LAINERRY POV

I startled when I heard motorcars rumbled in a road nearby. Gabi-gabi na lang sila nambubulabog sa daan! Kung kailan humihiwalay na ang kaluluwa ko saka naman dadaan. They stolen my sleepy heads almost every night. I’m wide awake now. I open my eyes and trying to catch another peaceful night.

A streetlamps threw slices of light through the partially open blinds of my room window. I hope I could sleep right away for not realizing my reality but I couldn’t sleep easily. I have insomnia because at my early age I need to face this stressing life.

Another humdrum weeks in my life had passed. I’m seriously tired. Pagod na ako kakaisip sa buhay ko kung bakit nasa sitwasyon ako na kung saan sobra itong pinapangarap ng ibang babae pero isinusuka ko naman. Nasasakal na ako sa buhay ko. I wish I had a simply life like before when we’re in Laguna.

I can’t breathe normally. Though I had everything. I had all those material things that everyone has dreaming; a house, money, car, own business and all trends gadgets, clothes and accessories. Yet I’m not contented. I’m not satisfied in a world where I in.

When my parents decided to move here in Marikina from Laguna I feel homeless. Nag aaral pa lang ako ng highschool pinapagawa na ni Daddy ang bahay namin dito kaya pagkatapos ng graduation ay lumipat na agad kami sa kadahilanan na hindi na nila maiwanan ang business nila. They need to hands-on personally dahil medyo malaki-laki na ang involve na pera.

Our life was almost perfect. But I hate it. Because this is me. Lainerry Escamilla. The only thing I need in this world is happiness and freedom. I’m seventeen, first year College studying at Marikina University taking Business Management because my dad say-so. My luxurious life was never made me happy. I hate it, dahil hindi naman talaga para sa akin ’to but, I barely accept it and trying to learn how to live in distress.

Sinusubukan kong mabuhay nang masaya kasama ang magagarang material na bagay na ibinibigay ni Daddy but I really can’t endure at doon nag-umpisa ang malungkot na kabanata ng buhay ko na dapat sana ay masaya, like before when I was a teens, free and with my friendships in highschool.

“How sad naman. Lalayo ka na sa amin,” Keith was so lonesome while talking and sipping soda. Sa burger shop kaming lima ng mga kaibigan ko, sa tapat lang naman nang school. Vacant time namin sa hapon at nakakagutom sa ganoong oras kaya nagkayayaan kami sa labas bumili ng snacks.

“Ano ka ba Keith, after graduation pa naman iyon e’. February pa lang. Isang buwan pa tayo magsasama-sama at mag-aasaran,” saad ni Lavelle.

Sinabi na kase ni Daddy na lilipat kami ng Marikina after graduation. At wala naman ako magagawa doon dahil iyon ang gusto ng makapangyarihan kong magulang.

“Hours away lang naman ang Marikina. Para namang pupunta ako ng Amerika niyan!” I try to divert our mood into lively, dahil mukha silang iiwanan ng mga jowa nila.

“At hindi rin impossible kung magpaalam ka na pupunta ng Amerika.” Najella says with sad tone.

“Tumigil nga kayo d’yan. Si Lavelle nga din sa Maynila na rin maninirahan after graduation.” I pointed to Abby. Ako ang vivid sa aming lima at ako lagi ang gumagawa ng katatawanan kaya hindi ako sanay ng ganito.

“Bakit kase hindi magjowa Lainerry! Para hindi ka makaalis sa lugar na ito,” Aurry Keith was joking while took a glimpse to Meagan. We know what she mean. Kaya nagtawanan kami.

“Uy huwag niyo akong pilitin ha baka agawin ko mga jowa niyo,” I’m joking at last bumalik ang sigla ng usapan namin.

“Bakit mga?! Si Meagan lang naman ang may Jowa,” Lavelle says giggling while pointing her lips to Najella. “Diba Najella?” Lavelle added na agad namang tumango si Najella na sang-ayon sa sinabi ng kaibigan. May napapansin kase kami sa kanila ni Earl Lorence ang kaklase namin na parang lagi silang magkadikit. Maybe there is something between them. Baka ayaw lang nilang sabihin sa amin or some other reason behind it and we respected it.

“Kase naman ayaw pansinin ni Lainerry 'yong kapartner niya noong prom. Mukha namang interesado sayo,” panunukso ni Aurry Keith.

Biglang nagbago ang mood ko ng pumasok ako sa room mag-isa at naalala kung gaano pala kalungkot ang buhay ko. Galing ako sa park ng Marikina river para sana maglibang at magpalipas ng oras doon, suhestiyon ni Kuya Noel kaya ako napadpad sa lugar na iyon pero hindi ko inaasahan ang nangyari kanina. Someone bump my life there at hindi na maalis sa isipan ko ang maliit na nunal ng lalaking sa tingin ko ay kaedad ko rin naman. I remember his nice smile and sympathetic nod.

Now, I’m alone again. It's like no one cared about me, tanging si Yaya Lucy na lang ang nagtatanong sa akin kung okay ba ako or kumain na ako. Sometimes, my Mom talking to me about how much money I need or what I want, that’s it. Always same scenario that I hated everyday. They think I’m okay with their money and wealth? They think it’s enough for me? But they don’t realize that’s not the thing I want and I need. I need them as a parents. I need their attention. I need their love.