Soundtrack for this chapter:
Airplanes—B.o.B
Save Myself—Ed Sheeran*
Somewhere Only We Know—Keane*

7

Jules

Keeping myself busy with work only helped me get Theo off my mind while I was at work. When I wasn't at work, the only time I could get him out of it was when I was having to deal with Will.

Almost a week after I kissed Theo and ran, Will called me. I chose not to answer at the time, but he left a voicemail, something he rarely ever did, asking me to call back. Stupidly, after debating with myself for nearly an hour, I took the bait.

With a cup of peppermint tea in hand, I dialed his number, and it rang for a while before he picked up. Wherever he was, it was loud, and I heard him excuse himself from a crowd.

"Jules." It was just slightly slurred, and I contemplated hanging up right then. Instead, as I started talking to him, I opened my laptop, set my phone to speaker, and began recording the conversation. Just in case.

"You called?"

"Well, I was out here at Bourbon Sweet, you remember Bourbon Sweet, that bar downtown?"

"I do. It sounds like you've had some bourbon."

"Well sweetie that's because I was down here with some of the guys from the office, you know, ringing in the weekend, and they were asking about you, and I just had to tell 'em you were up there working on your degree, and they were asking when you were gonna come home next, and I had to tell 'em you were awfully busy up there."

I was getting flashbacks to our first year of marriage, a year that started off as one of the best of my life, and I had to try, harder than I would've liked, not to slip back down in time to it.

"I am busy, Will. Maybe you should ease up on the drinks just a little. You sound like you've had quite a few."

"No harm in having a little fun, huh? I'm sure you have loads of fun without me up there."

"Nothing about the situation we're in is fun. If we could just figure it out—"

"Now you're thinking, honey! That's what I've been telling you. We just need to figure it out, and then my parents and yours will—"

"No, no, Will. You're misunderstanding me. What was between us is never going to work itself out. I meant finalizing the divorce. We both need to come to an agreement."

He let out a low laugh, one that held every note of condescension. "Sweetheart, do you have any idea how much it would cost you to hire a lawyer for a contested divorce case? I know you're making some money of your own now up there, but there's no way in hell you'd be able to afford that kind of legal battle."

I felt my heart harden towards him more than ever; those few months of marital bliss faded away. "Is that why you called? To threaten me with that, with—"

"Course not. I called to remind you that we can still work it out. Our parents would be happy, I'd be happy, you'd be—"

"No, I wouldn't be. Neither would you. I have to go."

Without waiting for him to respond, I hung up the phone. Then, I stopped the recording on my computer, saved it to a folder titled "Divorce is awesome", and replaced the tea in my mug with wine. What a fantastic Friday night. I was kicking myself for not taking Nora up on her invite out with Abby.

I knew I'd never be able to pay an attorney for a contested divorce battle, but I didn't need Will reminding me of it. In my heart, I had this hope that the day I was finally able to stand up to my parents and tell them it was never going to work between me and Will that he would do the same. But that was going to take a miracle. That was going to take him putting our feelings first as opposed to the feelings of our families. I gave up hope long ago that my parents would ever want for me what I wanted for me.

***

All night, I tossed and turned wondering what harm it would really do if I were to give things a chance with Theo. I could very easily look up his address from that cab ride I took back to campus and go apologize and maybe even ask him out on a date.

He was such a refreshing presence compared to Will. Theo actually seemed to care about what I wanted to do, where I wanted to go. And even when I said some less than nice things to him (my subconscious attempt at sabotaging any potential future I had with him), he still treated me like someone who had an opinion that mattered. I lost that with Will less than a year into our marriage. If I were to just run off with Theo and never look back, what's the worst that could happen?

And then those vultures were back. Instead of making me feel guilty about Theo, they were making me feel guilty about my mother and father. "They've given you everything you've ever asked for," they croaked. "What's a girl without her family?" they teased. I could never win. I would never win unless I could see myself being happy never returning home to all I'd ever known.

***

In the morning, I woke to a text from Nora asking if I wanted to come over for a cup of coffee. Given the little sleep I'd gotten, along with the promise of "I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO TELL YOU," it took little convincing to get me out of bed.

I walked down the hall to her apartment in my pajamas and slippers. Back home, my mother would have scolded me till she was blue in the face if I'd left our house like that, but I wasn't home. Nora wouldn't mind a disheveled Jules.

When I knocked on her door, she opened it to reveal herself looking equally disheveled.

"Glad we can let ourselves been seen like this to each other."

I laughed as I made my way into her apartment. While it was the same layout as mine, her style sung more of a boho chic tune; mine was still experimenting with what would one day become my own personal style.

One of my favorite memories of Nora was the first time she came into my apartment; she made the remark that my place looked like it'd been decorated by five different people. That was because, like everything else in my life, I'd so rarely been able to make my own decorating choices for my bedroom. So, when I took myself out to buy furniture and decor, well, it was kind of all over the place. She helped me hone it into a somewhat more cohesive look over the previous year, but I still had quite an eclectic vibe going on in there.

I sat down at her counter, and she placed a mug of coffee in front of me.

"I have news that I think you'll like."

"In regard to..."

"Theo. I saw him last night."

My head made a twitching movement; I guess it was better than spitting out my coffee. I couldn't decide if this was going to be a good or bad thing. Maybe, if she ran into him and he said something to her, that would be my sign to go seek him out. After that phone call from Will the night before, I'd given Theo even more space in my brain than usual.

"I guess that's not too weird. We do live in the same city, you know?"

"Oh yeah, totally. Anyways, I think you won't need to worry about him anymore."

A crisp coldness brewed in my chest. "Huh?"

"Remember you told me you felt kind of badly after dipping on him, twice?"

I nodded.

"Last night, Abby and I went to some Irish pub down in Beacon Hill. We walked in and scanned the room to see if there was anyone we knew. Then, I spotted him. He was sitting at a hightop with this girl with reddish brown hair. He had his arm around her, and it was pretty obvious they were on a date."

"Oh...did you stay?"

"Nope. Didn't want to run in with him. I doubt he remembered me, but I thought it could get awkward if he did. Anyways, I wanted to tell you so you didn't feel guilty about it any more."

"Yeah, thanks. That's good. I, I did feel badly about having potentially led him on a bit."

"He's clearly not thinking that deeply into it, so no worries needed on your end." She smiled at me, and I returned it, fearing to show any hint that I was a little crushed on the inside.

But I'd done it to myself. I pushed him away, just like I was pushing my parents and Will away. I started thinking that perhaps it would be easier to just go back home.

"Thanks for the coffee and the info, but I need to get myself moving. I've been wanting to practice some new songs for an open mic night I have in a few weeks. If you get bored and want to come have a listen, you'll know where to find me."

Nora stared back at me, a questioning look in her eyes, and I realized my happy facade was slipping. I smiled at her and backed out of her apartment.

For the rest of the weekend, I kept to myself. A certain British singer-songwriter had recently dropped a new album, so I took some of my favorite songs from it and put my own spin on them. They sounded kind of...sad...when I played them, but you know what they say: art imitates life.

***

Katie Cassidy decided she was going to come see me every Thursday at one o'clock in the afternoon. The first few meetings we had were good, too good. Part of me kept waiting for the crash.

That crash came four weeks into the semester.

When Katie wasn't at my door precisely at one o'clock that Thursday, I knew my luck with her had run its course; we were a month into school, and the responsibilities were no doubt catching up with her. My protocol has always been to wait five minutes; after five minutes, I start the process of trying to track a client down. Katie came into my office that day at four minutes and fifty-two seconds.

She was perfectly put together; this was Katie's greatest trick. No one ever knew how low she was because even on her lowest days, she kept herself looking as bright and fresh as ever.

Katie moved through my office as if she were wading through mud, so I waited until she got comfortable on my couch to approach her.

"Hi, Katie." I sat down opposite of her in my chair. "Do you want water? Tea?"

"Tea would be nice." She spoke in a church mouse whisper.

Before I got up to brew her a cup, I set a notepad and pen in front of her. "You know how we do this."

She picked up the pad and pen and started scribbling notes onto it.

While the water came to a boil in my electric kettle, I watched as Katie pressed the pen into the notepad so forcibly that it ripped through the page. When the water was ready, I dropped a bag of Chamomile tea into it and let it steep. By the time I made it back to the couch, Katie's paper was full of ink.

"Okay, Katie, swap." We exchanged notepad for cup of tea.

Her worries were as I expected. The page was filled with words like "failure" and "pressure" and "deadlines."

She peered at me over the mug she grasped with both hands. "I've got a lot happening in my head right now."

"I can see that. Talk to me about it."

"I took two upper level courses this semester thinking I could handle them because everything went so well at the end of last year, but now...now I think it was a mistake, and I'm past the deadline to be able to drop them and not have them on my transcript. What if I don't do well? What if these two classes drop my GPA? And then there's Jeremy—"

Red flag. "Did something happen?"

"He just tells me it's fine and to not worry about it. We've never been together during the school year so I guess he didn't realize how crazy I—"

I cleared my throat. Crazy was not in our vocabulary.

"How stressed I get over school work and I tried to explain to him that I need to keep a good balance and he wanted me to come over to his apartment on campus and hang out with his friends and I told him I had too much work to do and he kind of got upset and—"

"Katie, take a breath."

She relaxed back into the couch and took another sip of tea.

"You are completely right to prioritize your schoolwork over other aspects of your life, but we did talk a lot last year about maintaining a good social and academic balance. What we're going to spend time doing today is coming up with a schedule of time to be spent on schoolwork and time to be spent with friends," she raised her eyebrows at me, "or boyfriends."

"Okay."

"Now, in regard to these two classes you're struggling with, do either have a TA?"

"One does."

"TAs are there to help when the teacher can't, so if you need additional help but can't make it to your professor's office hours, see if you can schedule some time with the TA. For the other class, have you tried seeing someone in the tutoring center?"

"Well...I didn't, but the other class is my Anatomy class and Jeremy is kind of good at science and he took the class last year but I don't want him to think I'm not smart enough."

"Not asking for help isn't smart. I'd bet Jeremy would be happy to help you study, and then you can also spend more time together. This will also show him how important your schoolwork is to you."

"Hm. I...I guess that could work. Do you think I can bring him here next week and we can all talk together?"

There it was; my lips were trying to form a smile because I was getting uncomfortable. "Listen Katie, I'm not very qualified in couples counseling. You'd be much better off bringing him to one of your sessions with Dr. Mellnor."

"But, we don't need couples counseling, I just think it would be good if we both came to talk to you about things."

"Are you two a couple?"

Her face scrunched. "Yes..."

"And am I a counselor?"

"Jules."

"Couples counseling. Talk to Dr. Mellnor about it, okay?"

"Fine." But she gave me a little sarcastic roll of her eyes and a smile. I was getting her back.

"I want to show you one more trick you can use when you're feeling overwhelmed. Take up that pen again." She scooped up the pen, and I handed her the notepad, flipped to a fresh sheet. "I want you to write down all of the things you accomplished today."

"What?"

"What's the first thing you did today?"

"Um...I woke up?"

"Good. Write that down. That's an important one."

She laughed.

"Then what?"

"I made myself a wrap for lunch. It was pretty delicious."

"Okay, and one more thing."

"Well, it wasn't today, but last night I finished a reader response paper for my Humanities class."

"Perfect. Add it to the list. Now, when you feel like you haven't been productive or you haven't done anything important, I want you to make one of these lists. Always start with waking up. By focusing on what you did do as opposed to what you didn't, it'll help you stay on the positive side of things. Got it?"

"Got it. Thanks, Jules. I'll talk to Dr. Mellnor about bringing in Jeremy." And with a quick hug, she was gone.

***

I looked forward to the open mic I was playing at the Friday night following my first meeting with low-Katie more than usual. I was proud of the tweaks I'd made to the songs I was covering that night, and I felt like they really reflected what I wanted in that moment.

One of the songs on my set list for the night was about loving yourself and being happy with who you were. I chose that one because I so wanted to believe in the lyrics. I so wanted to be able to put myself first, but that was hard when I was met with never-ending opposition from the people who should have wanted the best for me.

Another I chose because I was living in a bit of a fantasy in my head. Since the night I kissed Theo a second time, he hadn't left my thoughts, and being the desperate lunatic I was, I created this entire scenario in my head where we just ran off into the sunset together. I knew it was impractical, especially given the fact that Nora had seen him out with some girl. It's not like I could blame him; I missed my chance with him. I told him things between us wouldn't work. If I were him, I would've started looking elsewhere too. What choice did I give him?

Nora was usually the one to go with me to my gigs, but she was back home that weekend visiting her family. Was it wrong for me to be a little jealous of her? Probably. But I would've given just about anything to be able to go home to a place where I was welcomed and able to be whoever I wanted to be; there wasn't a chance in hell my parents would ever treat me like the Prodigal Son.

Rather than ordering a cab, I choose to use the metro and took the T into town. Even though I was alone, I felt this strange peace. I almost felt like I was a new person; no one was going to know me at this bar; I could be anyone I wanted to be when I stepped into it.

During my set, I felt more confidence in my music and the person I was than ever before. I'm not sure what came over me, but something clicked. Maybe it was the songs; maybe I really felt their messages and believed them. I even got a little teary eyed halfway through. You could do this, I thought. You'll be okay by yourself. You can start over fresh. Sure Will was still going to be an issue, and sure I'd blown any chance I had with Theo, but if I could strike up a connection with him, I could surely do it with someone else.

When I hopped down from the barstool, I almost considered staying around and potentially chatting it up with some new friends. Almost. I ended up listening to a few other artists while I sat at the bar with a cider and then left a little after nine.

I wanted to savor the feeling of independence I was experiencing, not because I'd never felt it before (moving to Boston was probably the most independence I'd ever felt), but because it'd been so long since I'd felt good about myself and the path I was on. There was nothing that could stop me if I just stuck to my guns and did what would make me happy, even if it meant losing everything I'd ever known.

Rather than getting on the T at the closest metro station to the bar, I decided to walk around for a bit. The waterfront wasn't too far from where I was, and after I'd read this book about a woman who rebelled against social standards and felt solace in the sea, I too felt its pull; it's what inspired the tattoo on my forearm, and I decided I was going to go find a pier to sit on and listen to the water of the Harbor.

Looking back on that night, I guess my first mistake was not getting right on the train back to campus.

My second mistake was walking in the street instead of crossing to the side where the sidewalk wasn't blocked off. Everything happened so fast, and even now, it's hard trying to stitch all of the details together.

When I go back through that night moment by moment, I remember walking into the street because the sidewalk was closed due to some construction. The traffic light up ahead was flashing yellow rather than running though it's green-yellow-red cycle, and I remember seeing a car drive through the traffic light a bit quickly. I even remember thinking in my head that the driver should've slowed down given the faulty light. Then I heard the rev of the engine of a motorcycle, and the moment I turned towards the sound, everything slowed down, as if the grains of sand in an hourglass were fighting gravity.

The motorcycle drove out of a side street, and in less than a second the car that zipped through the light connected with it, and the driver of the motorcycle rolled up onto the hood of the car. Glass and metal from the bike came flying in my direction, and the last thing I remember feeling before everything going black was a shooting pain that rocketed from the palm of my right hand to the back of my head as I tried to break my fall.

And even though my vision was fading out, I could still hear, but the sounds were muffled and distant as if I were in a tunnel. I heard a loud thud onto the ground and then the screeching of tires on asphalt. After that, everything went dark.

A/N: Hi!

This motorcycle scene is inspired by true events. I saw a very similar accident happen once on a walk to my car with a friend, but we (unlike Jules) were okay. It was absolutely terrifying, but the motorcyclist was alright.

Just so you know, not every one of Jules' chapters will have a Katie piece in them, but she is an integral character, so she'll pop up every now and then.

Oh, also, from now on, if a song is starred in the soundtrack, that means it's a song that's being performed by one of the characters in some capacity (open mic, in their home). I'm so scared of violating copyright laws that I don't like to use real things in my story, which is why I never write something like "I called a cab with Uber" or "I opened my Instagram app" (how many times did I have to sneakily get you to understand I was talking about Instagram in Somewhere Else? 😂).

I hope you enjoyed this! Please vote and comment and chat with me. I'm travelling this weekend, BUT chapter 8 is like 90% done, so I should have no problem getting it to you on Tuesday. LOVE YOU ALL.

-L