She looked at me, confused, as she seems to be digesting all the words I just said. She scoffed before rolling her eyes at me.

"Of course not. I won't. I'll stay where I am. Hindi por que nakipag-hiwalay ako sa 'yo, magkakaroon na ako ng dahilan para iwanan ang dream house ni Mama." She looked away. "I'll come with him for a vacation but that's for the Christmas holiday. Matagal pa. Pero babalik ako rito."

Napatango-tango ako kasabay ng mga buntonghininga ko. Buti na lang. Buti na lang talaga.

"Congrats."

Kumunot ang noo niya sa sinabi ko. "For what?"

"For fixing things up with your dad. You won't come with him for a vacation if you didn't forgive him yet, right?" I smiled.

Hindi na siya sumagot pa. Ilang sandali pa kaming nanahimik habang pareho kaming nakasandal sa hood ng kotse ko. Tuluyan nang humupa ang ambon at malamig na hangin na lang ang tanging natira.

"So, what really brings you here? Anong oras na, you really should've left by 8:00 PM already."

I smiled timidly as I looked at her. "I want to see you." I sighed. "It's the last day of August and it may be the last rain of the month."

She smirked. "And so?"

Itinuro ko ang garden niya, kung saan kami naglaro noong umulan— noong unang beses na nahalikan ko ang labi niya.

"We shared our first kiss there on the first rainfall of August."

Again, she didn't talk.

"It has always been in my mind, the moment that the month of August came. I just missed seeing you dance in the middle of the pouring rain. I never saw like that anymore."

Bahagya siyang ngumiti bago bahagyang isinipa ang paa sa sahig. "What for?"

Napakunot ako ng noo sa sinabi niya. "What?"

"I don't get the point of dancing in the rain anymore. It doesn't makes me relaxed the way it used too. It only made me sick."

I saw how she fidgeted her fingers while saying all those words. And even though it hurts, I know that there are just things in this life that we can't just easily believe . . . like her words tonight.

"We grow old, Connor. And we mature in life, of course. We can't continue doing those things just because we are so used to doing it. Sometimes, we need to stop because the feeling it gives us are not the same anymore. We need to stop because it does not make us happy anymore."

Sunud-sunod akong napalunok kasabay ng pagsikip ng dibdib ko habang nakikinig sa mga sinasabi niya.

"Savannah . . ."

She stood up straight as she faced me. I saw how her face turned into a mysterious one as her emotionless eyes looked at me now.

"Connor, I'm serious. Go home. I don't love the rain anymore. Heck, I didn't look forward for it for that whole month. I didn't even feel excited when the August month came. There are things in this life that we tend to grow apart from. And as for me, it was my excitement for the August month and my love for the rain."

"Savannah, stop it . . ." I said when I couldn't hold the emotions in me. I stood up so that I can completely face her.

"What? I'm just stating the fact." She heaved a sigh. "Connor, just stop."

"Don't fucking talk like that. You talk like you're completely getting rid of me. I want you back. And I'll do everything. I will court you again. I will do everything. Just let me. Please, don't talk like you're bidding your goodbye to me," I said as I felt my eyes started to heat.

She looked away as she bit her lower lip, before she faced me again. "Connor, ano bang hindi mo maintindihan sa sinabi ko sa 'yo noon? I am not coming back. Hindi na. Ayaw ko na. Wala ka bang naintindihan sa sinabi ko sa 'yo noon? Hindi ko kailangan ng lalaki sa buhay ko."

"Pero ikaw nga ang kailangan ko!"

I saw how she was shocked with the way I shouted at her. I sighed because I know that I went overboard with that.

"I told you that I need you, Sav." I sighed in frustration.

"Ang dami pa namang iba d'yan. You have Grace and I think—"

"I don't love her anymore, I told you that! You're the one I need because I love you, Savannah. Don't push me away."

She looked down, looking so frustrated, as she faced me again with her irritated face.

"Can't we just . . . live like this? Away from each other? Grace needs you. 'Yung pangangailangan niya sa 'yo, mas higit pa 'yon sa pangangailangan mo sa akin. She may be fine now, but she won't feel completely fine if the only one she trusts right now is you. Can you stay there? For her?"

I didn't answer because I know where she's coming. I know she read things about the mental illness that Grace has. I know that she has ideas of how to handle cases like Grace has. And this is what she's doing now.

Apparently, I know that everything she said has its point.

"You know that if I didn't love art, I should've studied Psychology from the very start, right? Connor, hindi biro ang pinagdadaanan ni Grace. Baka naman pwedeng manatili ka muna sa kan'ya hanggang sa makayanan na niyang magtiwala sa iba? Ikaw ang nakakita ng mga pinagdaanan niya noong nagsisimula pa lang ang sakit niya. You should know that she's not completely fine because I watched her get so anxious every time she's alone. Hindi mo ba pwedeng gawin 'yon para sa kan'ya?"

Napalunok ako, kasabay ng mabilis na pagpatak ng luha ko. Nag-iwas ako ng tingin sa kan'ya, bago inihilamos ang kamay ko sa mukha, bago muling tumingin sa kan'ya.

"Why can't you stay with me?"

She smiled. "This is me, being selfish for my own sake. I told you, I can't watch you closely with her. You told me the things that happened with the both of you from the past. Masakit."

She looked down as I saw her tears quickly fell from her eyes. She quickly wiped it away as she looked at me again. "But it's alright for me. I want her to heal. Apparently, Connor, you need to be part of it. And I can always compromise as long as I know that I can gain inner peace from that."

She smiled as she nodded slightly while looking at me.

"Savannah, mahal kita. Can we fight for this together?"

Umiling siya sa sinabi ko. "She's hurting when you're talking about me, Connor. I know. So please, stop making her feel like it has always been me. She loves you still. And I know that there's a part of you that still love her. You can't argue with me because of that. Kaya ka nga minsang suspended sa school . . . dahil may gustong manligaw sa kan'ya, hindi ba?" She chuckled. "But it's okay. I already let you go. I'm finally moving on."

"Sav, no. Please . . ." I held her hand. "Savannah, please, I love you. It's you . . ."

Umiling siya bago tinanggal ang pagkakahawak ng kamay sa akin.

"I made myself clear. Connor, I am not coming back. I don't want to have business with you anymore."

I shook my head. "Sav, no."

I pulled her closer so that I could hug her but she pushed me away as she looked at me with her serious eyes.

"At kung may natitira pang katiting na respeto d'yan sa 'yo, para sa akin, please lang. Huwag ka nang lumapit sa akin. Utang na loob, Connor, kung ayaw mong tuluyan na akong umalis dito."

Sunud-sunod akong umiling kasabay ng mabilis na pagtulo ng mga luha ko. This thing I have with Savannah really made me a crybaby. I hate the fact that I always ended up crying, but I can't just stop myself because it's her we're talking about.

"Savannah, ang hirap naman niyan," I said, begging. "Hindi ko kaya."

"Kayanin mo. Connor, isang taon pa lang tayong magkakilala. Sa tingin mo, gan'yan ka kahina para hindi kayanin na wala ako sa 'yo? I didn't depend my life on you and I know that you didn't too. We will move on, and we can be happy without each other. Man up and go home. I don't want to hear you beg again because nothing will change my decisions for the both of us."

I looked away as she started walking away from me. I heard the gate opened before I heard her talk again as I looked at her.

"Also, this is me being the unselfish bitch for everyone's sake. Someone needs you more than I do." She smiled. "Thank you for almost a year of phenomena and ecstasy. Good night."

After she said that, she finally went inside her house, leaving me alone with her dad's car. I sighed, defeated with life's challenge, as I entered my car and drove away from her house.

___

I have also come to believe that Déjà vu can act as a bit of a warning whenever we may get too close to making a stupid decision. Sometimes our parallel lives open up a bit to show us a what-could-have-been and allow us our most basic inner function: self-preservation." — sidespin.kinja.com

Finale will be posted tomorrow. Thank you for supporting me and this story. I hope you get some knowledge about the phenomenon that was always mentioned. Huhu thank you, really. ♥

-mari 🌻