FIVE SECONDS FLAT
chapter three | 5:38 pm

( September 2024 )

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IT'S HOT, SOMEHOW THE HUMIDITY of the air still clings in place. Marlene hates the summer, especially in the city. It wasn't the same as the hotter seasons back at home, the cul de sac she lived in was spread out enough for the air to pass freely. The heat in the city was compact, struggling to maneuver its way between the buildings. The humidity was thick, making the air even thicker, mingling with the smoke and heat as it created a sheen against your skin. One you couldn't see but could definitely feel.

And whereas Marlene would usually remedy this with the ocean that sat only a few minutes walk off the back of the home she grew in, the closest thing Pittsburgh had to a beach was a patch of land in the middle of the river. It was times like this, sat in the car staring out to the doors of the emergency room, the radio drowned out by the air conditioning. She wished she was back in Maine.

" Did you hear, Tommy Bradshaw is engaged?" The slight screech in her mother's voice from the phone she balanced on her thigh soon pulling out of her fantasies of returning to her hometown. Her head dipping as the arm rested by the rolled up window reaches over, her fingers pinching at her nose.

Tommy Bradshaw, Marlene's high school boyfriend. The person she spent the most formative but boring years of her youth with, mostly spent trying to reach third base on the old couch in his garage.

The same boy who had seemingly decided the first time they had kissed that he would marry Marlene after they graduated high school. That he'd work for his father's bait shop and she'd stay home simultaneously popping out and raising their children (not his exact words but it was inferred).

Marlene nods, pulling her flat lips into a smile as if her mom was able to see "Yeah, yeah I heard." she hummed, not like she had been sent the facebook post by Frank earlier that day.

The post in question was a smiley couple that looked like poster boys for a republican ideal of America and its people.

It being accompanied with only the teeth gritting emoji from her brother.

She knew this call was coming, because she knew Frank hadn't spent his sliver of free time from work  scrolling through the facebook of people they hadn't spoken to for years. The people they in fact only spoke to in passing on the occasional family holiday Marlene would force herself home for. Marlene knew her brother had received the post from the same person currently attempting to conceal her disappointment from her.

There was a beat before the inevitable " That could have been you Marlene..." her mom's voice quietening as Marlene pinched the bridge of her nose harder, a part of her hoping if she broke it she could leave this conversation quicker.

The woman who felt like a child again at the age of twenty-six , sinking into the seats of her car as she exhaled "mom-" she attempted to subdue her parent.

" They live in a beautiful house, you know the one by the lighthouse?" Her mom continued, not noticing the exhale from the opposite side of the phone, " The bait shop is booming and apparently she's expecting a baby next May–"

Marlene couldn't stop herself from scoffing "oh yes, a shotgun wedding to make sure a baby's not born out of wedlock.." she mocks, half annoyed and half confused where her mother's constant lack of approval stemmed from "...how lovely for them. "

She could have easily chosen the 'easy route' – Marlene could still be trying to reach third base with her high school boyfriend now turned husband on the couch of their so-called 'beautiful home'.

She could have agreed to marry a man she still doesn't even think she loved prior to her frontal lobe forming. Marlene could have pretended to be contemptuous, spending her days parading the town she grew up in, lunching with the other woman who peaked in high school and decided to take the easy road that looped back into their town. Marlene could have spent the next fifty years of her life raising children who would look to her little aspiration in life and pity her. She would have been miserable, but it would have been easy.

But she was a doctor. The next fifteen hours of her life would be spent saving and losing lives. Holding onto the hands of patients' families as they thanked her for saving a life, as well as consoling them when they had lost someone. She had spent the last decade of her life in school, racking up thousands of dollars of debt, but still saving lives. She had chosen the hard road, and her mom condemned her for it.

" I just want you to be happy Marlene." she breathes out, her daughter being able to sense the strain in it from the other side of the phone and twelve hours away, "That's all I've ever wanted for my children."

The brunette pushes her head back, hitting the headrest " And, You think because I'm not married and don't have kids that I'm not happy?"

The silence gives Marlene her answer, "that's not what I'm saying–" her mom soon follows up with.

" Well, that's what it sounds like you're saying mom–" Marlene scoffs, intercutting her mom. Closing her eyes as she hears another muffled drag of breath all the way from Maine.

It sounded the same, the same when Marlene had delivered any news to her parents that subverted from their dated way of life they spent seventeen years pushing upon her growing up.

'I broke up with Tommy', sigh.
'I'm gonna go to Med School', Sigh.
'No, I haven't met anyone', Sigh.

It hangs there, Marlene's constant attempts to gain approval and her mom's relentless hesitance to give it to her. It's always been there, a thick grime like the heat in the air that sits between them. It's the elephant in every room they're ever in, the looming thought that hangs in their minds during every exchange. They're both just getting worse at ignoring it.

Frank had it all, the career, the wife, the children. And he had done it first. He was perfect, the child their mother would use as bragging material at the luncheons with the fellow mothers who peaked in high school in the seventies. And Marlene was just the added 'oh, she's figuring everything out at the moment'.

She would bring home the right guys, seeking out validation from her parents more than actual romantic connection in her partners. It never lasted, and the next few visits after the seemingly inevitable breakup it would follow her around.

Moving her eyes to the fading lights of the dashboard, the minutes ticking closer to the start of her shift. She had five minutes, but instead of pressing the weight of any interaction with her mom any harder against her. Her mouth makes this clicking sound.

"Look– I gotta go mom, need to get into work." she hums, already unclicking her seat belt and reaching into the back seat for her backpack.

"Tell your brother to call me." are her parting words to her youngest daughter, who tries to feel like that alone doesn't crush her. She doesn't reply, only hums before moving towards the entrance of the Emergency Room.

Marlene forces her lips into a smile, lifting a hand to gesture at her fellow doctors and nurses who are slowly filtering in as well. " Talk soon, ok?" Marlene offers, hearing the strained hum from her mom.

Moving through the busy waiting room, reaching for the ID bag still clipped to the strap of her bag – ready to scan herself in

" Love you."

It hangs there, far too long for any mother to ponder on. At least any half decent one,

"You too."

Marlene chokes on a small laugh, wondering wether to scoff or sob as the doors to the emergency room open. A barrage of beds and patients lining the halls that usually hits Marlene like a blow, instead it just presses extra force against the nauseating feeling already in her stomach.

Her phone hanging in her hand as she looks around, she doesn't know who she's looking for or what sort of comfort she's attempting to seek. Maybe her brother?, Samira? Or Nate? – neither of them seem to be in any close proximity, seemingly slipping into the thin air in her moment of need. Typical.

The world feels like spinning. Her head feels heavy on her shoulders, weighted down as she looks around. trying to find some sort of comfort to ground her, to place her back on the axis a whole two words from her mom can knock her right off of.

Marlene seeks grounding,
But she needs comfort.

It comes, hits her first with the scent of cologne that isn't as faded as the last time she remembered being grounded by it. Sandal wood, that reminded her of home (at least the parts of it she wanted to be reminded of), the cardamon smelt like smoke imitated the warmth of a fire. She had spent the last year finding momentary comfort in it, nevermind how false and short-lived it was.

Then it was the subtle brush of skin as he stood beside her. It was unintentional – Marlene's hand still clutching her phone as it sat by her side. The subdued hairs on his arm brushing against hers which stood to attention.

Finally it was his voice, Marlene finding more stability in the familiarity of it more than anything. The rasp mixed with the slight gruff that came with age, it was cut-throat but soothing when it needed to be. And a part of Marlene was glad it was when she heard it for the first time that shift.

"My reaction exactly when I walked in earlier Dr Langdon." he didn't look up from his tablet, scanning through patient files, only glancing up after his comment only lingered in the space between them.

Eyes lifting to look at the brunette resident as he tilted his head "Doctor Langdon?" a slight snap in his voice, an impatience that came with the job title.

Watching as the female doctor blinked, still not saying anything. Instead watching her senior doctor, mentally scolding herself with a shake of her head.

Marlene exhaled, tucking her phone into the pocket of her scrubs "Doctor Abbott, sorry– in my own world."

Jack looked back down to the tablet "Gonna have to ask you return back to the world where you work here, saving lives for the next fifteen hours." his tone slightly monotone. He didn't have any change in the tone of his voice, only volume. Luckily, the woman beside him had only been at the end of his shouts once or twice.

And she still unable to decipher if he was mocking her or joking with her.

Even after a year and a half of Night shifts working beside Jack Abbott, she had no idea if he even liked her.

Her head nodded, " yeah– yeah totally." she hummed, still stood still.

Jack turning his head "You know? This is a time sensitive work place Langdon–"

Before she could even register it, she was moving further into the floor — not recognising the soft hum of her voice as she began to move towards her locker.

Jack watched her, the barriers that he had never seen fully up around her — like sharp edges she  was slightly concerned about her cutting herself on. Her body tight as her shoulders contracted.

" you alright Langdon?" he called out, noticing the slight nod of her head. Marlene did not turn around to look at him.

" muy bueno Abbott." Her broken Spanish she only slipped into a few times since high school filtering through her accent as she continued to walk away.

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BY THE TIME IT'S FOUR AM, her body is aching. And not just an ache because her eyes are beginning to feel heavier and persistent to stay closed with every blink.

Her hands tender from the persistent cpr she administered on a round of car crash patients who had come in a few hours ago . Staff lacking, dealing with other patients.  unable to take a rest as her hands persisted on trying to save the life of someone who the EMT told her was 'too far gone' once they got there.

Her hip was going to become bruised from the stray wheel chair in the hall she dodged, landing and catching herself on the edge of the desk. Feet feeling raw from the amount of running back and forth the floor she had done in the last eleven hours. Her throat aching from her calls for o-neg blood in the middle of the pitt , trying to replace the spilled blood that instead dripped off the latex of her gloved hands.

Marlene felt the ache in her body as she rested against the cold step of some stairwell a few hallways from the main floor, things had settled down, however momentary the peace was.

One hand holding a cold pack to her hip and the other rubbing her eyes, counting down the hours until she could go home. Taking a momentary respite as she waited for the families of the victims to arrive, pretending the burnt taste of coffee in one of the paper cups  sat on the step next to her was something stronger as she sipped on it.

She doesn't look up as the door opens, instead her eyes steady on the floor. Hoping it was just someone passing by, running up to the higher levels of the hospital.

Trying to wade herself through the thoughts that slip through the gaps in the barriers she put up. Maybe her mom was right; she should have chosen the easy road in life.

Maybe Marlene should be spending her four ams, asleep in a four poster bed in a town twelve hours away. A place that she would only dream of leaving in her sleep. Next to a man she would wish she never married, rolling over to look as she'd stare at him and wonder if she ever loved him. But be definite in the fact that she didn't anymore.

Her stomach swelling with maternity instead of gnawing with hunger and nausea. Miserable, but in not in the way she was now. Feeling her misery looking out onto the beaches that would sprawl off of her backyard. Instead of an emergency room where people hung constantly between the balance of life and death.

Glancing down at the dry splotches of blood that she hadn't washed off yet. The remains of a life she wouldn't lose if she wasn't here, a subdued outlook on death she would only hear her brother talk about and not be able to fully understand.

She'd envy him for his career and the fact he left, instead of the fact he had their parents admiration. She'd feel some sort of fulfilment in the children she would love but didn't necessarily want. Instead of trying to sought it out in a career she had been told she 'copied' from her elder brother, not as successful as him despite her attempts.

Maybe a life of boredom was the better option than the numbness she felt now.

Jack leans against the railing of the staircase, a few metres away from the brunette who she hasn't seen blink since he walked in. Marlene's eyelids tense despite the droopiness of them, jaw tightened it squeezes the skin of her cheeks to fit around the structure of her face. He had watched her, I mean. it was his job to look out and observe his residents.

Robbie liked this one, he made that clear one crossover between the night and day shift. When Marlene had been put on the night shift for the first time. And it wasn't just for her talent as a doctor (which she definitely had), it was almost paternal.

Jack remembered had told him he wasn't going to 'parent' his residents like the other doctor seemed to. This was a workplace not 'kindergarten' — this wasn't a place to make meaningless and easily avoidable mistakes. Especially as a second year resident which Marlene Langdon was by the time she was placed under the eyes of Jack Abbott.

He made it intentionally harder for Marlene the first couple months — wanting her to crack slightly, realise he wasn't going to coddle her and smooth her hair and wipe her tears like he imagined Robbie did.

Because Robbie cared a lot, not just as them as doctors. Honing the skill of being able to care for them as people beyond the walls of the emergency room, some saw it as a strength. Whilst Jack saw it as a distraction, sometimes even a weakness.

Jack Abbott had enough of his own shit to battle through, he didn't have the capacity to balance the personal struggles of his staff with him, maybe not the strength to either.

Marlene knew that, even resented her new resident for it for a while. But she wanted to drawl out her inner conflicts as much as Jack wanted to hear them. Not at all.

Hearing about Abbott being a hard ass was one thing, but experiencing it was another. She held her own, of course she did. Maybe she let tears spill in the bathroom after a particularly shouty exchange between the two of them. But that was momentary and soon she held her own with him too.

He couldn't help that his attention drifted slightly more towards her, especially the frayed edges of her that he spotted when she had first walked in that shift.

She had kept to herself that shift, worked with little to no quipping or protesting. Which although Jack had to teach himself to tolerate in the couple of years they had worked together, poorly timed humour and the occasional mocking comment seemed better than the silence he was forced to in the last eleven hours.

The breath he lets out is more an attempt for Marlene to notice his presence more than anything else. The woman twitches, looking from the floor to her co-worker. Her lips ache, not summoning enough strength to even attempt a smile.

"It's been a shit night." Jack tells her, his tone still blunt. Yet its razor-sharp edges rounden slightly. Pretending to toy with the sleeves of his scrubs, poorly hiding the fact he was looking at her.

Marlene hums, lifting the cup to her lips again "That it has." sipping and pulling a face as the bitterness of old, burnt coffee glides down her throat.

" I heard you lost your kid."

Marlene winces at that, its visible. Jack notices it before she can even register it happened. The sip she takes of her coffee that time is stronger.

" he was nineteen.." Marlene breathes out, moving one hand to run her palm over her mouth.

Jack watches her, the soft shake of her head as she begins to blink. A rapid speed, as if attempting to blink away something.

"he was home from college for his mom's birthday, his friends persuaded him to go to some stupid party–" she breathes out, her voice unsteady. Recounting the events one of the lucky ones had told the police.

Her eyes look up to her attending for the first time in the couple minutes he had joined her in the stairwell, Jack glancing to the fidgeting of her hands with her sleeves. " And now I have to tell that woman that her son is dead–"

It's a soft gasp she lets out, blowing out a deep exhale of air. Shaking her head as she breaks eye contact, lifting a quivering hand to swipe under her eye " fuck..and now I'm crying in front of my boss." The small laugh she lets out is pitiful.

Jack exhales, moving down to sit beside her – a small distance between them. His elbows rested against his knees as he stares forward " oh it's fine–"

Marlene protests, " It's weak." she tells him, unwavering "nobody wants to see their doctor cry, especially in some stairwell."

The older man turns his head, looking around the blank concrete walls "well–it's a pretty neat stairwell." he murmurs, his attempt at comedy not fully fledging in his tone " I can see why it would conjure this kind of reaction."

But she laughs, it's a light noise. It's softness creates a gentle nature that seems foreign in this place — as she nods her head, sniffling as she follows Jacks gesture and looks around the same bleak light brown four walls that surround them

" one of the better ones  I've seen." she adds, Jack bowing his head, feigning off the muscle contraction trying to curve his lips into a smile.

It hangs there for a second, before Marlene makes this noise — shaking her head as her hands palm over her face. Jack humming, moving to sit down beside her.

They both stare forward " what's been up with you tonight?" he says, listening as another strained breath shudders as it leaves her mouth.

It's a lie that leaves her mouth "nothing— I'm good." she tells him, and he tilts his head back. Slightly infuriated as he hums.

" we've been working together for just over a year, I'm not that bad a resident that I don't see when you guys are being all weird."

Marlene looks at him, eyes slightly pinched " I am not being 'all weird'." she mocks his phrasing.

Jack scoffs, not meeting her gaze back at him "you've barely spoken to anyone all night—"

She shakes her head " didn't realise that you wanted to spend your night gossiping Abbott."

"—see, that sarcasm of yours." he hums, shaking his finger in her direction " glad it's finally reared its debatably ugly head."

The woman exhales, turning back away — her shoulders lifting into a pathetic shrug " it's—it's nothing, personal outside of work stuff."

Jack hums, looking back down to be greeted by the stray hairs of Marlene's now messy hair " I'm all ears.."

She laughs lowly " Oh...So you did want to gossip?"

Her question hangs there for  second, the realisation that Jack seemingly wasn't going to let up on her just yet seeping in. Marlene lets her shoulders lift once again, dropping them back down creating another wave of ache.

" it's just my mom." she hums, trying to act like it's nothing. But the way her fingers start twiddling with each other shows jack it's the opposite.

He hums, the sound rough but glides into the silence between them smoothly " is she sick?"

He doesn't expect to hear a laugh come out of her mouth, but it does – but it's bitter, its usual softness hindered by the roughness of it passing from her lips " if disappointment kills, then yeah she's been sick for a long time."

Jack lingers on that for a second, nodding his head "guessing you and her aren't close?" he hums, Marlene exhaling as her shaking palms run down her face again. "Not at all actually...."

That's when her head turns, Jack catching the stray sadness that although he rarely saw it contort on her face, it didn't look unfamiliar or strange.

Marlene's lips purse together, watching the stone cold face of unflinching muscles that made his bone structure. That's what she wanted, she didn't want to be cuddled or her hair to be stroked and reassurance whispered in her ear.

She had spent the better part of her childhood and young adulthood yearning for it — but learning to live without was better than waiting for touch that wasn't coming.

" I guess she wanted something more from me..."Marlene told him,

Jack interrupted " You're a doctor—", a clear confusion in his voice. Which Marlene was glad was a shared opinion, made her feel less insane about the whole thing.

" yeah, but apparently according to my mom—" she hummed, her voice brittle " Frank is meant to be the Langdon family doctor and I'm—" she flailed her hands in the small space her tired body could allow her.

"— meant to be popping out her grandkids, in a loveless marriage with my high school boyfriend...in a house by this stupid, ugly, old lighthouse–"

Jack watches her, not saying anything as her hands fall to cross over her legs. Her head shaking " the lighthouse isn't actually ugly– that's the only thing out of that entire hypothesis that I'd actually want.."

He laughs, its low and gruff and sound less like amusement than a twinge of discomfort. But it helps, lifts whatever menial weight from Marlene's shoulders – but she feels it, the release of pressure.

She turns, she doesn't know why. But when her eyes find the ones that are crinkled in the corners, the ones already watching her. Marlene feels comforted, she feels appreciated.

Holding a breath she didn't know why she was holding as she watched his lips part, her gaze momentarily glancing down to them.

But before Jack can say anything, the door to the stairwell opens. Doctor Walsh stands there for a second, watching the two doctors and then swallowing whatever she thinks she sees.

" Langdon, the boys mom is here—"

The comfort echo's its menial nature in how easily it slips away, the dread and guilt seeping back into her bones as the ache becomes all the more noticeable.

Her breath is ragged as she goes to lift herself from the step she's been sat on, " ok, yeah." is all that she can say, humming.

Jack watches her, not having even looked at Walsh yet " hey, Marlene—" trying to act like he hadn't ever called her by her actual name before "I can talk to her, if you're not—"

Her head shakes, already standing up. Offering him a softness in the upwards curve in her lips that makes him momentarily lose his train of thought, derailed for a second. " no, no— I'm all good."

Marlene offers Dr Walsh a tight lipped smile and soft shrug of her shoulders " ok, let's do this." she murmurs to herself, beginning to walk down the stairs.

Placing her hand on the side of the door, before a voice calls her back into the stairwell " Langdon?" Abbot reverts back to his professional tongue.

The brunette looks at him, her eyes soft as he nods his head — unable to hold contact with them too long as his hand awkwardly wonders as he speaks.

" I think you're a pretty kick-ass doctor.." he hums, noticing the peripheral twitch of her lips "..if that amounts to anything."

Marlene nods, trying her hardest not act like that amounted to everything for her.

Instead, nodding " thank you Ja— Dr Abbott."

With that, she's gone. The only reminder of her even being here was the soft closing of the door and the paper coffee cup still sat on the step beside Jack.

Marlene walks, pretending like she's not thinking about it as a few paces down the hallway when she turns her head back.

Looking through to the small glass pane that sits at the top of the door — looking at Jack Abbott.

Who is still watching her,
Unmoved from his stance in the staircase.

ELLIE SPEAKS 🪄
oh they're so in love. don't expect too slow burn from this because I genuinely jump and down when they interact with each other and need them together ASAP!!

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