Chris interrupted her with a string of swear words that made his wife elbow him harsh. "Language!" she chided him, looking over at her ten year old son with alarm.

"I don't know how or why that's what you believed but I swear on everything I have that I wouldn't have done that. I knew she was pregnant at the time but we had a massive argument at the beginning and she had an abortion. Or at least, that's what her family told me. And I was angry, oh man, I was so pissed off that she hadn't discussed it with me but..."

Hannah's eyebrows scrunched together in confusion, running his story through her mind whilst trying to remember every detail of what her aunt and uncle had told her at Christmas. "But clearly she didn't have an abortion," she began, voice trailing off in a whisper. "Who told you that? Auntie Sara wouldn't have not told you, I know you were friends too."

Chris shook his head, sighing as the rest of his family listened with rapture. "Your grandfather did but clearly, that was a lie. I should have stuck around, I should have tried to talk to her but I was so hurt, I should have asked her myself. Her parents told me."

Hannah scowled at that, a burning building up inside her veins. It all made sense now, she thought, adding up every piece together. Her grandfather had hated that Jasmine had refused an abortion, was ashamed of his daughter's pregnancy so he had lied to Chris hoping it would push him away. Once Chris left, her grandfather had assumed she would have an abortion and his problems would be gone but Jasmine was too depressed to follow through with it and that's when her aunt and uncle stepped in.

Sara and Jay had raised Hannah alongside their own son, had filled in for every moment that had been forgotten about, had always been there. And if it wasn't for such a fucking stupid misunderstanding, her actual father would have been there too!

She relayed her thoughts out loud until her torso was shaking, although she wasn't sure who she was angrier with – her grandfather for lying or her mother for never working up the courage to tell Chris the truth.

"Er, 'scuse me," the little boy stammered, having had his cobalt eyes fixed on Hannah from the moment he walked in behind his father. "But why do you got peas on your face, miss?"

Hannah laughed at the confusion in the boy's voice, a giggle slipping out between her lips despite her current anger. Slowly, she lowered the packet of frozen vegetables, wincing at everyone's reactions. Whilst the swelling had reduced, her face still bore a clear purple-tinged bruise. Alex swore out loud as his cousins – Hannah's half siblings gasped – whilst Chris jumped to his feet.

"What happened?"

Hannah wanted to shrug it off, to act like it was nothing but an accident. But she was tired of covering for her mother, tired of acting like she was okay with being ignored and hurt. "My mother happened."

"Your mum did that?" Lucy exclaimed, mouth falling open in horror as the distrust faded from her eyes. "What a bitch! You look terrible."

Her mother flicked her on the forehead, chiding her teenage daughter. "Oi, language, missy!" It was clear, however, that she agreed with the words as her eyes shine bright with shock. Lucy only shrugged her shoulders in reply as both her parents looked appalled at the revelation, Chris' face scrunching up in anger.

"Can we not talk about it, please?" Hannah whispered, almost begging them. She had run away from her mother and didn't want to spend time obsessing over Jasmine's actions any longer. She was sick of holding onto hope that her mother would change but clearly, that was just a hopeless child's dream. Jasmine would never care about her, the way she had always hoped for but now, Hannah was realising it didn't matter. She had a father.

"Fair enough," Chris muttered, although he still looked furious. The expression on his face was so alike the one that Cameron had worn as soon as her mother had marched up to her, which tugged at something inside her; a protectiveness reserved solely for family. "How about you tell me about yourself? Eighteen years I've missed out on, eighteen bloody years."

She didn't really know where to start but as she looked over at Alex again, who flashed her a wide smile, she began to talk. She spoke about Cameron first – after all, he was the most important person to her – as well as his parents and the way they had raised her. She talked about school; about her friends, her favourite lessons and her rocky plans for the future. She told them about the insignificant things too, what she liked and what she didn't.

Hannah sat on that sofa and talked about herself, a warmth creeping up inside her as they all listened with eagerness, occasionally shooting questions. Her family.

When she had trailed off, unsure of what else to say, Chris silently stood up and shuffled through the very top of a bookshelf. Shoved within an old photo album was a photograph he wanted to show her; one he had almost forgotten about. It was the only one he still had.

Hannah could scarcely believe it; the bright eyed, beaming woman in the picture pulling silly faces with arms wrapped around a much younger Chris was her mother.

Jasmine Adem, in all her nineteen year old glory, was positively beautiful.

Hannah couldn't recall a single moment in all her life where she had seen her mother as happy and carefree as she did in the faded picture. Her hair was a poofy mess on her head and the pale blue eyeshadow smeared on her eyelids had probably been the fashion at the time but only looked strange now. Chris' jeans were pulled up far too high, his cobalt eyes wide and acne scars lining the edges of his face. The two of them looked so genuinely happy that something inside Hannah ached for a love that strong, despite knowing that it had never last.

She wondered if she would ever be as happy as her parents used to be, before she was born. Would she ever look at Rayne the same way?

The minute the thought flew into her mind, she willed it out, cheeks burning. She didn't want to admit it to herself but she thought of the time she had spent with Rayne, how willing she was to trust him as well as what they had done the previous night – cue more blushing. Perhaps Cameron was right.

Perhaps she did love him.

"You look so happy," she mumbled, noting the differences between the two of her parents as well as the physical traits she had gotten from them. They were nineteen in the photo, only a year older than she was at the time. Hannah couldn't believe it, she couldn't possibly imagine having a child at her age. She wouldn't have known what to do with one. Whilst she was in many ways an adult, Hannah still felt like a child in a lot of others.

"They were happy," Lydia said, no trace of jealously lurking behind honey-coloured eyes as she smiled in reminiscence. "It was real at the time. That's the thing about being your age; you get to grow, learn about yourself and see the world with people you love. And to be honest, love, that's all that's really important in life."

Hannah couldn't agree more.