akutagawa, meeting a new person: k he seems nice

akutagawa, 2 days after meeting that person: ok maybe i can have one friend. one friend. maybe my life will change from here on and i won't be so hung up over dazai-san. ok. alright. phew, i'll be honest with and nice to him. i'll—

akutagawa, 3 days after meeting that person: holy shit i think i may have a friend now

akutagawa, a week later: i know god doesn't grant my wishes, but i pray that person just dies already.

akutagawa, 5 hours later: do i just want him dead because the idea of stepping out of the comfort of solitude seems scary?

akutagawa, 3 seconds later: no. NO. i just don't care. fuck people. they can all just die. i'm just trying to convince myself that i actually care because of dazai-san's stupid propositions for me to have to learn camaraderie and friendship before i get better.

akutagawa, now back to the original akutagawa we know: i hate people.

someone tell him he needs actual friends and that he needs to fucking stop this edgy shit.