The breeze brought the fresh scent of leaves. Dirtpaw paused at the camp entrance and gawked at the sight before him. A shower of infinite leaves rained from the thicc canopy above him. Birchwhisker led him into the torrent of leaves. "Does this ever bother you?" Dirtpaw asked, shaking off a whole pile of leaves.

Birchwhisker looked at him strangely, and continued onwards. "We're in LeafClan, the Clan of leaves. We live with leaves. We are the leaves."

Dirtpaw's eyes widened, but he didn't say anything else. The leaves crunched beneath his paws with every step, and their musty scent was the only thing he could smell. How do we even hunt? I can't even use canon hunting techniques here, he thought.

Eventually, Dirtpaw saw the light, through all the leaves. He rushed forwards, relieved to see an end to this leafy hell. Once he broke through the trees, the leaves below him fell away and he yelped as he tumbled and face planted on the ground. Is this what I think it is? He sunk his claws into the soft dirt he laid on and sighed. "What are you doing, child?" Birchwhisker stood at LeafClan's border. "That's not how to be a warrior. I read all the books."

Dirtpaw rolled over and gave his mentor a skeptical look. "Who was the main character of the first series?" he asked, raising an eyebrow(?).

Birchwhisker stared at him blankly and gave his chest fur a lick. "Uhhh.. Millie?"

Dirtpaw threw a shoe at Birchwhisker, also ignoring the fact that LeafClan's territory was elevated two tail-lengths above the ground because there's too many leaves. He turned away from his mentor and gazed across the expanse of dirt before him. "That's the Wasteland." Birchwhisker sat on some more leaves. "It belongs to no Clan because of its lack of prey and foliage."

He pointed across the dirt hills to a river. "Across that river is 'MintClan's territory, and if you look closely, you can see all the catmint that grows there. Oh look! There's Specialbean!"

The tortoiseshell she-cat emerged from a catmint bush. Her eyes were wide and she had a crazy look in her eyes. She raised her face to the sky and screeched, "HECC YEEEEEEAAAAAH!"

Specialbean's shrill cry of profanity was countered by a "NO SWEARING IN MY CHRISTIAN MINECRAFT SERVER!" from Randompaw back in LeafClan's camp.

Damn he's loud, Dirtpaw imagined his best friend standing in the camp, screeching his message as everybody's ear drums violently combusted in giant fireballs. But that's okay, because this is a spoof book, and spoof books don't follow logic.

Birchwhisker turned away from the catmint induced she-cat and padded in the direction of LeafClan's border. "We should probably starting heading back," he called. "It's getting dark."

Dirtpaw gazed at the dirt heaven called the Wasteland one last time. Don't worry, I'll be back to claim you, he thought. As if reading his mind, the dirt said nothing in reply.

Sorry for the extremely late (and very rushed) update! Procrastination wanted to be friends and I said yes because I'm lonely. I promise I will post another chapter around Christmas.