CHAPTER 4

BERRY WOKE UP AND her eyes instantly landed on her wrist to see her bleeding wound. Bahagyang kumunot ang noo niya nang makitang may benda na ang pulsuhan na hiniwa niya kagabi.

Did Clara clean her wound and put bandage on it?

Berry sighed and pushed herself to get up from the bed even though her head was pounding mercilessly. Pagkatapos ay pumasok siya sa banyo para maghilamos at mag-ayos ng sarili.

After cleaning herself up, she changed her clothes. Pinili niya ang damit na hindi masyadong revealing. It took her some time to choose because all of the clothes in the closet are revealing.

She was guessing that Cherry owns all the clothes in that closet.

After a long deliberation with herself, she finally chose the simplest dress in the closet she could find – a dress reaching her knees.

Humarap siya sa salamin at tiningnan ang sarili doon. She looked pale and weak. She was like death itself and for a thousand times, she did not care wether she looked presentable or not. Nothing will change. She was still a damage person from the inside and out. Nothing can change that. Nothing.

Berry let out a loud breath and stared at her wrist. Nababalot ng benda ang magkabilang pulsuhan niya. Kung nasa hospital siya ngayon, baka ini-endorse na siya ng doktor sa isang psychiatrist.

Then the psychiatrist would diagnose her with Major Depressive Disorder. Then, a therapist would be given, a therapist who would just sit with a paper and pencil on her hand, who doesn't know shit about her, and would ask her the same questions over and over again.

How do you feel?

Mapait siyang ngumiti. How do I feel?

I feel like I'm in hell every time I wake up. I feel like my life is not worth living. I feel like I am a worthless human being. I don't feel the need to be happy. I don't know the reason why I'm still alive. I feel like everything will only be okay when I die. I feel that I will only forget everything that has happened to me if I kill myself. That's what she felt. Every time.

Napatigil siya sa pag-iisip at napabaling sa pinto ng may kumatok doon.

Then, the door opened showing Clara.

"Kakain na raw," padaskol na sabi ni Clara sa kanya.

Tumango siya saka nagtanong tungkol sa kanina pa gumugulo sa isip niya. "Ikaw ba ang nagbenda sa sugat ko?"

Kumunot ang noo ni Clara. "Hindi. Bakit ko naman gagawin 'yon?" mataray nitong tugon.

Umiling siya. "Wala naman."

Inirapan siya nito saka nauna nang umalis sa kanya. Siya naman ay humugot muna ng malalim na hininga bago naglakad palabas ng kwarto.

Nang makababa siya sa unang palapag ng bahay at nakapasok siya sa kusina, nabitin ang pagbati niya kay Snow na kumakain nang makitang naroon ang ama nito sa hapag-kainan.

Kaagad niyang naalala ang nangyari kagabi. Nagbaba siya ng tingin saka walang imik na umupo sa tabi ni Slow, medyo malayo iyon sa lalaki.

"Good morning, Mommy!" masayang bati sa kanya ni Snow sabay halik sa pisngi niya. "How's your sleep, Mommy?"

She smiled at Snow. "Okay naman. Ikaw? Nakatulog ka ba nang mahimbing?"

Nakangiting tumango si Snow. "Yes po. I slept really well. Pwede mo bang kantahan ulit ako mamaya?"

Napabaling siya sa ama nitong walang imik na kumakain. Hinintay niya ang hindi nito pagpayag pero walang sinabi ang lalaki kaya naman sinagot niya si Snow.

"Sure, baby. It's my pleasure to sing for you," aniya.

Snow grinned and kissed her on the cheeks again. "Yehey! Thank you, Mommy." Then, she kissed her again. "School na po ako, Mommy."

Tumango siya saka sinundan ng tingin ang bata na tinatawag si Clara para samahan ito sa paaralan.

Then, there was only her and the man of the house.

Come to think of it, she doesn't even know his name.

The dining table was filled with silence until he broke it.

"How's your wrist?" he asked.

Bumaba ang tingin niya sa pulsuhan saka mahina ang boses na sumagot. "O-okay lang."

He sighed, "Look at me."

Slowly, she looked at him. "A-ano 'yon?"

"Don't do that again."

"W-what?"

Tinuro nito ang pulsuhan niya. "Don't cut yourself again. Paano kung hindi kita nakita kagabi na may dalang kutsilyo? Sinong aampat sa pagdurugo ng sugat mo?"

So, he was the one who put the bandage on her cut? "I-ikaw ang nagb-benda ng sugat ko?"

Tumango ito saka bumuntong-hininga. "Huwag mo nang uulitin 'yon."

Hindi siya umimik at nagbaba lang ng tingin.

"Look at me," he commanded.

And she obliged. Slowly. "S-Sir?"

"Don't call me Sir," anito saka hinilot ang sentido. "It's Cadmus. Cadmus Valcarcel."

"C-Cadmus..." his name rolled on her tongue softly. "Cadmus."

Tumiim ang tingin nito sa kanya. "Yes. Cadmus... or if you find it mouthful, just Cad."

"Cad," his name felt soft in her tongue. "Cad."

"Yes. Cad or Cadmus."

Tumango siya saka nagbaba ulit ng tingin at pinagpatuloy ang pagkain.

"Look at me," Cadmus ordered.

She instantly looked at him. "Y-yes?"

Cadmus frowned at her. "Why did you do that?"

"W-What?"

"You," anito. "You're like a robot. You just do as I say quickly."

Nag-iwas siya ng tingin. "A-ayoko lang ng gulo."

"I see," paused. "So, if I told you to stop eating now, you will?"

Binitiwan niya ang kutsara at tinidor saka tumayo at akmang aalis na nng pigilan siya ng lalaki sa kamay.

Bigla siyang kinain ng takot kaya naman mabilis niyang hinila ang kamay niyang hawak nito. And as she held her hand, she trembled.

Kinuyom niya ang kamao saka nagmamadaling umalis ng hapag-kainan.

Nang makalayo siya, nanunubig ang matang napasandal siya sa malapit na pader at niyakap ang nanginginig niyang kamay na hinawakan ni Cadmus.

She was afraid. She was terrified of a man's touch. She was frightened of any man that gets close to her. She was scared of their kind.

Naluluhang tumakbo siya pabalik sa kwarto niya saka ini-lock iyon at isiniksik ang katawan sa gilid ng kama at pinalibot ang kumot sa katawan niya na para bang po-protektahan siya no'n laban sa mga taong gustong manakit sa kanya.

CADMUS CAN'T focus on the job at hand. Naglalakbay ang isip niya patungo sa babaeng nasa bahay niya.

She was scared earlier. He could tell. She was scared of him.

But why? Wala naman siyang ginawang masama rito.

Why the hell do I care?

Marahas niyang pinilig ang ulo saka bumuga ng marahas na hininga at tinawagan ang kilala niyang private investigator.

"I need you to investigate someone for me," sabi niya nang sagutin nito ang tawag niya.

"Sino ho, Mr. Valcarcel?"

"I'll send you her picture," aniya saka pinatay ang tawag.

Kaagad niyang ipinadala sa e-mail ng P. I. niya ang larawan ni Cherry na may nakakabit na instructions.

'She looked like my wife, Cherry. But her name is Berry, I don't know her surname. Investigate her. I want to know everything about her.' Then he hit send.

He wasn't sure yet though, but he has a strong feeling that 'that woman' was not his wife, Cherry. He has to find out whoever she was.

Malalim siyang bumuntong-hininga saka tinawagan si Jared, ang isa sa dalawang guard na nakabantay sa labas ng kwarto ng asawa niya sa tuwing aalis siya ng bahay.

"How's my—" tumikhim siya, "—wife?" he asked.

"Hindi pa ho siya lumalabas ng kwarto mula kaninang umaga," sabi ni Jared.

For some reason, he was worried for her. If she was really not his wife then, she was not faking any of this. She was not faking that fear in her eyes.

Cadmus let out a loud breath and ran his finger through his hair.

What if she cut herself again? What if no one in the house noticed her? What if she have a hidden knife in her room? What if it's too late to save her?

Padaskol siyang tumayo saka pinatay ang tawag at nagmamadaling lumabas ng opisina niya.

"Nadia."

"Sir?"

"Cancel all my appointments," wika niya habang naglalakad patungo sa elevator.

"But Sir—"

"Tell them I'm busy." Pagkasabi no'n ay sumakay siya ng elevator at pinindot ang button para sumara ang pinto.

Nang makarating siya sa basement, nagmamadali siyang lumabas ng elevator at malalaki ang hakbang na tinungo ang nakaparadang kotse. Nang makasakay, kaagad niya iyong pinausad at pinaharurot nang makalabas siya ng parking lot.

Madali siyang nakarating sa bahay dahil sa bilis ng pagmamaneho niya. He hurriedly parked his car outside his house and went inside his home.

Cadmus immediately went to his wife's room.

"Sir—"

"She's still inside?" he asked.

Tumango si Jared, "Yes, Sir. Hindi pa siya lumalabas."

"Okay," he said then, dismissed the guards. "Makakaalis na kayo."

Hinintay ni Cadmus na makaalis ang dalawang bantay bago ginamit ang susi niya para buksan ang pinto ng kwarto ng asawa.

When he slowly pushed the door open, he silently walked inside the room. His eyes instantly settled on the woman in the bed. Nakapikit ang mga mata nito na parang tulog pero pabiling-biling ito sa higaan, basa ng pawis ang unan at tumutulo ang luha sa gilid ng mata na para bang nananaginip ito ng masama.

"H-huwag—Daddy—no! No! Uncle, no! D-don't touch me. Please. D-don't hurt me!"

Cadmus felt a strong urge to console her, but the last time he did that, he scared her even more.

So, he stayed two steps away from her and just stared at her. Ilang minuto din ang lumipas bago ito bumalikwas ng bangon at habol ang hiningang niyakap ang sarili habang mahinang humihikbi.

"Hey..." mahina ang boses na kuha niya sa atensiyon nito.

She was trembling as she looked up at him. Fear was in her eyes and it intensified tenfold when she saw him.

"D-don't h-hurt me," may pagmamakaawa sa boses nito habang namamalisbis ang luha sa pisngi. "P-please don't. Please..."

Umiling siya habang nanatili sa kinatatayuan. "I won't hurt you." Humakbang pa siya paatras para mapanatag ito, "I swear. I won't."

Ang mahina nitong pag-iyak ay nauwi sa hagulhol habang pahigpit nang pahigpit ang yakap nito sa binti at sa sariling katawan.

He just stayed there in silent. Maybe not by her side to console her, but close enough to be with her if needed.

AFTER HOURS OF CRYING, Berry finally was able to pull herself together and stopped her tears from falling. With her watery eyes and damp cheeks, she glanced at the man who stayed throughout her breakdown.

Cadmus.

Hindi ito lumapit sa kanya na pinagpasalamat niya. Sa halip ay umupo ito sa sahig at nakasandal ang katawan sa likod ng nakasarang pintuan.

Hindi ito nagsasalita o sinusubukan man lang siyang patahanin habang umiiyak siya. He just stayed there silently and she preferred that rather than him, touching her.

Men frightened her and Cadmus was no different.

"How are you feeling?" he asked after a few minutes of silence.

Tahimik siyang tumango habang tinutuyo ang basang pisngi.

Cadmus stood up and walked towards her. But he stopped two steps away from her bed and handed her a blue handkerchief.

"Use this to dry your tears," anito habang inaabot sa kanya ang panyo. "It's made from a soft fabric." Nang hindi niya tinanggap iyon, ipinatong nito iyon sa ibabaw ng kama. "Take it," wika nito saka lumabas na ng kwarto niya.

Hindi mapigilan ni Berry ang maguluhan.

Why was he being nice to her? Noong isang araw lang ay galit ito sa kanya. May lihim ba itong binabalak sa kanya katulad ng mga lalaking naging mabait sa kanya? Does he want to use her too? Like those monsters hiding in a form of a man?

Tumulo na naman ang luha niya nang maalala ang nangyari sa kanya.

Nanginginig ang kamay na pinulot niya ang panyo ni Cadmus saka ipinahid iyon sa pisngi niya para matuyo ang mga luha niya.

All her life, pain was her best friend and tears are her allies. She has no one to talk to, no one to care for her and no one to even bother to know how her life was.

She has no family and no friends. She has nothing. All she have was herself and her inheritance that she didn't need.

All she wanted was someone who will care for her, but in this dark world where she live, no one cared for her. No one. Not a single soul.

She was alone. Always have been and always will be. At sanay na siyang mag-isa siya palagi. Hindi na 'yon magbabago.

Humugot siya ng malalim na hininga at akmang aalis ng kama para maghilamos sa banyo nang may kumatok sa pinto at bumukas iyon.

It was Cadmus.

"It's bothering me...but, ahm," tumingin ito sa mga mata niya. "Are you really okay? Do you want water? Or something to eat?"

"I'm okay," namamaos ang boses na sagot niya.

"You sure?"

Berry wrapped her arms around her chest. "W-why are you being nice to me?"

Ilang segundong napatitig sa kanya si Cadmus bago sumagot, "I'm worried."

"'D-di ba galit ka?"

"Yes. But, ahm, I'm more worried than mad."

"I'm o-okay," aniya saka nagbaba ng tingin.

Cadmus sighed. "Okay. Ahm, if you need anything, just call Clara. Okay?"

"Okay."

"Okay," anito saka isinara na rin sa wakas ang pinto ng kwarto niya.

Nakahinga siya ng maluwang saka nagmamadaling pumasok sa banyo para maghilamos.

Pagkatapos maghilamos sa lababo, hindi niya alam kung ilang minuto siyang nakatitig sa salamin habang tumatakbo sa isip niya ang masamang panaginip bago lumabas ng banyo.

Napatigil ang balak niyang pagbalik sa kama nang makita ang meryenda sa paanan ng kama niya.

Sino ang nagdala nito? Tanong niya sa sarili saka nilapitan ang tray na may lamang meryenda.

A simple snack, but it'll do to fill her hungry stomach.

Habang nagmemeryenda siya, napabaling-baling siya nang makarinig ng tunog ng cellphone sa loob ng kwarto niya.

First of all, she doesn't need a phone. Second, she doesn't own one.

So, why was there cellphone ringing inside her room?

Sinuri ng mata niya ang bawat sulok ng kwarto at ginamit ang tainga niya hanggang sa matagpuan niya ang bagay na hinahanap.

Ang cellphone na nag-iingay ay nasa gilid ng tray, bahagyang natatakpan kaya hindi kaagad niya nakita.

She frowned. Why was it there?

Berry picks up the phone and her frown deepened when she saw who was calling.

"Cadmus?" Basa niya sa pangalan ng tumatawag.

Ilang segundo niyang tinitigan ang nag-iingay na cellphone bago iyon napipilitang sinagot.

Hindi pa siya nakakapagsalita ay nagsalita na ang nasa kabilang linya.

"That's my old phone," ani Cadmus sa kabilang linya. "I figured that you don't like being touch, so, ahm, let's just talk. It's easier this way, yes?"

Mas lalo lang na lumalim ang gatla sa noo niya. "Bakit mo ba 'to ginagawa?"

"Because you're nice to Snow," he answered. "And it seems to me that she likes you."

That made her smile. "I like her too."

"I know. I saw you two. By the way, kinain mo na ba ang meryendang iniwan ko diyan sa kwarto mo?"

Napabaling siya sa meryendang hindi pa niya natatapos kainin. "Ikaw ang nagdala sa 'kin ng meryenda?"

"Yes. And thank you for not stammering," he said. "Looks like not being around me while we talk is more comfortable for you."

Tumango siya na para bang nasa harapan niya ang lalaki. "Yes."

"May I know why?"

"Because you make me very uncomfortable."

"Why?"

"Because you are a man."

"So?"

"I dislike men."

Natahimik ang nasa kabilang linya ng ilang segundo bago ito nagsalita ulit. "But you're talking to me now," he pointed out.

"You're not here," she argued.

"Mauutal ka na naman ba kung sasabihin ko sa 'yong nasa labas lang ako ng kwarto mo?"

Namilog ang mata niya at akmang papatayin niya ang tawag nang marinig na magsalita ulit si Cadmus sa kabilang linya.

"Don't cut your wrist again. You're making me worried," anito. "If you feel like doing it, call me. I'll talk you out of it."

Hindi siya sumagot at pinatay niya ang tawag saka itinabi ang cellphone.

She doesn't want to call him nor talk to him. She doesn't want anything to do with him.

Pero salamat kay Cadmus...ngayon alam na niya ang pakiramdam na may nag-aalala. It might not be genuine, but that was the first time that someone told her that they're worried of her for the third time.

It felt good. It was her first time feeling that kind of emotion.

Feels good. Good. What does good even mean?

CECELIB | C.C.