My everything
Even if the winter comes, with my two hands that you had warmed,
I will be right there for you so your hand can always be warm.

BEAM'S POV

(A/N : I couldn't find the picture according to the situation, so I thought I'll present you all a Cute Tee)

When I saw the branch broke, I felt like my heart broke along with the broken branch. Forth said he loves me before disappearing into the river. I thought of many ways to save him but I could not move. My body was completely immobilized. Tears flowed from my eyes that I couldn't control anymore. I couldn't even find my voice to scream. Once again I lost an important person in my life. The person who my heart yearns now.

"Forth." I don't know how many names I called his name while continuing to watch the surface of the water, hoping that he would appear but no. Shit. My head hurts. I hate him. He entered my life without any invitation, imprinted a mark there and just left. Now what should I do ? I won't be able to forgive myself this time.

"You stupid Forth!! Who will help me beat Ming if he hurt Kit !?"

When I thought things would end and I would lose Forth forever, I saw several people dive into the river. Many voices rang in my ears. Someone called his name but it all felt like a dream. I can only see how someone finally surfaces above the water and lifts Forth's body. He did not move. They swam to shore. I witnessed how they tried to do CPR on Forth. He did not move for almost few minutes. I squeezed my left side of my chest and prayed to the Buddha.

I closed my eyes. In this life and in the future, I want nothing and hope for nothing. Like he who wishes for my happiness, let him be happy too.

When I opened my eyes I saw Forth spewing water and moving for a moment. But he still did not open his eyes. I hear people screaming. They transported Forth to a palanquin. I felt someone hug me and say something. It was warm. He called me but I have no more energy.

"Everything will be fine," the person said while hugging me. I held onto those words and that person's body. I saw them carrying Forth into the car making my body feel lighter. Instantly I felt tired. I just want all this to end. I don't know what happened but suddenly it all fell dark.

*****

(A/N : Think this as the room where Beam was admitted.)

I woke up and saw a white ceiling and green curtains covering my surroundings. I heard some noises. People were talking nonstop around me.

"Beam !!! Beam !!!" Kit's voice and his panicked face made me force myself to clear my subconsciousness. Then I realize where I am and what happened earlier.

"Are you ok?" he asked worried.

I sat up quickly. Pain came all over my body.

"Forth... Forth..." I said, pulling Kit's hand.

"He is in the ICU room.."

Before Kit can complete the sentence I got out of bed. I felt my head getting dizzy and I could not walk away because something was holding me back. I tried to hold on to the bed. The IV tube held back my body's movements. I was annoyed and pulled the needle. Blood dripped from between my fingers with intense pain. I didn't care. I heard Kit protest. But I brushed off his hand that held my body. I pushed aside the curtains and walked out.

"Beam... You haven't recovered yet.."

I can see people looking at me and Kit pulling me back to the room. I looked at Kit.

"Forth..." I said quietly. I felt choked and tears flowed from my cheeks.

"Alright... Alright... Let's go see him na.." he said. I nodded in relief and walked after him. Kit held me all the way. I don't care how people were eyeing me. I followed Kit down the halls. I saw Phana, Wayo and Ming standing in front of a room. They looked at me in surprise. I ignored them and walked towards the room that was covered in transparent glass.

"Beam !!" I could feel Phana pulling my body towards him, I raised my hand to stop him. He said something but I brushed it off and pushed him.

(A/N : Consider this as an ICU with lesser facilities since it's a rural hospital where Forth is being treated.)

"Forth..." I said then I surveyed the room. I saw an old mother accompanied by a young child in front of me and then I turned my face to their side. I saw someone with a breathing aid tube and a heart monitor attached to his body. I ignored the protests of the people around me and walked inside. I continued walking until I saw Forth lying still in his bed. A breathing aid tube and a heart monitor show that he is still alive. I held the side of his bed as I felt my knees becoming wobbly and sat down on one side of his bed.

Thank God he's still alive.

Someone held my body. I looked away from Forth to see who it was that held my body.

"You need to rest or you will end up with Forth," Pha said. I felt warm tears streaming down my cheeks. I just nodded but I didn't have the energy to move. Pha guided me and sat me in a wheelchair. I could only surrender when Pha brought me back to my room earlier. A nurse saw me and scolded me. I ignored him and returned to my bed. The nurse reattached my IV. He advised me not to move from the bed. I ignored him again and laid down.

"What time is it?" I asked softly.

"Nine at night," answered Pha. I'm still staring at the ceiling. Nine hours have passed after what happened earlier.

"What about Forth?" I asked again.

Kit and Pha fell silent for a moment.

"He survived... but the water entered his lungs quite a lot. Besides that he lost a lot of blood because his stomach was torn..." Pha was silent. He was like weighing something. I looked at him. Begging him to say everything, even if it hurts me.

"This hospital does not have adequate facilities and doctors. He may not last long if he is not immediately moved to the city but they also do not have adequate facilities to move him."

I felt pain in my chest. My tears started to flow again. I can feel Kit squeezing my hand as he was trying to comfort me. I close my eyes trying to hold back my emotions.

"Can't you do something.." I asked softly.

(A/N : Think Kit is not crying but extremely sad due to the condition of both his friends.)

Pha was silent and looked away. I could see he was also desperate.

"If we can move him from here to the International Khongtanin Hospital, I might be able to help him. I have asked my father to pick him up by vehicle. But it will take hours to reach Bangkok. I'm worried.." He looked down and I could feel his hands clenched into  fist.

"If we have any other option other than that..." Kit said quietly.

I paused for a moment.

"If I can move him within couple of hours, will your father facilitate all the requirements for him?" I asked Pha.

Pha was looking at me confused.

"I could ask my father to move him by plane but... We don't have the facilities to do it..."

I could see Pha smiling broadly. "That's right. Of course, I had asked my father earlier when I called him. He said he would to help us with whatever he can."

I nodded.

"Kit. Can I borrow your mobile?" I asked. All my stuff sank to the bottom of the river. Kit handed me his mobile phone. In this world, there are only 4 numbers that I remember, my mother and father and their personal assistants. I called my father's number. Of course he did not answer. He doesn't even pick up my calls even if he's not busy. What's more if the number is unknown. I called the PA. Uncle Charn picked up my phone on the second ring with his business greeting. I wasted no time and mentioned my name.

"Uncle, can I talk to Dad?"

"Young Master, your father is having a meet-"

"Say I'm at the hospital," I interrupted.

The other side of the call went silent for several minutes then I heard my father's voice.

"Beam," he said coldly.

If I had normal parents, I might have spilled my feelings and my father would have flown his private plane here to pick me up but I knew my father well.

"What other problems are you making now?" his voice sounded annoyed.

I sighed.

Try to be patient Beam, for Forth's sake. I told him what happened. My father didn't say anything. He just listened to what I was saying.

"Then where are you now?" he asked after I explaining everything.

"Mae Salong General Hospital" I said.

My father was silent.

"Your mother is in Japan. It will take time to get there. Pa will send someone to pick you up," he said coldly.

After that he disconnected the phone, I called him again.

"What else?" he asked irritably.

I closed my eyes trying to hold the anger in my mind.

"Can you send a plane here?" I asked

My father snorted. "You said you're okay?"

"Not for me... But for my friend.. He needs immediate help.. Phana's father will help if Pa can help us," I swallowed my pride and asked him.

My father chuckles.

"You think it could be that easy-"

"I'll do anything," I interrupted.

My father was silent.

"What do you mean by "anything" " he asked.

"Whatever you want.. I will do it" I said firmly.

I can feel him smiling broadly over there. But I do not care.

"Listen Beam.. I'm sick of-"

"I promise." I cut him again. "This time. I promise I will obey pleas, " my tears flowed from my cheeks and my voice trembled. I don't want to look weak in his eyes but my shadow will lose Forth. I can't hold back my emotions anymore.

"He saved my life... Can't you help him," I asked

He was silent for a few moments. Then sighed.

"Real men don't break promise, Beam. Remember that," he said.

"Um... Beam knows," I said.

My father was silent again for a moment. "I will contact Mr. Kongthanin," he said before disconnecting our call.

I was relieved and gave back Kit's mobile. Kit looked at me worried.

"Beam... Is it okay to promise that to your father?" he asked.

I smiled at him. "Forth is more important than anything." I replied.

"It's the same as trading your life for Forth," Phana said irritably.

I chuckled. "He traded his life with me. I only returned his favor. We were even. And at least the two of us would be equally alive," I said.

They were about to protest but I pulled the blanket over my shoulder and closed my eyes. They fell silent and said nothing.

*****

FORTH'S POV

(A/N : Think that person in the picture as Forth)

I tried to rise to the water surface but my arms and legs lost strength. I closed my eyes resignedly.

Sorry Beam. I tried my best.

I could feel the water current taking me to the bottom of the river. I still tried to hold my breath but I felt a tightness in my heart. Finally I gave up. Water entered my mouth and nose. I feel sick. I thought of my father. The feeling of leaving him alone makes me sad.
​
"Sorry Por, but Forth will repay all the goodness of Por in his next life," I said in my mind.

*****

It feels not only crowded but also being tortured. Like someone forced a lot of things into my nose and mouth at the same time. I felt like my chest, my stomach and my body suddenly become full. When the intense pain started consuming my body, suddenly I felt someone pulling me up. I don't have enough energy to even open my eyes. A light suddenly appeared in front of me, I wanted to run towards the light but it seemed like something was holding me back. And after a while, the light disappeared again. I returned to the darkness and was cold for some time. Until I saw another light and all of a sudden, Beam appeared in front of me. He smiled.

"Beam.. What are you doing here?" I asked in surprise. I think I left him safe.

The thought that Beam followed me made my chest tighten.

"You don't think I'll leave you, do you?" he said with a smile. The light is getting wider. I narrowed my eyes. After my eyes adjust to the light, I can see our surroundings clearly. We are on the edge of a cliff.

Where is this place ?

I was confused. Then I saw Beam walking towards the edge of the cliff. He smiled at me again. This time he waved his hand.

Shit.

What is he even thinking ?

"See you Forth," he said and I saw him jump off of the cliff.

Shit.

I ran and thoughtlessly jumped with him. I reached for his hand first. When I got hold of his hand, I immediately pulled him towards me and hugged him tight. He hugged me back and put his head on my shoulder. We kept falling. The cliff was like black hole. It was just endless.

"Stupid.. I didn't mean for you to save me this time too," he said. Then I saw the light again, but this time it was below us. We fell into that hole of light and I closed my eyes holding Beam tightly. It started to pain again in my chest and stomach. But now I didn't feel Beam in my embrace. I opened my eyes. I saw a white ceiling. I can still feel the warm body of Beam in my hand. But Beam wasn't anywhere near me. I panicked and my heart started to beat violently.

‘BEAM’

(A/N : Consider this as the room where Forth is admitted when he was brought back to Bangkok)

The moment I woke up, I felt pain all over my body. Shit. I paid attention to my surroundings. I was in a room with a sofa on the right side and a television with a cabinet underneath. An oxygen mask was blocking my view so I took it off and breath a sigh of relief. Then.

Plak.

I felt pain in my left side of my head.

I glanced to my left and saw my father.

"Por !!" I was surprised. The pain was unbearable and it was torturing my chest again. I laid back on the bed. I looked at my father confused. He looked at me annoyed and chuckled.

"Finally you are awake hah. If you didn't wake up I would have catch up with you and beat you up there because every second of your life you never get bored to give me problems," his voice was sounded annoyed but I could see the look on his face that he was relieved to see me wake up. I see tears gathering in his eyes. My father rarely cries. The last time he cried was when my mother passed away.

"Beam ?" I asked weakly.

"Tsk.. Look at you.. You opened your eyes after a few days and the first thing you ask is about Beam. Even the person who is standing in front of you right now doesn't matters much to you, isn't it ?" he looked back at me annoyed.

I want to laugh but I feel intense pain every time I move. I just sheepishly grinned.

"He is outside. Still looks handsome," he replied.

I breathed a sigh of relief.

"How are you feeling? Are you feeling sick?" he looked at me worried.

I shook my head.

"But Por... How can Por come here? Get on a plane? Didn't Por hate boarding a plane ?" I asked in surprise.

He hit my head again, this time gently.

"Since when did I have to get on a plane to come to Bangkok from Pattaya ? Por is grateful that they moved you to Bangkok, if not Por could not even imagine flying to Mae Salong. But Por will still do it. Even while dying, you still have to bother this old man," he protested.

I laughed hearing my Por's rants and due to that movement I felt a small pain in my chest again. My father looked at me worried.

"Bangkok? How did I get to Bangkok ?" I asked in surprise.

"Tsk... Por doesn't know but when Por came here, Por saw a handsome young man named Beam accompany you here. He refused to go, even he was infused and slept here with you,"

And not long after I heard the door of the room being pushed open and closed. My father and I looked towards the door hearing the sound. There I saw Beam standing surprised to see me awake. He was silent.

"Ah... there he is. Por will call the doctor," My father stood up and walked towards Beam.

"Take care of him for a minute," he spoke to Beam. Beam nodded but he remained silent in his place. My father disappeared behind the closed door.

Silence.

Beam and I were just looking at each other.

I smiled at him, relieved that he looked fine. Finally he walked closer to me. Slowly. He looked at me for a few moments, then tears poured out of his beautiful eyes.

"Hey Beam.." I took his hand. He let me hold his hand. While he wiped his tears with his other hand and turned his face away from me. I gently rubbed my thumb over his hand, consoling him.

"I'm fine. Thank you.. for saving me," I said weakly.

He turned his body and faced me. He clenched his fist then hit my head. I laughed at his annoyed face.

"Next time don't do it again stupid! Your life is as valuable as others," he protested. Tears flowed down his cheeks again. I want to get up and wipe his tears but I don't have the strength for it.

"Sorry," I said quietly while still holding his hand.

He glanced at me, pulling his hand from my grip. I felt like someone was taking away the warmth from my life but then suddenly Beam hugged me like his life was depending on it. Even then he was careful not to hurt me more. I again felt the warmth spreading not only in my entire body but also in my heart.

"Thank you..." he said. I can feel his voice trembling. Tears rolled down my neck. I pat his head gently.

"Hey.. Never mind Beam," I said.

He was still hugging me while crying. "Thank you for surviving," he said again. I hugged him back and patted his shoulder. His body shook violently.

"So.. sor.. sorry Forth," he said. I want to ask why he was apologizing but suddenly the sound of the door being open was heard again. Beam let himself pull off from my embrace. He wiped his tears from his cheeks and stood with a face without any expression.

I saw my Por coming in with a doctor and a nurse. The doctor greeted me kindly. Asking me lots of questions and examining my body. He smiled happily.

"We will check his condition for two more days. If there are no complications or infections in his lungs then he can go home," the doctor told my Por. My Por thanked and escorted the doctor. Beam came closer to me.

I wanted to say something but my Por came back  and looked at both of us.

"Then, I'm going home," Beam said. My Por and I looked at Beam in surprise.

"Going home? It's 11 at night, son" my Por said worried.

"It's okay, Uncle. Beam is driving here and Beam's apartment is not far from here," he said as he walked to the sofa and picked up his things.

"Beam," I called out softly and then coughed. It started to pain again. He came closer to me.

"You have a broken rib. Try to press the pillow on your chest every time you cough and don't move too much otherwise," he said handing me a sofa pillow.

I looked at him for a few moments. He looks better. No longer sad. And he smiled a little while looking at me.

"Why are you looking like that ? I will come back tomorrow morning. There is only one person who can take care of the patient. They let me here because of Phana. Now you are awake, I can sleep peacefully. So don't think about anything and rest," he said.

I was relieved to hear the explanation.

"Then, Beam go first Uncle," he said his greetings.

"Thank you son" My Por was about to stand up and escort Beam to the door but he refused. I could only look at Beam's disappearing back.

"Tsk.. You want me to leave so that he can stay and take care of you here ?" What my Por said made me aware that I was zoning out while thinking of Beam. I smiled at him. My Por knows about my wild life. He already knows about me dating men and women. I'm sure he has a spy in my campus. I never asked or said anything to him but he knows everything.

"He is handsome but too good for you. Give up," my Por said again. This time I laughed while hugging the pillow given by Beam.

"Does Por underestimate my ability ?" I said annoyed.

He looked at me for a moment then flicked my forehead. I grimaced softly.

"You only use your abilities to date them. There is no one you bring home and introduce to me," he said irritably. He walked to the cabinet in front of the TV and fetched water in the glass and walked back to me. He handed the glass to me. I gulped down the water completely.

"This time Forth will take him home," I said. My Por sat on the sofa while staring at me.

"Tsk.. Stop looking for trouble. Why can't you live normally like other children ?" he sighed. But I know he isn't really mad at me.

I feel tired. But I do not want to fall asleep. I slept for long enough. I do not want to return to that darkness.

"Is he all right?" I asked my Por.

He looked at me for a moment.

"He.. he was shocked when he first saw you. He refused to go home. Even his friends offered to take turns to look after you but he refused. He said he wanted to be here when you opened your eyes,"

I smiled listening to what he was saying.

"Today was the first time Por saw him smile" my Por remarked.

I breathed a sigh of relief looking at the ceiling.

"Por doesn't know what's between you guys but... he looks like a good kid, don't hurt him," my Por said.

I smile thinly.

If someone's heart is hurt, it's mine.

I want to know why he said sorry to me.

Sorry because I suffered because of him OR sorry because after all he still couldn't reciprocate my feelings ?

My Por kept talking but I feel tired. His voice sound like lullaby. I was grateful for the fact that I was still alive, I could hear my Por's voice while lecturing me, seeing Beam crying, feeling the warmth of his hands, sleeping in this hard hospital bed, feeling the pain in my stomach, everything. I have never felt so happy, every little thing in my life is so meaningful now.

Fatigue caught up to me. I returned to the darkness of sleep. But this time I knew, I would wake up and meet Beam tomorrow morning.

(A/N : Consider this picture as Forth sleeping in hospital bed after Beam left.)

Published on 01 April 2020.