I feel pain when he entered me. It feels like just the first time. It's been 3 years since that day, his first time. I want to smile with that thought but how can I manage if I am moaning with pleasure right now.

Para akong walang pakialam na may nakakarinig sa akin. Rina is just outside! Dammit! He is such an ecstacy. Siguro high na ako ngayon.

He stare at me with passion, with desire but there's is longing in his eyes.

"Love me Eris, Love me."

I don't want to assume, he have me right now, because of lust, only lust. But I can't  help it when he uttered those words

Before I could say a word he hungrily kiss my lips.

"I can't get enough of you Eris."  My heart beats like a drum when he said that. I dont know it is happening right now. Is it real?

Does he love me? Does my Nikko back again.

I wish.

I dont want to assume.

But I assume like a teenage girl.

I screamed when I reached the peak. That was great.  I wish this is all real. This is real. I hope. I wish this moment would not end. I feel that I have my Nikko back.

Yayakapin ko sana siya pero hinawi niya yung mga kamay ko. May nagawa ba akong mali? Yung hindi niya ikinatuwa?

"You did great Miss Magdayo, dont worry. Aniya habang isinusuot niya yung pantalon niya. Those eyes are seems so cold again.

Hindi ko makapaniwala, ano ito? Balik na naman sa dati. Wala na ba talaga yung Nikko na kilala ko, yung minahal ko. All I could see now is Nicholas, a beast one.

I am still hoping that he exist earlier, but I guess, wala na nga talaga siya.  Bakit ba kasi ang hilig ko pang umasa na babalik yung Nikko na kilala ko noon. Malamang, that Nikko is dead, and it was killed by me.

"Oh do you want me to clothe you? Just say it it's ok." Bigla akong natauhan sa sinabi niyang iyon at para akong nahiya sa kanya at tinakpan kaagad yung katawan ko.

Dahan dahan siyang lumapit sa akin habang binubutones niya yung polo siya. I can't help to bite my lips seeing that demigod body. His chests down to his abs are well defined right now.

"You don't need to hide those from me." He showed his evil grin. Agad akong nag-iwas ng tingin sa kanya.

"Dont be shy babe." He said in his bedroom voice while sniffing my neck. I can feel this shivering effect on me. Dammit! I still want him inside me. I hate to admit that!

"You know what, I still want to take you again but I still have a meeting right now." Natauhan muli ako.

He gave me a smack before I could say any words to him, then he leaved me in a snap.

What did just happen, parang ang bilis ng lahat. All I know that is my Nikko back, kahit ang alam ko, wala na siya talaga.

Akala ko lang naman kasi. Napayuko ako.

Gusto kong maiyak. Sa tuwing nakikita ko si Nikko, seeing his cold stares, his emotionless face. Parang may laging tumutusok sa puso ko

Gusto ko siyang mahalin ulit, pero masyado nang kumplikado ang lahat. I can't love him anymore. Wala na akong karapatan, wala na ako sa lugar para gawin iyon.

I wish I could have him back again in this middle of being complicated. Kahit malabo.

Dali-dali akong nagbihis at inayos ko ang sarili. Kahit ganito, kailangan ko pa rin harapin ang buhay.

I'm not the old Eris anymore, kahit papaano at naging positibo na rin alo sa buhay. Kahit masakit kailangan ko pa rin bumangon, hindi habang buhay na magpakalunod ako sa kalungkutan.

Para akong nakakita ng multo nang makita ko si Rina na nakadungaw sa pinto. Iniwan na niya palang bukas iyon.

Hindi ako makatingin ng diretso kay Rina. Pakiramdam ko alam niya ang nangyari kanina. Hindi ko alam kung may mukha pa akong maihaharap sa kanya. Ano ang iisipin niya. I just have sex with a married man!

Napakatanga ko at ngayon ko lang napagtanto ang bagay na iyon.

Mapait siyang ngumiti sa akin at inabutan ako ng tubig. Mukha may alam nga siya.

"Erisha!" Muntik ko nang maibuga yung tubig na iniinom ko dahil nabigla ako sa matinis na sigaw ni Michael. Napailing-iling lang ako sa kanya, habang titig na titig siya sa akin. Anong meron?

"Aba! Nag-Gerry's Grill lang kami naging blooming ka na." Aniya at yung boses niya ay parang naninita. Agad akong tumingin sa salamin.

Medyo mamula-mula ang pisngi ko at iba ang kislap ng mga mata ko. I smiled bitterly, it is his fault.

"May nangyari ba ngayon kaya ka blooming."

Agad na napatikhim si Rina. Gusto ko siyang pandilatan ng mga mata pero, baka mas lalo pa nila akong pag-isipan. Umakto na parang walang nangyari.

"It's only blush on Micha."

"Tsk, rosy cheeks ka talaga. Lokohin mo pa kami." Lumapit siya sa akin at kinurot yung pisngi ko. Agad kong hinawi yung kamay niya.

"Asan na pala yung pinatake-out ko?"

"Aba Erisha galing mong mag-iba ng usapan. O siya!" Aniya at ibinaba sa harap ko yung paper bag. "Yan na yung pusit mo!"

Agad akong umupo sa table ko at tinignan yung pusit. Tila nawalan ako ng gana na kumain ngayon.

"Ms. Magdayo we have a photo--"

"Michael pwedeng kayo muna sumama?" Walang gana kong sabi. Kung nawalan na ako ng gana kanina, mas wala na akong gana nang sabihin niya na may photoshoot ulit. Ayoko munang kasama si Nikko ngayon. Ayoko siyang harapin dahil sa nangyari kanina.

"But Ms. Eris kai--"

"Just tell them na masama pakiramdam ko. I need to rest. Kaya na nila Taylor iyon." Saka ako bumaling ng tingin kay Taylor.

"Ok, I'll explain to them." Nakahinga ako ng maluwag. Alam na ni Taylor ang pagtitig ko na iyon sa kanya. Mabuti at hindi niya ako masyadong kinukulit, hindi katulad ni Michael.

"Hala! Masama ang pakiramdam, kablooming mo nga ngayon."

"Whatever Michael!"

Nikko

She was so freaking tight! So freaking tight!

I shouted that to my mind when I was able to enter her.

That's better, no one should touch her, it should be me. Always me. Iyon ang itatak ko sa isip niya simula ngayon.

I am very happy with that thought, I can't feel anger toward her. I love every inch of her right now, I want to leave a mark on it.

I just can't get enough of her. I want her to take her all day. If that appointment is not important, I will cancel it urgently to just fuck her all day.

Fuck? No it is not the right term. Love making? That could be impossible. I am just lusting her. I just want her  to make me hot. It's just sex.

Freakin' sex.

But it seems hindi ko maisakilos iyon. It was like I am lovemaking with her.

"Love me Eris, Love me."

I want to slap myself because of saying those words to her. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit ko iyon sinasabi sa kanya. I am not longing for her anymore, I loathe her! Pagkatapos ng lahat ng ginawa niya sa akin.

She even try to hug me that time, pero hinawi ko lang yung kamay niya. I know she was hurt and she deserve it. Baka kasi hindi ko na naman mapigilan ang sarili ko at puso ko na naman yung manaig.

......................

As the photoshoot started, my eyes searched for her. She is supposed to be right here, pero wala man lang siya sa paligid.

"Mr. Sarmiento start na po tayo." Tumango lang ako doon sa secretary ni Eris. Tatanungin ko sana siya nang bigla siyang umalis. Maya-maya ay sumunod na rin ako doon sa may location.

Everything goes fine, wala naman masyadong problema at matatapos na rin namin yung shoot, pero hindi rin nila tinapos kaagad for the break.

I went to the coffee vendo when I saw Taylor. Mabuti at nandito siya, I could ask for Eris. I know nandito lang siya sa tabi.

Nanlaki pa yung mga mata ni Taylor na nakita niya ako.

"Where's Eris?"

Tinignan niya ako mula ulo hanggang paa. Saka niya ako tuluyan na hinarap.

"She's sick right now. She needs to rest."

Agad napakunot yung noo ko. She is just doing fine kanina. Iniiwasan niya ba ako?

"Concerned?" Agad akong napailing. Why should I?

"Well you should check her later." She said then she tapped my shoulder and leave.

Kahit saglit na lang yung photoshoot session ko ay pakiramdam ko ay napakabagal ng takbo ng oras.

Finally we are done, they even asking me to have a late lunch with me, pero agad akong tumanggi. Kanina ko pa gustong umalis.

Dali-dali akong nagmaneho papunta sa Amaya.

Why is it I have this urge of taking care of her. I can't understand myself again. I don't care to her anymore anyway.

But it seems my heart always contradict what my mind says. Ayoko na mulinh magpakatanga sa kanya. Pero bakit hindi utak ko ang sundin ko.

You hurt her Nicholas! You hurt her.

Siguro ay  nakukunsensya ko. I make her my misstress. because of that. I'm a married man, bakit sumasagi sa isip ko ito.

Muntik ko nang mabangga yung isang kotse dahil sa mga naiisip ko, mabuti at kaagad din ako nakaiwas.

I just freakin' want to see her. Ngayon lang ito.

Napailing na lang ako nang bukas yung kuwarto niya. Kahit kailan hindi siya marunong maglock. I dont even bither to knock, I want to surprise her. I just want it.

As  I entered she was with a another man. I can't even remember the name of that jerk. I clenched my fist.

I should be the one who is at her side right now.

Dammit why is it I am feeling......

Napailing ako.

I want curse myself of having this feeling again.

Dali-dali rin akong umalis bago pa nila  ako makita

Never again, Eris.

..............

Advance Merry Christmas guys! I hope you enjoy celebrate it with your family, friends, etc.

I hope you enjoy this chapter.