It never occurred to me the first time I saw your face
I would fall so deep in love that your love can't be replaced.

FORTH'S POV

​After I conveyed my feelings and was rejected by Beam, I occupied myself with lab works, lectures and final exams. I'm sure Beam is also busy with his block test. So I didn't go to find him. Every morning, while heading to my faculty, I see Beam in the medical campus canteen. Seeing Beam for once a day is enough for me.

I was hanging out with my friends in the cafeteria when Nong Ming came and greeted us.

"Hi N'Ming. How was your exam ?" I asked him.

He frowns after hearing that.

"Don't ask Phi. My brain cells almost exploded," Ming said.

"Hah.. weakling," Lam sneered.

Ming pouted.

"So, what made you come to see us ? Any lessons you don't understand ?" I asked.

Ming smiled. "It's not about the lessons P'Forth. What will Phi do next week since we are having a vacation ?" he asked me.

"I don't know. I haven't thought about it," I said.

(A/N : Mae Salong is also known as Doi Mae Salong)

"We are going on a trip this Friday to Mae Salong. So Ai'Yo wants Phi to come with us," Ming's words made my friends look at me with meaningful gaze.

"Really ? Does Ai'Pha agree to Nong Yo regarding inviting me to come along with you all ?" I asked in surprise.

"Um... P'Pha has permitted. Ai'Yo said he wants to thank you for the helping him during the Campus Moon and Star competition," Ming said.

"Um... I'm not sure if it's a good idea for me to come along with you guys," I said.

"P'Beam and P'Kit are coming too," Ming said.

My heart almost stopped when he mentioned Beam's name.

"Then Ai'Forth will come," suddenly Lam said.

"Hey," I protested.

Lam looked at me sharply. "You don't want to go?" he asked in surprise.

"I-It's not like that... I am mmm... "

"Don't worry Nong Ming, he will come with you guys, we will make sure of it." This time Mark cut off my words while embracing my shoulder and staring at Ming. I looked at Mark sharply.

"That's good then. We were worried because P'Beam doesn't have a partner. Besides, lately I often see P'Forth going with P'Beam. So we thought if P'Forth joins us then P'Beam will not feel lonely."

I could only smile awkwardly at his words. He absolutely had no idea how my relationship with Beam is right now.

"Then see you Phi. P'Pha will tell you the details later," he said before leaving.

When Ming left, all my friends looked at me.

"Ehem.. Mae Salong.. A cool place.. Suitable for you and Beam for cuddling at night together in one bed," Lam taunted me. I smack his head.

"I still have a lot of condoms and lube in stock, do you want some?" Mark said and that made all my friends burst into laughter.

"Asshole," I said while hitting Mark's head. "If I can't finish this calculation by tonight, let alone Mae Salong, I won't even be able to get out of this campus and so will you guys" I said.

Instantly my friends stopped laughing and refocused to their respective books.

*****

(A/N : Suvarnabhumi Airport - It's Bangkok's International Airport)

It will take us 4 hours to fly to Mae Salong from Bangkok. Beam was already in bad mood when he saw me in the airport lounge. I greeted everyone and sat next to Beam. I didn't want to disturb him but his frowning face was really asking me to bully him, so I as a very good person did all the things as much as possible to annoy him. As people say "If you can't make a person like you, then make that person hate you as it might have the same effect, since the person won't be able to forget you." I applied the same principle here. Rest of the things my charisma will do as it usually does the trick on others.

"Hi Beam, miss me?" I said, staring at Beam. Ming and Yo were busy playing games in the seats in front of us. Phana sat next to Yo. Observing how serious his boyfriend is playing games. While Kit sat next to Beam. He was busy talking to someone on the phone.

"Don't talk to me Jaturapoom," he hissed annoyed, he was busy with his phone.

So my degree dropped from Forth to Jaturapoom.

"Why? Your block results are bad or not having enough sex ?" My words made him glare hard at me. "My grades are always perfect asshole," he snapped.

"Ah, so it's a matter of sex," I said. He hit my head strongly. I just laughed.

Kit paused his call and looked at both of us in surprise. "When Ming said that you guys were close, I could not believe it. But it seems like Ming was right all along."

Beam snorted. "Ming is wrong. I'm not close to him," he said, ignoring me. Our conversation came to a halt because the announcement of our flight departure was heard.

"Don't talk to me," Beam threatened again when we got into the plane. He put his headset on and wore a neck support pillow, ready to sleep.

"As you wish babe," I said smiling at him. Beam looked at me sharply but said nothing. He closed his eyes and ignored me. He fell asleep almost immediately as fatigue took over him. I shifted his position so he could fall asleep on my shoulder. Kit glared at me from the opposite seat. I ignored Kit.

Beam woke up when we were about to land. He looked at me in surprise when he realized that he was sleeping on my shoulder. He straightened his body and looked at me.

"You didn't do anything strange while I slept, right?" he looked suspiciously at me.

(A/N : Chiang Rai Airport)

"Like I said before, I would prefer if my partner was fully aware of what I'm doing," I said smirking at him. He snorted and ignored me. Someone picked us up when we arrived at the airport. Kit didn't stop watching me. I ignored it again. Kit wants to pair up with Beam but Ming doesn't let Kit get too close to anyone apart from him so Beam always ends with me.

"P'Beam... You sleep with P'Forth na?" Said Wayo, handing me the key. Beam wants to object but he doesn't comment anything. We decided to take a break in our respective rooms.

(A/N : The view outside Beam and Forth's room during day and night)

"I'm sleeping here," Beam said, choosing the bed near the window. I let him choose the bed and put our things. Beam unpacked the contents of his bag. I walked towards the balcony and enjoyed the view in front of me, the view of the night sky, full of stars and mountains. A cold breeze hit my face. I light my cigarette. I can hear Beam talking to someone. Then he took a shower. I looked at my mobile and ignored all the incoming messages because the contents were none other than those who tried to sleep with me or Lam, Max, Korn, Knock and Earth who tried to give me 1001 ways to get Beam which of course none was useful.

I finished smoking two cigarettes before returning to the room. Beam looked at me sharply.

"You smell like cigarettes," he said irritatedly. I smiled at him. "A few weeks ago you didn't even mind sleeping with me even though I smelled cigarettes and beer," I taunted him.

"You!!" He looked at me furiously from the bed and wanted to swear at me but in the end he didn't say anything. I smiled triumphantly while taking off my clothes while looking at Beam. He looked at me in surprise, he quickly lay down and covered his head with a blanket. I laugh at his antics and walked to the bathroom. When I finished bathing, Beam sat on his bed while holding his mobile. I sat on my bed, drying my hair while looking at him. Beam looks sexy with half wet hair and white silky smooth skin.

"Stop staring at me," he said irritably without taking his eyes off from the mobile in his hand. The sound of the game echoed in our room.

"Didn't you say I can do whatever I want," I said while drying my hair. He looked at me annoyingly.

"Don't worry... I won't attack you. Believe me. Once again I would say that I prefer to do it on the basis of mutual will. It should be consensual then only it would be more fun," I said

"I'm not sure if that will be fun," he muttered under his breath.

I stopped drying my wet hair and looked at Beam.

"Sorry if I did it too hard. I was drunk and um... we didn't prepare enough. If we do it again I'm sure you will enjoy it," I said. He stopped playing the game and glared at me.

"Asshole there won't be a next time. Like I said I'm not gay," he snapped.

"It's not whether you are gay or not. And anyway I still remember how you begged me not to stop after we did it for the first time," my words made Beam flustered and he throw his pillow at me.

"Jaturapoom!" he shouted annoyed.

I dodged the throw and laughed. I took the pillow he threw and handed it back to Beam. Beam took the pillow from my hand, placed it on the bed and laid on it. He slept while his back was facing me. I have to admit that I enjoyed fighting with him.

I decided to lie down while staring at Beam's back.

"If you don't like me doing it to you, I can let you do it me," I offered. Beam raises his hand and shows me his middle finger. I laughed after seeing that.

"Shut up. Besides, I'm sure a guy like you won't give in to anyone," he said.

I chuckled at his words. Looks like I hurt Beam's pride. He doesn't like me because I'm more dominant than him.

"It's true I won't let any man take over me but if it's you, I don't mind," I said.

"Arghhhh... Jaturapooom!" he turned his body and looked at me annoyed. I can see how his face turns red. I smiled while looking at his face.
​
"Why are you so annoying ? I don't like you so don't expect me to sleep with you AGAIN!" he said looking at me exasperatedly.

I laughed. "Alright. Alright.." I said. He looked somewhat okay now. Staring at me for a moment before turning back to sleep.

I put my hands under my head and stared at the ceiling.

"Beam... What about you and Ai'Kit?" I asked.

Beam just stayed still. I know he hasn't slept yet but it looks like Kit is an issue he doesn't want to mention. So I chose to keep my silence and began to  slowly slip into the dreamland.

"My feelings for Kit is just a misunderstanding. Kit looks better with Ming. I'm happy to see him happy so there is nothing to worry about," he said. I turned my body and looked at Beam's back. His back looks small and fragile. I want to go there, hug him and say "You have done the right thing" but he will definitely beat me up.

"Uhm... Maybe he is not the one Beam. But someday there will be a person who love you as much as you love him" I said

"If that happens, won't it break your heart," he said while still giving his back on me.

"Hey... That person could be me too. Why did you take me off of the list of possibilities" I said irritably. He was silent.

"I'm tired. Good night Jaturapoom," he said as he pulled his blanket over his shoulder.

"Um... Night Beam," I said.

*****

At 3, I woke Beam up. We will be driving to Pu Chi Fa (Phu Chee Fah) to watch the sunrise. We left in two jeeps. Phana, Wayo, Ming and Kit drove the first one. I, Beam and two other foreign tourists from Germany drove the second jeep. Kit originally wanted Beam to join them but Beam declined and joined me. Of course I know he wouldn't because he wanted to avoid Kit for the time being, so he chose me over Kit. But no matter what the reason is, I feel happy to be with him.

It took us more than one and a half hour to reach the sunrise point in Pu Chi Fa. We drove to the top of the mountain. On the top of the mountain, there were already many vehicles parked and tourists were either sitting or standing with their respective cameras. I saw Beam carrying a DSLR camera and a long lens. I just stared at him in amazement because I could imagine how many thousands of baht he had spent on that camera.

Beam sat beside me holding his camera. We gather on the edge of the hill. Currently the atmosphere is still dark. The air is cold enough. Wayo shared the sandwich and warm coffee he brought with us. Phana and Wayo sat on right side of me while Kit and Ming sat next to Beam on his left.

I was about to take out a cigarette to smoke but Beam glared at me. "I will push you off the cliff if you even lit that fucking stick. It will pollute the air here," he protested. I smiled and kept back the cigarette stick back in its place. I drank my coffee and looked at the sky which was starting to turn red.

"Nong Yo, thank you for inviting me here," I said.

Wayo looked at me and smiled. "Don't say that, Phi. I should be the one to thank you. If it wasn't for you, maybe I would have given up the Campus Moon and Star competition. Likewise about P'Pha too," he said while looking at Phana. Phana who heard his name being said looked at Wayo. I know he still doesn't like me.

"I'm glad you have the courage not to give up," I said. Wayo smiled and nodded. Then everyone started to get noisy and get ready with their cameras as the sun was slowly starting to rise little by little. I enjoyed the view in front of me. I grew up on the beach side. So I was used to see the sunrise in there. But this is my first time watching the sunrise over the mountains and it has its own beauty.

"Amazing," Beam said as he was fascinated by the view. He seriously took pictures with his camera while moving little bit forward to get a perfect angle. I looked at the man who was now standing in front of me.

(A/N : Think the person as Beam holding his camera taking the picture of sunrise.)

"Ehm... Amazing," I said. The man in front of me really looks amazing as he was bathed with the first ray of sunshine. He smiled as he continued to aim his camera at sunrise. It seems like he doesn't wants to miss each and every moment of it. I too, drank my coffee and captured Beam's view through my eyes into my heart. I want to spend every moment with him. Beam looks really happy as he shines brighter than the rising sun. At that time the cold hearted BEAM BARAMEE was nowhere to be found. He was completely gone.

We enjoyed our breakfast on the mountain accompanied by the seas of clouds and warm sun. But the air has still that cold texture as the breeze was blowing giving it into a complete tranquility. Beam drank his coffee and ate his sandwich while looking at the picture that he captured in his camera.

"Forth, look at this... We can't see this in Bangkok," he said enthusiastically, showing me the contents of the video. Looks like my degree has risen overnight. He called me Forth again. I approached and saw the video that he has taken.

"Um... It's cool," I said. Beam smiled happily and took a bite of his sandwich. We pay attention to what was showing in the video. The sun was slowly rising in the video that Beam had taken in his camera. And when the video was over we both raised our heads which were just a inch apart making our noses touch each other. I and Beam were silent for a few moments. Then I saw a red tinge in the sky reflecting on his cheek which gave him a ethereal beauty. I was the first to withdraw because he could have heard my heartbeat if I stayed little bit longer in that position. If it have gone unnoticed then I might pulled him by his nape and kiss him in here itself. Beam is so adorable. But forcing my will on him won't be good for our relationship.

I got up from my seat and stood up. I saw Kit glaring at me. I ignored him and walked to the car.

"What's between you and Beam?" suddenly Kit asked standing beside me. I looked at him while reaching to my bag looking for my lighter. I raised an eyebrow and looked at Kit confused.

"Don't pretend to be stupid. I know a few weeks ago you often drank with him and I even saw you come out of his room," his voice was sharp.

I smirked.

"Oh come on, nothing strange, we just went out drinking. Everyone did that. Gathering with friends at the bar and drinking," I said. Finally I found my lighter. I reached into my shirt pocket and pulled out a cigarette and lit it.

"Maybe for others it is normal. But not for Beam. He is not your friend. He might go out drinking with you and your gang but he is not your friend."

I laughed and exhaled my cigarette smoke.

"Then what about you and Ai'Pha ? Aren't you his friend ? Go to the bar and drink with him ?"

Kit looked at Beam. "We're different. We-"

"Special?" I asked, smirking at him.

He looked at me coldly.

I took a puff of my cigarette and exhaled the smoke while looking at Beam who was talking to Phana.

"If he's so special to you, why do you and Ai'Pha often leave him drinking alone at the bar ? He looks like a broken hearted person to me. Refusing every woman who approached him and makes him cry alone," this time I looked at Kit.

Kit looks surprised. "Beam... No way-"

"I don't know how the three of you are related but.. Beam is a special person to me. You don't need to worry. I know you don't want him to get hurt. So do I," I said cutting his words while smoking the cigarette in my hand. I put off the cigarette then threw the cigarette butt into the trash can before walking back to Beam, ignoring Kit.

I realized that the Crazy Med gang and my engineering gang looked at friendship differently. My engineering gang will talk about a lot of things except about our feelings. As for the Crazy Med gang, they are so close to each other that they understand each other's feelings and emotions. No wonder Beam is so confused about his feelings for Kit. They are so close friends that they feel possessive of their own friends. If it's my engineering gang, we won't care who they sleep with as long as they are happy. But we will always be ready when one of us need help.

After I rejoined the others, Kit no longer talked to me. But he stares at me occasionally.

(A/N : The above picture - Akha Village
The below picture - Akha tribal women )

Later that day before noon we went to the Akha tribe village. There the villagers still stick to the traditional Akha culture. Women in their traditional clothes hang around the village and greeting the tourists in a friendly manner. We stopped at the entrance of the village. A elderly looking man greeted Wayo kindly and took us to the village center. The man was busy explaining the origin of their village, when I saw Beam walking alone away from the group.

"Hey Beam.. Where are you going?" I asked. He glanced at me and then walked back carrying his camera.

"To the waterfall," he said.

"Waterfall?" I asked confused.

"Um... The people in this village have this belief that whoever drinks the water from this holy waterfall near the old temple, their one wish would be granted," he said. He asked someone where the waterfall was located. An old man said he knew the location of the waterfall. In the local dialect he explained the location and I heard the words "dangerous river and crossings".

I followed Beam. He continued to walk along the trail that continued to climb up high. We followed the traditionally dressed women who carried baskets on their backs. Some of the residents here are workers on tea plantations. I continued to walk with Beam to a suspension bridge. It seems that not many people cross this bridge. Even now it seems that there is only me and Beam. There was the sign board of ‘forbidden to cross’ and also the sign board of ‘tourist attraction waterfall’. I pulled Beam when he was about to cross the bridge.

"Hey Beam, this bridge looks dangerous," I said. He looked at me and laughed.

"Don't say you are afraid. Look, here it is written ‘not to carry weights above 100 kg’. If we pass by taking turns everything will be fine," he said. He let go of my grip and walked along the bridge. The sound of steel ropes shaking and the wood holding Beam's body made me hold my breath. I watched the scene below us. River currents are so swift. If we crash down, only Buddha can save us.

"Forth!" Beam shouted for my name when he was at the end of the bridge. I watched for a moment swallowed my saliva and walked down the bridge. The sound of steel ropes and wood under me was so terrorizing. I see some fragile wood here and there. I don't know if anyone else has actually been here in this place before us. I breathed a sigh of relief when I reached the end.

"Tsk.. All you have is this big body," he taunted. I looked at him beside me with annoyance. But Beam already walked away. We walked almost 1 KM before finally seeing a small temple and a waterfall next to it. We walked towards the temple. Beam took the camera and started taking pictures. It was quiet, there are only the two of us and the sound of the waterfall can be heard clearly. But I saw some remaining incense in a vessel in front of the temple. People obviously have came here.

(A/N : Think the above picture as temple near the waterfall and the below picture as the waterfall.)

"Forth!" Beam called me from down the steep near the waterfall. I walked down from the temple and approached Beam who was reaching out his hand to fill water into a bottle from the waterfall. He then gulped down its contents. I stood next to him and studied him. He still looks handsome even with a face full of sweat.

"Here," he handed me the bottle. I looked at him confused.

"Don't you have any wish?" he asked, staring at me in surprise. I smiled as I accepted the bottle and gulped down its contents. The water feels fresh.

I rubbed my lips with the back of my hand. Beam took another photo. I walked closer to him.

"So what are you wishing for?" he asked without looking at me.

"How about you?" I asked. He looked away for a moment before looking at me. I saw the sadness in his eyes again.

"I pray that my grandfather will be happy in his next life," he said suddenly.

He then looked at me "Now it's your turn" he said.

I gulped.

"Hey.. I told you mine, don't even think about that you can keep it a secret," he said irritably while kicking my leg.

"Alright... alright," I said while avoiding his kick. He paused and looked at me

"I pray that you will be happy," I said. I feel my cheeks heat up. Beam paused for a moment. Then he walked back to the temple without commenting. But I saw his ears were red.

"Hey.. You don't want to comment anything about it," I said, trying to match our steps. He avoided my gaze.

"I don't have any comments for your nonsense," he said.

I just smiled and walked next to him. Beam can be cute when he is in an awkward situation.

Ming called me when Beam started crossing to the suspension bridge. We decided to go back to our room because it was already afternoon.
​
"Where are you guys Phi?" he asked. "Is P'Beam with you?" he sounds panic.

"Um... He is with me. We are near the waterfall. Why?" I said while watching Beam who was still walking slowly.

"Waterfall?" asked Ming.

"Ehm ... Beam wants-"

"P'Forth, you cross the suspension bridge !!!"  suddenly Wayo's voice came from the other end of the phone.

"Um... Yeah. We crossed the suspension bridge. Right now we are coming back," I said.

"Phi, how come you guys... " Wayo kept talking but I didn't listen because suddenly a creak sound was heard and it startled me. I saw Beam speechless in the middle of the bridge. My heart was beating fast.

"... no longer used by residents" said Wayo at the other side of the call.

"Wayo.. Call for help," I said before cutting the call. They called me back. I ignored their call and looked at Beam. He was panicking.

"Beam, don't panic okay," I said.
​
He did not say anything and was about to walk again. But then the creak sound was heard again but louder this time. The steel frame of the bridge was swaying.

Shit.

"Beam.. Look at me and do as I say. Walk slowly" I said. He looked at me with his pale face then nodded. I walked closer towards the end of the bridge while holding the steel strap which was on my side of the bridge. I know my actions are useless. Beam walked slowly. Sound of a tenuous steel buffer grew stronger. I held my breath to see Beam moving step by step and when he was nearing the end of the bridge suddenly the steel strut on the other end of the bridge broke and that made the bridge tilt to its right side. As an impact, I tried to reach Beam.

"Forth !!!" he shouted but it was too late. I saw his body falling into the river.

Shit  Shit  Shit

I don't care about anything. I took off my bag, jacket and shoes then ran and jumped into the stream below me. I swam following the river flow. Beam wasn't coming up. Shit, I dive to the bottom of the river and swam. The pressure of the river made my body loose control a little bit. I couldn't see anything for a while but then I saw Beam trying to take off his bag. I swam faster and helped Beam take off his bag and then pulled him to the surface.

Beam was coughing and had difficulty in breathing. He looked pale.

"Beam.. calm down.. I'm here!" I shouted trying to calm him down. He finally looked at me and fell silent. We were adrift above the river. I was swimming trying to keep both our heads above the water level.

"We can't go against the flow so keep up with the flow until help arrives," I said as I continued swimming. Beam looked at me. He looks confused.

"Hey Beam.. Don't panic alright. You will be safe, you will be happy. You believe in the power of the waterfall, isn't it ? We will get out of here safely," I said. Beam looked at me for a while but then he regained his consciousness and began to swim with the current. I breathed a sigh of relief. But I'm not very optimistic. How long can we stay in this current before our energy runs out and crashes into the riverbed.

When I thought the situation could not be worse than this suddenly I saw a large rock in front of us. We can't avoid it so I pulled Beam into my arms and let the current blow my body against the rock.

My body slammed int o the stone wall and dragged by the river water to the bottom. I lost consciousness for a moment but then I felt someone pulling me up. I returned to the water surface.

"Forth!" Beam looked at me worried. I feel pain in my chest. It hurts so much. Maybe the rock broke my ribs.

"I'm fine," I tried to convince Beam. But every stroke my hand made feels torture. I don't know how long I'll last. Beam looked at me worried. He helped me stay above the water surface. We swam for a few minutes when the river finally narrowed and I saw some of the branches from the trees sticking down the river. Even though the flow of water had narrowed, the current was still heavy and large stones were on either side of us. We try to avoid all the rocks as much as possible. But then I saw a tree branch sticking down right next to a large rock. I swam with the rest of my strength and reached for the tree branch. And when I managed to reach it my body slammed back into the big rock. Beam also swam towards me.

(A/N : Think it as the branch that Forth helped Beam to climb on.)

"Get on my body and climb on the rock," I said. Beam looked at me doubtfully for a moment but then he carried out my orders. He climbed onto my shoulder with great difficulty due to the water current. I heard the sound of a crick on the branch that I was holding. I prayed that it won't break immediately till he reaches for a safe one because if it breaks, Beam will fall into the water and we will both be swept away again. Beam made it to the boulder. He smiled relieved.

"Forth!" he said, holding out his hand. Another crackling sound came from the tree branch. I extended my hand. Beam is struggling to try to pull me up. His face turned red. He must have used all his strength to swim. I looked at him who tried to lift my body which is bigger than him. Beam until pushed himself almost to the edge of the branch while pulling me up. At this rate he will fall again so I decided to let go of his hand. He was silent staring at me when my body returned to water completely.

"Forth what the hell are you doing ?" he said furiously.

I stare at Beam.

Another creak sound was heard again from the branch of the tree that I was holding. I felt my heart pounding with fear but I looked at Beam's face and smiled.

"Hey Beam... Call for help," I said. He shook his head and extended his hand.

"Stupid quickly come up or I'll go down there!" He threatened. I looked at him sharply.

"Don't waste my efforts Beam. Seek help and save me," I said.

The sound of a creak made my breath hitched.

I saw tears streaming down Beam's cheeks.

"Shit Forth!" he protested.

"You remember my prayer, Beam. Be happy..." I pleaded. He shook his head while crying.

"I... will seek help. Hang on," he pleaded.

And when the sound of a crick from the tree branch came back I realized that I wouldn't be able to last long here. I looked at Beam's face.

"I... I love you," I said before the branch was completely broken causing my body to crash into the swift river current and I again struggled with the flow of the river. I used all my strength to help Beam rise to the surface so now I can't swim and my body hurts. But I'm happy. At least Beam survived.

Then all I saw was a roll of water hitting me into the riverbed. My body rolled in the river water. I had difficulty in breathing. I tried to rise to the surface but my arms and legs lost strength. I closed my eyes resignedly.

Published on 22 March 2020