Virgil hadn't seen much of Roman for weeks.

Though, it made sense. The green-eyed boy and his friends had been in mourning. They were always quiet, rarely smiling.

He respected Roman, of course, and understood he needed time to heal from all the damage Janus Orm left behind. Still, though, the time apart was driving him insane. Virgil wanted nothing more than to run over to him, wrap him up in his arms, and never let go.

But, that was selfish of him, wasn't it? So, he kept his distance.

It felt like eyes were constantly on him, like everyone knew what he did. He couldn't walk the halls without hearing them whispering. Logically, he knew that he was only imagining what they were saying, but it was getting harder to ignore with each passing day.

"Killer."

"How has he not been caught? He walks around with that guilty expression on his face!"

"Watch out, he might come after you next."

This was why he needed Roman. His prince was the only one who was able to make their whispers go away, the only one who let him feel normal. Roman was everything to him, and he wanted to be everything to Roman in return.

"I love you." Virgil whispered at night into the silence of his room. "I love you. I love you. I love you."

He could almost hear the reply, see the beautiful smile on his beloved's face. He wanted to drink him up, breathe him in like oxygen. He didn't know how much longer he could take. Still, scaring Roman off would be more tortuous than his peers' whispers.

Guilt would be the wrong word to describe the emotion he felt when he thought about what he did.

Because he wasn't guilty.

Not really.

Not when he thought about Janus' torment of him throughout the years. His insistence on ruining Virgil, unaware that the boy in question had already been ruined.

He knew that he should be. That what he'd done was, by all accounts, one of the most heinous acts a human could perform. That some of the most evil people in all of history had done what he did and been condemned for it.

But for Roman, he was willing to do anything. Let them scorn him, let his soul be condemned to damnation. After all, could he really say he's been living until now? Without Roman, he was nothing. Without Roman, he was a shell. Without Roman, nothing mattered.

Still though, he could almost still see Janus when he closed his eyes. How all at once, the light had disappeared from inside of him, forcefully snuffed out by the tar that was Virgil Pryder. He could almost still feel the blood on his hands, how small the razor had felt in his palm, even as it slid effortlessly through skin.

Did he regret it? Maybe. But Janus had wanted to take Roman, and he wasn't the only one.

Patton Libum, Logan Berry, and Remus Prince. Those were the names of the people who were keeping Roman away from him. If he could, Virgil would keep Roman locked away in his house, where no one could disturb them. He knew that wasn't realistic, though. After all, he would hate for his prince to feel trapped.

Again, he was being selfish.

Whatever, it was only a matter of time before he got to see Roman again. Orm wasn't that important at the end of the day. Easy to get over. Easy to forget. Easy to replace. Plus, Roman hadn't even known him long enough to really grow too attached.

As he sat at lunch, watching Roman and his friends from afar, his heart burned with a desire that seemed to consume him whole. Virgil fought the urge to run over and carry him away.

But as Logan Berry, the resident stoic in the group, began to break down in tears, and they all exchanged soft words, Virgil could sense it.

This wouldn't last for much longer.

---

About a week later, things were beginning to look up. The school was finally beginning to grow more lively, along with Orm's friends, which included Roman.

Virgil sat on his couch, chewing anxiously on the nail on his thumb. Roman had been looking significantly better in the recent days. Maybe it was finally time for Virgil to reenter his life?

But what if he wasn't quite ready yet? What if Roman wanted to talk about Janus, and Virgil let something slip? If his love found out about his sins, how could Virgil possibly live with himself?

At the same time, however, the thought of not seeing him again made his heart ache. It was like a craving that he couldn't quite shake, one that consumed all his thoughts and the only thing he wanted was to relieve himself of it.

So, despite his apprehension, he got in his car and drove to Roman's house.

The entire way there, his heart was pounding out of his chest. A part of him thought that Roman would be able to take one look at him, and know instantly what Virgil had done. Maybe he had thought about it in their time apart, connected dots that painted a picture of the ugly truth about Janus' death.

He would look at Virgil, disgust and horror painted across his face. He would see how broken Virgil truly was, the parts of him that were shattered and unrecognizable. The parts of him that had been molded into something hollow.

Roman would hate him. Maybe more than he hated himself.

He parked in the driveway, sitting in his car for a few moments as he took a deep breath.

His hands wouldn't stop shaking.

He blinked, and he was standing at the door, hand poised as if he were about to knock. He didn't even remember getting out of the car. The only thing he could think was that Roman was so close now. He was just behind that door. In a few moments, he would be close enough to touch.

He shook his head, knocking on the door before his thoughts could descend into rambling.

There was some muffled talking from inside, before the door swung open and the breath was stolen from Virgil's lungs.

There he was. He looked even more brilliant up close than Virgil had remembered. The green of his eyes sparkled brilliantly in the early afternoon sun, red hair tousled effortlessly to frame that perfect face like a portrait. An almost blinding smile lit up on his face, almost making Virgil's heart seize in his chest. "Oh, hey Virgil!" He chirped.

Virgil could only stare dumbly, his entire train of thought derailing in an instant. "Uh–"

"It's your fuck buddy? Ask him if he has an STDs!" Came from inside the house, thankfully interrupting whatever nonsense was about to come out of his mouth. He honestly wasn't sure what he was going to say.

Roman's face turned an adorable shade of red, and his eyes shot inside the house. "Dad!" He yelled, only receiving laughter from the man inside (who Virgil just learned was his father). Roman quickly walked fully outside and closed the door behind him, grumbling under his breath.

Virgil laughed. "He seems fun." A sense of longing shot through him all at once, and he found himself missing his own father. He would've loved Roman, had it not been for his mother.

Roman rolled his eyes. "A little too fun." He scoffed, crossing his arms and leaning on one hip. Virgil wanted to grab him by the waist and pull him into a kiss. "So, what brings you to mi casa?"

Virgil raised his eyebrows. "Wow, Spanish? I'm so impressed." Everything Roman did was impressive. Virgil loved him.

"Don't tease me!" Roman shot him a playful glare and huffed. "I'll have you know I'm fluent. I learned it from my mother."

Virgil tilted his head. "Your mother?" He'd never seen the woman before, not even when Roman was moving in. He honestly assumed she was out of the picture.

Maybe she was, and Virgil just brought up a sore subject. Fuck. Stupid. Idiot. He was going to die alone—

"Yeah, she's on Broadway right now." Roman smiled proudly, and relief quickly flooded over Virgil. The redhead quickly took on a wistful smile, recounting details about his parents almost unconsciously. "My dad has no problem with it, he wanted her to pursue her dreams, since he kinda prolonged them."

"How so?" Virgil asked.

Roman blinked, seeming to have forgotten that he had company. "Oh, well—" He chuckled awkwardly. "My mom had Remus and I when her and dad were in high school. That kinda put a pause on her Broadway training."

Virgil could only stare. "Wow, they've really been together that long?" Idly, he wondered what his life would have been like if his parents had a happy marriage like Roman's did. Maybe he wouldn't have turned into whatever he was now. Maybe there would've been something inside of him other than the neverending pit that seemed to both attract and repel others.

"Yeah, and they're sickeningly cute." Roman scoffed, before shaking his head as if to clear his thoughts. "How did we start talking about me? I mean, I don't mind. It's one of my favorite things to talk about." He smirked, and Virgil wanted to grab his face and kiss it.

"What a narcissist." He snorted instead. Roman looked at him expectantly, and Virgil realized that he had no real explanation as to why he was there. He had forgotten that it wasn't normal to just drop in unannounced. Stupid. Idiot. He quickly made something up. "But I really just wanted to check up on you. See how you're doing after Janus...y'know."

After Janus overstepped.

Roman sighed heavily, a look of melancholy spreading across his face, and Virgil regretted asking. "I've definitely been doing better. It still hurts, but I know that Janus wouldn't want me to cry over him all day."

Virgil didn't know about that. Janus Orm wanted Roman all to himself. It stands to reason that he would relish in being mourned so heavily by the green-eyed angel. Dirty bastard. "I'm glad." Virgil smiled, choosing to focus on the first part of the sentence. "It's been awhile since we've hung out. Wanna grab lunch?"

Virgil honestly asked on a whim, wanting to spend as much time as possible with Roman while he was so close to him. If he could have it his way, Roman would be living with him in that big empty house. Virgil would wake Roman up with breakfast in bed every morning, and they would spend the rest of their days together. Happy. Protected from all the villains in the outside world who wanted to take their happiness away.

Roman contemplated for a second. "Hold on," Roman opened his mouth and yelled in the direction that his father's voice had come from. "Dad! Virgil wants to know if I can get lunch with him!"

Roman's father snorted from inside the house. "Yeah, okay. What's on the menu? His dick?"

Roman and Virgil both turned a furious shade of crimson. The former glared into the house. "That really wasn't a necessary add on!"

"Roman, I impregnated your mother with two babies. In case you haven't noticed, I'm all about unnecessary add ons." Came the reply, and Virgil had to stifle his laugh. "Stay safe!"

"I will!" Roman turned back to Virgil, giving him the biggest grin yet.

Virgil wanted Roman to be his forever.

No.

Roman will be his forever. 

A/N:

...so it's been awhile...