Soundtrack for this chapter:
I've Just Seen a Face—The Beatles
Everlong—The Foo Fighters*
All I Need—Radiohead*

12

Theo

You really start to get to know a person when you spend consecutive days and nights with them. Technically, mine and Jules' first date (not counting the time she came home with me), lasted for almost three days; though I'm not sure anyone would classify that time as a "date." That was why I asked her if I could take her on a real date, one with dinner and drinks and zero trips to the hospital. But of all the things I learned about her over the previous weekend (her piano playing, her frustrating indecisiveness, her constant desire to please others), I still felt like there was a wall around her; there was still one around me, too.

Yet when I watched her respond to a crisis, it was like seeing her in a completely new light; she stayed so calm, kept such a clear head, and all under the stress of the preceding few days.

It was hard to focus at work after our weekend together with her constantly on my mind; it was even harder to focus when I got a text from Marnie not even halfway through my shift that she'd run into Jules at the hospital.

"Just met your new girlfriend; she nearly collapsed outside a patient's room. You may want to check on her tonight."

Well that was interesting; Jules didn't tell me that happened. Did she not think to call to let me know?

I responded to Marnie with, "Not yet my girlfriend, but thanks for the info."

I was filled with a feeling I wasn't used to, one I couldn't clearly identify. It was this mixture of anger and concern, worry and annoyance building in my chest. How could Jules not so much as text me to let me know she wasn't feeling well, that she wasn't okay?

Every hour from that point on I tried to call or text Jules, and every time she didn't answer, that cocktail of worry and anger grew stronger. This was beyond the fear of arriving on a scene and finding one of my family members in need; how I could be so fucking concerned about someone I'd known for such little time scared the shit out of me.

I never wanted to get the call my parents got while I was deployed, yet all I could think about was Jules being in some sort of medical emergency, alone, and so far from home. The thought made me shudder.

By the time my shift ended, I'd sent five unanswered text messages and three unanswered calls to her, and to anyone else I probably seemed like a fucking stalker but I didn't care; something wasn't right. As I drove to Parnassus after work, I tried to remain calm, tried not to let myself get angry at the fact that she could be perfectly fine and just wasn't answering her phone; if that were the case, I'd be fucking livid.

Some guy happened to be walking up to her building as I approached it, and I was able to follow him in; it was my only option with Jules not responding to me.

I climbed the stairs to her second floor apartment and banged on her door, ready to slam my weight against it and break it open if she didn't answer; there was a bubbling of anxiety in my chest, and for a moment I thought that if this was what it was like to be in a committed relationship, to feel this nervous about the life of someone else, I wasn't sure I was ready for it.

I didn't hear anything on the other side of her door, but then the latch unlocked and the door was being pulled back to reveal her honey colored eyes; they looked a little red around the edges, and she rubbed them with the palms of her hands.

Her eyebrows scrunched together. "What're you doing here?"

"Are you okay?"

"Yes...are you?"

The relief I felt in knowing she was alright was quickly pushed out of my head by anger—no, annoyance?— but I couldn't pinpoint where it was coming from, or why I was feeling that way. "Can I come in?"

She stepped to the right enough for me to pass by. When I was fully in her room, she looked me up and down.

"I assume you came here right from work? Did you leave something this morning?" Something was off with her; she seemed to be teetering on being on edge, nervous, like she was holding something back from me.

"No. I wanted to check on you. I've been calling and texting you for the last six hours, but you didn't answer."

"Oh. Well, I'm fine. I must've never taken my phone off silent from when I was at the hospital. Sorry, things have been kind of stressful today." Her palm went to her forehead, and I was reminded of the real reason I was there.

"Right, the hospital. How'd that go?"

Jules raised her eyebrows at me. "I can't really talk about my conversation with Katie. Confidentiality laws and stuff." She shifted on her feet, and I was done waiting for her to tell me what happened.

"That's not what I meant. Why didn't you tell me you nearly passed out at the hospital?"

"Excuse me?"

"Marnie texted me to tell me you all but fainted to the floor outside your client's room."

She closed her eyes for a moment. "It was a really tough discussion with Katie. I was overwhelmed with everything she told me, and I got lightheaded for a moment. I also hadn't eaten anything in the morning, so it all kind of just hit me. My head is fine now."

"And how was I supposed to know you were okay?"

She recoiled a bit, and her hands came up between us. "I would've let you know if I wasn't?"

"But you didn't, Jules. I had to find out from Dan's girlfriend that you could barely stand on your own. You should have told me."

She turned away from me and started walking towards her kitchen. "Okay, you need to relax. You're making me feel—"

My voice rose with every step she took away from me. "I care about you. I want to know—"

"My every fucking move?" The tone at which that question came out of her mouth sent a chill over me, and I didn't know how to respond.

She pointed a finger at me. "You said you wanted to know more about my family? How's this: every move, every inch, I've ever made has been a directive from my parents. They chose the friends I had, the instruments I was allowed to play, the college I went to. Hell, they practically chose..." she stopped and brought her thumb and forefinger to the bridge of her nose, and her hand gripped the counter to steady herself.

"Jules—"

Her eyes glowed bright as a fire built behind them. "I'm fine. You know, when I moved to Boston, my parents froze my savings account; why? Because their names are still on it as the primary account holders because I've never been allowed to make a single decision. You get annoyed when I take too long to decide; you can deny it if you want, but I can see you getting frustrated. I've never been given options, so even the smallest things become agonizing choices in my head. I moved here to at least try to break away from being under someone else's control, and I will not willingly enter into something where I'm expected to check in every hour." She was shaking, visibly shaking with anger, and but I couldn't make a single muscle in my body move; I couldn't understand how we went from the lighthearted banter that filled our weekend to this anger fueled shitstorm between us.

She started mumbling to herself, but all I could make out was, "not that it matters...I'll never be..." and then her voice trailed off as she ferociously blinked away the tears that were building in her eyes while still gripping the counter top.

"Jules, just sit down. I didn't—" I took a step closer to her, and she took one back. That feeling of hurt resonated deep in my core.

"You don't need to tell me what to do. There's more going on than just you and me and whatever this is." She gestured between us. "Don't you understand that?" There was a pleading quality to her eyes, to her voice.

She tore her gaze from mine and stared at the floor. "I, I think maybe we spent too much time together too quickly." Her voice was so soft and quiet that I almost would have preferred for her to be yelling at me. "I appreciate you opening your home to me and helping me recover, but things, this, needs to slow down."

I didn't know what to say; here was a woman I was falling for, a woman who quenched that fire for adrenaline in me, and here I was, throwing it all to shit because of some stupid fucking outburst, some inability to control my emotions. I felt my hands reach around to the back of my neck, but it started to feel like every move I made was beyond my control.

"Okay. I'm sorry I came over like this." My feet kept moving towards her door, even though my brain was screaming at them to stop. "How...how about you call me when you're ready?" Even as the words left my mouth, I wanted to cram them back in. I knew leaving things up to her meant I might never see her again. But she was right; I overreacted, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized how fucking insane I'd just been to be angry at her for simply not responding to my texts.

Jules nodded at me, eyes glistening, and then I was closing her door behind me, walking back to my car, and cursing myself for being such a fucking idiot.

***

The next morning, as I ate breakfast with Danny, I relayed to him everything that happened after we left mom and dad's and then the conversation, well, argument, I had with Jules the next night. He was the one in a relationship; maybe he could help me save things.

"Let me get this straight: you were upset with her for not texting you back?"

"Well shit, Dan. When you say it like that—"

"It doesn't matter how I say it; you can't expect someone to be at your beck and call every second of every day. The girl had a rough weekend, and if she had to deal with that client who almost killed herself, well, I can see how texting you back wasn't at the top of her list of priorities. Had she even seen your messages?"

"I don't think so. I just...I overreacted. I get that. I'm not good at this relationship stuff. Nothing I've been in has ever been serious, or, at least, nothing has ever felt like this."

His eyes held a note of sympathy. "I'm sure she'll come around again. Just give her a bit of space. You guys did kind of jump in all at once."

"Yeah. Just never felt like this for someone before."

"You think you love her?"

My heart beat hard against my chest; I wasn't ready to admit that. "No. I don't know. Never been in it. Besides, it hasn't been nearly long enough for that...right?"

"There are no rules in love."

"Okay, Dan, don't get all philosophical on me."

"I'm just saying, if it feels right, who cares how fast it happens?"

It seemed like Jules cared a whole lot about how quickly things happened. "I guess so. I gotta get going. Gonna drop off her guitar to dad to see if he can fix it."

Danny gave me a thumbs up before diving back into his bowl of cereal.

On the way to dad's firm, I tried to brainstorm some song ideas for the gig we were playing that Friday. I very soon recognized a pattern to the songs that kept popping into my head; nearly every one of them was one I'd want to play for Jules to show her how I felt about her. When I pulled into the parking lot, I sent a message in the band's group chat with my suggestions for Friday.

Dad's firm felt like home; he designed it that way on purpose. There was comfortable seating in the waiting area, zero florescent lighting, and a smiling secretary ready to greet clients as they came in.

"Theo! Haven't seen you around here in awhile. Work keeping you busy?"

"Sure is, Mrs. Johnson. Is my dad with a client right now?"

She squinted through her reading glasses at the screen of her computer and then the telephone. "Nope, but it looks like he's on a call; you can go into his office, though."

"Thanks." I walked around her desk, Jules' broken guitar in hand, and then gently pushed dad's door open. He waved me in when he saw me and held up a finger to indicate that his call was just about over.

"Mrs. Williams, I don't want you to worry about a thing. We handle these kinds of custody cases all the time; once we figure out the best terms for you this will be a very easy case, and we can move forward with court proceedings...You're welcome...Yes, we'll see you in the office soon." The moment he hung up the phone, he ran his hands over his face and then looked up at me. "I'll never understand how a parent could want to fully give up seeing his child."

I couldn't either, until I met Jules. Her comment about her parents disowning her rang clear in my head.

Dad could tell my mind was elsewhere. "What're you thinking about?"

I waved my hand between us. "Oh, it's nothing." I held up Jules' guitar, "Think you can fix this?"

He took it from my hands and inspected it. "Hmmm. It'll need all new strings. Some of the tuning keys are shot, too. Minor damage to the bridge. When does she need it back?"

"Oh, er, I'm not sure. She could just borrow a spare from the band if she needs one soon though. You can fix it?"

"Definitely. It'll be a nice way to relax after work. Though I'm sure your mother will try to get me to watch some new reality show she's been getting into. This will give me another reason to avoid it." He winked at me, and for the first time I think it really sunk in as to how lucky I was to have him as a father.

"Thanks, dad. I, Jules, really appreciates it." I got up to leave his office, but he called me back.

"You're pretty serious about this girl." Dad always did get right to the point.

"She makes me feel something. I've been told that's a good thing."

"It is, son. Don't forget to call your mother more. She worries."

I smiled at him. "Can you blame her?"

He returned my smile. "Love you, Theo. See you on Sunday."

"Love you too, dad."

I felt something deep in my chest as I drove home; I think it was pain for Jules. Realizing how lucky I was to have a family like I did, even with a little shit of a brother like Aiden, made me feel sad for her; if I reminded her of her family in any way, I could easily see how jarring it would be for her and how cautious she would be moving forward.

When I got home, I checked my messages to read the new ones from my bandmates; they were more than pleased with the selections I'd sent them. I only had to pray that Jules still wanted to go.

***

I got my answer on Thursday evening. I was laying in bed, having completely given up hope that our date was still happening, when my phone rang with a call from her.

I made sure not to answer it the second I saw her name; part of me feared she'd think I was too eager, too deep too soon. I kind of was.

I let it ring three times before swiping my thumb across the bottom of it.

"Hi."

"Hey, Theo."

"It's, um, how are—sorry. I'm going to be honest with you Jules, I'm worried I'm going to say the wrong thing right now."

"Then let me start. I'm sorry I haven't called sooner. I've been dealing with a lot over here."

"No apologies. I shouldn't have gotten so upset with you."

A few beats of silence passed between us. Then, Jules spoke up again.

"I'd really like to go out to dinner tomorrow, if you still want to."

"I definitely still want to go out to dinner. Do you want me to pick a restaurant?"

"Actually, I was thinking about this Thai place in the North End. I never had Thai food before moving to Boston, and I really like it, so I'm hoping you maybe like it, too."

"I think I know the place you're talking about. We went there for my sister's birthday last year. Best satay in Boston."

"Okay, great. There's a T stop within walking distance, so I can just meet you there. It's kind of out of your way to come here first."

"Whatever you want, Jules."

That sunk in between us. "Thanks, Theo. See you at six tomorrow?"

"See you at six."

I can't really quantify the relief I felt in knowing she still wanted to see me. I kept thinking back to the conversation with my dad, and I tried to imagine what it would've been like if my parents tried to control every aspect of my life; if they told me I wasn't allowed to join the army or become an EMT or if they tried to hold me back in any way. I tried to imagine what it would be like to be attracted to someone, to start trusting that person, and then realize she reminded me (no matter how minutely) of such parents. When I couldn't even fathom that, I fully understood why Jules reacted the way she did.

When Friday evening rolled around, I spent far too much time feeling nervous about seeing Jules; the rush of adrenaline I often sought was in no shortage that night. Once again, mom had been right: the right girl provides all the action someone can ever need.

With October having just begun in Boston, a crisp chill was ever present in the air. I chose to dress in dark jeans and a maroon sweater and slipped into my cleanest pair of Chucks. I almost left my room without grabbing a t-shirt, which would have been a massive mistake; it would've been a real bitch to drum in a sweater.

On my way to the restaurant, I stopped at the local florist. The older woman who ran it, a woman who knew our family well, greeted me as the little bell rang when I opened the door.

"One of the Bryne boys. Nice to see you, Theo. Come in for flowers for mom?"

"Hi, Mrs. Miller. Actually, I have a date tonight, and I'd like to bring her some flowers."

"Oh, how lovely. Tell me about her."

I let Jules fill my mind. "She's beautiful; long brown hair, eyes the color of honey, and a smattering of freckles across her nose and cheeks. And she's from Savannah so she has this southern accent, but it really only comes out when she's nervous. She's also very selfless, always sacrificing her own emotions and wants for the the good of the people around her, whether they deserve it or not."

Mrs. Miller scanned the buckets of flowers around the room. "I take it this isn't your first date given how much you know about her?"

"Well, actually, it kind of is our first formal date."

It seemed as if an idea struck her as her eyes lit up. "I know what you need." She strolled over to a large collection of yellow flowers. "These are daffodils. Some people use them to represent new beginnings, which sounds perfect for you tonight."

A new beginning. "Yes. That's perfect. I'll take a bouquet of those." I watched as she wrapped the flowers together, and then I settled with her at the register.

I was the first to arrive at the restaurant, and rather than let the hostess seat me, I chose to sit in the waiting area until Jules got there. It's funny, seconds before she walked in, I felt a warmness pass over me, melting my anxiety, as if my soul knew she was near. She walked through the doors, and when our eyes met, my heart picked up its pace. She was wearing a charcoal gray dress and these little boots that brought her lips one inch closer to mine; her hair was set in loose curls that fell on either side of her face, and I could tell, even in the dim light of the restaurant that she went easy enough on her makeup to allow her freckles to peek through; she looked so beautiful.

"Hi," she said as she smiled at me. I don't think I realized how much I missed her in the short time we were apart. Her reaction to seeing me made me feel like she missed me, too.

"Hey." I moved towards her, flowers forgotten on the bench I'd been sitting on, and wrapped my arms around her. Her own snaked around my torso and gave me a gentle squeeze. When she pulled away from me, I wanted nothing more than to kiss her, and I think she would've let me, but I was going to wait until I knew she was ready for us to regain that path.

"I can show you to your table." Our reunion was interrupted by the hostess.

Jules turned to her as I turned back to pick up the flowers, and then I followed both of them to a small table next to a set of massive windows near the back of the restaurant; the water of the Harbor could just be seen in the distance.

"Your server will be right with you." And then the hostess was gone.

Before we sat, I thrust the flowers in front of me, kind of awkwardly looking back on it, and tried to stammer out something coherent to Jules.

"I, um, these are for you. They're daffodils. The florist said they represent new beginnings, and I thought, well, since this is like our first real date, and—"

She took the bouquet from my hands and smiled at me. "They're beautiful, and it's very sweet that you put so much thought into them. Thank you." She set them down on the edge of the table as she sat. "I actually have—" but she was cut off by the appearance of a waiter.

"Welcome to Aroy. Have you dined with us before?"

"We both have."

"We're glad to have you back. Can I get you anything to drink?"

"I'll have a glass of Riesling, and a water too, please."

The waiter turned from Jules to me.

"Manhattan, bourbon instead of whiskey."

"Great. I'll be back to take your food orders." And then he was gone too.

"You get into bourbon when you were in South Carolina?"

"I did. Once I had a Manhattan with bourbon, I never went back to whiskey."

Jules smiled, then reached into her purse and pulled out a small piece of folded white tissue paper. She held it out to me, and when my hand opened under hers, she placed it into my palm.

"I have something for you, too. Open it."

I unwrapped the delicate paper until I reached the middle of the tiny package. A small silver medallion glittered under the soft light above our table. I looked back up at Jules.

"It's St. Michael. The man at the gift shop near campus said he's the patron saint of soldiers."

A stinging built in the back of my eyes, and I blinked a few times to push it away. "He is."

"I know you're not in the army anymore, but I also know that it's part of who you are, and that can never go away. It's also a peace offering. I'm—"

"You have nothing to apologize for, Jules."

She took a deep breath. "I do. I'm sorry I reacted so strongly. When you left and I had time to process everything, I tried to take the advice of Atticus Finch and walk around for a bit in your shoes. For all of your adult life, you've been either someone who protects or someone who saves. In the army, you put your life on the line to protect others; as an EMT, you save people all the time. There isn't a part of me that thinks you were intentionally being controlling that night, now that I've thought about it, but in the moment it was how I felt. I need you to understand that I can't be part of something where I feel like I'm being managed, or like I have to report back to someone. I didn't leave Savannah for more of the same, so I need you to be patient with me, and I need you to trust that if I need you, I'll tell you."

Before I could respond, the waiter was setting our drinks down in front of us; it was a welcome pause, because I was still trying to formulate a response.

"Are you two ready to order?"

Jules turned to him. "Can you just give us a few more minutes?"

"Sure thing, ma'am." She seemed to cringe a bit at the term.

When he was out of earshot, she whispered, "I'm not old enough to be a ma'am."

That brought a little ease to the tension in my chest. "This," I held the small piece of silver between us, "is the most thoughtful gift someone has ever given me. I kind of did the same thing you did, put myself in your place, after I left your apartment. I was able to almost instantly understand that the way I spoke to you, and the content of what I said wasn't right. I should've been more sensitive to all of the shit you've had to deal with from your family."

"How could you know to be sensitive when I've barely opened up to you about them?"

"I know, I just...I'm sorry. I never want you to feel like I resemble them at all, not based on what you've told me. I never want you to feel uncomfortable around me or like I'm controlling you or the choices you make. You asked me to be patient with you; I need the same from you. I'm not great at this kind of stuff."

"Stuff?"

"Dating, relationships...we, we are on that path, aren't we?"

Her answer seemed to come from deep within her, like it almost difficult for her to express. "I want to keep seeing you, and I don't want to be with anyone else. Can that be enough for right now?"

"More than enough. For the record, I don't want to be with anyone else either. I like spending time with you, Jules. I want to keep doing that."

Having a woman with such a beautiful soul sitting across from me, one who was happy to grow with me, I felt like my biggest challenge of the night was overcome; all that was left was to put on an incredible performance for her, to remind her of the night we met, and to show her how quickly I was falling for her. All I wanted was to be able to make her happy for as long as possible. I think Danny may have said that was the moment I knew I was in love.

A/N: HI!

If you saw my Instagram posts from this weekend, you know that I was celebrating the upcoming nuptials of one of my oldest friends! We stayed at a lake house, and it was amazing. I highly recommend staying on a lake at least once in your life.

Now, back to Jules and Theo :)

So, I now fear something I've dubbed "The Jude Effect"; The Jude Effect is when the main male character comes across so pleasing that readers automatically dislike his love interest (just as many readers disliked Elle in Someone Else). Now, by the time I got around to showing that Jude wasn't perfect, we were in book two, and it took too long. I know Theo is sweet. I know he is kind of perfect in most ways. But he's not perfect; no one is, so please don't rebel against me or Jules or Theo since there was tension between them in this chapter. Remember the day that Jules just had, too; she found out some pretty heavy information, none of which she could communicate to Theo during their argument because of confidentiality laws. And, no relationship is perfect, and given what you already know about Jules and what you'll eventually find out about Theo, I just don't want us going into this story loving one member of the relationship and hating the other. Okay? Okay. (#tfiosforever)

Anyways, I love you for reading and embarking on this journey with me. I think this is my favorite chapter so far :)

This chapter got too long to include Theo's gig, so that'll be in the next one, but know that the starred songs are the ones he sent to his bandmates and are part of the set they'll play.

Please vote and comment and chat with me and have a lovely weekend!

-L