That night, I had one of the best slumbers till that day. Each nearing day, the celebratory feeling for the New Year was drawing closer. Even in our town, young kids and young parents moved out to buy gifts for their close family. The usual silent street was often filled with commotion. It was just a wait for three days more for a painful year to end and every breathing soul was looking forward to it.

The glass heart remained warm in my hands when I woke up. Before my mother could get hold of it, I put the gift in my school bag. That was the only place that my mother would never touch. Cause who cares about a motherfucking schoolbag? It is one the most ignored things during a school holiday.

Adrian called me to hang out with him and also because we had to buy each other cheap ass gifts for New Year (since we didn't exchange any during Christmas). I readied myself for the small outing of that day. I let my mahogany hair roll down to their full length, crawling their way down my spine. At around 10:30, I was ready to go (I didn't take time in getting ready, I just woke up late). 

I rushed down stairs, to find my mother watching TV with a cigarette between her lips. No wonder I was feeling the suffocation in my room. She blew the smoke away and walked to me holding her reason for sooner death in her hands.

"Listen girl, I don't want you to come home till 7:00. Do I make myself clear?" She came close enough for me to smell the smoke from her mouth. She only did that to look intimidating. I nodded and left. As if I was craving to be with her.

I jogged to the familiar lamp post to find Adrian invested in his phone. I walked to him without making a single noise. When he didn't notice me, I swiftly snatched his phone and started walking in fast steps. I was trained enough to do this without slipping, however, Adrian was not. So he slipped on the pavement on his ass and I took a considerable amount of time to laugh at his helpless state and then lift him off the ground. He sported a perfect little scowl on his face and aggressively snatched his phone away. I continued my laugh in giggles while he took grandpa steps on the snowy street.

***

We finally reached our destination after a long, slow walk. Target. The red sign was welcoming us as if saying, buy your cheap stuff here, in a godly voice.

We walked in to the mildly filled store. The Target employees were in some hidden corner doing God knows what. We indulged ourselves in the activity of ransacking the various shelves of the huge store. When we reached our corner of cheap gift articles, we started our rush of who would find their gift first.

I started picking up various t-shirts with shitty quotes written on them. Well, it was only to entertain myself, Adrian was just really getting annoyed by that act. But underneath that act I was trying to find the perfect gift that I could inconspicuously slide in. 

I put the t-shits back in the rack and started ransacking the store alongside Adrian with some seriousness. That's when I found a ring. It was gold and sleek with the snake scales like texture messily carved on it. In the middle of it was a clear green stone. That was the moment I knew that the ring was the singular asset I wished to die with.

"Adrian! You have to fucking buy me this! This is what I want! Adrian! Adrian! Please! This-"

"Oh my God, Ash." He whispered. I didn't realize that I was, in fact, screaming. "Fine! Stop!"

I let out a merry giggle. Adrian smiled at my childishness. "You're such a baby." He tried to say it in a mocking tone.

He picked up the ring and put it beside my face. I didn't understand what fruitful comparison he could make with the ring and my face. He looked at the both of us for a solid moment and then smiled.

"They match the color of your eyes. Clear green. They have this certain endlessness to it. Like a certain attraction..." He went on describing my eyes like a prolific author with a past of having a New York bestseller. I just waited for him to chuckle and finish.

We walked a bit more to find a present for Adrian.  Adrian spotted something and ran off in that direction. He picked up a tanned leather bracelet and examined it with his trademark childish fascination. It was a bit worn out, but the effect looked good on it. 

"This one." He said as if he was in a bottled water commercial and had finally drank from the brand he was advertising.

I took the bracelet and analysed it. From my peripheral view, I saw the price of the item. $20.99. It must have been really old.

I held it up beside his face like he had done earlier, his excitement never once fading.

"Whoa, I just realized that your bleached hair are returning to its true color." Specks of light brown hair were oozing out from his mob of blond hair. You must've understood the fact that Adrian was the kind of person who would do anything for a dare. Sometimes, I thought about a logical reason of him being alive.

We walked towards the cash counter were I found a copy of Gone With The Wind. Now, Adrian is not much of a reader but for some very unknown reason he wanted a copy of that book. He had read it once, when he borrowed from a friend. But he always wanted to have a copy that he could claim his own. 

The employees had finally called for its copies and there was no way I could let it go. $15, I read the price. I let out an inaudible sigh and shoved it in my billing. Adrian got a call from his parents and was talking to them outside. Perfect.

The billing was done quickly. I waited for a few more seconds after which we carried out the formality of exchanging gifts. After a synchronized countdown we shoved our gifts into each other's hands, quite literally. Adrian was a little surprised when he found his bag to be a little heavier than usual. He slowly pulled out the copy of his priced possession. For a good five seconds he didn't move then he turned the book around to check its price. He had the same reaction but for a shorter span.

"Ashley," he rarely ever used my full name, "I can't accept this." 

"Why?" I asked in a calm and composed tone.

"I just..."

"See, there is no logical reason for you to give it back to me. You're gonna keep it." He just stared blankly at me. I sighed and continued. "Besides, they're not gonna take it back. " I pushed it towards him. "Merry Christmas." I said with a smile.

"Thanks, Ash. I-"

"Say it back." I demanded in a playful tone.

He grinned. "Merry Christmas."

***

There was an hour left for me to go for my job. So I decided to accompany Adrian with his street singing for a while. I recorded his videos to post on his Instagram page. For one song, I jumped in with him for a duet. He said that it was a surprise factor and it always worked on crowds. And it worked alright. 

After an hour, Adrian dropped me to the snack bar for my job. I ripped apart the gift wrap from my Christmas gift and slid the ring in my hand. It fit perfectly on my middle finger. It wasn't planned but damn, that ring made a statement. Adrian had already worn his leather bracelet during his street performances.

Adrian looked at Gone With The Wind and smiled in my direction. "Thanks, Ash."

I waved it off and gave him a hug before walking in the snack bar. 

"Hey, Ash. I won't be there to pick you up in the evening. Going out with my parents."

"Oh! Someone's gonna have some family time." 

For some unknown reason, guilt covered his face. Maybe because he knew that I would never have that kind of warm fuzzy feeling.

I placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "You have fun. Okay?"

He smiled, nodded and departed.

I walked in my work place to find Nico already standing in his designated position with his apron on. What was concerning was that he had a very cheeky smile on his face. I raised an eyebrow and put on my apron.

"Well, someone is happy today." I said smiling and wiggling my eyebrows. "Got a girl?"

"No?" His smile faded in a split second.

"Then what?"

"Wait, before anything," he retrieved a chocolate from his bag, "belated happy birthday, Ash."

I giggled and took the treat from him and started biting into it without skipping a beat. He leaned sideways on the counter and placed a hand on his hip coming back to the original topic of conversation.

"Well, you told me about Adrian being your best friend but didn't tell me the further details." He regained his smirk.

I raised an eyebrow. "Like what?"

"Um... How explicit am I allowed to be so that you wouldn't hit me?"

I squinted my eyes and tried to connect the clues that Nico's mind had collected. "Wait... you aren't thinking that Adrian and I are dating, are you?"

He shrugged innocently and tried to hold back his smile. I shoved his arm whilst mock puking and he released his string of laughter. A repetitive image of me being with Adrian started haunting my mind. "Oh God! No, please!" His laughter only increased its amplitude. I kept shoving him away but he never stopped. Eventually, we received a cold hard glare from Kate and understood that it was for the best of both of us to stay quiet.

"I hate you." I whispered towards Nico.

"Sure you do." He whispered back and clicked his tongue. "But you don't hate-" Before he could complete his statement, he pursed his lips to stifle his laughter.

"Oh, God! This is going to be some long five hours." I role my eyes to make a point but clearly he didn't acknowledge it.

I turned to scan the room to see if anybody needed my assistance. In that moment, the creepy well-dressed dude from the day before walked in. He was more casually dressed that day, though. He was in a simple grey shirt and a leather jacket. That leather jacket looked stunningly similar to my Dad's but then again, it wasn't a unique piece of garment. He sat himself in the same place.

Nico's smile disappeared. "Should I take his order?"

"No. Besides, I need to get away from you." Without skipping a beat, his smirk returned. I shook my head and proceeded to carry on with my work. I walked towards the man's table to get his order. he ordered the same meal. While I was jotting down his order, I noticed a man staring at me. I concentrated on my work and ignored that guy. But it seemed like the man noticed my discomfort. He insisted on getting his order from the counter itself.

The man left in around twenty minutes. I wondered if I would see him the next day or not.

Nico continued trying to create a fantasy about my hypothetical dating life with Adrian and I made no attempt to hide my cringe. Then, all of a sudden, he stopped. His mouth hung loose and his eyes widened at the person who walked in. He was a tall guy, perhaps as tall as Adrian or Nico. He had grey eyes and black coffee hair. The moment you looked at him, you knew he was a footballer, not because of his figure but because he was wearing a jacket that probably represented his school sports team.

For some reason, he was fuming. His burning gaze was directed straight towards Nico and he seemed to be a bit uncomfortable about it. 

"Who is he?" I whispered to Nico.

He sighed. "My best friend." He breathed in and swelled up his chest, turning his complete gaze towards me."And clearly, he doesn't want me to work here. " His best friend had sat himself across us and bore his gaze into Nico whilst siting on a table and crossing his hands.

His words threw a heavy stone on my heart and crushed me under it. Of course, there was no need for him to work there. It was the worst place for a radiant person like himself. I tried to pick my wounded self up and place myself on the rock. I smiled.

"How much do you need?"

"Huh?"

"How much money do you need?"

"I can't take money from you!" He said incredulously, still whispering. He leaned on the counter. "Besides you need it."

"Well, I live here. I can earn it anytime again. You don't have to."

"If you're so casual about it, why are you earning it at all?"

"One, because I need it." He let out a dry laugh. "And two, cause I need to get away from my mother."

He stayed silent for a few seconds, then smirked. "You wouldn't have said that if Adrian lived with you."

"Oh my God, Nico!" I shoved him away but broke into a laugh myself. I looked straight into Nico's best friend's eyes and mouthed the words Can you believe this guy? His best friend was a bit shook by the sudden talk while Nico shoved me back with the same giggle.

His best friend left after half an hour, when he understood that that method wasn't going to get him any fruitful result. But for me, for the next five hours or so, Nico bored me with his fascinating theories about me dating Adrian and I just kept saying, "No, please!" 

***

I walked back towards my house because Adrian wasn't there to drop me. I walked slowly, trying to enjoy and appreciate each and every element around before I reached my destination. The color around me was the color that I had grown up with and no matter how desolate it seemed to any normal person, to me it would always be a warm fuzzy place. There was something about creaking beds, broken faucets, small television screens, fighting couples, drug dealers and all of those aesthetics that I had grown to accept as my home.

I walked slowly with a thought filled mind when a little girl, of about ten years of age, ran towards me. She had a frightened look on her face.

"Help me, please." She begged in an almost inaudible voice. There was urgency in her voice, desperation in her body language and fear in her eyes. The biggest conclusion from her situation was that she was being chased by somebody. So, my most obvious reaction was to take her in the nearest alley to provide some protection.

Like any typical alley, it was small dark and smelly, ergo, perfect for a hideout. I heard heavy footsteps approaching and immediately pushed the girl in between a dumpster and a wall.

"Don't make any noise, okay." I peeked in and whispered. She nodded. My own hands had started sweating. I sat in a comfortable position and picked up a thrown cigarette from the ground. I held it in between my fingers and relaxed my hand on my knees. The man had already started walking in the alley. I took some deep breaths to calm myself but none of it worked. Soon, the man came and stood in front of me. 

He looked like your typical abusive father- a protruding belly, bald head, doesn't have proper clothes to wear- except he had a gun in his right hand. He looked at me for a solid ten seconds. The girl made no sound, thankfully. I exhaled and squared my shoulders.

"What?" I spoke in most casual tone I could manage. He didn't say anything but his glare became more evident.

"Wait, you're one of those guys aren't you?" I screamed. Fortunately, the man didn't see my hands shivering in the dark. I aggressively threw the cigarette on the ground. "Get out!" I screamed higher than before. Probably it was just my rational response after seeing a gun.

The man understood that he wasn't going to get anything from there and left after eyeing me once. 

When the coast was crystal clear, I collapsed on the ground and my hand automatically reached from my thumping heart which was louder than ever. Of course, this had happened to me more than once but you can't really have a casual response when you see a gun. 

The thing about living in that town was that we always had the worst of the situations. There was no beginner's level or intermediate level to our conditions. We were just thrown in the game without any combat skills or weapons. But that was the plus point. You either learn the skill or get permanently free from your life's misery. The little girl had just entered the game, so it kinda became my duty to teach her some moves.

I slowly crawled over to the bin. I peeked in through the crevice and had a glance at the girl. She was shivering with fear. Her hands were tightly clasped on her mouth. She hid her face between her knees and was heavily breathing. The feeling of sympathy swelled in my chest.

"You can come out now, kid." She aggressively shook her head. "Hey, he's gone now. You're safe, I promise." I held out my hand towards her. She pushed her head further in. I slowly placed my hand on her back and rubbed it in smooth circles. She tightened up at first, then got comfortable. We stayed like that for a few moments before she came out of her faux shell. She stayed close to that bin but had a considerable part of her body out of it. I changed my angle so that I could hide her a bit. 

I gave her a reassuring smile, pulled her chin up and wiped her tears. She leaped into a hug and I couldn't help but hug her back. When her sniffing had slowed down a considerable amount, I started a formal conversation to distract her.

"What is your name girl?" I inquired with a smile in my voice. 

"Arizona." She said after rubbing her nose with her sleeve. I was worried she would have caught cold had we not sat beside that dumpster.

"That is a very unique name. Do you know what your name means?"

She nodded. "Arizona is a place. It is my mother's birth place. She loved that place a lot. That is why she named me after the place."

I smiled. "Well, my name is Ashley."

"We have the same first letters for our names." She said with her voice brightening up a bit. Like a contagious reaction, a smile reached my face.

We continued the conversation for a while. In between her talks, she told me that that ugly ass man was her father. He had just killed her mother in front of her and she happened to see it. She started howling when she remembered that context. She had no idea why her father had to shoot her.

"They used to fight a lot. My mom always promised me that she was okay. They would fight and they would scream for nights and nights. But my mom kept saying she was fine. My father beat her up again. She had blood around her but it was more than normal. I kept shaking her to wake her up but she just won't react! My father came in and started slapping me. I punched him in his private and ran away. I think my mom might have woken up by now. She might have run away too." He was hunting her down for about twenty minutes when she met me. 

I wish I could tell her what not waking up means, but I couldn't. Not then.

I stirred the conversation to a lighter place so that she could smile a bit. She had a gorgeous smile, I'll tell you that. I still remember it. I asked her about her favorite colors, places and anything that would keep her mind away from the horrendous seen that she had seen. We stayed there for about an hour when I decided that I had to take her away from that unhygienic place. 

"Arizona, do you know about orphanages?"

"Yes, I do." She nodded enthusiastically with those innocent eyes.

"I'm gonna take you there. I promise, you're gonna be safe."

She raised her eyebrow quizzically. "But I have a mom! Why do I need to go there?" Tears started pooling up in her eyes again.

"Hey, look at me." I lifted her chin up and she sniffed. "I haven't met your mom but I know that if we would have met on the way, she would have asked me to take you there." I smiled. I tried not to lie or tell the truth. I wished that she found a person who could tell her what happened without breaking her.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." I squeaked then coughed and said it again. I wished I could stop having that conversation with her.

She thought for some moments then nodded. "Okay. Can you take me there, Ashley?"

We got up and left the disposal area. Strange as it may seem, but Arizona would always remember that place as a safe haven.

In the  setting daylight, I got a clear look of her being. She had the dark wavy hair that weren't under the constraints of a hair tie. Her body was almost malnourished. Her skin was dry and extremely pale.

We went to my house to get some of my money. We reached my yard and asked her to stay with me. Curtains were drawn all around my house. It seemed a bit sketchy but my mind was too preoccupied to notice that. I unhinged the flap of the mail box and dug the snow. My hands were numb but I didn't stop, I couldn't stop. When I finally reached the ground and dug out my so-called safe, I pulled out about fifty dollars from it. It was more than half my savings but I didn't care. I rolled the money and put it in my pocket, I covered the dug area again and placed the flap from where it was taken. I casually walked out holding Arizona with my numb hands. 

I rubbed my hands hard on my jeans to generate some heat. I looked at Arizona, she was shivering. She didn't have any fat to protect herself from the bleak cold. I sighed, took off y jacket and gave it to her. It was very loose but it kept her warm and that it all that matters.

Not seconds later, the cold started bothering me. I knew that the best way to protect myself and Arizona was to run. 

"I know you've ran a lot today but would you mind doing it one last time?"

"No." She gave a reassuring smile and I initiated a race to the orphanage.

***

We crossed our town so that I could take her a safer and better orphanage. However, there was no definite guarantee that my plans would be executed the way I expected them to go. I tried not to think about my anxieties and focus on what I had in my mind.  

After a good twenty minutes of run and breaks, we reached our destination. The orphanage was well decorated in its Christmas festivities. Merry laughter could be heard from inside. I looked at Arizona. A small glint of hope was kindling in a eyes. A small smile was forming on her lips as we walked closer. She seemed to forget what had happened. I didn't expect a small child to be very emo anyways.  

I knocked on the door and a few moments later, a nun appeared. She had a bright smile on her face.

"Yes?"

"I was hoping you could keep her." My voice was a whisper. I was unable to form confident sentences. My anxieties had completely taken over my mind.

Her smile faltered a bit.

"Please." I insisted.

She smiled again. "Sure." She knelt down to get to Arizona's level. "What is your name?"

She hid behind me. I nudged her to answer the question. "Arizona," she spoke in a shy tone.

"That is a wonderful name." She held out her hand. I nudged her again to take it. Her hand was shaking when she placed her hand softly on the nun's. I sidestepped so that she could walked over to the nun. While we a conversing, a few curious kids made their way out to watch the scene that was unfolding. A nun also made her way out.

Before leaving, Arizona looked me in the eye. I knelt down and noticed that she had tears in her eyes. I wiped her tears softly and said, "Don't cry, girl."

"Will you come to see me, Ashley?"

I heart melted in my hand. "I can't promise you that, sweetie." Her waterworks started again. "But I can promise you that you will be loved here." I looked up at the nun for reassurance. She gave a heartwarming smile to both of us.

"Yes, you will. Now, off you go. Sister Rose, can you take her?" She handed her to the other nun but before she could go, she gave me a tight hug. I was trying damn hard to control my tears and it had started becoming an impossible task. She gave me my jacket and walked inside the orphanage with Sister Rose.

The nun that I had first approached introduced herself as Sister Grace. I told her the little backstory that I knew about Arizona making it clear to her that I wasn't related. She nodded understandingly at every fragment of information that I had provided her with. I was as if she was mentally taking notes like a therapist.

"Would you love her well?" I knew it was the worst thing to ask her, but I couldn't stop that question after that fluent conversation. But she smiled understandingly.

"I will try my best."

I brought out the money that I had carried with me all the while. "This is not much but please keep it."

Her eyes brightened up significantly. She asked me to stay for dinner but I politely declined the offer. before leaving the place Sister Grace stood up straight and gave a humble smile while saying, "Merry Christmas, Ashley. God bless you."

***

I walked home trying not to invest my mind in the possibilities of Arizona's future. I tried to convince myself that she was going to be safe and sound there.

When my mind was filled with thoughts,  just happened to reach my house  bit sooner. I checked my watch. It was 8:30 meaning I had reached within my time constraint. I sighed and walked in to find two ugly ass people seated on the couch. My mother was seated adjacent to them and they seemed to be engaged in a heated debate or bargain, I didn't know. 

My mother portrayed her signature scowl when she saw me. I sighed and went to the kitchenette to get myself some water.

"I can't offer you less than that, Linda. Take it or leave it." Cole spoke. A man that he had brought with him only nodded.

I noticed my mother's hands were shaking wildly. It was almost as if she was going crazy. All of a sudden, The other man started eyeing me curiously. My uncomfortable mode was turned on. I put the glass aside and decided that it was best for me to go in my room.

I slowly started walking towards my room trying to look invisible.

"Wait!"The other man screamed and I froze on my spot. "I have a counter for you, Linda." He walked slowly towards me and got uncomfortably close. I looked aside and tried to push him away. "I will give you your cocaine for three fourth the price if you give us your daughter every time we come here."

My mother quickly paced and stood in between both of us. I was just too scared to react. My heartbeat was ten times faster because I knew just what he meant. No!

 My mother blocked my view for the man. By then, Cole also stood beside him and started his eyeing business.

"No!"

"Then what do you say, darling?" Cole spoke, "There's no way you will be able to make it without your precious cocaine." He stroked her side and she froze too. I noticed her shaking hand and everything made sense.

"Half the price." She whispered. My eyes grew wide open.

"Mom, you can't-"

"I told you don't come home."

"Why should I take her for half the price?" The other man grabbed my hand firmly inhibiting me from running away.

"Please let me go." I begged while trying to free his deathly grip.

My mother spoke the next words very slow. "Because she is a virgin, Doug."

That was enough for the two men. Their smirks grew wider. Cole held my waist and started pushing me towards my mother's bedroom, because that was the closest. I begged my mother to stop what was about to happen but she gave me a deaf ear.

Doug threw me on my mother's bed. Cole pinned my legs and Doug pinned my hands. I whispered to Doug who looked me right in my eyes. "No, please."