CHAPTER EIGHT
raindrops keep falling on my head.
season two, episode one.

CASSIE SAT NEXT TO MEREDITH IN SILENCE. The bar became more crowded every passing second, voices of strangers only adding to the loudness of her echoing thoughts.

In all honesty, she wasn't sure who followed who across the street to Joe's, but she did know that Meredith wasn't exactly in the mood for company. Still, Cassie drank beside her, trying to figure out a way to bridge the gap of miscommunication between them.

There's a huge difference between I knew Derek was married and didn't tell you and I knew Derek was married but I thought he was divorced because only a psychotic egomaniac would lie about that to someone for no reason at all. To sum it up, Cassie glanced at Meredith every few seconds but said nothing.

She checked her phone.

It was half-past ten at night, now. Past one in the morning in New York. Far too late to call Mark and say, Hey, did you know about this and intentionally lie to me too, or am I just that much of a gullible idiot?)

Cassie glanced back to Meredith.

"Just for the record," she said, breaking the silence. "He told me they were divorced, and that he would tell you about his ex wife when the time was right." Meredith finally looked up at her. "He lied to me too."

Meredith sighed, and passed Cassie one of her tequila shots. A peace offering of sorts.

"Hey, Cassie," Joe smiled, and Cassie couldn't help but be flattered that he remembered her name. He then turned to Meredith. "And you look familiar. You been here before?"

"Once. That worked out really well."

"I know that look," Joe said, filling up their shot glasses. "It'll be one of two things. Either your boss is giving you hell, or your boyfriend is. Which is it?"

"Both. My boyfriend is my boss, which was a problem. But not as big a problem as the fact that my boyfriend has a wife, and forced my best friend to unknowingly lie to me."

"And her boyfriend slash boss, aka my brother, lied about divorcing his wife, who cheated on him with one of my closest friends," Cassie added. "It's a mess."

"Tell you what," Joe smiled awkwardly, passing them each another shot. "These ones, they're on the house."

Grateful, Cassie shot him a smile.

She then picked up her own shot, passing the other along to Meredith, and downed it without flinching. It was one of those nights already. The kind of night where she'd have to take a taxi home and pass out on her bedroom floor with one shoe on and mascara smudged down to her cheeks.

So what. She may have been a sad drinker, but at least she was a responsible one. She'd preemptively given Joe her car keys already.

There was also the pressing urge to go back to the hospital and cuss out Derek until she had to be removed from the building, but another shot down her throat dulled it down into a minor want.

The door to the bar chimed, and George and Cristina made their way over.

Once they took their seats, Cassie reached over Cristina and grabbed the hand George used to punch Alex, inspecting it for any sprains or damaging bruises. When deemed all clear, she let it go, ignoring how he was rolling his eyes at her dramatics.

"Let's play a game of whose life sucks the most," Meredith suggested. "I'll win. I always win."

"No," Cristina said, "You don't want to play with me."

"Oh, I do," she insisted, and Cassie took another shot as she continued, "I'll even go first. Derek's married."

At that, George spit his beer out. "George, beer is dripping from your nostrils," Cristina cringed as he fled to the bathroom to get cleaned up.

"Told you I'd win."

Cristina sighed. "No, you didn't win."

As Cassie went to text Mark—so what if he's asleep, she needed to talk to someone who wasn't winning the who's life sucks the most contest—Joe handed her a glass of water with a look that said, Drink or no more shots.

Begrudgingly, she swallowed it instead of tequila.

"Did you hear me? I said Derek is married. As in pigheaded, adulterous, liar married. Lied to his pseudo sister for months to make sure she wouldn't tell me, married. Nothing you could say could top that."

"I'm pregnant," Cristina deadpanned, sipping her water as Meredith and Cassie gaped in her direction. "I win."

Of all the interns to get pregnant—Cristina getting pregnant with Burke's baby was the absolute last thing she expected. Her odds were on Izzie, if she was honest.

Cassie was very grateful for her dry spell, now.

Out of nowhere, a groan broke through the silence, followed by a loud crash of beer bottles and glass breaking all over the floor; turning in confusion, she spotted Joe on the floor, only half-conscious and covered in the alcohol he'd spilt.

"Okay, maybe Joe wins," Cassie said, rushing over to help. "Joe, lay back down."

It was only a matter of time before all the surgeons and nurses from the hospital across the street were attending to him, despite the fact that he seemed keen on getting absolutely no help whatsoever.

"You called the gurney patrol?" Joe groaned.

"Sit back and relax. We have to take you to the hospital to run some tests," Meredith informed him.

"Tests? I don't need tests. I'm fine!"

Cristina rolled her eyes. "Dude, you collapsed on the floor. This is your bar. You know how filthy this floor is."

Joe was adamant that he not go to the hospital, and if he weren't so obviously in need of medical attention, Cassie wouldn't blame him. A single overnight stay in the hospital was enough to put the average person into debt. Her mother's medical bills that got passed down to her were proof enough of that.

A few nurses tried to talk to Joe, all with varying levels of success. In the meantime—

"You're sleeping with someone?" Meredith questioned,—or maybe accused—Cristina. The woman in question glanced over at Cassie, who drunkenly mimed zipping her lips shut and throwing away the key. Also, in that moment, Cassie remembered that she was drunk. Probably best not to play doctor with a hurt Joe.

"Wait, Cristina is what?" George raised a brow as he reappeared. "Who?"

"Why is that such a shock?" Cristina scoffed at their bewilderment. "Even George managed to get some action. And I'm sure Cassie is too."

"Correction. George got some syphilis."

"Cassie is not, actually."

"How could I not know that you were sleeping with someone?" Meredith pouted, not quite as drunk as Cassie but clearly on her way.

The conversation was cut short when Joe decided to stand and walk over to the hospital on his own. A bit of shouting and some drunken stumbling later, the interns walked with him, back so soon after their sixteen-hour shift ended.

━━━━━⭒━━━━━

"You're really pregnant? What are you gonna do?"

Maybe it was due to the drunkenness of it all, but Cassie nearly laughed at Meredith's lack of volume control while saying something that was clearly a secret. Or maybe, Cassie was so drunk that everything was funny. Maybe both.

Joe was admitted, and now they awaited his results. The guy didn't seem to have much, if any, family in town. It was the least they could do for him.

"Look, you know what happens to pregnant interns," Cristina whispered back, "I'm not switching to the vagina squad or spending my life popping zits. I'm too talented. Surgery is my life."

"Which begs the question, who are you sleeping with?"

"I don't think that matters," Cassie chimed in, knowing Cristina was uncomfortable sharing that information. The sentiment probably meant less as it was a bit slurred, but she did her best. "Y'know what? No one with a penis matters at all!"

Stupid Derek. Ugh.

Soberly, Cristina nodded. "It's just some guy."

"Yes, it does matter," Meredith argued. "And that's all I get? You can't just bring something like this up and expect me to drop it."

Cristina sighed in annoyance, not before sending a grateful look to Cassie for keeping her mouth shut. "Well, watch me."

Before Meredith could argue back, George and Izzie joined them, the latter still in her scrubs. Izzie frowned at the sight of Meredith, and Cassie belatedly realized how much explaining to all of her friends she was going to have to do. Stupid stupid stupid Derek. Idiot Derek. Liar Derek. Cassie regretted not blacking out before the bar closed.

"Why are you back here?" Izzie questioned Meredith. "Don't you have a date with McDreamy?"

"More like McMarried," Cassie and Meredith mumbled in unison.

"McWhat?"

"We came to check on Joe," Cassie changed the subject, leaning against the counter with her head in her hands. All of a sudden she was as tired as she was angry.

"You think he's gonna need an operation?" Cristina questioned, with a bit too much excitement in her voice than what was socially acceptable.

Then, like a dark cloud, Derek appeared.

Cassie could never hate him, she knew that, but she also knew that she wanted to punch him in the face so badly her knuckles ached with it.

"Operation, yes," Derek said, clearly listening to their conversation. "Okay, hard to tell. Basilar artery's blown up like a balloon. Subarachnoid bleeding. Aneurysm the size of a golf ball. No way to clip something like that."

Cristina sighed, "Not without magic fingers."

Derek thought for a moment before supplying, "Or, a standstill operation."

"You're doing a standstill?" Cristina exclaimed, earning hard looks from the rest of the interns. "What? He's doing a standstill operation!"

"It's not that cool," Cassie grumbled, trying not to act excited. "Not when he's doing it, at least."

If she squinted at him, she could almost imagine what it would look like if she could just punch punch punch all over his face until he felt the amount of hurt that she did. Not that she ever would, but thinking about it made her feel better. She could dissect that psychology later when she was in her right mind. 

Derek blinked away from her, guilty. "I'd like to try. First I need some additional patient history, overnight labs, and a cerebral angio."

He handed the chart to Meredith who, without breaking eye contact, passed it over to Cassie with a deadpan expression. "I'm drunk."

Cassie looked down at the chart, and back to her brother, before passing it over to George. "I'm drunker."

The duo made their exit, ignoring the way he followed after them, calling their names.

Cassie blamed her inebriation for why she didn't stick beside Meredith, even in the face of all the yelling and screaming that quickly followed. She convinced herself that she was just tired, and took a seat on the bench outside to rest—deep down, she knew it was because she would hear Derek out. Of course she would. Even if she wanted to punch his stupid face.

He was her brother. Family in everything but blood.

So, she would listen. Angrily, drunkenly listen.

Meredith stormed away.

Derek watched her go, sad and puppy-eyed.

It was a few long seconds before he joined Cassie on the bench, rubbing a hand down in his face in exhaustion. Cassie didn't look at him, instead choosing to play with a loose thread on the hem of her top, but she could see him shift out of the corner of her eye.

"Cassie, listen—"

"Why?" she interrupted him, point blank. "Why did you lie to me?"

He paused before answering.

"I didn't want you to tell Meredith."

Slowly, Cassie shook her head at him. Her brows furrowed, and she spared him a quick glance, tiredness evident on his features. "No, that's not it. You hadn't even met Meredith when you told me you signed the divorce papers."

"Look," Derek sighed, not wanting to upset her any further. "It's complicated—"

"Screw complicated," she scoffed. "Tell me."

"You just, occasionally, I mean, you tend to get a little—"

Oh. Huh.

Cassie blinked, turning fully to face him. Whatever made him lie was her fault, apparently, though she'd never lied to him once in her entire life. She was always honest, always forthcoming about her feelings no matter what. Brutally honest or not, she wasn't a fucking liar like him.

"A little what?"

"Moralistic," he finally said, causing her to still. "You tend to get a little moralistic when someone makes a mistake. No, scratch that, when I make a mistake. I knew you would judge me for not immediately divorcing her, so I told you I did."

"Judge you?" Cassie instantly defended herself. "You seriously think I would've judged you for staying with Addison?"

"I didn't stay with her."

She narrowed her eyes. "Well, you sure as shit didn't end it."

At that, Derek got to his feet.

Cassie stumbled to her own, copying his movements.

"And that's just it," Derek scoffed.

"What are you even talking about—"

"You!" he snapped, causing her to flinch slightly and take a step back. "I'm talking about you! You judged me for sleeping with Meredith, you judged me for marrying Addison too young, and now you're judging me for not getting a divorce!"

Cassie stared at him for a long moment.

He was hurting. She knew that. She understood that. Or, she really tried to, at least.

"You don't get to project your insecurities onto me. You don't get to—you don't get to make me seem like a terrible person because I care about you even in the midst of your mid-life fucking crisis—"

"This is you caring about me?"

"Yes. You feel like a piece of shit because you've been acting like one. That's not my fault." Cassie took a step closer, trying to control her own breathing. Her and Derek didn't fight. Ever. Not like this. "I'm not judging you. I never have. The only reason you lied to me about getting a divorce is because you're ashamed that you couldn't bring yourself to."

She didn't even know if she was making sense. The alcohol made her brain all fuzzy, and while Derek's yelling sobered her up the slightest bit, her head pounded and her eyes went unfocused.

Derek looked at her for a long moment.

His voice was low, almost lethal, when he replied, "Maybe, I lied because I knew it would be easier than taking relationship advice from a kid who's never even been in one."

Right.

A deep breath in, and a deep breath out.

"I'm the one who went into that ridiculous brownstone and packed your bags in the middle of the night. I'm the one who held you as you cried like a little baby for weeks after she cheated on you. I'm the one who suggested you move, that you start over somewhere else, even though my mother had just died and I needed you. I did all of that, happily, without a single goddamn complaint, and not once did you have the decency to be honest with me."

It was the mention of her mother, Cassie assumed, that brought Derek to a pause.

Sharply, he sucked in air through his nose. Cassie watched his mouth open, like he was searching for a rebuttal and failed to find one. Instead, he floundered for a few more seconds before spluttering out, "Cass, I never..."

It was almost funny. Almost.

"But I don't know," she laughed humorlessly, "Maybe I'm just being a little moralistic."

━━━━━⭒━━━━━

Hungover and pissed was not a good look.

Each time Cassie caught a glimpse of herself in a mirror or passing window she practically jumped out of her skin. Finding the energy to brush her hair this morning was just about all she had in her.

Addison had the rare decency to warn to her that she'd be in the hospital all week. It sort of felt like the Grim Reaper shooting her a text that said, Just so you know, you'll die in an hour, btw! :-) See you then!

Cassie didn't even hate her.

She just didn't want to deal with any of it. Not Addison, not Derek, and surely not an uncomfortable and heartbroken Meredith. Somehow, she'd managed to get tangled up in their weird little toxic love triangle, and she desperately wanted out.

The thoughts came as Bailey handed out assignments. Cassie didn't even listen, because if she knew Addison, she knew what hers would be.

When her and Meredith were the last two left in the locker room, she just sighed.

Bailey glanced between them. "You two are popular."

Meredith frowned. "Meaning...?"

"There's been a special request for you."

Ugh.

Naturally, Addison stood with Derek a few paces in front of them, salmon colored scrubs sticking out like a sore thumb. Burke was there, too, seemingly acting as Chief while Webber recovered from his brain tumor. Idly, Cassie spared a wish to get her own brain tumor so she could die instead of be here doing this. 

Not that she was dramatic, by any means.

"I was just checking to see if Dr. Burke secured the—"

"Interns, you requested?" Meredith interrupted Addison, making their presence known. "He did."

Addison smirked. Like an evil villain. Or satan.

And Cassie—

Well, she had been the woman's intern for roughly five seconds and already wanted to bang her head against a wall so hard that brain matter exploded from her ears.

Cassie laughed loudly, drawing attention to her disheveled state. "Yeah," she sighed, a delirious smile on her face. "Yeah, no, I am so not doing this today."

For the first time since their fight the night before, she made eye contact with Derek. He seemed to be judging her outburst, which was honestly hilarious given what their fight was about. She raised a brow at him, a silent say something as my attending or leave me the hell alone, and Burke cleared his throat in an attempt to gain her attention.

"Dr. Harper, as the Chief—"

"Acting Chief," Derek grumbled.

"—I would appreciate if you kept an eye on Joe for me while we figure out his surgical plan. How does that sound?"

For the first and only time in her life, Cassie understood why Cristina let herself get knocked up by this guy.

"It would be an honor, Chief."

She didn't miss the side-eyed glare from Derek.

━━━━━⭒━━━━━

"Hey Georgie," Cassie sighed, finding the intern at the top of the stairwell while trying to hide from her responsibilities. "What's up?"

In all fairness, Joe was napping, and Burke's task to watch him was entirely made up and unnecessary. The guy was Seattle Grace doctor's royalty—she could hardly get in to check his vitals herself if she tried.

George opened his mouth to respond, but paused, raising a brow at the nickname. "Georgie?"

"Just something I'm trying out," she waved him off. "And I hope whatever you're doing is more interesting than me."

George nodded in acceptance. "I'm being a sponge. For the Chief, I mean. Dr. Webber wants me to soak up all the news and gossip and report back to him."

Cassie hummed, glancing around the stairs as if she'd magically spot some juicy gossip and help him out. He was definitely the right guy for the job, she supposed. Quiet, mouse-like, a trustworthy face, kind eyes. She'd definitely spill all her secrets to him, if she had any.

"How's that going?"

"Bad," he told her, not elaborating.

"You should just make stuff up. Ooh, tell him I singlehandedly and heroically saved someone's life using a technique that hasn't been invented yet. I could win a Harper Avery."

"Oh, I'll get right on that," George agreed, entirely unserious, before the sound of kissing caught his attention. "Who...?"

His questions were answered when he looked down, and saw Cristina kissing Burke a few staircases below them. Cassie looked as well, only cringing at the sight since she knew about their affair already.

(That doesn't mean she wants to see it.)

"Let's go, spongy," she joked, dragging George away from the lewd scene by the crook of his elbow.

━━━━━⭒━━━━━

Somehow, Cassie had managed to go the whole rest of her day without another run in with a New Yorker.

Assisting in Joe's standstill operation was pretty much out of the question, but she got floor seats and a great view—with Derek on the case as the lead surgeon, she imaged it was a strange attempt at a peace offering.

Which he should've known wouldn't work. Cassie didn't even get to hold a retractor. Amateur move.

"Cassie!"

Of course, with a single foot through the glass doors, Addison's voice rang through her ears. Shrill and desperate all at the same time, a voice she used to laugh with, and sometimes still longs to. Cassie didn't have many friends. Addison was always a great one.

(So, Cassie had gone almost the whole rest of her day without another run in with a New Yorker.)

The intern stopped in her tracks, rolling her eyes. "So close," she whispered, turning around. "What do you want, Addison?"

"You know what I want," she sighed. "Are you ever going to talk to me? Or be in the same room as me without experiencing hysteria?"

That was the worst part about Addison being in the affectionately-dubbed friendship jail—any time before this, Cassie would've laughed and replied with some stupid fact about women diagnosed with hysteria in the olden days, maybe joking about how she would've been, too.

Now, she couldn't even crack a smile.

"I'm talking to you. I just have nothing to say."

The look on Addison's face shouldn't have hurt as much as it did. Holding a grudge wasn't easy for Cassie under any circumstances, but holding it against someone she loved? That was nearly impossible to bear.

"So this friendship is over? Just like that?" Addison questioned. "Derek hating me, I understand, but... I never thought you would too."

"I don't hate you," Cassie instantly denied, causing the other woman to look up hopeful. "Listen, when Derek forgives you, I will. Until then, this—" she motioned between them, "—is not a friendship. Sorry."

Addison just stared back, saying nothing.

Exhausted, Cassie walked away.

━━━━━⭒━━━━━

After the last 24 hours she'd had, Cassie had never been happier to inhale multiple shots of tequila. Cristina was sitting next to her at the bar, with Meredith on her other side.

Meredith had found out about Burke after George let it slip. Cassie knew, even without discussing it, that her and Meredith would be there when Cristina inevitably needed it.

Speaking of—

"The clinic has a policy," Cristina said, breaking the silence. "They wouldn't let me confirm my appointment unless I designated an emergency contact person. Someone to be there, just in case, and to help me home, you know, after. I know our schedules are crazy, but I trust you both, and I couldn't choose who to pick. Anyway, I just put both of your names down. That's why I told you I'm pregnant," she paused. "You're my persons."

"I am?" the two asked at the same time.

"Yeah, you are. Whatever."

"Whatever."

"Whatever."

Another pause.

"We're your people," Meredith stated.

"Persons is actually grammatically correct," Cassie told her, taking another shot.

"He dumped me," Cristina told them. They layed their heads on each of Cristina's shoulders for comfort. "You realize this constitutes hugging, right?"

"Shut up," Meredith laughed.

Cassie smiled. "We're your persons."