FIVE SECONDS FLAT
chapter two | 7:24 am

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MARLENE LANGDON HATES SEEING PEOPLE IN PAIN. It was one of the many reasons why becoming a doctor probably wasn't the best career path for her, but also maybe one of the reasons it was too. Even when she was a little girl, back on the beaches of Maine. Crouching down beside a fish as it struggled. After the wave that brought it onto the shore wasn't strong enough to take it back out again. As her hands held it, hating how it struggled against whatever safety and protection her hands tried to give it. Calling for help, from her parents, from her siblings, from anyone.

The ache in her chest when she couldn't save it, wether she was too far from a place of safety or wether the damage had already been done before she had even be allowed the chance to save them.

It was a feeling that she didn't grow out of, now stood in the trauma room of the ER. An entire two decades having passed since the days of her childhood on the beaches of her hometown, the convulsing and struggle of the patient skin. Her screams that felt raw as Marlene imagined them crawling themselves out the woman's throat. The times Marlene felt herself look at the woman, the screwing of her eyes and the wetness of the tear tracks that fell down the side of her face. She wasn't a doctor, instead she was the little girl who just wanted it all to stop.

Being brought back into the active mindset as she heard Doctor Garcia's voice over the top of the screams "Can we please push the morphine!" it felt less like a request and more of a demand coming out of her mouth.

Turning her head to meet the erratic look of Marlene's eyes as she shook her head "nope, not yet." she told Garcia who almost squinted, challenging the brunette

"Not yet? Raising her voice over the persistent wails of the woman lying down.

Marlene hummed, keeping her hand busy with the muscle memory of the hundreds of situations she had been like this before " It could cloud the patient's mental status, she can't have morphine yet."

Garcia gestured to the woman on the bed " How do you expect me to perform an adequate exam like this?" she scoffed, noticing the light shrug of Marlene's shoulders.

"I'm expecting you to wait a goddamn second, so we can stabilise this patient! we have no idea about her brain function." Marlene repeats back, Garcia looks to Robbie.

"We also have no idea about any intestinal bleeds or internal bleeds all together!" Garcia calls out, "Your patients mental status won't matter if she dies from a haemorrhage  Langdon!"

Marlene's eyes soon following. The slight tilt of the man's head making a small scoff exit her lips and a smug smile begin to curve on the lips of Garcia.

"Fine, I guess we're doing a popliteal block." Marlene looks down to the end of the bed, making eye contact with the other doctors " It'll numb her lower leg, but no side effects and no morphine."

The brunette looking to Garcia who hummed " that's all I wanted."

Marlene quipped back, lips flat "So that's all you're getting."

The doctor looking at her as she kept working "somebody's in a good mood today." her sarcasm clear towards the brunette who was still working over the patients screams.

Marlene exhaled, " Oh well you know.." she hums "the smell of puke and lingering aura of death in the air always puts me in a swell mood." she rebuttals, Garcia pulling off her blue gloves as she places them in the disposal bin.

"Let me know when she's stopped screaming." Garcia tells the brunette who replies without a glance but instead a thumbs up pointed in her direction.

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DEATH WAS A STRANGE THING TO FAMILIARISE YOURSELF WITH. It was a universal concept that the loss of a life was something that doesn't happen often, so when it does in fact inflict itself upon you it's meant to be soul-breaking, gut-wrenching.

Cause a dryness in your throat that feel like scratches, to cause your lips to part, your mouth to open but create no cohesion with a mixture of sobs and pleas being the only recognisable thing to leave it. And it was, for most people at least.

Not for Marlene, who felt her nails press into the soft beds of flesh of her fingers as she watched the monitor of the elderly woman wheeled into the emergency room no less than five minutes ago.

It remained unchanged, her heart remained flat, her body lifeless with the exception of the minuscule  sparks of hope the robotic 'Lucas' CPR machine placed over her chest gave her. Her chance of survival, her chance to walk out of the department doors.

The same thing that was feeding Marlene with the sliver of optimism that she wasn't going to lose a patient within the first half hour of her shift. It was expected, currently stuck in the midst of the 'hour of the walking dead' as she had heard her brother refer to it once or twice to nurses or interns before. The people found on the morning checks of retirement homes or assisted living in their catchment area. it was expected, and it was almost every morning Marlene worked on the day shift.

The balls of her feet lifted, creating a small nervous bounce in her body as she watched with folded arms and tightened fists. Stood over the low sound of the Lucas pressing against the woman's chest.

Still coming down from the slight adrenaline induced high that came with the trauma cases that had wheeled themselves in not ten minutes before, seemingly setting the precedent for what this shift would be like. With her patient stable but unable to communicate in a language she understood, Marlene found herself busied with other things.

Trying to look less tetchy by the medical student's persistent queries as they seemed to watch Marlene, waiting for her to do something.

Eyes watching the lack of movement on the monitor, a short huff of air exiting her mouth.

" Langdon, get ready to shock ok?" Marlene hums, after no answer looking to the confused gaze of her brother.

" This woman's like ninety." stating with a glance at his sister "you want me to shock her to death Marles?" he argued, Marlene keeping her eyes steady on him.

Stepping around the back of the hospital bed and towards the defibrillator that lined the wall of the room.

She nudged her brother out of the way, trying to make it more coincidental than it was personal "First of all, its Doctor Langdon-" she hummed, her arms tensing as she pulled the defib closer to the side of the bed " and second, when I tell you to prepare to shock...I expect you to listen to me."

Frank watched the small quiver in his sister's lip as she instructed him. He had seen that shake a lot in his life, a whole childhood filled with watching his sister with a low face and hooded eyes as they were reprimanded by their parents for something they did.

Her Jaw tense, her face strong, eyes scathing. Nothing to point out anything except power and strength, except the soft quiver of her lip. It was a thing of nervousness, of fear.

It was an indicator of everything Marlene Langdon didn't want to be as a doctor.

His hands gently pushed his sister aside, delicate with her like he always had been" ok, I got it Dr Langdon." he hummed, a softness to him that usually remained guarded in the walls of the hospital. It only usually reared its head when it concerned the mirror-like image of him that stood beside him.

Marlene didn't say anything, her eyes softer than the rest of her face. Walking away from the defibrillator and instead reclaiming her position by the head of the patient.

Only glancing at Doctor Robbie as he stood in the doorway to the room, he didn't say anything. Instead, stood there in an act of speciation, either for the benefit of the student doctor who had hurt his finger transferring the patient off the gurney and onto the bed a matter of minutes ago.

Or instead, his speciation of the youngest of the Langdon doctors who couldn't seem to focus on one thing, her gaze instead splintering across the room (anywhere except meeting Doctor Robbie's gaze).

Eyes lifting to watch Frank, his fingers wrapped around the handles of the pads. Feeling her nails dig deeper into the soft skin of her hands "Langdon, charge to two hundred." she calls out.

Frank humming as he walks closer to the unconscious patient " Charging, and.." he announces, Marlene humming as her fingers clench tighter in their fold in her palm.

" Stop!" was the omniscient voice that snapped Marlene's attention from the patient, watching as Dana's figure appeared in the doorway of the room, left hand flailing a piece of paper in the eyeline of the doctors.

"Call it, nursing home just faxed a DNR."

The brunette's eyebrows knitted together, the small bite of her nails into her skin sending shivers down her spine. Her hands flexing outward as she reached for the Lucas machine "Power off the defibrillator, and the Lucas." she hummed, glancing at the clock that only ticked just gone half past seven.

It was slightly nauseating, the feeling that crept up the skin of Marlene's throat as she fixated on the lack of time that had passed since she had walked into the ER that morning and the fact a body already laid in front of her. More so the way she felt unaffected  by it all anymore, despite knowing she should have.

"Complete waste of time and money–" Frank scoffs, his movements bordering upon erratic as he pulls off the blue gloves on his hands "Who the hell works at that place?" He mocks, his words fast, teetering on being audible.

Although, Robbie understands, repeating the same glove removing movement. Although with more ease and less fluidity " A nurse, taking care of sixty other patients who couldn't find some paperwork."

Dana, who still occupies the doorway looking from her tablet to Frank "said she called 911 so she could take care of the others." Frank doesn't say anything, neither does anyone else.

The situation sits in the air, a looming presence that will persist and pile in the back of their minds, long after they clock out. Maybe every time they passed central fourteen they'll think about it. it won't be vivid and the memory of it will be blurry. But it'll still linger.

Especially for the brunette resident who is yet to flicker her eyes up to the rest of her colleagues. Instead focusing on the peace that seems to succumb to the older woman, the acceptance of death. A part of Marlene wonders when she stopped fighting it.

It's your body's natural reaction to danger is to fight. It's not a fight or flight instinct or mentality when you're in danger. It's a fact, that when your body is so weak you're tethering between life and death. Its natural reaction is to fight, it doesn't care about your intentions whether you harbour  feelings of death, your body will always fight its way out of death. At least it will try to.

So Marlene stands there, wondering when exactly this woman's body decided to stop fighting. Glancing down to the wedding band that squeezed against the wrinkled pale skin of her hand, wondering when your body becomes so tired that you don't even fight for the sake of your loved ones anymore. She thinks about a body so weak it stops fighting, not caring about the people who you were leaving behind.

There's a buzzing, it filters through from the back of Marlene's brain. Feeling her strength in the velocity that her lip begins to shake, her jaw tensing as her rows of teeth squeeze against each other.

Slowly forming into the sound of Dr Robbie's voice " hey, Langdon you with us?" his voice is authoritative but teeters on concern.

She can feel everyone else's eyes on her, Robbie, her brother, Dana, even the medical student who looked like a lost puppy for the last half hour. They're just watching her, waiting for something.

The eyes of the woman widen slightly as she looks up to Robbie, his head tilted downwards as she nods "y-yeah, take her to the viewing room and notify the family." she hums, her hand lifting to palm over her loose hairs to push them down. Her faint smile doesn't reach her eyes, faking a cough as she glances back down to the body. Now noticing Robbie leant in the doorway, and an agitated look on her brother's face.

His head nods, " yeah- but I was just telling Whitaker over here about our tradition when a patient passes." she hums, her arms folded. Robbie, turning back, stood over the bed only an arms distance from Marlene " we do it to respect their humanity," he explains "And also to remember that this was somebody's child, or sibling or parent, friend."

It was a pattern Marlene found herself falling into too often. The soft dipping of her chin, the almost silent exhale of disappointment she found in herself as her eyes closed. Trying to steady the inhales that pass through her nose and exhales that exit out the small parting in her lips.

Whatever assurance she found in it was soon lost in the ringtone of Whitaker's phone, the loud jazz music accompanied by the soft hiss from his mouth as he caught his finger trying to retrieve the phone. His eyes panning across to the slight annoyance found in his senior's " I am so sorry." he rose his hand, flickering his gaze between Robbie and Marlene. Both unimpressed.

The brunette hummed, watching as the doctor's filtered out of the room. All except her, still stood beside the woman who wasn't pale enough or cold enough to look anything beyond asleep. Uncrossing one hand to grab ahold of her own. It was limp, slowly losing heat but still warm enough to know that heat had passed through it recently. Life passed through her only moments ago.

Marlene squeezes their hands together gently, shaking her head " I'm sorry." her voice is barely louder than a soft exhale of breath, dropping the hand back down and placing by her side. Glancing at the wedding band longer than she needed to.

It takes a second; for her to regain some sort of normality. Her head picking up as she walks out of the room, closing the door behind her. Placing the screwed up material of the blue gloves she balls in her hand into the nearest waste bin. With a velocity that makes Dana's head lift from the computer, she doesn't say anything.

Walking towards the desk, her hands placing flat – feeling the chill as she exhales. Pushing one hand flatly to comb back the stray hairs that had fallen out of the grip of the claw clip. Attempting to exhale the turmoil that whirled in her stomach, creating a nauseating sensation.

"Hey, hey.." the voice of Dana approached her, looking at the brunette who steadied herself. Moving to rest against her elbows " you alright doll, looking a little too peachy for this early on?"

"Shit." she mumbles, exhaling. Nodding as she looks at Dana who is silently gesturing Robbie over from the other side of the floor, watching as his soft but dismissive smile is given to a patient as he walks over.

"yeah, I'm fine." She half smiles, a soft groaning leaving her mouth as she watches Robbie lean next to her. She doesn't look at him, that's the first and only indication needed for him to know that she in fact was not fine.

He leans in " what's up?" he hums, watching as Marlene stands up and begins to walk away.

" I'm fine." she assures, it's transparent and not at all believable.

The older man exhales "Look, take ten." he hums, electing to ignore a soft scoff that leaves Marlene's lips " go get some water, either drink it or splash your face–"

The woman breathes out, shaking her head again " I don't need water, I'm fine Robbie."

Robbie follows her, noticing her eyes roll softly " you may be able to fool Dana." he hums "but you can't fool me." he tells her, noticing as she reaches for another door of a patient; cupping her hand under the sanitiser dispensary.

She looks at him " I'm not trying to fool anyone." she tells him, " I'm fine Robbie— but I'm also allowed to not be when I lose a patient the first..." she glances to the clock on the wall " twenty seven minutes of my shift."

He hums, nodding his head " I don't disagree with you," he tells her, " and it's we.."

Marlene looks up to him, eyebrows dipping slightly "what?" she exhales, the small shrug in Robbie's shoulders.

" you said you lost a patient." he confirms " but we did, it wasn't solely because of you—"

The brunette exhaled " that's not what's it's gonna say on the death records," she tells him, as if his attempt at momentary comfort had failed his knowledge of the medical practice "she was my patient, she came into this ER and was handed into my care... so therefore I'm the only one responsible."

Robbie watches her, shaking his head " you're my resident, on my watch, in my ER..." he murmurs, noticing the tiredness in her eyes.

" there was nothing you could have done, we respected her wishes." Marlene looks at him, gesturing to the family room down the hall, picking up a pad and walking past,

" Yeah you try telling me that when I have people asking me why I killed their family member." she exhaled, finally echoing into the calls for her coming from another room. A defeated exhale exiting Robbie's mouth, deciding not to follow after her.

Shoving his hands into his pockets, shrugging his shoulders as he walks back towards Dana. Resting the phone on her shoulder as she gestures towards Marlene " got any idea about what's going on there?"

Robbie glances over, the flatness of her lips as she talks to the patient. He exhales " I think she's scared...losing people isn't her forte." he hums, Dana follows his eyes to the brunette who somehow stomachs half a smile to the man who lies in the bed under her supervision.

"I've watched that girl for the last three years," Dana exhales, looking back to Robbie who continues to hold his gaze "she ain't scared of anything." she finishes.

Robbie hums "maybe." he tells Dana, although it's obvious he doesn't believe her "Or maybe, she doesn't let people see her scared, and those who do see it, well..." Robbie exhales.

"It hurts a hell of a lot more when they leave."

ELLIE SPEAKS🪄
this chapters a bit messy, still trying to figure out how to write this show as it's a very different layout than I'm used to.

I'm aiming for 2-3 chapters per episode, so it may take a while to develop relationships between Marlene & all the characters.

And also aiming for flashback chapters between every few chapters just to give you more insight into Marlene's past & her and Jack's relationship. Night shift Marlene & Day shift Marlene are NOT the same person (aka pre and post Jack Abbott)

Vote & comment!!