Ch. 2 “Live in the Sunshine, Swim the Sea, Drink the Wild Air”-Ralph W. Emerson

Charleston, SC-1822

The sound of seagulls combined with the cold sea mist sweeping across her face awoke Alla with a start. Her eyes fluttered and squinted a few times, adjusting to the morning sun. Daylight! She’d actually slept through the whole night! There was no doubt that she needed the rest. It had been a long time since she had a good night’s sleep. Although it wasn’t that restful by some standards it was a much safer place to fall asleep, which was the best she could hope for. Lifting her head from her shoulder, she slowly looked around, and started, remembering that she needed to keep up the charade. Will these white people believe that I’m one of them?  What if they question me? What could I say? Deciding not to be her own stumbling block, she made an effort to cease her negative thoughts, resolving to try and take everything as it came.

Alla looked around once more; drinking in the sights. Never had she seen the ocean before. She found herself staring at it, as if she were in a trance of some sort. It was so beautiful. She watched the waves gather and crash almost lovingly unto the sand. The newer slaves had tried to explain what the sea was like when she questioned them, but now that she saw it for herself she knew that there was no way to describe such glory. One could only see for themselves to understand the power and beauty within it. Being born on a small plantation not only ensured harsher treatment of slaves, but it also ensured that you would never see any other sight, except maybe another plantation. That won’t be my fate, she assured herself.

Realizing at once that the driver was missing, she began searching for him amongst all of the people bustling by.  When she noticed that her frantic darting eyes were drawing attention, she immediately calmed herself. Taking another deep breath, she braced herself and climbed out of the carriage. Looking towards the sea, she saw the pathway to her freedom. Besides the sea it was the second most beautiful sight that she had seen so far. It was called the “Coureur de la mer”, translated in English, Sea Rider. The vessel was a wondrous sight to behold.  Making her way through the crowd, Alla headed towards the ship.

 Posters littered the streets and buildings she passed. Some of them advertised slave auctions; others held warnings for slaves out past ten o’clock. Everyone was aware of the law in Charleston. If a slave was caught out in the town past ten o’clock, without written permission of the slave owner, the slave would be imprisoned and severely beaten. Dragging her gaze from the posters, Alla continued on whilst taking note of passersby. Some of the blacks were free, and worked as brick masons, and carpenters. She noted that some of them, standing outside, were watching her. Alla quickly averted her gaze. Is it possible for negroes to spot one of their own? If so, she really hoped they didn’t give her away.  White people bumped shoulders with her as she passed them, but they didn’t pay her any attention.

Alla halted a few feet away from the dock. How am I going to board the ship?! She hadn’t planned that far ahead. She only knew what she wanted to do, and that was to get on the thing. The obvious solution would be to stowaway, but she saw that to do so would be very difficult.

Many uniformed men stood guard in front of the dock, gathering information from passengers as they boarded. I don’t know if I can do this!

“Excuse me, I know this may seem terribly rude, but are you Katrina Bates?” An English man, seemingly in his sixties, stepped forward from the group of men, pointing questioningly at Alla as he spoke. His silver hair glinted in the sunlight. He stood ramrod straight and perfectly poised.

If lying would get her on the ship then she guessed she was going have to do it and pray for forgiveness later. She had a lot of things to ask forgiveness for anyway.

 “Yes, yes I am,” she quickly answered, “and you are?”

“A thousand apologies; mum,” the man replied. His accent was strong and slow. “My name is Godfrey; I work as the butler at Manchester manor in England. I have been sent to escort you there so that you may begin your employment.”

Alla’s eyes grew big. England? She knew this ship was headed away, far away…but England? She thought about it. There were no slaves in England. She heard that those who practiced such things were to be punished. It was hearsay, but with what she had endured, sailing across the world to discover the truth for herself was well worth the risk. Thankfully, the butler believed her ruse. Keeping up the pretense shouldn’t be too much of a difficulty.

“Mum?” Godfrey cut into her thoughts. “Would there be a problem? I was led to believe that the correspondence between your previous employer and mine were made known to you.”

“Yes, yes of course,” Alla answered quickly. “I’m sorry; I was caught off guard. I did not expect my escort to be here so soon,” she said, motioning to him.

Godfrey held his arm out to her in response. Alla stared at him. Pausing, Godfrey slowly lowered his arm and his eyes squinted over his spectacles, peering at her closely. I’ve messed up! What am I supposed to do with his arm? She then recalled how her father would offer his arm to the Misses. 

Instantly feeling foolish, Alla spoke to the man, “please forgive my hesitation,” she began. “I daydream quite often. I would be honored to accept your arm.”

Godfrey stared at her hard. He offered his arm once again and after she took it, he spoke to her as they made their way to the ship.

“Day dreaming is a flaw; a nuisance, and one that you had better dislodge from your personality. Your employment shall be short indeed if you indulge in this weakness of yours.”

“Yes M-Sir,” Alla corrected the blunder quickly. Godfrey briefly glanced at her and then slowly turned his gaze forward towards the dock; nodding at the guards as he passed.

 I’m really doing it, I’m leaving this place! Alla felt excitement course through her veins at the thought.

“There are many men in uniform here. I wonder why that is,” she said, breaking the silence.

“Apparently, a slave revolt was planned and found out. The town has locked down on activities of both slaves and freed blacks,” he responded.

Feeling suspicious, Alla turned around and saw that one of the guards was watching her. There was nothing she wanted more than to run to the ship, but Godfrey’s cursed slow pace was holding her back.

When they made it to the ramp leading up to the ship, Alla smiled. This is it! This is the turning point in my life that I’ve been praying for! Of course, she had always expected that her family would be with her experiencing this change. Alla’s smile slowly disappeared. Once on the ship, Godfrey led her down a flight of stairs. The stairs gave way to a long narrow hallway with doors lining both sides. Leading her to the end of it, he opened the last door.

 “These will be your living quarters for the next ten days, mum. Now if you will direct me to your luggage, I shall retrieve it for you.”

Her bag! She had forgotten it in the carriage! Her meager bag would have inspired more questions anyhow but now she had nothing. Curses! How was she going to get around this one? By all accounts she should have luggage…shouldn’t she? Unless…unless it was…stolen…by a …colored? No! She wouldn’t induce more hatred on her race, even if it would help her cause.

“I was accosted,” Alla began, daintily placing a hand on her chest. “Well that is not entirely true. I mean to say that my luggage was accosted sir.” She briefly closed her eyes, wanting to kick herself. My luggage was accosted? Did I really say that? Ugh! How ridiculous; people are accosted, not things!

Godfrey looked down at her over his spectacles, again. What nonsense is that? Why have spectacles if you don’t look through them, but over them? The thought almost made Alla smile. Almost.

“Your….luggage….was…accosted.” Godfrey repeated what she’d said slowly, as if she was a fool.

Feeling quite silly and slightly intimidated Alla said, “It was stolen sir.”

“Ah,” replied Godfrey.  He then looked at the fringes of her dress, which were still damp and stained with dirt from her running escapade the night before. His gaze lingered on it before his eyes finally met hers once more.

Alla waited for him to speak, to question as to why her gown was soiled. He had been questioning her almost nonstop since he met her. At least, that was how it seemed. Alla started when he suddenly spoke, “I will see what accommodations can be made to acquire more clothing for you.”

Godfrey sniffed, turned his back, and walked away as Alla thanked him. Sighing, she walked into her room, closed the cabin door behind her, and looked around. Inside the room was a small bed situated under a window, a desk beside the bed with an oil lamp, and a chamber pot located beneath the bed.

Alla walked over to the bed and sat down. It was…comfortable. She was unused to anything that felt so heavenly on her rear. Smiling, Alla tested the bed, lightly bouncing up and down in her sitting position.

Bang! Bang! Bang! Alla jerked to a stop. She slowly stood up and walked towards the door, placing one hand flat upon it while her other hand was poised on the lock. 

“Yes?”

“Godfrey, mum.”

  Alla opened the door an inch, peeked through the tiny crack, and exhaled in relief when she saw that he was not accompanied by any guards. The sooner they set sail the more at peace she would be.

“Dinner shall be served at seven o’clock,” he informed her, once she’d opened the door. “Would you prefer to dine in your quarters or with the other passengers?”

“I am very tired from my journey. I would prefer to dine in this evening.”

Godfrey raised one eyebrow. “Your journey, mum? It was my understanding that you came from the estate of your employers.” He paused; “in Charleston.”

“Uh, yes!” Alla rushed, “what I meant to say was that I took a carriage ride this morning throughout the town… to see it one last time before my journey overseas.” Alla motioned with her hand towards the window which had a clear view of the ocean.

Godfrey nodded once. He’d turned to leave, but stopped when Alla stalled him. “Pardon, do you know when we will set sail?”

Godfrey turned back to face Alla. “We shall embark on our journey in no less than a quarter of an hour.” After making the statement he turned towards her door and walked out.

            Sighing with relief, Alla returned to her bed and lay down. She stared up at the wood planked ceiling above her bed, once again, thinking of her family. She hadn’t actually had the chance to feel anything, to mourn the deep loss she felt. Silent tears began streaming down her face.

            Alla woke with a start. Her mama was leaning over her, shaking her, in an effort to wake her up.

“You gots to leave dis place! Leave now!” Mama whispered urgently. Her brother rushed in the shack, his eyes big with fear. An ominous feeling in Alla’s gut began to grow.

“What’s wrong?” she asked frantically, looking from her mama to her brother.

“Alla,” her brother began, “Massa passed and-”

“He’s dead?” Alla interrupted. Her eyes grew large and tears welled up. “When did it happen?”

“Alla!” Her brother raised his voice, grabbing her shoulders. “Misses gonna hang you. On the morrow!”

Alla was speechless. She knew Misses hated her, but she hadn’t expected that she wanted her dead. Alla stared at the two of them in shock, placing a hand over her mouth in disbelief, before turning glazed eyes to her brother.

“What did you hear?” she asked slowly.

“I’s walkin pass da room, da massa’s room,” Alla’s brother started. “I hear Misses cryin’ ova’ Massa. I’s listenin’ to see if massa has bad feva’, if they gonna call me in to serve em’.”

 “Then, doc told Misses, they ain’t nuttin more they can do; Massa’s gone. Misses cryin’, then she says to doc, “I’s gonna hang that fancy actin’witch, Alla, on the morrow.” Doc asked her why she would do that, he says, ‘sell her away; don’t waste such beauty.’ Misses got mo’ mad, she looked…crazed. She says, she know you alive cuz o’ the massa, and finally she gonna wipe away any trace of you. She ain’t gonna be rememberin’ the massa was unfaithful cuz she gonna kill you. Thas’ what happened,” her brother finished.  

Alla’s heart thundered within her chest.

“Run, Alla!” her mama said urgently, interrupting her frantic thoughts. She cradled Alla’s cheeks with her rough hands as tears streamed down her own face. “I cain’t lose you too,” her mama mournfully stated.

 Her brother’s daddy, Eli, had been hung soon after Alla’s mama got raped. He broke the law and attacked the Master. He pounded on Master with his big fists for the bruises, welts and bite marks inflicted on her mama, and of course the rape too. Eli’s punishment was swift. He let anger get the best of him, and for that, he was severely beaten by several men. Next, he was tied to a post, and had boiling oil poured over his naked body. If that were not enough, they dragged his naked, burnt body out in the open so that all could see his death by the noose.

Alla’s mama grabbed her hand and pulled her up from the bed. “Quick now!” she urged. She went to the corner of the shack and grabbed a satchel. Afterwards, she retrieved Alla’s crumpled brown dress from the floor and stuffed it inside the satchel along with a stale biscuit.

“I’s sorry I ain’t made no food t’night. This here biscuit,” she said holding up the bag, “is all we got.”

“The biscuit will be fine mama,” Alla tried to reassure her.

“Alla,” her brother interrupted. “You gonna need mo’ then that brown dress if you gonna get far.”

“What?”

“Alla you gotta pass for white; it’s the only way,” her mama explained.

“We’re all leaving this place, right?” Alla asked uncertainly. Her brother glanced at their mama and then looked back at Alla, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder.

            “That’s right, Alla,” he said. “I’s always lookt afta’ you. I ain’t gonna letcha go on yo’ own. I always be witcha.”

 Calmed, Alla nodded.

 “Alla,” he continued, “we gotta get you a dress from the inside.”

            “What? No!” Alla vehemently shook her head. “We might as well go into the lion’s den!” she hysterically informed him.

            “Sometimes, to find freedom, you gotta face the lion!” he insisted. “Come on now, we ain’t got much time.”  Her brother grabbed her bag and shoved it into her hands. Alla immediately placed the bag strap over her shoulder.

            It was a little after midnight when the three left their tiny home. Other shacks were near theirs, so they tried to remain quiet as they passed by them. The last thing they wanted to do was to get more lives involved in their dangerous task. They stopped when they reached the front steps of the Big House.

            “Well, this be it,” her brother announced. “It’s now ‘o neva.” He put a hand on Alla’s shoulder, turned her towards him and hugged her.  Her mama hugged the both of them as they embraced each other. Finally her mama and brother pulled away from her so that they could see her face. “We loves you Alla,” they told her. Alla had a bad feeling about the plan.  She opened her mouth to speak but was cut short.

            “Ain’t no time fo’ questions. We gotta go!” he whispered quickly. The three of them crept up the stairs to the front porch and slowly opened the front door. Alla’s brother walked in first. Inside, it was eerily quiet. Nothing could be heard throughout the house, save for the sound of the great clock that hung on the wall in the foyer. The moonlight shone through the windows and lit up the staircase leading to the bedrooms.

            Alla’s brother turned to their mama and Alla. “Don’t move. I’s gonna go upstairs and get the dress.” Alla’s brother turned toward the stairs, but Alla grabbed his arm. He looked at her in question. “Be careful,” Alla cautioned. Her brother winked at her and slowly walked up the stairs.

Alla’s mama motioned with her head towards the living room and started walking towards it. “But mama we’re told to-“

 Alla’s mama shushed her and took her hand, pulling her along. Together they went into the large well-furnished room and Alla’s mama faced her. She lifted her arms up behind her neck and retrieved a small silver chained necklace with a coin pendant. Alla had never seen it before. Mama would never steal; so where had it come from?

“Alla,” her mama began, “I’s always had this chain. Since I’s a child, I had it. It be a part ‘o family.” Her voice, though soft, had so much strength. It seemed to get stronger as she spoke about the chain. “My own mama had this when she little, and her mama had it when she little. It always stay in the family,” she explained.

A small soft smile broke across her tired face, making her appear younger than she actually was. “Yo’ great great granpoe, Jacob, was a slave. He was born on a great plantation. At this plantation, a slave was like family. They know that to keep a big place goin’, you gotta work togetha’.”

Alla’s mama smiled wider. “One day, yo’ great great granpoe did so much mo’ than his fair, he got paid. Paid, Alla!” she repeated in wonder. Then she took hold of Alla’s hand, turned her palm up, and placed the chain inside. Her fingers lingered on the coin, brushing against it as she retracted her fingers. “This chain yours now,” she said. “It stand for this family,” she paused, “it stand foe worth.” Alla stared at the chain in fascination.

 Her mama took it out of her hand and placed it around Alla’s neck. After she had fastened it, Alla held up the coin, examining it. It was tarnished and dented, but she did not underestimate its’ significance.

“That there coin, it means we worth sumpin’, ” her mama said. “We just gotta know it fo’ us, and not neva forget it,” she finished with finality. 

“Thank you mama,” Alla whispered. “I’ll not forget.” Alla’s mama smiled at her, and then tucked the chain inside Alla’s nightgown, out of sight. There was no doubt in any slave’s mind that if they had any possession they esteemed, it would be taken from them. A slave was not to own possessions. A slave was a possession, so therefore deserved and acquired nothing.

“I’s got it!” Her brothers’ voice made both women jump. He instantly smiled at that, and handed a gown to Alla.

“What frock did you get?” Alla inquired, “I cannot see which one…,” dress in hand, Alla walked over to the living room window where the moonlight shone. She instantly turned to her brother. “This,” she said holding it up, “is her favorite gown!”

Alla’s brother smiled devilishly and shrugged. “Lizbet ain’t neva gonna want fo’ dresses and finery. “This dress,” he said pointing at it and smiling, “is gonna look much betta on you.”

Alla sighed. She should have known her brother would retrieve the most prized possession of one of her sisters. She couldn’t feel guilty that it was taken from Elizabeth, though. If anyone had to lose a gown, she preferred that it be the sibling that had acted rudely.

“Aha,” Alla’s brother pointed to her small smile. “I’s knew I did the right thing!” Alla quickly stopped smiling and hit her brothers’ shoulder. He then bumped her shoulder with his own before snatching the gown from her hands, and stuffing it inside her bag. Suddenly they heard footsteps. All three of them held still.

“We gotta get outta here,” her brother frantically whispered. They began walking towards the front door.

“Well, well, well, what have we here?”  Alla, her mama, and brother all froze.

Several oil lamps came on at the same time in the big house by different servants. Misses’ face was illuminated by the light. Her smile came slowly and with evil intent.

Alla jerked awake. Her skin was damp with perspiration, and strands of hair were plastered to her face and neck. As she looked around, comprehension dawned. She slowly sat up and took a few deep breaths, bracing her hands on the side of the bed. She sat there for what seemed like an eternity before finally standing up. Feeling slightly off balance, she walked over to the window and looked out. They had just left the port! She was on her way out of the country!

Excitement burned off any lingering sadness and fear she felt for the moment as she raced out of her room. She ran down the narrow hallway and bounded up the stairs leading to the deck. The wind whipped her hair, causing goose bumps to decorate her skin and the last residue of perspiration to dry on her neck and face. Passengers could be seen walking about the deck, and many were leaning against the rails, waving farewell to their loved ones. She walked to an empty space and looked out to where the ship was previously docked.

Shielding her eyes from the bright sun, Alla raised a hand above her head as she drank in the view, her eyes searching out where the carriage had been. It was still there. That was odd. The slave had been so worried about returning to his plantation in time. Alla leaned forward over the rail, peering ahead. There were a cluster of people gathered near the water, waving their hands frantically. One woman was jumping up and down in the most absurd manner while waving her hands. Alla couldn’t tell if the small cluster of people gathered there were trying to say goodbye…or trying to stop the ship. Physically shaking her head at the thought, Alla chastised herself. When would this gnawing fear go away? She was free! I’d better start acting like it, and stop being so darned scared!

Hurrying across the deck so as not to be noticed by the people ashore, Alla moved to the opposite rail and leaned out over it to enjoy the view and let the wind caress her face and hair. Eyes closed, she lifted her face to the sun, reveling in the feeling of the sea mist spraying her face. So this is what freedom felt like!

She suddenly felt wetness on her cheeks. Opening her eyes, and looking level with the sea, she raised a hand to her face and felt her cheek. They were tears. She brought her hand out in front of her, rubbing her fingers together, spreading the liquid, and again viewed the ocean.

Alla shook her head at what she had gotten herself into. She was completely unaware of who her employer would be, what town she would be living in, and what she would be doing for employment. Anxiousness overwhelmed her. How would she make a living? She was completely on her own. There was no doubt that the voyage would lead her to a better future. When you come from a life of slavery, how could it not? Maybe she had better not ask that question. If life could be worse than the one she was accustomed to, she didn’t wish to be enlightened about it.

            Her stomach growled. Of course, she thought. After having naught but a biscuit, no, a portion of a biscuit, she was surprised her stomach had not yet declared war and attacked the rest of her vital organs on the grounds of negligence. The rest of her biscuit would certainly have been appreciated.

            Alla turned away and headed towards the back of the ship, running her hand along the side rail as she looked out over the ocean. What a beautiful place this is, the sea. A person could get lost staring at it. Sighing with disappointment at the thought of leaving it, she withdrew her hand from the rail and turned to go down the stairs leading to her room. When she opened her door, she smelled it before she saw it.

            There on her desk was a plate filled with ham, apples, and cheese. Alla raced over to the plate, and taking hold of it, sat on her bed. She tasted the apples first, savoring every bite she took, even closing her eyes and smiling as she ate them. The ham and the cheese disappeared fairly quickly as well. She was savoring her last bite acknowledging to herself that she’d never eaten so well before when suddenly, the food in her belly felt as heavy as concrete. Guilt overwhelmed her. She was eating well…while her people, her family, suffered. Tearing up, she threw the plate on the floor, causing it to break into tiny little pieces. Nausea churned in her stomach, and she knelt on the floor and frantically looked under the bed. Quickly snatching the chamber pot, she heaved her noon meal into it. When she finished, she wiped her mouth with the napkin that came with her meal, curled up in her bed, and cried.