Soundtrack for this chapter:
About a Girl—Nirvana
Times Like These—Foo Fighters
Drops of Jupiter—Train

10

Theo

Jules was someone I quickly realized I wanted to stay in my life for as long as possible, even though I had no idea exactly what was happening between us. Were we on the path to something exclusive? Were we just hooking up? If she asked me to define what we were, I wouldn't know how to answer. Besides, she kept making me question my own sanity because she could be so fucking difficult at times. When she wasn't making me want to kiss the life out of her, she was making me want to throw her ass in the car and drive her back to Parnassus.

We had one such moment at the Italian sandwich shop I took her to after picking up some clothes from her apartment. The second we walked in, she picked up a menu and started reading through the options. I snatched it from her hands.

"No reading, remember? It'll slow your recovery time."

She completely ignored me and picked up another menu. "I've never been here. I don't know what to get."

I grabbed the new menu from her. "Tell me what you like, and I'll give you your options."

With an extraordinarily prominent eye roll, she said, "I don't know. I like chicken...what are my chicken options?" Cute and feisty.

"There's a pesto chicken panini that's really good. Do you want to try that?"

"What else is in it?"

"Tomatoes and—"

"Gross. Nope. I hate tomatoes."

"How can you hate tomatoes?"

"I don't like the seeds. They get stuck in your teeth and they're disgusting."

"That's ridiculous, but I'll just order it without them."

"But they made it with them on purpose. It's probably best with tomatoes so maybe I should just order something without them."

At that point, I handed her the menu; a minute or so of reading wouldn't kill her. "Are you always this difficult, or is this just because you hit your head?"

She shrugged her shoulders, but took the menu from me anyways. After a few minutes of her looking it over, I had the thought of taking it from her again.

"Okay, really now, you have to make a decision."

"Just order the thing you suggested. I'll pick off the tomatoes."

"Are you doing this to fuck with me?" I didn't realize how harsh it sounded until she recoiled a bit.

"No, I, sorry, I take forever. Why don't you—"

Nice one, asshole. "I didn't mean it like that. Just go take a seat, and I'll order everything."

"Wait—" she pulled her purse around, unzipped it, and took out her wallet.

"I got it, Jules." I gently pushed her hand back down.

She blinked at me a few times, then turned and took a seat at one of the tables. I walked up to the older gentleman at the register and placed an order for two chicken pesto paninis—one without tomatoes—and two Italian subs for my brothers.

As I stood there waiting for the order, I stole a few glances at Jules. She sat there, watching the people walk by on the street through the window. When my order number was called, I turned at just the wrong angle to feel a pull on my left side. Flashes of the origins of my scars spliced together with remembrance of Jules' touch on them just a few hours earlier. I'd never really talked to anyone about them outside my family, but when Jules set her fingers on my skin and it didn't crawl under her touch, I started thinking she might be the first one I'd let in. When she wasn't making me want to bang my head against the wall, she was making me feel things I'd never felt for a woman before, and I wanted her to know everything about me.

And sure, the sex was great. Really great, actually. But that wasn't even the first thing that came to mind when I thought of her. She was someone I was willing to get close to, willing to spill the most intimate details of my life to. But not too much too soon; I couldn't risk scaring her off. For all I knew, I could've just been a casual hookup for her, someone who happened to be in the right place at the right time. And as for her staying with me after the accident? She made it quite clear she didn't have anyone else. I questioned my sanity again.

I grabbed our bags of food and motioned for her to join me back out to Dan's car. When we were settled in, I noticed she had her hands in her lap and was facing the window. Shit.

"I'm sorry for snapping at you. I was hungry, but that's not an excuse to yell at you."

"It's okay." She pulled her gaze from the window. "I hate making decisions, even when it comes to the smallest of things."

"I know. You told me that when you forced me to choose between getting coffee and drinks."

A small smile worked its way onto her lips. "I'll add it to my list of things to work on."

When we got back to my house, she brought her bag and broken guitar in and popped up the stairs to put them in my room. Once she was in, I called out to Danny and Aiden, one of whom came crashing down the stairs immediately at the prospect of free food.

"Who's the girl?" Aiden regarded me with raised eyebrows as he grabbed a single plate from the cabinet.

I took it from his hands. "Thanks. Grab three more." His eyes nearly rolled into the back of his head. "And she's the same girl I met a few weeks ago at Midtown. She was in an accident last night, and I happened to be on duty. Her name is—"

"Jules." There she was, standing in the doorway between our kitchen and living room. 

My brother turned to face her. "Aiden. Nice to meet you." He gave her his most charming smile before striding towards her to shake her hand.

When I set his sandwich on his plate, I spoke just loudly enough for him to hear. "Easy." Without another word he scrambled back up the steps.

"How're you feeling?" Danny slipped past Jules into the kitchen.

"Okay. Still a little jostled, but okay. Thanks for picking us up last night."

"No problem," he turned his attention to me. "Thanks for the sandwich."

"Owed you one."

"And Aiden?"

I shrugged my shoulders. I didn't owe him anything, but I wasn't going to bring food home for everyone but him. Dan patted me on the shoulder and took a seat at our table. I unwrapped Jules' sandwich and handed it to her, and she took up the seat next to my brother.

When she opened her sandwich to pick out the tomatoes, she turned to me with a smile. I just nodded and sat next to her.

"Do you prefer Dan or Danny?" I sighed, knowing exactly where she was headed.

"Either's fine."

"But if you had to choose."

It was good that she was facing my brother because there was no way she would've missed my eye roll; they seemed to be contagious that day.

"Theo's the only one who calls me Danny. For everyone else it's just Dan."

"Noted. So, what do you do, Dan?"

"I work in graphic design. Our company does a lot of business with different advertising agencies."

"That's pretty cool. And," she turned to me, "Aiden?"

"Similar field. He works in marketing, but he just graduated in May, so he's only been a real adult for about four months." She laughed, and it wasn't much, but it was enough to make my stomach feel light.

"He's lucky to have you two."

Very lucky.

After Jules had eaten, I gave her two ibuprofen tablets, and she swallowed them down with a glass of water. Dan shouted goodbye to us from the door as he went out to run errands and then spend the evening with Marnie after her shift. I put mine and Jules' plates in the dishwasher, and in the fraction of time I was turned away from her, when I looked back she had stood, her face was scrunched up, and her left hand gripped the edge of the table.

I moved back over to her and held her up by the arm. "What's wrong?"

"Think I stood up too fast. And maybe I shouldn't have finished that sandwich." Her injured hand moved to the top of her stomach.

"Back up to bed. You need to rest."

She turned to me, an apology on the tip of her tongue.

"Don't even think about it. I signed up for this." I winked at her, and that at least put a small smile on her lips. She turned from me and held on to the doorframe as she moved towards the stairs. "Let me help you, Jules."

With a rise and fall of her chest, she ceased her movements and waited for me to put a supporting hand on the small of her back; she held onto my free hand as I guided her up the stairs. In my room, she sat on the edge of my bed and motioned for her bag. She rummaged through it until she found a pair of cloth shorts.

"Under normal circumstances, I'd never so openly change in front of someone I just met, but, well, our encounters have been anything but normal."

"We slept together the night we met...and this morning. I understand that the process is kind of going in reverse."

She raised her eyebrows at me. Shit. Did that mean we weren't headed towards exclusivity? Oh, fuck. I was dooming things before they could even start.

"It'd be nice to retain some sort of mystery, you know, for future encounters."

She was so fucking confusing; it started to feel as if I were the one with the concussion. "Right. Do, um, do you need anything else before we lie down?"

"You're staying?"

"Not if you don't want me to?"

"I just feel bad because, well, your whole weekend is shot."

"I don't get enough sleep as it is. My body will thank me for the rest come Monday."

Something in her eyes said she didn't believe me, but I'd take holding her in bed over a night out with friends any time. I barely knew her, but it almost didn't matter. I was nearing thirty, and mom was right: it was time to invest myself in something serious.

Jules scooched back in my bed and crawled under the blankets. I watched as she curled into a little ball.

She must've sensed me staring at her because without pulling her head from the pillow she whispered, "I always lay like this when my stomach hurts. It makes it feel better."

There was absolutely no scientific proof to that theory, but I wasn't going to be the one to tell her that. I changed into gym shorts and climbed into bed with her.

"Do you want me to stay on my side?"

"No."

Exactly what I wanted to hear. I set my body against hers and draped my right arm over her. She pulled it into her chest and held it securely against her body. I could've sworn I felt her heart beat against it. In that moment, I decided she was someone worth risking everything for.

The rest of our day moved in a sleep—wake—chat cycle. As boring as that would've seemed to anyone else, I couldn't think of somewhere I'd rather be.

As we laid in bed during one of the chatting phases of the cycle we'd landed in, I found myself mimicking her earlier actions by tracing the lines of her tattoo. It was placed on her left forearm, just below the crease of her elbow. Soft blue lines, symbolizing the waves of the ocean, and a single small bird in flight above them were inked into her skin. It was sweet and delicate, just like her.

She watched my fingers move along the shapes over and over.

"You have a thing for the ocean?"

"Birds."

"You going to give me more than that?"

She inhaled, exhaled, then inhaled again. "There's this book I read the summer before moving here, The Awakening. Kate Chopin wrote it in the late 19th century. It's about this woman who just wants to be herself, but standards for women were so strict back then."

I still didn't see the connection. "Does she have a pet bird or something?"

A small laugh parted her lips. "No. There's another woman in the novel who tells the main character that she must have strong wings if she's going to "soar above the level plain of tradition." The sea is also a strong symbol in the novel, and there's a scene at the end of it of a bird with a broken wing circling above the ocean. It's quite sad, actually."

I let that image sink it. It was so...bleak. That wasn't Jules, at least, I didn't think it was. I pulled her arm closer to my face and examined the bird.

"Don't worry. My bird has two functioning wings."

I set her arm back down. "You got this after you moved here?"

"Mhmm."

I wanted to know more of her life before Boston. I wanted her to confide in me, and that was because I was being selfish because I wanted to confide in her too. What was this woman doing to me?

"When we first met, you mentioned something about your parents, about—" She tensed up beside me.

"They're just very...set. Like, in their ways. Prideful. They don't like when something isn't done their way. It's...it's complicated."

I felt her holding back, and I wanted to know more, but something was telling me I was treading a fine line with her.

"Jules?"

"Hm?"

"Do you want to have brunch at my parents' house tomorrow?"

It was dark, and I couldn't see her eyes, but her lack of response made me imagine her blinking them a few times, something she seemed to do when feeling uncomfortable.

"We have brunch there every Sunday, usually after church. It was kind of a way for us to all be together because my dad worked a lot when we were growing up. He still kind of works a lot."

She rustled next to me. "I didn't know you went to church." She was excellent at avoiding questions.

"Raised Catholic. You?"

She took a moment to answer. "I guess, technically, Presbyterian. But I haven't been to church in a while. It was always more about appearances for my parents anyways." It felt like she was no longer speaking to me, instead justifying why she hadn't been to church in a while to some higher power.

"Well, I wouldn't want you to feel like you had to, but you're welcome to come tomorrow. Or you can stay here and then I can come get you and take you to my parents. Or I can bring you back to Parnassus before and we can forget the whole thing. It's up to you."

She turned in bed to face me. "You're really kind."

"You keep telling me that."

"Because you are. Regardless of what you say, I know you sacrificed your weekend to help me. That's kind."

"Why are you hesitant to meet my family?"

"You're also very challenging."

"I could say the same of you."

She took a deep breath. "My family life was so...structured, rigid. I know your family is going to be warm and loving; they have to be given how you are. I just...I don't want to come across..." her voice trailed off.

"You don't come across negatively in any way, except, well, when you're being a bit difficult."

A small laugh came from her. "Do you want me to come?"

"I wouldn't have asked you if I didn't."

"Then I'll come. I owe it to you."

Ouch. "I don't want you to come because you feel like you owe me."

I again felt her muscles tense under her skin. "I didn't mean it like that. I..." she averted her eyes from mine, "I like you, Theo...I'm sure that much is clear...I just don't know..." she was fumbling for the words.

I stared up at the ceiling. "I like you too. And I don't know what I'm doing either. I," I looked down and met her eyes, "I've never been attracted to someone like I am to you."

"Me neither."

"You were married, Jules."

She hesitated a moment. "I know."

It was too much for one night. I didn't have the energy to even attempt to dive deeper into that aspect of her history. Instead, I brought my hand to her jawline and lifted her face to meet mine. With the sensation of one last kiss on our lips, we drifted off into sleep again.

***

In the morning, Jules and I got ready for mass in silence. Things felt a little different. She felt a little farther from me, and I wasn't quite sure what I'd said or done to create distance between us.

While we waited outside the house for Aiden to get in the car, I watched Jules wring her hands in her lap.

Quietly, so Danny wouldn't hear me from the driver's seat, I asked her what was wrong.

"I just feel like it's going to be awkward. Like, I've never met your parents, and I'm just going to stand next to them for an hour in silence without having ever exchanged a word?"

"Yes?"

"Theo, don't you see how awkward that's going to be? Do they even know about me? They're going to think I'm some random girl you brought home and couldn't get rid of."

"Well, you did come home with me that first night."

Her eyes widened.

"Sorry, Jules. You opened yourself to that one. What if—"

But before I could finish that thought, I could feel Danny getting agitated in the front seat (blame it on our twin connection), and I sat back enough in my seat to see his knuckles white on the steering wheel.

"If that little shit doesn't get out here in five seconds I swear, T, I swear I'll—"

But as if he could sense the ass whooping in his imminent future, the front door swung open and Aiden calmly stalked out of it. I turned back to Jules.

"What if we sit in the back, then I can formally introduce you to everyone when we get to their house?"

She nodded. "Okay, I like that plan. Sorry I'm being—"

I raised my eyebrows at her; her lips turned into an apologetic smile. "You can't smile like that either. No forms of apology allowed."

If she was feeling out of place while we were in church, she didn't show any signs of it. We sat in the back, and she followed whatever I did (save Communion). I saw my parents and sister exit through the side doors of the church, so Jules and I waited in the vestibule for Danny and Aiden.

A quick drive later, we were walking into my parents' home, the scents of eggs and bacon and chocolate chip pancakes joining mom in greeting us at the door. She pulled me into a hug and then noticed Jules behind me. I stepped to the side to introduce them.

"Jules, this is my mom, Colleen. Mom, this is my, er, friend, Jules." Shit shit shit.

"Oh! Wonderful to meet you, Jules. We're always happy to have an extra guest at brunch."

"Thank you, ma'am." There was that Southern twang I'd been missing. Jules turned a slight shade of pink.

"Colleen is fine, dear." Mom gestured for Jules to pass us into their home. Then, she turned to me. "A little old to be bringing a friend to brunch, huh?"

"Mom, please," I stifled the eye roll out of respect for her, but she just winked at me and followed after Jules.

Jules held off near the corner of the dining room. I moved between Erin and Aiden, an argument close to brewing between them, and joined her. "Don't worry, there aren't assigned seats." A look of surprise passed over her face before she pulled out a chair and sat down.

Mom sat across from her and placed a pancake on Jules' plate. "Did I detect a hint of a Southern accent?"

"Yes, ma—Colleen. Savannah." She smiled, but it was an uncomfortable one.

"Well, isn't that just lovely. Theo spent some time down south when he was in the army, but I'm sure he's already told you about that. Would you like some bacon?" But she didn't wait for an answer to start piling it on her plate. Mom believed everyone loved bacon, and if you said you didn't, she'd call you a liar.

"Thank you." A more genuine smile came through from Jules.

Erin came over and sat on the other side of Jules. I knew she'd take an interest in her; she wanted a sister-in-law desperately, but she was going to have to pump the brakes on that thought; I liked Jules, but that conversation wasn't even on my radar. It wasn't long before the two struck up a conversation, and it seemed as though Jules remembered me mentioning Erin graduated from Parnassus the night we met; I treasured the fact that she'd held on to such a minute detail I'd thrown at her.

Dad grilled me over my plans of eventually getting my paramedic cert, but he at least didn't hold any of the food up for ransom. I decided it was the perfect time to grill him concerning his retirement.

"You should take on fewer cases."

"I have. Pass the eggs, please."

I held them just out of his reach. "Taking one less case per month is not what I meant."

He sighed. "Aiden just graduated. I've still got his tuition to catch up on. Besides, with four of you still to be married, we'll need the extra money. I'll be fine."

"You sacrificed your entire life for us. You need to put yourself first for once."

"I could say the same for you."

I handed him the plate of eggs. "It's different, dad. You know that."

"Well I'd like to think that whatever you've got going on over here," he nodded his head towards Jules, "is a start."

"Hopefully more than a start."

"Good." He nudged me with his shoulder before filling the empty spots on his plate with eggs.

"I meant to text you about this yesterday, but I forgot. Jules' guitar took a beating on Friday night. You think you could take a look at it?"

"Love to. I haven't had a chance to play around with one in a while."

"Thanks, dad."

My ears perked up the the sound of soft music coming from someone's phone, followed quickly by Jules repeatedly whispering "sorry" as she pulled her cell from her back pocket. Her face first flashed confusion, then momentary panic, before settling back to a neutral expression.

"Sorry, everyone. I need to take this."

Her body language was clear; she was thrown by whoever was calling her, and I followed a few steps behind her into the next room.

She slid her thumb across the screen and held the phone to her ear.

"Hello?"

I watched her from a short distance; her palm came to her forehead as she shut her eyes.

"Okay. Okay. I'll be there shortly. Just, just keep her talking."

She pulled the phone from her ear and shoved it into her back pocket. "I need to go. I need to go back to Parnassus right now. One of my clients, she's having a breakdown. I'm sorry."

"No apologies, Jules. I'll meet you out at Danny's car." Temporary relief filled her eyes before she turned from me and walked out the door.

After a quick explanation to my family and a nod of thank you to Dan when he placed his keys in my hand, I joined Jules out at the car, more than willing to be there for her in whatever way she needed me to be; whether I wanted to recognize it or not, she already had a strong hold on my heart, and I was falling fast.

A/N: Oh my gosh this week has been intense lol. I've had less time this week to dedicate to writing than I've had for the last month, and my sleep definitely suffered because of it 😂

Okay, exciting news! (Well, kind of I guess.) I submitted a sampling of my writing to a literary agent 😳 Now, I consider myself a fairly pragmatic person, and I know the chances of something actually coming of this submission are slim, BUT, Jude's words kind of rung in my head as I was composing my query letter: I had to try, for you. You all have given me so much support and if I could get a real (physical) book out there for people to hold in their hands and read, that'd be amazing.

Anywaysssss I love you all and I'm beyond appreciative of your support. Please vote and comment and chat with me ☺️

Have a great weekend!

-L