CHAPTER TWELVE
into you like a train.
season two, episode six.

AFTER PERFORMING HEART SURGERY IN AN ELEVATOR, CASSIE WAS ABSOLUTELY EXHAUSTED. Even though all she wanted to do was take a nap, her and the other interns were waiting to see if Derek would choose Addison or Meredith. "When you tell someone I'll meet you later at a bar tonight, how long exactly does that mean you're supposed to wait?" Cristina wondered aloud as the group watched Meredith drink away her worries at the bar.

"Do you think he's really not coming?" George asked.

"It is getting a little hard to watch," Izzie added, tilting her head to the side.

Cristina shook her head. "It was hard to watch an hour ago. Now it's just pathetic."

"You know she can hear you, right?" Cassie laughed tiredly.

"Who's pathetic?" Meredith questioned, turning around in her seat.

"Told you."

"You, who pretend to be my friends, are calling me pathetic, behind my back, in front of my face," Meredith slurred, glaring at the four. "Why don't you just dump the pigs blood on me now and get it over with?"

"Pigs blood?" George murmured to himself.

The door bell jingled as someone walked into the bar. They looked for the millionth time that night, just to see Tyler the scrub nurse.

"He's really not coming," Meredith said to herself.

Suddenly, everyone's pager went off all at once. "Joe, turn up the TV!" someone shouted as the news reporter spoke urgently. "A massive train wreck occurred just outside of Seattle just minutes ago."

Cristina looked at her pager. "911."

"We just worked a 30 hour shift," Izzie complained.

"I don't have any clean underwear," George added.

"I just performed fucking heart surgery," Cassie groaned, rolling her shoulders back and heading for the door. "You guys do realize there will be multiple traumas, right? As in, surgeries?"

They perked up at her words, standing and quickly making their way to the hospital.

☆

"Dr. Bailey, you paged— oh," Cassie cut herself off as she entered the trauma room, shocked at the sight before her. In the middle of the room on an extra large gurney, was two people with a thick pole impaled through the middle of them. "Well that doesn't look comfortable."

"His BP is looking steady at 90 over pal. She's had 2 hypotensive episodes to the low seventies," the paramedic informed her, Burke, and Bailey.

"You couldn't get a saw in there?" Burke wondered.

"Not without moving them."

"Which would have been a very bad idea," Bailey agreed, crossing her arms over her chest.

"They're never going to fit into the CT machine," Cassie observed, sending the patients a soft smile when they made eye contact.

Burke sighed in agreement. "We're gonna be flying blind. Harper, get x-rays and labs, and page me the minute you're done."

"You got it, boss," she nodded, giving him a thumbs up.

"Excuse me?" one of the patients called out, a small blonde girl who couldn't have been more than a few years older than Cassie.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Burke," the attending greeted quickly. "You shouldn't turn your head. You want to try and move as little as possible."

"Oh, okay," she said slowly. "So, are you gonna pull this pole out of us anytime soon?"

"It's a touch uncomfortable," the second patient added, a larger man in his fifties.

Cassie raised her eyebrows at their predicament. "I can imagine."

"I'm sorry, we can't until we get a better look on what's going on internally. But I assure you we will work as quickly as possible."

"Well, in that case, does anybody have a breath mint?" the girl asked, awkwardly grinning at the man connected to her. "For me. Not for you."

"Harper, get them an x-ray," Bailey ordered impatiently, even as Cassie was already beginning to move them.

"What are your names?" the intern smiled kindly.

"Bonnie."

"Tom."

She briefly froze at the girl's answer, but quickly brushed it off.

"I'm Dr. Harper," she introduced herself, doing her best to distract them, "But since you're VIP, you get to call me Cassie."

Bonnie laughed, "VIP, huh? I feel honored."

"Oh, definitely," Cassie laughed, setting up the portable monitor. "I'm just going to bring you guys up for a quick scan, okay?"

Tom shrugged as much as was possible, realizing that the doctor was trying to keep them calm. "Lead the way."

"Move them extremely carefully," Bailey warned, earning a salute from her intern.

☆

As she wheeled Bonnie and Tom through the halls, Cassie was desperately trying to find a way to cure their anxiety. "Is there anyone you'd like me to call?" she wondered.

"No," Tom shook his head, "They called my wife from the ambulance."

"And my fiancé," Bonnie added. "They're flying down from Vancouver together."

"Normally, Amanda would be a tad upset to find me pressed up against another woman,"
Tom joked, causing Bonnie to laugh. "But in this case, I think I'll get a pass."

"You two weren't traveling together?" Cassie raised a brow.

"No. We just met."

"Bit of an awkward introduction."

"I can see how you would feel that way," she joked, keeping them positive. "You know, Bonnie, you have the same name as my mom."

"Really?" she questioned, genuinely interested. "Does she live in Seattle too?"

"Uh, well, we're from New York, but she actually passed away about a year ago from cancer."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Bonnie frowned, which was the opposite of what Cassie wanted to happen.

"You remind me of her," the intern smiled.

"How so?"

"Well, she was strong, beautiful, and had a great sense of humor. But most of all, she was a fighter, like you."

Bonnie blushed, ducking her head a bit. "Well she sounds lovely."

Cassie grinned up at her. "She was."

☆

In the x-ray observation room, Bailey and Cassie were standing next to the scans, eyeing the many details. Burke was seated on a chair, looking at them on a computer screen, while Meredith was standing off to the side with a banana bag IV connected to her arm, trying to sober up.

Cassie wasn't exactly sure why she was there, but she figured that Meredith needed someone after the whole not knowing who Derek chose debacle.

"It's going straight through her spine," Cassie said with a heavy sigh, pointing to the scans.

"It is. T8's completely crushed," Bailey confirmed.

Cassie perked up when Derek came in, both because she hadn't seen him in hours, and because he was the only hope of saving Bonnie's life.

"Hey," he greeted, before noticing Meredith in the corner with her IV. "What happened?"

"Tequila," Meredith deadpanned.

"I'm keeping an eye on her," Bailey clarified, before sending a look to the intern on her right. "We're keeping an eye on her."

Having enough of the chit chat, Cassie grabbed her brothers arm, dragging him over to the screen in front of them. "Can you save them, Der?"

"These people are still alive?" was his only
response.

"They're still making small talk," she frowned. "The pole is tamponading the wound as far as we can see."

"It's hitting the aorta."

"And look at him," Burke spoke up, looking at Tom's scans now. "It's right in line with his inferior vena cava."

"But there's a way to operate without separating them, isn't there?" Cassie asked the attendings hopefully.

"No," Derek shook his head, oblivious to how his answer caused the girl's expression to drop.

"And we can't move the pole..." Burke trailed off.

"... because they'll both bleed out," Bailey finished his thought.

After a moment of silence, Cassie got an idea.

"What if we don't move the pole?" she spoke up, as all heads turned to her. "We could move one of the patients off the pole to get the saw in there, then we could hold the pole steady in the other one."

"Move it very slowly and repair the damage as we go," Burke added.

"Which would you move?" Meredith questioned, causing Derek to glance at her, seeing her already staring back at him. Cassie chose to ignore the tension.

"With her aortic injuries, her chances of survival are extremely slim no matter what we do. But if we move her, we have a real shot of saving him."

Derek argued, "Well I could argue since her injuries are so extensive, we should move him. Give her the best shot we can."

"So basically, whoever you move doesn't stand a chance?" Cassie mumbled, a crease forming between her brows. "So how do you choose? How do you decide who gets to live?"

☆

"Derek, wait up," Cassie called after her brother. He stopped in his tracks, after attempting and failing to flee the x-ray room before she cornered him.

He looked at her apprehensively, smiling awkwardly. "Hey."

There was an uncomfortable silence.

"I know you didn't choose Meredith," Cassie raised a brow, rolling her eyes at his surprised expression. "Addison is your wife, Der. I know you. You never give up without a fight."

Derek sighed, running a hand through his well-tamed hair. "I don't want to hurt her."

"Just rip off the bandaid," she shrugged, "It'll hurt her, but it's a million times better than leading her on."

"You're not mad?"

"Of course I'm not mad. Disappointed that you're choosing the Wicked Witch of the West over Glinda, maybe, but not mad."

He gave her a deadpan look. "Cassie."

"What?" she held her hands up in defense. "Addison cheated on you with your best friend, with our best friend. I have a right to be protective over you."

"True, but she's also your sudo-sister-in-law. You can't hate her forever."

"Watch me."

"Cassie."

"What?!" she repeated, this time with a laugh. "I told her I'd forgive her when you do, but since that hasn't officially happened yet, I'm sticking with the hate."

Derek gave her a sarcastic glare, muttering something under his breath and gesturing for his sister to follow him to the patient's room.

As the duo entered the trauma room once again, Derek began examining the patients while Cassie waited for the final labs to be delivered. "Can you feel that Miss Krasnoff?" Derek asked Bonnie as he squeezed her fingers.

Bonnie smiled drowsily up at him, the accident beginning to take a toll on her body.

"Hm. You're a cute Doctor. Cute doctors get to call me by my first name. That includes you, Cassie."

Derek smiled. "Bonnie?"

"Mhm."

"Okay, do you feel that Bonnie?"

"Can I feel what? Oh. Well I guess that's a no."

An ER nurse tapped Cassie on the shoulder, handing her a file. She thanked them, before turning and passing it over to Derek. "I got the labs."

"Oh great. Thank you." He looked them over, his brows furrowing in concentration. "Could you try to wiggle your toes Mr. Maynard?"

Tom wiggled his toes successfully, though he couldn't tell due to his position. "Are they moving?"

"Yes, they are."

"Oh good. That's good right?"

"Yes it is," Cassie grinned, "Very good, in fact."

"What about me? Are mine moving?" Bonnie grinned.

Cassie looked down, to see the girl's completely still foot. Silently sucking in a breath, she shared a sad look with Derek. "Uh, yes, they are."

Bonnie giggled in relief. "Yay me!"

Cassie did everything she could not to tear up.

"Cassie?" Tom spoke, distracting the intern from her spiraling thoughts. "Bonnie and I, are we gonna live through this?"

"Now that's just morose Tom," Bonnie playfully scolded.

"I'm sorry dear." He looked back at Cassie. "Doctor?"

Sensing her struggle, Derek answered for her. "We're gonna do everything we can, Mr. Maynard."

☆

Burke joined the others. "Where are we?" he questioned, his gaze searching the doctors for an answer.

"You were right. Her vitals are erratic. Pulse is weak. Spine severed. I was hoping it didn't hit from that angle. It just can't miss the aorta," Derek concluded, making his sister sigh in defeat.

"What about him? Think he can live?" Bailey wondered.

"He's got better odds."

"All right, Harper, let OR 1 know we're coming. Oh, and close off the gallery. We don't need an audience for this."

Cassie got up to leave, but something stopped her and caused her to turn back around.

"She's cracking jokes. How do you tell somebody that they're going to be dead in a few minutes, when they're sitting up cracking jokes?"

☆

"This is hard, because your body is in a certain amount of shock," Derek explained to Bonnie and Tom. "It's preventing you from feeling pain. From feeling the extent of your injuries."

"Dr. Shepherd, we have a metal pole cutting a path through our insides. I don't know about Tom here, but I didn't expect to walk out of here anytime soon," Bonnie said softly, making Cassie frown. "So whatever it is you have to say, please, just say it."

"Okay, Bonnie," Cassie started, feeling an odd sense of responsibility for her patients. "In order to operate on Tom, we have to separate you two. In order to do that, we have to move you backwards off the pole."

"Can't you just pull the pole out of both of us?" Tom asked.

"Well if we did that, you would both start bleeding very quickly. Too quickly. Right now the pole is plugging the wounds. Once removed, the organs will shift and there's a great deal of damage," Burke explained.

"So if you move me, I'll die?" Bonnie whispered, trying not to cry.

"We're gonna do everything we can to—" Derek began.

"No," Tom interrupted. "No. If anyone body has to go it should be me."

Burke sighed, "No. Mr. Maynard, your injuries are less extensive. If we pull the pole from you as we operate around it, we have a better chance at repairing the damage."

Cassie wiped a tear from Bonnie's cheek, grabbing her hand for comfort.

Tom shook his head. "It's not right. It's not fair."

Bonnie smiled sadly. "Shh, Tom. It's not fair either way." She glanced up at Cassie. "Is, uh, Danny, is he here yet?"

"There are delays at the airport, because of the storm. We could, uh, we could wait, but the longer we do, the higher the risk of infection," Cassie stuttered out.

"No, no. This is better. Danny, he wouldn't understand. I've had a couple of hours to, you know, process all of this. But if, if he had to see me... talk to me like this... well, I just think it would be too hard," Bonnie rambled, a sense of acceptance washing over her.

Once the other doctors decided to leave, it was just Cassie and a few nurses in the room with the patients.

"You're sure you're okay with this?" Cassie whispered, catching Bonnie's tears with a tissue.

"You said I was just like your mom, right?" Bonnie asked, ignoring the question. Cassie nodded. "What — if you don't mind me asking — what was the last thing she said to you? Before she died?"

Cassie sighed, feeling her eyes stinging at the memory that she'd prefer to forget. As she told Bonnie what her mother said, it caused the both of them to tear up.

"Can you please tell Danny what you just told me?"

"Of course," she nodded rapidly, "Anything you need, Bonnie. Anything you need."

☆

Walking into the scrub room, Cassie saw Derek leaning over the sink. "You told her," she said, though it came out as more of a question. "You told Meredith."

"I told her," he repeated quietly, not in the mood to talk.

The brunette leaned her head on his shoulder for a few seconds, staring into the OR where Bonnie and Tom were just put under anesthesia.

"I can't go in there."

Derek tilted his head down to look at her. "What do you mean, Cass?"

"I'm too involved, Der. I thought I could be there for her, in her last moments, but I really don't think I can."

"Just take a deep breath," he instructed, "You'll be okay. This surgery is a great learning opportunity, you don't want to miss it."

Shaking her head and backing away, she gave him a guilty look. "I'm too involved. I don't know what I might—"

"Okay," he said, placing his hands on her shoulders. "Hey, it's okay."

"Just, uh, just page me when it's over?"

"Don't worry," he smiled softly. "I'll let you know. Don't worry."

☆

Several hours later, the surgery was finally over, taking Bonnie's life along with it. Derek had offered to talk to her fiancé, but Cassie made a promise, which she fully intended on keeping no matter what.

"Did she suffer?" Danny asked, trying and failing to stifle his tears.

"No," she answered instantly. "Her injuries prevented her from... no, she wasn't in any pain."

"Good. That's good."

Cassie felt a lump in the back of her throat, and she'd barely even started speaking.

"She asked me to tell you that, um, she wanted you to know," she cleared her throat and took a deep breath, looking at him directly in the eye.

"Yeah?"

"Bonnie wanted you to know, that if love were enough, she'd still be here with you."

Danny sucked in a breath, sending her small nod, before standing up and leaving without another word. Cassie stood as well, not bothering to acknowledge the silent tears streaming down her face.

Without saying a word to anyone, she entered the locker room, washed her face, put on a new pair of scrubs, and got herself ready for morning rounds.