Its been a year since he left us,thinking about all the times we had together was a journey of memories that had left a bitter sweet taste at the end.I was grieving may be in my own way about his absence in my life.

Mrs. Anupama Rajendar become a widow at the age of 30 with a 6 yr old kid. Felt odd to say so myself in third person. I looked through the window seeing the now dark street with flickering street lamp trying to survive the last minutes of its existence reminded my struggles this past year .

We had a good marriage and blessed with a son after a year. All was good as how it will be in any family. Ups and downs all part of life. Egos and depression and in laws bickering all said and done it was better than many married couples i had seen in my life of friends and family.

Once the feeling of having good family sets in the next item in the agenda pops up. Own house in the city to show the status that we are worthy that others invite us into their circle. How many sleepless nights calulating EMI, checking bank balance and preparing for jewel loans and selling of lands that had been part of the family for than 20 years in some nameless village for a meager amount of 7 Lakhs and finally to settle the amount after bargaining by showing off the caste and community we are part of same as the builder. All for the apartment to be handed over after 2 yrs .Did Rajendar think of what may or may not happen in future?? Night shifts and over time shifts and allowances and FD's all went in for the apartmemt.

I shouldn't talk bad about my own husband right, though sometimes he could have spent his time with us than occupying himself in his own world of house and car and great career and getting into the prestigious upper class circle of his friends. He had pushed himself too far and never cared my constant worry about his health. He would always say 'A man of my age should digest anything even if its a stone '.May be his heart wasnt that strong to digest the stress and pressure he loaded it with and finally it gave out ending in massive attack leaving us alone so suddenly and alone.

Without aadit i wouldnt have survived this ordeal of relatives and their constant questions and interference and sometimes even ridicule of being head strong to handle my son alone and not depending on my brother in laws family to have a man for the family to take care of us.We had pushed the past year with all formalities pooja's so and so forth and finally we are moving out of this home where we had built our memories for past few years.

I moved from the window and slid next to aadit who was sleeping peacefully with a smile on his face . He looked like his father with his chocolate brown eyes jet balck hair with curls at the end and tall compared to other kids his age. He would always remind me of Rajendar. Even his smile with dimples resembled him making my heart clench in grief. He was learning to hope the loss of his father and may be his way of grieving loss is by being rebellious. We had our share of fights and miss understanding and we have grown with these incidents. I just looked at his face trending my fingers through his soft hair. He is my pride and joy in life. His smile alone brought back the fighting spirit in me to push through this year.

Thinking of all those times always made my heart heavy.Sighing to myself i let sleep engulf me feeling the chill winter breeze blowing through the window..

I closed my eyes praying tomorrow's sunshine will bring us ray of hope in our life.