It’s a terrible thing to come to terms with.

The death of someone your age.

It really makes you think about your own mortality, of how quickly a life can be snuffed out. For a time, you’re terrified that something could happen to you too. 

Unless, of course, the death was due to something like suicide. 

That makes you think about how someone your age could be struggling so deeply, and how no one had seen it fast enough. How you could’ve maybe helped if you had just reached out. 

However, for Virgil it was different. 

Considering he was the one who killed him. 

He watched everyone mourn, and his hands felt stained. There was this horrible feeling in his chest, and it felt like everyone knew what he did. Even though he knew it wasn’t true, he got the sense that they were all staring at him, as if they were waiting for him to confess to his sins. 

But he knew that once he confessed, he’d never get to see Roman again. 

And that, in itself, was a fate worse than death. 

There was sobbing that seemed to fill the entire school. Wherever he went, he could hear it. It was Patton Libum, whose heart had just shattered into a million pieces. The sound seemed to pierce right into Virgil’s soul, shaking him to his very core. 

A blonde girl came into his line of vision.

“Hey, Pryder.” 

“What do you want, Susan?” He sighed, more exhausted than annoyed. 

“I just can’t believe it.” She shook her head, before meeting his eyes. “I can’t believe you did this.” 

Virgil paled, heart stopping in his chest. “What?” He whispered breathlessly.

“I can’t believe he did this.” She repeated, raising a brow at him. “I didn’t think the bastard had it in him.” She huffed, rolling her eyes. “It’s a shame, he was good for the paper. Now what’ll I do?” 

Virgil stared in quickly forming disgust. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” He hissed. “Janus Orm is dead and you’re thinking about the fucking school newspaper?”

Susan scoffed. “Oh, please. Don’t give me that look. You’re not much better than me, Pryder. We all know you hated his guts. I bet you’re secretly jumping for joy on the inside, huh?” She smirked. 

Virgil glowered at her, ignoring the sinking feeling in his gut. “You’re sickening.” He growled. 

“Not denying it~!” She smirked, walking away. “Have a good lunch, Pryder.” She called over her shoulder.

He watched her go, pursing his lips. 

Intellectually speaking, he knew the truth. Janus Orm didn’t exist anymore. Virgil had snuffed out his entire stream consciousness, his existence on this planet, with his own two hands. He was the sole person responsible for the end of a life. 

But he couldn’t seem to come to terms with it emotionally. The entire thing felt separated from himself, like an entirely different person had done it and Virgil had just watched from the sidelines. In a way, that was true. 

He glanced to his left, looking at Janus’ locker.

Everyone had written messages for Janus on sticky notes, and stuck them to his locker. There was a picture of him in the center. 

He was smiling in the photo. Virgil didn’t think he’d seen that expression on his face before.

Still, it was almost as if his eyes were piercing into him.

He couldn’t stay here. He needed fresh air.

Shoving his hands in his pockets and putting his hood up, Virgil quickly turned to go outside. 

Immediately, he bumped into someone trying to walk past him. The boy’s face twisted into a scowl. It was one of the straight men who hated him for no reason. “Watch where you’re going, murderer.”

Virgil’s eyes widened, and he let the boy shove past him. 

He looked at the ground, feeling like everyone was watching him.

“God, he has guts, showing up at school after what he did.” 

“Killed him with his own razor!” 

“He’s going to be caught soon enough.”

“Mr. Pryder?” 

Virgil shot his head up.

His teacher was standing there, staring at him with a furrowed brow. “Do you feel guilty?” He asked.

Virgil could barely speak, his heart was pounding. “Wh-What?” 

He frowned. “I asked if you’re alright?” 

Virgil couldn’t breathe. “I-I--” He glanced around, seeing that no one was looking at him at all. “Sorry.” He walked past the teacher, rushing outside. 

Moving quickly, he rushed out the double doors.

The second he was out, he took a deep breath and closed his eyes. 

He wanted to go home. He wanted to run away.

But would that make him seem more suspicious? What if they use that against him later? They could say he was trying to leave quickly so he wasn’t seen at school the day the news came out. Or they could say he was feeling too guilty to stay.

Was he feeling guilty?

Virgil glanced up, spotting a head of perfect red hair. 

“Roman?” 

The boy turned to him, beautiful green eyes piercing into Virgil’s soul. His gaze softened, a weak but gorgeous smile coming to his lips. “Hey…” 

Virgil’s heart swelled. How could he have forgotten? Roman was the reason he was doing this. The only would who has ever seen him for who he is. The only one who he thought was truly deserving of love. 

Why should he feel guilty?

Janus Orm was a bad person. Someone would’ve taken him out eventually. 

Virgil looked closer.

Roman’s hands were shaking. His face was pale, and his eyes were glassy. There was a waver in his voice when he spoke, a slight tremble in his bottom lip. He seemed fragile, like a slight breeze would send him crashing down into a million pieces.

He was suffering. 

Because of Virgil. 

He furrowed his brow. No, not because of Virgil. Roman was suffering because of Janus. 

Because Janus wouldn't mind his own business. Because Janus wanted to create a rift between their love. Because Janus had wrapped his smarmy little fingers around Roman, and had somehow gotten the boy to care for him. 

Before he could think twice about it, he wrapped the red-haired boy into an embrace. “I am so sorry.” He mumbled, heart sinking down to his shoes. Even in death, Orm was a manipulative piece of shit. 

Roman hugged him back, collapsing into sobs that broke Virgil’s heart. The former’s knees gave out, so the latter gently lowered the both of them to the ground. 

Janus Orm would never know that Roman had mourned for him like this. 

He grit his teeth. Even when he was alive, Janus never appreciated Roman. Not like how Virgil appreciates him. 

“It’s just not fair!” Roman cried, pulling away from the embrace and staring up at Virgil with those big, beautiful eyes. Eyes full of tears that seemed to sparkle like crystals. “I had just gotten to know him, and now he’s--” He cut himself off, looking away.

That wasn’t true. Roman hadn’t known Janus at all. He hadn’t known of the hatred and the lies. Of the harassment and assault. He hadn’t known the Janus that Virgil had known. The one who was a bad seed that needed to be weeded out. 

Virgil held his tongue. 

That didn’t matter now. 

Right now, Janus was no longer an issue. He was gone, and now Virgil had to try and make Roman feel better. 

“Orm and I…we didn’t get along.” Virgil shook his head. “But if I knew that he wouldn’t--” He choked on his own words, a lump forming in his throat. “--that he wouldn’t be here now.” 

He would’ve jumped for joy. He would’ve gone into his dad’s old liquor cabinet and drank until he passed out. He would’ve thanked whatever god was out there that he was finally free. 

Of course, he could never say that.

“Virgil…” Roman brought a hand to his cheek, sending goosebumps down the purple-haired boy’s spine.

“I’d take it back, Ro. I’d take everything back.” He shook his head again. No, he wouldn’t. He’d done nothing wrong. “I should’ve known that the reason he lashed out at me was because he was hurting inside. If only I could’ve seen past my own pride.” 

It was all bullshit. He shouldn’t have to sing Orm’s praises, to justify his actions. Janus Orm was a stain until the very end. Why should Virgil have to be the one to take the high ground? 

“I’d really appreciate it if you came to the funeral with me.” Roman told him softly. 

Virgil’s eyes widened, and he had to fight the urge for his face to twist into a scowl. He didn’t wanna go to that. He didn’t want to show up to a whole ceremony dedicated to a piece of shit like Janus Orm. That sounded like his own personal hell. 

“It would be rude of me to--” 

“I need you there, Virge. Please.” Roman begged, his voice a whisper. His green eyes were piercing, almost grabbing onto Virgil’s heart and forcing it open. He felt himself soften involuntarily, offering a sad smile to the angel in front of him. 

“Okay.” He felt himself mumble before he could regret it. He pressed a kiss to Roman’s forehead, and the small contact left his skin feeling like it was burning. He wanted more, he needed it more than he needed oxygen. 

There was an expression on that beautiful face that he didn’t like. It was of self-loathing, of internalized anger. Did…Roman blame himself? Why? A creature as perfect and good as Roman should never be feeling anything close to that.

“Roman, this isn’t your fault. Not in any way, shape, or form.” He quickly affirmed, eager to get that expression off of Roman’s face.

The boy in question frowned. “But I tried to pressure him into becoming friends with you.” He admitted, shaking his head. “I said I would break up with you if he didn’t.” 

Virgil felt a bit shocked at how unbothered Roman seemed as he relayed the events that almost tore him apart from the inside out. Even the words alone had him feeling like the world was falling apart beneath his feet. How could he be so casual? Did he not care? 

“So, you’re saying this is my fault.” Virgil blurted out, an empty feeling growing in his heart. How dare he? Did he not know what Virgil had done in his name? “That Janus detested the thought of befriending me so much, he would rather die?” 

Did Roman really think that little of him?

Roman’s eyes widened in alarm. “Wh-What?! No!” 

Virgil blinked, catching himself. What was he thinking? Roman was perfect. Roman was beautiful. Virgil loved him. 

HelovedhimHelovedhimHelovedhim--

He softened, feeling absolutely terrible for causing the love of his life to feel any sort of negative emotion. “Then I don’t see why you should blame yourself, Ro.” He reached up a hand to stroke Roman’s perfect jawline, savoring the feeling of soft skin beneath his fingertips. “What happened wasn’t anyone’s fault.”

Roman glanced away, a somber expression on his face. “I-I just feel like I could’ve--” He bit his perfect lips, drawing Virgil’s attention to them.

“It’s too late to think like that now.” He whispered, eyes focused on the lips of the person he wanted to drink in. He felt himself leaning in subconsciously. “You have to live in the present, Princey.” 

And their lips connected.

Just like the first time, Virgil felt like his heart could explode. At that moment, he felt like they were the only two people in the world, like they could stay there forever. But even though the kiss was amazing, Virgil could feel the way Roman trembled in his arms. 

He was suffering. 

Virgil pulled away, staring into Roman’s eyes. There was this feeling swirling around in his chest, like something terrible was going to happen to them. 

He would die before he let that happen. 

The bell rang, snapping the two of them out of the moment. 

Virgil stood up, offering Roman his hand. He took it.

---

The funeral was dull. 

The Orm family had settled on an open casket funeral, which had Virgil’s heart pounding. Even though he knew it was impossible, a small part of him expected Janus to wake up; to sit up and point an accusing finger at him. “It was Virgil Pryder! It was Virgil Pryder! He’s the one who killed me!” One final attempt to ruin his life.

Patton Libum was a mess throughout the entire ceremony. He sobbed loudly, his despair echoing through the halls of the church.

Logan Berry was as stoic as always. His eyes were fixed on Janus the entire time. Seeming to be memorizing every detail of his face, knowing that this was the last time he would see it in person.

Remus Prince was uncharacteristically silent, his eyes distant throughout the entire ceremony. 

Virgil could only stare, his arm loosely wrapped around Roman in a sad attempt at comfort. The frown on his face refused to leave.

All of these people had no clue who Janus Orm truly was, or else they wouldn’t be this upset over his death.

The terrible, wicked, awful person who wanted to ruin Virgil’s life. The person who almost succeeded.

As he stared at the corpse, he only felt disgust. 

The casket was closed and carried off. “Goodbye, Janny.” Roman whispered.

Virgil hummed quietly. 

Goodbye indeed.

A/N:

I was literally on the verge of falling asleep while writing this one gang 🥴