"Thank you Hen."

Her voice whispered in his dream as he tried to reach her for the thousand times he had dreamt of her. Its always the same dream. Henry saw her by the edge of a bridge, standing on the ledge wearing that same white floral dress. Her hair is longer than she has now. Her brunette hair flew behind her as the wind blows.

Each dream will end of her jumping into the stream beneath and Henry failed to catch her each time. He woke up jolting from his dream each single time, panting in his breath with sweats covering his neck and forehead. His heart races each time he found himself in the room he had grown to recognize.

But each time he woke, his eyes searched for the familiar brown pair of tense eyes to comfort him but to his disappointment, he would woken up to rather an empty room.

Each time Henry woke up, he was surrounded by this feeling of being overwhelmed into finding her that ended up draining every strength in his entire body. He was beyond exhausted by the point getting out of bed is becoming a difficult tasks for him to succeed.

Food has become a chore, sleeping has become an obstacles for him. He was too afraid to fall asleep and replayed his dream of losing her over and over. The other reason is that he still has to find the courage to face Alex after everything that he had caused. He felt the more he stayed away, the more harder for him to face Alex.

It had been two days since Alex was rescued but to Henry, it felt like only yesterday. Cash and Shaan comes and goes as he pretended to be asleep so they won't asks him questions or making him go see Alex. He succeeded to avoid them but he knows he can't avoid any of them forever, especially Alex.

He didn't realized he was staring deep into his thoughts that afternoon when someone tapped him on his shoulder that made him jumped.

"Easy." The person said.

"I was trying to call you for the past minute but you seemed- distracted." Shaan stood by his bed carrying a duffle bag on his shoulder before placing it on the floor by the side table. Henry propped himself up in bed with his knees folded close to his chest.

"Got you more clothes. The doctor said he might want you to stay for few more days. They wanted to repeat another scan probably tomorrow or day after." Shaan explained, going into full caretaker mode when Henry noticed his ruffled messed himself.

"How's Zahra?" He asks for a start but Shaan kept his eyes on the tray of meal on the table that was untouched.

"Did you eat?" He asks ignoring the question.

Henry was silent for a second but later shook his head lightly for a reply. His eyes followed Shaan standing by the edge of the bed, lifting the tray cover to reveal the stale food that was left cold.

"Shaan." Henry called him again but this time he could hear him sighed, shoulders slumped lower with his hand pressed over the rails.

"She's fine Henry. Recovering." Shaan replied monotonously without lifting his gaze.

"The baby?" Henry's voice started to break. The idea of someone so small and fragile seems like a fairytale since Henry never encountered any in his life. Not to his fault that he spent half of his life locked up in a cell that the image of a baby seems unimaginable.

Shaan was silent, eyes staring into the covered lid, swallowing his throat dryly when Henry asks him.

"She's fighting." He says with a frowned formed between his eyes. Henry slowly raised himself, knees straightened but his eyes carefully searching for Shaan to look at him.

"What happened?" Henry asks. He wasn't filled with the information of Zahra's birth only that he knows she was giving birth the night he saved Alex. But it was on him for avoiding conversation with anyone that entered the room.

"She uhm- she was born quite early and her lungs didn't developed strong enough yet so when she came out, she didn't- breathe." Shaan explained, briefly. Henry's breath caught in his throat after he heard and something sunken deep in his stomach.

"Is it the stress?" Henry asks, voice breaks.

"Probably. Couldn't blame her if it did. With everything's going on. One thing after another, things bound to happen." He says quietly, hands gripping on the rails tighter.

"I'm sorry." Henry whispered, eyes lowered hiding the tears that was starting to fill. Shaan finally looked up and caught Henry's guilt ridden face that he learned to recognized.

"Hen- " He starts, circling the bed to reach closer but Henry moves unintentionally and hugged his knees close to his chest. "Leave." Henry pleaded silently.

"I don't blame you Henry. No one does." He stated but Henry refused to believe otherwise. His head turned to his side gripping his bandage covering his wrist tighter to try and replaced the pain he felt in his chest right now.

"Please leave." He whispered again but Shaan didn't move an inch.

"I wont until you talk to me. You haven't gone and see Alex, you haven't leave this room since you got back. You barely said anything." Shaan started raising his voice at him but Henry chose to ignore him. Tears betrayed him by falling on his cheek that Henry felt weak and regret.

"There's nothing to talk about Shaan. What's done is done." Henry replied causing Shaan to step closer but Henry moves further to the edge. He worries if he got any closer, he might falls out of the bed.

"It's not your fault Henry. None of it are." Shaan tries again but this time, Henry scoffed. His solemn expression was replaced by anger and he snapped his head sharply to face him. "Then who's fault is it Shaan?!" He started raising his voice.

"Everything that happened starts with me! Alex got kidnapped because of me! Zahra's stressed out because of me! Your daughter born prematurely ALL because of me! Not too mentioned that Alex got hurt in the first place all because of me!" Henry started to yell with his voice breaking.

"It wasn't you who shot him." Shaan tried to reason but Henry scoffed again.

"The shot meant for me! If he didn't push me away, I would be the one that's hit and probably end it right then and there." He replied.

"Are you mad that the bullet hit Alex or the fact that it didn't hit you?!" Shaan began to raise his voice a little at him.

"I am mad that it didn't kill me so I would stop being a burden for everyone! I am fucking tired of living like this! I can't wake up another day and being the reason for someone else's misery!" Shaan retracted when he heard Henry's word. Those aren't words of guilt but rather proclamation of something worst that he had expected.

"Henry stop." He says, hands raised between them but Henry is beyond angry at this point. "Get out!" He says but Shaan refused to move an inch.

"No!" He protested.

"I said GET OUT!" Henry yelled, screaming his strained voice best that he could to make a point. Shaan hesitated but when Henry screamed again at his face, he jumped because Henry never yells. He never raised his voice at anyone, not even when he was hurt.

Shaan hovered by the door, delaying the fact that he was surprised by this visit ended up like this. He turned behind his shoulder, hand pressed firmly on the door halfway opened.

"You were the best thing that ever happened to any of us Henry. Keep that in mind. I can't lose anyone close to me right now." He says softly, eyes filled with burning betrayal by Henry's chasing him out of the room that felt like out from his life.

Henry didn't replied, he didn't even look back at Shaan staring at him by the door before he leaves but the seconds the door were shut closed, he broke down.

The wall that he had built in his heart shattered all entirely when he recalled the look on Shaan's face after he yelled at him. He never wanted to raise his voice at him, Shaan is like a father figure to him that he had lost. He wanted to run and chase him back but he felt that this is the best thing for now.

He spent that afternoon wallowing in his self pity, crying till his throat strained and the headache grew that made him passed out in his sleep.

He didn't remember when he woken up to that raging headache splitting his visions that made his stomach churned. He didn't want to hurled everything in bed so he opened his eyes only to see Cash standing by the window with his hand in his pocket, staring at the view outside of his window.

He probably had heard Henry shifting in his bed when he turned and smiled softly at him. "Hey, you're finally awake. I was thinking of leaving to see Alex after, wanna join me?" He asks taking his steps closer but the minute he got closed, he could see Henry is trying to hide the nausea when his palm immediately cupped his mouth.

"Oh God." He grabbed the vomit bag the nurse left behind on the table and placed it under Henry's chin when he starts heaving into the bag.

"Jesus was it me? Do I smell bad or something?" Cash asks jokingly after he handed Henry a tissue to wipe his mouth. Henry didn't react, except wiping his mouth and his eyes from the tears of hurling the emptiness from his stomach. He immediately sunken back into bed, weaken and purely exhausted.

"Hen." He starts, taking his seat on the chair after throwing the bag into the trash can. Henry swallowed his throat dryly, refused the water he offered. "Did you guys found her?" He asks ignoring Cash wanting to ask him questions.

He sighed, shaking his head tiredly but Henry inhaled his breath and cleared his throat before he spoke again.

"You should searched near water." He starts.

"What?" He asks confused.

"Bridge and water. Yeah." Henry starts, eyes are distant, fixed into looking straight into the ceiling without glancing at Cash to see his expression.

"Somewhere with river or lake. Somewhere that has bridges." Henry continues and Cash didn't waste time before pulling out his phone and starts speed dialing the contact on his phone. He didn't shared much detailed only to divert their search towards the area where Henry mentioned.

"Thanks." Cash says before taking his seat back on the chair next to Henry.

"You're not gonna ask me how I know?" Henry asks, surprised by his silent.

"I have grown to understand something just meant to keep it as a mystery. Like you." He winked back at Henry that made him smile that felt forced.

"Can I just ask you something?" Cash asks abruptly and Henry hesitates but eventually nodded at him.

"Why don't you want to see Alex?" He asks and Henry sighed. Eyes fixed over the ceiling above his head when slowly he watched a tear fell on Henry's temple.

"I need time." He whispered.

"You need time?" Cash repeats, cocking his head at him although Henry avoided his gaze entirely. "So if that jerk asks me about you, what do you expect me to tell him?" He asks, crossing his arms over his chest as he leaned back against the chair. His left leg folded over his right knee as Henry shifts his gaze back at him.

"Just, tell him I'm recovering. That I'm confined in bed for the mean time, as he should." Henry gave out reasons like it was something he picked out of a book. It surprises Cash how quick Henry was to answer him.

"Huh." He huffed. "You always have an answer to everything huh?" He adds that made Henry falls in silence that made their conversation dropped entirely.

"Just rest. Lemme know if you need anything." He says abruptly tapping the arm rest before he stood on his feet. Henry's head snapped sharply back at him. "Can you help me with something?" He asks softly, his eyes softened with his head lifted to face him.

"I need a pen and few papers with few small enveloped." Henry asks politely hoping he won't asks further questions but Cash is obliged to asks. "What for?" He asks but Henry shrugged his shoulder back at him with the fakest smile. "Just- practicing my wrist." He says lifting his hands up to reveal his both bandage wrist.

"Okay." He dragged, slipping away from his seat as he walked towards the door before Henry stopped him again.

"Thank you Cash." He whispered and watched Cash nodding back at Henry silently. The door finally closed and Henry let out a single breath of relief as he laid back in bed with tears dwell in his eyes.

.

"Shaan?" Zahra's soft tired voice called him as soon as she stepped out of the NICU. The door slides close automatically behind her when she found her husband sitting on the bench just outside of the unit. His hand clasped together under his chin and his eyes are red and swollen like he had been crying.

"Shaan are you alright?" She says after she joined him on the bench. Shaan sighed, exhaling breath through his nose but his hands still firmed under his chin.

"What is it? Is it Alex?" She asks, voice laced with worried but Shaan softly shook his head. "They found June?" She asks but Shaan shook his head harder this time.

"Is it Henry?" She asks and this time he didn't shook or nodded but more tears filled up his eyes and Zahra took that as an answer to her question. She sighed, pulling him by his neck to rest over her shoulder when everything broke.

Shaan's starts shaking and trembling, letting out a horrible sobs on her shoulder that made Zahra worried. "Talk to me." She pressed but it took Shaan a while to calm down before he could gathered his words.

"I'm worried about him." He starts pulling himself away from her but keeping their hands clasped together between them. Zahra frowned but she didn't say anything other than listening to her husband.

"I'm afraid he will start hurting himself again. He starts blaming himself and everything that happened because of him. He blamed himself for her being born early. He blamed himself for Alex got shot. He blamed himself with what happened with June. I don't know how to help him Zar. He refused to see Alex and I don't know how to tell him either." Shaan starts rambling those words out. His eyes searched his wife's tired gaze for an answer but Zahra seemed distant.

"This is not yours to fix. They have professional help here. Maybe get the psychiatric doctor to see him again." Zahra offered but somehow Shaan felt like those aren't the solution he needed to hear.

But he didn't deny her or contradict her suggestions. He nodded softly, eyes lowered to the space between them. "Yeah." That was the only thing he could formed that won't raised further questions.

"The nurse wanted us to starts putting her name on registration." Zahra changed the subject and Shaan nodded. "Whatever you want darling." He says but it didn't help in her case. She clicked her tongue at him that made Shaan lifted his gaze back at her.

"Its our kid asshole! WE should be naming her, not just me." She snapped.

"I know but you did most of the work and its not fair if I were to suggest anything." Shaan tried to reason but Zahra scoffed, lifting herself from the bench abruptly forcing Shaan to look up.

"Like I haven't been doing everything myself here already? I have to think about this too?!" She cracked, pulling Shaan to his feet to face her.

"Hey, hey, I didn't mean it like that. You know I would be happy to help you with this. I'm sorry alright." Shaan says apologetically and noticed how everything around her snapped easily lately. She was tired and exhausted most of the time and frustrated that she couldn't do anything other than sit and wait.

"You need to make your priorities straight Shaan. Your daughter needs you. I needed you but your head is filled elsewhere. Come back when you're done or don't bother coming back at all!" Zahra knew it was out of line but she can't take that back and immediately left after her outburst.

Shaan was left alone on that bench, clueless and frustrated but he knows Zahra is beyond exhausted by now to fight her back.

.

"I need to see Henry." Alex began as Cash helped him back to bed. He'd only been out of bed couple of hours ago and immediately wanted to use the facility. Luckily for him, Cash was there to help him but like always, Alex wanted to do everything himself.

"You are not supposed to be out of bed until the doctor says so." Cash detests him as he was pulling the blanket back over his legs.

"Get me a fucking wheelchair then!" Cash cocked his head towards him with the look that made Alex froze. "Wanna try that again? I am not your maid asshole." He says smacking Alex on the back of his head that made him grunted.

"Please." He softly said that Cash couldn't deny the smirk formed on his lips.

"Better but no. You are to remain on this bed until I say so. If you were ever to escape while no one is around, there are two guards standing by that door outside to report everything back to me. You are to stay in this room until we found June alright." Cash instructed but Alex was ready to protest.

"I am not a child Cassius and I can bribe those men to let me see my own fucking husband!" Alex protest.

"Perhaps but those men are trained to deal with terrorist. I would like to see you try and bribe them." He replied with a snarky smile.

"Why can't you bring Henry here then?" He asks again, softly. Cash didn't react immediately and kept his eyes low over his folded legs. He sat on that chair countless time now but each time Alex asks him about Henry, it still made his heart flutters.

"He uhm- he's also confined to bed. You know he had a concussion right?" He says shifting his gaze away from Alex.

"Is he okay?" Alex asks, concerned.

"He's fine. Just- in bed." He replied simply but Alex wasn't convinced.

"What are you not telling me Cassius!" Alex asks, hinting the subtle remarks from Cash's uneasiness that he could easily tell. Cash's jaw opened and closed but no words escaped his throat and just in time, his phone rang that made him huffed his breath in relief.

"One sec." he says excusing himself to answer the call towards the corner. Alex watched him carefully taking the call and avoiding his questions about Henry when he saw his expression changed.

Cash turned, phone still pressed over his ear, throat bobbed as he stares at Alex in bed.

"They found her."

.

"I'm so sorry for your lost Mr Claremont-Diaz."

"We found her body washed up on the banks."

"But miraculously her body has no marks. Just water filled up her lungs."

Their voices were muffled as Alex stepped by the metal tray that carries her sister's lifeless body. Her skin as pale as the sheets that covers her entire body and her lips are deep shades of blue.

The weight of guilt rushing up to him in his chest and something tight squeezing his throat as he tried to breathe. His hand immediately rushes towards his wound over his stomach when Cash realized Alex is at verge of breaking.

"Everyone out." He instructed pushing everyone including the mortician and the detectives away from the mortuary leaving Alex alone by his sister's side.

After everyone has left, Cash closed the door and watched as Alex leaned his head down over June's cold forehead. His eyes are closed but tears started to fall right on her pale skin. He tried to hide the winced but Cash could spot his pain from miles apart.

"I'm sorry." He whispered silently into her ears with a breaking voice. His fingers brushes over her stiffed brunette hair. He remembers the first time he holds her after finding her, the smell of her hair stays the same. But this time, her hair smelt like mud water and wet stones with a hint of antiseptic from the room.

His knees gave up, almost hits the ground hard if it wasn't for Cash grabbing him by his arm to pull him back together. "I got you. I got you." He whispered letting Alex leaned into his arms as he cried further and broke into horrible sobs.

It felt like hours having to comfort Alex from sobbing but eventually he'd calm down and both of them ended up sitting on the floor with their body pressed against the metal fridge. None of them said anything and Cash occasionally glanced over his side to catch Alex's gaze but he was staring deeply into nothing.

"Alex." He called, whispered lightly watching as his throat bobbed.

"We should make arrangement." He starts, clenching his fist and released few times before Cash realized he was hiding the coldness spread through him. He was wearing his hospital white shirt and linen pants with his own long coats over his entire body to provide warmth but even so, the room is extremely cold to keep the bodies preserved.

"We'll talk about it with Shaan later. Let's go up the room first." He says as he stood and offered his hand for him but Alex refused his offer and tries to stand on his feet when he felt pain stabbing on his stomach. He immediately clenched his shirt with his fist with his upper body bent forward to hide the pain.

Cash didn't linger any seconds before grabbing the wheelchair he left by the door for him and rushed back to Alex. "Sit down! Don't fight me in this." He instructed angrily and Alex didn't fight him back and instead, he grabbed the chair closer and crashes down.

The journey back to his room was filled with nothing but silence. Alex was staring deeply into the space before him as Cash finally stopped by his room and let him entered on his own. He winced as he got off the wheelchair but Cash was quick to grab his arm to help.

He guides Alex back to bed, pulling the blanket over his body as soon as he settled in. "I'm so sorry Alex." He whispered, hands resting right over Alex's upper arm with his back facing him. "I wish I could say it would get better but both of us knew its not. Whatever you need, lemme know. I'll be a call away." He assured him but Alex stayed quiet.

He left the room letting the door shuts close before pulling out his phone and pressed the contact on his screen. It rang twice before it answers and Shaan's tired voice whispering on the background.

"Cash its late. What is it?" He asks. The sound of baby hearts monitoring rapidly behind him indicates that he's here at the hospital and for a while, Cash felt bad for breaking the news to him while he's worrying about his daughter.

"I'm sorry Shaan but I have to tell you this myself." He starts causing Shaan to shifts probably changing the phone to the other ear. "What is it?" He asks.

"They found her." He began, swallowing the lump that formed in his throat. He could hear shuffling, whispering before the sound of the monitors stops entirely. He assumed Shaan stepped outside to talk better without waking her daughter up.

"What did you said?" He asks again in disbelief.

"They'd found her." He says, voice at verge of breaking.

"How is she? Is she okay?" He asks and it made Cash's chest tightened as he took another breath.

"She uhm- she's dead Shaan. She jumped." He says with voice cracked at the end and for a while, Shaan was silent. Later he heard him inhaled his breath sharply and exhaled longly. "How's Alex?" He asks.

"Grieving. Barely said anything. He just wants us to start making arrangements." Cash explained, clearing his throat to hide his breaking voice.

"Understand. we'll discuss this tomorrow at Alex. Does- Henry knows?" Shaan asks. Another sighed escaped for Cash as he rubbed his temple lightly.

"I haven't got a chance to tell him yet. We just got back from the morgue downstairs." He explained and Shaan hummed.

"Best not to tell him just yet." Shaan advised but Cash didn't agree with him.

"He has the right to know Shaan." He protests.

"Not tonight Cash. He's- overwhelmed right now." Shaan says but Cash scoffed.

"That's selfish of you to do that. Have you seen him? He's barely eating and keep throwing up from the guilt he felt. He needs to know." Cash reminded him. He finally realized all the nausea and the vomits Henry has been dealing with was actually the guilt that churning inside his stomach. Which is the reason each time he woke up, Cash found him heaving dryly into a vomit bag or sometimes in a toilet bowl.

"He's a flight risk for now. I can't deal with him if he decides to hurt himself again after knowing the fact that June dies. Would you be able to look at Alex straight into his eyes if Henry did it again?" Shaan yelled over the speaker but Cash only scoffed back at him.

"He deserves to know that its not his fault that June jumped to her death and died Shaan." Cash yelled back when suddenly he heard a gasped coming from behind him.

He turned, phone still pressed over his ear when he saw him, standing with his arms crossed over his stomach and face that falls from shock after what he heard.

"You'd found her?" Henry asks, tears starting to fill in his already swollen eyes.

"Shaan, Henry knows." He whispered and later heard Shaan yelling at him for not being discreet but Cash already lowered down the phone in his hand before ending the call. He shoved the phone back right into his pocket as he marched closer towards Henry.

"How's Alex?" He asks, eyes immediately drifted towards Alex's closed door.

"He's dealing with it." He says briefly, eyes darting towards the room, following Henry.

"What are you doing out here? You should be in bed." He asks figures Henry wasn't ready to see Alex just yet but somehow wandering off around his floor.

"Can't sleep." He whispered, eyes still focused on the closed door of Alex's bedroom.

"You should go and be with him. He needs you more than anything right now." Cash suggest that made Henry nods.

"I'm gonna go grab some things back at Shaan's house. I'll get you your papers and pen later okay?" He says that made Henry snapped his head back at him. "C-Can you do me another favor?" Henry asks.

"Sure thing." He replied.

"In my room. Under my bed in a shoebox has a folded baby blanket that I bought for Shaan and Zahra. Can you grab it?" He asks, voice low but it made Cash smile.

"Sure Hen. I'll leave it in your room as soon as I have it." He says, tapping him on his shoulder as he thanked him. Henry soft smile curved on the edge of his lips as he watched Cash left the hallway leaving him alone standing right outside of Alex's room.

He contemplates whether to knock before he enters but knowing Alex, he might not even answer. So he twisted the door opened and walked straight into the room to see him.

It felt like years since he last saw him and the image of him bleeding out in his arms sent nightmares into his sleep. He couldn't shake the feeling inside his chest. His heart thumping loudly and his throat tightened as he took a breath.

The room was dimmed, only lights were on was the one by Alex's bedside and bathroom. Henry noticed it must be Cash since he didn't want Alex to trip or stumble when he wants to go to the toilet so he leaves it on just for him.

His back was facing Henry as he got closer and he wanted to go around it to face him but changed his mind entirely before climbing into the bed silently.

He pulled the blanket covering Alex's body and wrapped his arms around Alex's chest with his chin rested over the crook of his neck. He could feel Alex's breathing deepened after his palm pressed over his chest.

"I'm so sorry about June." Henry whispered and he wished Alex would reply back to him but to his surprise, he didn't. Henry didn't mind the silent Alex was giving him but when Alex pushed his palm away from his chest, it felt like a knife stabbed him right in the gut.

"I wanna be alone." Alex whispered. Henry knew it wasn't a surprised when Alex asks to be alone. He knew for a fact that if it was him, he would want to be left alone either. But his words felt like a knife twisting deep inside his stomach that made Henry pulled away almost immediately and raised himself off from behind Alex.

Henry's lips trembled but he held his tears from breaking into sobs as he got off the bed and later saw Alex pulled the blanket higher above his shoulder, hiding himself underneath without saying any other words.

Henry stood behind him, fingers trembling, chest tightening as he watched Alex's cold demeanor towards him.

"I'm really am sorry. I don't mean to hurt you or anyone else. It won't be anymore from now on." Henry whispered, clenching his fingers into a fist, creating a crescent shaped nails digging into his palm as he walked out of the room. Tears flooding his eyes, wetting his cheek as he ran back towards his own bedroom, blaming no one but himself.

His fingers hovered over the button on the elevator when he saw the B level signing morgue and didn't think twice before pressing it.