All I know since yesterday, everything has changed.

FORTH'S POV

​Beam was looking really sexy under me, his face was red, his lips were slightly swollen due to the kisses, sweat was flowing from his smooth porcelain face, his eyes were glazing at me. I felt his fingers digging deep into my skin, his body's scent was intoxicating and poisoning my mind as well as my soul.

"Aah... For...Forth... Deeper" he pleaded. I know I shouldn't listen to him. The alcohol in my body made me unable to think clearly. His lustful moans and hunger for me were adding more fuel to my desire which did not help.
​
I cannot control myself.

My body doesn't stop yearning for him. While my lips were leaving my marks along his neck and shoulders. All of it was tempting me to do more and mark him as mine.

"Aargh.. Um... Forth" he gasped as his hold on my back tightened. Even if it was his first time with a man, his body naturally moved to the rhythm of my body.

This is madness, I don't know how to stop it.

"Um..." Beam bit my shoulder when he couldn't hold it anymore. I saw tears streaming down his eyes. I know he's hurt but I can't stop. I already said that I might not be able to control myself but as stubborn as Beam is, he also didn't stop me. He kept on provoking me. He unleashed the beast within me.

"Huh... Is this all you can do?" he asked as I slowed my movements.

Beam changed his body position, making it easier for me to move deeper and faster. His moans and the sound of our bodies slapping with each other filled the room and that ignited my desire.

"Beam.. Hah.. Fuck.. You are so.. tight" I said while speeding up my body movement. I felt my body getting on the edge but I continued to hold myself longer. I don't want this to end. But I couldn't hold it any longer as I released all of my possession into his body. He also came in between both our bodies.

I lay down on the bed. Beam put his head on my chest as he was breathing heavily on my chest. I looked at Beam. He still hugged my body tightly. When I tried to get up and clean everything, his hold on my body tightened.

"Forth... I want more. More than this," he said in between his ragged breath.

I looked at him.

Shit.

Now I understand why every women is crazy about him. He is so wild, hot and sexy. I gulped while looking at his face.

"Enough Beam," I said as I was trying to get away from him. But he was still being stubborn, pulling my neck and kissing me deeply. His tongue broke in. His hand which was initially hugging me slowly came down and started stroking my dick up and down.

"I want this," he whispered, biting and tracing my earlobe with his tongue.

"Argh... Fuck... Beam," I protested, but the sensation given by his hand and tongue made my whole body tremble. He re-ignited the fire in my body.

×___________________________________×

TWO HOURS EARLIER

Since the day I dropped Beam to his apartment, I no longer saw or heard about him. I was also busy with college work and SOTUS activities. That annoying P'Kongpob chose me to be the next head hazer of SOTUS next year. Tsk... Really annoying. He knew that I wouldn't be gentle on juniors.

As for Beam, I think he had moved on with his feelings for Kit or I might be wrong as he said. Maybe he doesn't like Kit. Maybe, because after that day he didn't contact me and talked about Kit. But I was surprised when I saw him at Lam's house tonight. And he was already drunk.

"Tsk... Khun-Super-Busy-Jaturpaoom finally came too hah" Lam patted my shoulder. I greeted my other friends and looked at Beam. He looked at me and smiled broadly.

"Hi Ai'Forth," he said casually while patting the chair beside him. Lam lives in his parents' house. Today his parents were away so we decided to have a party at his house. There were no girls, just a bunch of barbaric men.

"You didn't contact me and suddenly popping out of nowhere. You even drank first" I protested, taking the beer from his hand and drinking the rest of the beer from his bottle.

"Suprise suprise" he said, smiling mischievously. I just glance at him. Beam really didn't realize how alluring each of his movements were. For him, it happens naturally but for those who are treated by him, they can misunderstand it as a signal of interest.

"So you were again abandoned by Phana and Kit," I joked.

He hit me hard on my shoulder.

"Asshole. You invited me yesterday. Now here I'm and you make fun of me. Fine," he suddenly got up and was about to leave. I pulled his hand.

"Sorry, sorry," I said, clasping my hands together and bending my body towards him. He pouted but sat back down next to me.

"How was the meeting?" Asked Earth.

Lam gave me a beer bottle and snacks. I accepted it and took a sip from my bottle.

"You all will be hazers and will join me in SOTUS" I said pointing my beer bottle at them one by one.

I heard them protesting except Mark.

"I hope we have more junior girls this year," he prayed, clasping his hands in front of his face and muttering prayers to God, making people throw peanuts at him.

"I won't include you," I threatened him. He looked surprised and hugged my hand. "Aw Khun Jaturapoom, don't be so cruel to me na. What do you want? Collection of my cards? DVDs of my game? My ball gowns" he began to mention one by one of his collection.

"Grant me one wish later," I said. He gulped. "Even though I knew I would suffer later but thank you for accepting me as a part of the SOTUS committee," he said, bowing to me. I laughed and patted his shoulder.

Rest of the night we talked about many things, motorbikes, soccer, hot and sexy girls and cute boys, annoying professors, films. Occasionally Beam would chime in his opinions but he was mostly drinking. The little creature beside me intends to get completely drunk tonight. When alcohol has taken hold, my friends started acting weird. They started playing bowling with the rest of the beer bottles and turned on the music loud. And finally laid on the floor in living room when they are no longer able to do anything.

And Beam becomes a brat when he's drunk. He doesn't listen to other people.

"You've been drunk enough," I said, pulling the beer bottle from his hand. He looked at me sharply.

"Tsk... I came here indeed to drink and get drunk. Now you forbid me hah... Give me the bottle" he pulled the beer bottle from my hand and gulped it down. He smiled triumphantly and opened a new one. I looked at him furiously. The thing I hate to do most is taking care of a drunk person.

"Take him upstairs and lock him in the room. He's completely out of control," Lam said irritatingly.

"I'm fine," Beam protested. "I can still drink," he shouted.

I'm running out of my patience. I pull the beer bottle from his hand, lifted his body and put him on my shoulder then walked to the second floor.

"Hey. What are you doing? Uwek... Forth... I feel dizzy" Beam said.

I ignored his protest. I put him on the bathroom floor when I got to Lam's room on the second floor and Beam vomited violently into the toilet. I hate taking care of drunk people. He slumped himself on the bathroom floor wiping the rest of his vomit with his shirt. I took off his wet shirt.

"Hey... What are you doing?" He protested, looking at me suspiciously.

"Tsk... Do you want to sleep in that shirt," I asked.

He laughed. "Just say if you want a chance with me"

I looked at him sharply. He's really cocky when he's drunk.

"Sorry, but I don't like sleeping with drunk people," I said. He looked at me with a hurt expression on his face.

"Right. I'm not as sweet as Nong Yo or as attractive as Nong Ming," he said suddenly. I looked at him in surprise. "I'm not even gay," he said again.

I've managed to open his shirt. Now Beam is only wearing his inner shirt. He looked at me with teary eyes. "Am I that unattractive? Even you don't like me," he said, pulling my shirt.

"Hey... That's not it Beam. You have dozens of women waiting for you in line. Listen, you're drunk right now, so let's talk later na ~" I said while holding his hand and leading him to the bed. Beam sat on the bed. When I was about to pull my hand, he did not want to let it go.

"Hey Forth... Do you think I'm attractive?" he asked with a sad face. I looked at him again, this time at his sad eyes.

"Believe me Beam, you are very attractive okay," I said, trying to let go of my hand but he still wouldn't let go.

"Then why does Kit prefer Ming over me?" His voice trembled. Tears gathered in his round eyes which were ready to spill anytime. Shit. I'm not good at dealing with broken hearted person.

"Sometimes we can't force who we like Bee" I stroked his head with my left hand. While Beam is still holding my right hand tightly.

"Then what should I do? How can I get rid of this pain? I've tried sleeping with many women but... no one can ease this pain... Forth... I... want everything to go back to the way it was" he looked at me pleading.

"Everything takes time Beam. Liking Kit doesn't mean you're gay" I tried to convince him. But I feel stupid. How can I convince someone who is heavily drunk.

Suddenly I felt something soft touch my lips. Beam kissed me briefly and looked at me. I looked at him in surprise.

I pushed his body away from me and brushed my lips with my hand.

"Shit Beam" I protested.

"What? Didn't you say that I'm attractive? Or you're the same as Kit that prefer others over me" he looked at me with a sad expression as if I had betrayed him.

"Listen Beam... I don't sleep with my own friends," I said.

Beam walks closer to me. His beautiful eyes stared into my eyes.

"If this makes you better then I'll be honest... I never thought of you as my friend okay," he said. He stood so closer to me that there was no distance between us. I can feel his hot breath on my neck.

Shit.

The scent of his body was sending me into a kind of frenzy, it was making my heart beat violenty.

"I know you want me," he whispered into my ear. I wanted to walk back from him but then Beam pulled my neck and kissed me. This time he did it slowly, tasting every corner of my mouth.

Shit  Shit  Shit

He was not even gay to start with and maybe today was the first time for him to kiss a man but his kiss were making me react to a whole new level. I gave up and pulled him by his hip, returning the kiss with same intensity and making it deeper. Beam moaned softly and it made my whole body heat up. I let go of our kiss and looked at him. His eyes seemed to challenge me.

"This is your wish. Don't get angry and blame me later" I said annoyingly.

The next instant I pushed him to bed, taking off my clothes. The sound of music was heard from down to the second floor as if to encourage us. Beam smiled contentedly while taking off his clothes.
​
"And don't ask me to stop later," I said furiously. Then I kissed Beam impatiently. Beam kissed me back with no less hunger. The room's temperature was increasing as our hunger for each other increased. I like the feeling of his body in my hands. He is not soft like a woman but I like how his skin feels on my hands. Like saying this is what I want all this time. I know that after tonight we will not be the same but that didn't stop me from ravishing him.

Without any boundaries between us, I fucked him the whole night. I've never recklessly behaved this way. But with Beam it makes me lose my mind. I don't know how many times we did it. Not once did he try to stop me. He let me do it to him.

×________× FLASHBACK ENDS ×________×

​I woke up due to alarm set in my cellphone. Usually I go for run or go to gym on Sunday mornings. But after waking up from my sleep properly, I realized that this wasn't my room. I can feel I'm not alone. I glanced at the sleeping man on my right side. His body was covered with a blanket but I could see the marks I had left on his shoulders and neck. His bangs covered most of his forehead, so contrast with his white skin.

BEAM BARAMEE

I rubbed my face and head because suddenly my head was dizzy.

I looked at Lam's messy room. Our clothes are scattered everywhere. I get up and pick up my pants and shirt and wear them. I reached for a cigarette in my pant's pocket and sat on the sofa. I lit a cigarette in my hand and started smoking it deeply. The taste of nicotine on my tongue and my lungs made my mind calm.

I looked at the man who was still sleeping in front of me.

What should I do with him ?

Pretend that nothing ever happened ?

Asking him to be my boyfriend ?

I know he's not the type of guy who goes out but if he wants it I don't mind. After all he is not a bad guy.

Argh... This is why I hate sleeping with my own friends!

While I was smoking the cigarette, Beam woke up and coughed continuously.

"Put it off!" he said irritatingly.

I put off my cigarette. He got up and groaned. I can only look at him guilty. I know I overdid it but I warned him. He himself did not want to listen and instead he provoked me more for fucking him again and again.

He paused and looked at me. Even with his morning face and messy hair he still looks sexy. Beam picked up his clothes and put it on one by one.

"Asshole. What are you looking at ?," he asked. I saw his face turning red. What is he embarrassed about ? I've seen every part of his body. I smiled and walked towards him. I combed his hair with my hand and he let me do it.

"Are you alright ?" I asked. He looked at me frowning.

"I'm thankful that I didn't die," he replied annoyingly. He walked while taking his cellphone and car keys which were lying on the floor. He hissed and cursed because of the pain he felt.

"Thank you Forth..." he stood up and looked at me. "Thanks to you now I understand that what I feel for Kit is not love. I can't imagine me and Kit doing this thing... um... that we did last night" he said quietly. I can see his face turning red. He looked at me for a moment before turning his face.

"See you later then," he said casually as he waved to me and then walked toward the door. I followed him to the door and BAM.

I held the closed door, which he was about to open, with my hands. He turned his body and looked at me annoyed.

"What do you want ?" he said coldly.

I honestly don't know what I want. Right now I was feeling upset. I don't understand why I'm upset. I might be acting annoying because he doesn't seem to be affected by anything we did last night.

"Ai'Beam, don't we have to talk about what happened last night ?" I tried to hold back my emotions. He smiled casually and looked at me. He put his hand on my cheek.

"There is nothing to talk about Forth. I'm fine and last night was nothing more than a one-night stand. You don't need to feel guilty about it".

I looked into his eyes. He looked at me with same intensity. I chuckled annoyed.

"Fine... Then let me take you home" I said taking his hand.

He looks objected.

"It's okay. I'm fine," he said, trying to push my hand away. I did not let him get rid of my hand. After a while of trying he finally gave up. He pouted his lips and looked at me frowning.

"Forth!" he protested.

I looked at him coldly as I held my left hand in front of him. He looked at my hands then at my eyes with an annoyed face. His eyes were challenging me but this time I will not budge. He cursed and soon he reached into his pocket and handed me the car key. I smiled triumphantly and took the key from his hand. Then we walked to the first floor. The sky is still dark, no wonder that none of my friends are still awake. We walked down the living room and out to the parking lot. We got into the car, Beam really tried hard not to show how much in pain he was. Along the way we just keep being silent.

"We're OK, aren't we?" he asked when we arrived at his apartment.

How is everything fine.

I don't feel anything is fine.

I'm sure he doesn't either.

"Listen Beam... I will listen to whatever you want. If you want us to be friends again then I will do it and if you want we can try to.. I don't know.. Dating.. I will follow your will. Therefore think about it" I said, looking at him.

But then Beam refused to look at me. He looked at everywhere but my face.

"I want to forget what happened last night and want us to be friends again," he said without any emotions.

My grip on the steering wheel became tight. Although I said that I would follow his request, but somehow my heart felt displeased. The atmosphere in the car became awkward. Rigid. I sat and stared at the apartment's lobby. It's still 6 o'clock in the morning. There was no one passing by in front of his apartment.

"Forth..." said Beam breaking the silence "I'm tired".

I took a deep breath and looked at him. People say Beam is very cold and heartless. I think they were wrong because even though it wasn't very clear these past few weeks I could see the expression of being hurt, sad and suffering. But seeing him now expressionlessly and easily ignoring last night's events, I began to think that I might be wrong.

"Bye Beam," I finally said, ruffling his hair and walking out of the car door. I called a taxi and waited for the taxi to come. Beam got out of his car and looked at me for a moment before going to his apartment.

I decided to go home and take a shower. I let the water wet my body, cleansing not only the dirt but also all the tiredness and my dirty thoughts. I can still remember exactly what happened last night. I watched my reflection in the mirror. Beam left his bite marks and scratches on my shoulders and back but I'm sure I left more marks on his body.

"I want to forget what happened last night and want us to be friends again"

The words Beam said made me upset.

Sorry Beam, but I'm sure you will not be able to easily forget me. The marks that I left behind will at least last for a few days. You will remember me every time you look at yourself in front of the mirror.

I put on my shirt and walked to the restaurant near my dorm. I ate my breakfast while watching the live soccer broadcast on my cellphone but then the thought of Beam crossed my mind. I didn't wait to finish my breakfast and ordered food for Beam then went to his apartment. I knocked on his door a few times but he didn't answer. After a few minutes I gave up.

I left a message for Beam. "I left food and medicine for you at the door. Eat and take rest," I texted him. And when I left I saw Kit and Ming walking towards me. Ming and Kit looked at me in surprise but I just greeted them and walked away.

I returned to my dorm, doing my college work and stuff, playing online games until dinner time. At dinner I remembered Beam again. Once again I ordered food and went to his apartment. I saw his car in the parking lot but he still didn't want to see me. I left the food at his door and messaged him. He read my message but he didn't reply.

I don't know how I usually forget all my one-night stands. I have never felt any obligation to them. I always have sex and just leave them on their own. But with Beam everything is so different. Even now I think about it.

Is he doing well? Did he take the medicine? Did he eat his food?

Shit

I pulled my hair in frustration and smoke my cigarette on the balcony of my room. I feel like taking my guitar and playing a heart broken song.

"Argh... you are done Forth Jaturapoom," I told myself.

Published on 17 February 2020